Reading the Bible for the past few days has been really good. I forgot a lot about what was in it. Anyway, it reminded me of some things that I used to have in my life.

One was, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." Phil 2:3-4

This chapter talks about the attitude of Jesus and how He obeyed God and died for us. It blows my mind that God's will for us is that great that He would do what was necessary through Himself. Basically dying for us.

Preparing for this Palm Sunday play, we are practicing every Sunday this one passage of scripture. It is pretty crazy in that Jesus would ask God to forgive us for doing what we did not know what we were doing.

And also in Friday fellowship where Jesus didn't want to go through this crucifixion yet He bowed down to God's will not Jesus' will.

Anyway how this all relates is that God does see all of us as His creation. And it's easy to forget. It's easy to forget that God does so much for all of us and wants all of us to know Him. In my life I have easily forgotten that even though people do not treat me right all the time, I'm not responsible for their actions, I'm responsible for my actions. And it does remind me of the verse,

"treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:31-36

It is so easy to forget what was learned so far back ago. I guess that's why it's important to read the Bible everyday. I wonder if I had gotten involved in a church in Japan and if I read the Bible everyday and gotten involved in a community, then things might have turned out differently.

It's so tough to get back into good habits.

Anyway, I guess maybe that's why we have this season of lent. To put God in His rightful place in our lives.

Oh and what I gave up for lent was World of Warcraft and caffeinated drinks. That was taking up a lot of my time.

Thinking about life and things in general, I wonder what purpose I have here on earth. I guess I'll never find that purpose just sitting here and typing about it. But looking back on the day, I feel that I could have done more with my life. I could have done things differently. I could have lived a little better.

Life is tough and it's not like a video game. Life is a variable and full of surprises or upsets. I think that's what makes life great, but it's just not something that I'm good at.

I guess I have another day to live differently. It's kind of like seize the day because we're food for worms, or go with the flow.

As we celebrated another friend's birthday today, I kind of thought that time is passing by so quickly. It reminded me of my own life, only that I didn't feel any different than I did before. Well, there was a time where I had that drive in life to do the best that I could. But now it seems like I just don't care anymore.

Back to my friend's birthday, he is way farther along in maturity than I am. He's a great guy and he's a lot stronger in his faith and relationships with people. I feel that it's good to see that he's doing well and that he's living his life out. He'll do well in life and I think that he's making a difference here on earth.

When I think about things in general with me, I find that there should be more in my life. Things could be better. I could be living differently. I could be improving instead of staying in the same place. I could be doing something that could help someone else. I could be...doing a lot of things. But that's just it...I'm not and I'm not finding any ways to get involved or "engage." Not saying that I have to be involved all the time, but definitely there is something that needs to be worked on.

When I think about my time in Japan, it was a time where I felt helpless. I worked really hard, but didn't have the skills or discover the resources that would help me. I guess maybe I wasn't doing that well there. When I came back, it kind of stayed with me...that feeling of helplessness. The reality of it all was that I was not helpless in Japan. I could have done more to become a better teacher or help the kids to have fun with the lessons. I could have been more responsible with my time and really kicked some butt over there!

I guess that's maybe what I need to keep in mind is that I'm not helpless. I'm capable of making things better. Not saying that I can make everything better...but saying that in my own life, and in my own efforts I can make my own life a little better. And the hard part starts when I become serious and try to flesh it out.

This entry is more for myself than anybody else. I've found that God can use any of us to make a difference, even those who don't know Him. God is always working and He is doing great things for people. But I need to let Him use me by going out there and taking risks.

The great thing about believing in God is that life does not end when we die. However, (this is my interpretation,) but I do believe that the things we do on earth will matter in the end. Not saying you can earn your salvation, but the relationships and the things you do for others in love will matter to them and will be remembered after life. That those are our treasures in heaven rather than material things that sometimes we think of.

Anyway, I digress...and yes, I haven't really lived my life out yet where I have been something to anybody. I need to start again and take things from where I left off. I guess I need to become an adult and take responsibility for my life, my actions, and words. Man, this is going to be tough...but with God anything is possible.

I guess I need to be reminded more rather than discouraged. And I know that I have do this for myself and not for what other people will think or think of me. I'm not about anybody in particular, but I've always cared too much about what other people think...and I always have to try not to care what other people think and do what I feel is right.

Man, I'm not perfect...I am very far from being perfect...but I have to try and learn to be successful.

I woke up late today. I seem to be oversleeping a lot, and that could be because I'm not exercising enough. I guess maybe staying up this late and drinking caffeine is a bad idea also.

Anyway, the day was slow at work and we only had a few things to do. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. As I was signing out today, I saw a news article on msn about another school shooting.

It makes me sad that someone would do this. I wonder what his motive was or maybe since it was Valentine's day that that might have had something to do with it. I don't know...and maybe the details will never be told.

Another weird thing is that some students want permission to bring guns on campus so they can defend themselves against something like this. That seems like a bad idea to me also...

Anyway, I probably should go to sleep.

So it has been a long time since I last posted. Last night, one of my friends who reads my blog told me that I hadn't done that for awhile...I'm surprised that he reads it.

Anyway, apparently my friends talk about my world of warcraft habit now and then, but I'm guessing not too much. Probably only on Tuesdays and Sundays. heh. But they probably don't talk about it that much.

Anyway, an update. Some of my friends at fellowship got ordained this past Sunday for deacons and elders at church. I'd say that that's pretty good.

For me though, it shows me that I'm not as far as I'd like to be. Not everyone is ordained, but we're all called to be leaders and that I am not.

Leading hasn't been easy for me. I guess I have little experience and not enough common sense or initiative to lead others. I guess I've been taking a back seat in life.

One analogy that I never liked was letting God have the driver's seat in the car. The reason I don't like that analogy is that it gives the impression that you don't have to do anything in your life with God. As far as I've seen, it's more like we're driving and we're asking directions from God and making those decisions ourselves on where to go with our lives.

My analogy may not be correct, but it doesn't seem to me that God wants to control our lives, yet He lets us have a certain amount of freedom in our choices. But some things He'll absolutely want us to do.

Or it could be that i'm just not really following God that closely. Whatever this life with God is, maybe I need to get back to what I should be doing more often. It may not be that I'll ever advance as far as my peers, but if my life counts for something...or my life helps someone else come to know God or live a better life, then I'll be satisfied with my life. But then again, it's not so much one person all the time, because other people might think that you're the "exception." I know that it takes more than one person to demonstrate the life of Christ to others. I don't know how missionaries do it by themselves, but I do know that they aren't alone and are supported by others. I guess maybe that's why I need to go to church, to be in that community and to remember what life in Christ is about.

Anyway, I guess I am kind of clueless as to where I should be right now, but maybe that's a decision that I need to make for myself or ask for direction.