I think that the people at that mail supply chain do not like me at all. It bothered me today. I kept on thinking about the bad looks that they gave me. But as I was thinking in the evening tonight, it really doesn't matter what they think about me. I'll just have to endure their rudeness 3 times a week.

I can't help what other people think about me. I can only help what I think about myself. I do care what people think about me, but in the long run, it doesn't matter and if people think poorly of me, then I don't have to care what they think. Why should I put so much stock into someone who doesn't even know who I am? Not to sound arrogant, but everyone in this world is great in their own way in God's eyes.

Which brings me to my next point. Even though they may treat me poorly, I won't be treating them poorly. I'll still be my polite self and regardless of whether or not they accept me, I'll move on with the rest of my day.

It seems like since I haven't been going to church and I haven't been spending that much time with God, I forgot just how much better it is to try to please God rather than men. Why do I care so much about what other people think when it won't matter in the future? What matters is God in everything.

I have to come to accept that I will never be accepted into many people's lives. I just don't know how to communicate well with speaking to others. And as much as I would like to be part of people's lives, or liked by them, it won't happen all the time. I guess that's true for a lot of people...that there are some people that we can't reach.

I know that God loves all people. And he cares for the people at that mail store. But I will never be able to really like them all that much because of how things are going. I guess just be polite and don't sweat what they throw at me. People aren't perfect and I have to accept them as they are.

Anyway, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about this mail store thing. Why should I? Why should I even care? Why do I want total strangers to like me? I guess our perceptions are skewed in the eyes of those around us. But while we cannot help what other people will think of us, we should be thankful that the God who created us loves us regardless of anything people think or say about us. And that is why I followed him so long ago. And I should make Him my first priority in my life rather than focusing on the here and now.

Life on earth is so short. Why waste it on these small things? Maybe I should focus on what God thinks and what He cares about rather than what I could get out of life. We'll see. I have decisions to make.

EMO PEOPLE REALLY PISS ME OFF!

The past seems like something that i've been haunted by. I have a good memory and I can't seem to forget things that I've done wrong. I keep on remembering things from when I was a kid, to college, to even my time in Japan. I can't seem to learn from my mistakes and move on.

Something one of my friends told me today was that I need to live in the now and forget what is behind and strain forward to what is ahead.

I wonder if I'll ever come to a resolution and make peace. I guess recent events have stirred up these old memories inside of me.

I took over a certain job from one guy who left our company. I wasn't expecting it to be too tough. Just pick up the mail 3 times a week and give it to the right people in the company.

The lady at the UPS store scolded me the first time I met her. She basically said, "YOU NEED TO COME IN AFTER 11:30! WE NEED YOU TO COME IN AFTER 11:30 SO WE CAN GET THE REST OF THE STUFF THAT'S SUPPOSED TO COME IN TODAY TO YOU." Then she added, "only if it works for you."

I don't react well to highly emotional people. In fact, that really pissed me off even though she was just trying to get me to do what she wanted me to do, which was come in at a later time. The problem is that I'm supposed to be at work at 10am.

I guess I could come in later, but it doesn't help me to get less hours in this economy and to look like a slacker when I'm supposed to lead the group. I was trying to clean up my act last week by coming in at 10am and then I get this.

I was thinking that I can't please everyone, but this still irks me. And yesterday she said that I need to come in on Friday and she just wouldn't let me get a word in. That pissed me off even more. Forget it. I'm doing what I originally planned which was come in Monday, Thursday and Friday. Only late Monday, early Thursday, and late Friday. That should be fine. If she gives me guff again, I'll just straight out tell her, "it doesn't work with my schedule."

Man, things like this really make me not want to take up this mail thing. Maybe it's time I try to gain other skills so I won't have to do this job anymore. I think that if I'm not improving, then i'm sinking, because everyone else will be gaining more skills than me in their off time.

Time to wake up early tomorrow and kick some butt at the job! I know that I can do this, and it's only IF I'm willing to do this.

Forget what is behind and strain forward to what is ahead. I know that it's going to take the right words and the right attitude to deal with this mail situation. Getting angry never really helped...except in certain times. But yeah, anger doesn't always help.

It's always strange how I remember a lot of times where I had a similar feeling when one feeling comes up. Is this normal? Anyway, if you saw me these past two days, and I didn't look so good, this is one reason why. Maybe I'm too sensitive. got to sleep

Well, it's now 2009. Seems like a lot has changed since I was in college. But then again, a lot hasn't changed. I guess I need to take things one step at a time.