Studying for the Noryoku shiken
Okay, so I've put off studying for today. I will get to it after I finish writing this.
Anyway, I was taking the third part of the Japanese Proficiency test from one of the old tests and realized that this third part starts out with articles from a newspaper. They asked questions about what a certain phrase meant according to the context.
I found that interesting, because it reminded me of the tests that we were given in grade school. Questions that aren't really hard, but ask if you are paying attention to what you read. Some good books will not spell out everything for you but get you to find out what they're talking about.
It took me a long time to get some of the answers for the first 14 questions. Then I skipped to 41, the last section of the third part and tried to salvage what easy questions I could. So basically, I failed the practice test. heh. I guess it's harder than it looks.
But, I'm hopeful that I can get a good score if I study long enough and pay attention to what I'm studying. I've bought some books to help me prepare for the test, but the real test looks like it will come in the form of the newspaper articles.
Ugh...
I read an article in the Japanese newspaper about a girl who murdered her classmate because her classmate took her diary and gave it to everyone in the class. I first saw the article on GC's website. Reading the same exact article a couple months later in Japanese shocked me a second time as I was looking up the Chinese characters (kanji) for the words in the article. The girls were 12 (murdered), and 11 (person who did the deed). It's sad. What is this world turning into?
I think that they were saying that the center still can't fathom this act, in the article. I can't either. However, the things that kids are seeing on the media could be a factor in why they do things like this at an early age.
Kids are very impressionable, and they do take in things that they see and hear. I guess the media can't be all to blame. There are probably other factors not seen in the article. Anyway, I'm going to get studying again.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Nihon...ka? (Japan...)
Okay, so I just signed up for the Japanese proficiency test level 2, level 1 being the toughest. They ask you how many class hours have you put in? Man, it's crazy how many I've put it. I should be fluent by those number of hours, but, I'm not.
I used to love Japan so much as a kid. Going to college and experiencing how good things can be in the US has changed that love in my heart from "a love of Japan only", to "a love for the US and Japan". I've been exposed to the bad history of the US and Japan from classes that I've taken. Seeing Japan and America at their worst has given me ideas that things could be worse in my life. Definitely things could be worse than they are now.
Back to why I'm writing about these things...
For some reason, I've always saw my identity in Japan. After college, my identity changed. It's no longer in Japan anymore. But part of me still feels a connection with that old identity. And part of me has no idea where I'm headed now that my identity has changed. I've changed for now...but, it might change back to what it previously was, only different than before.
Reality shakes people up. It causes doubt, uncertainty, and redirection (if you weren't on the right direction before). It's different for everyone though. But ultimately, I believe that if you know what is right, it will cause a next step. I've seen that Japan, like any place it has its share of difficulties. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay there long term, but I think that even though I don't want to go, I should. I've gotten too comfortable here.
The proficiency test will be a way of testing how I'd be able to hold up in Japan. As of right now, I can barely make myself understood to my conversation partner, because I just do not have a way of hearing and learning how people speak Japanese. I have anime, which I watched for about 6 hours with and w/o subtitles today. Also TV and cassette tapes which I can listen to, but other than that, I think that if I am to use Japanese, I'll need to go to Japan.
We'll see if it's possible. Maybe this is just talk right now. But as of now, I'm going to put a lot of effort into learning Japanese. And of course, I'll need to find a job as well.
I don't plan on staying in Japan forever though. I don't think that I could stand it being that things are so different over there. It's a nice place to visit, but a hard place to live, in my opinion. But we'll see. Maybe a year or two would be good for me.
Okay, so I just signed up for the Japanese proficiency test level 2, level 1 being the toughest. They ask you how many class hours have you put in? Man, it's crazy how many I've put it. I should be fluent by those number of hours, but, I'm not.
I used to love Japan so much as a kid. Going to college and experiencing how good things can be in the US has changed that love in my heart from "a love of Japan only", to "a love for the US and Japan". I've been exposed to the bad history of the US and Japan from classes that I've taken. Seeing Japan and America at their worst has given me ideas that things could be worse in my life. Definitely things could be worse than they are now.
Back to why I'm writing about these things...
For some reason, I've always saw my identity in Japan. After college, my identity changed. It's no longer in Japan anymore. But part of me still feels a connection with that old identity. And part of me has no idea where I'm headed now that my identity has changed. I've changed for now...but, it might change back to what it previously was, only different than before.
Reality shakes people up. It causes doubt, uncertainty, and redirection (if you weren't on the right direction before). It's different for everyone though. But ultimately, I believe that if you know what is right, it will cause a next step. I've seen that Japan, like any place it has its share of difficulties. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay there long term, but I think that even though I don't want to go, I should. I've gotten too comfortable here.
The proficiency test will be a way of testing how I'd be able to hold up in Japan. As of right now, I can barely make myself understood to my conversation partner, because I just do not have a way of hearing and learning how people speak Japanese. I have anime, which I watched for about 6 hours with and w/o subtitles today. Also TV and cassette tapes which I can listen to, but other than that, I think that if I am to use Japanese, I'll need to go to Japan.
We'll see if it's possible. Maybe this is just talk right now. But as of now, I'm going to put a lot of effort into learning Japanese. And of course, I'll need to find a job as well.
I don't plan on staying in Japan forever though. I don't think that I could stand it being that things are so different over there. It's a nice place to visit, but a hard place to live, in my opinion. But we'll see. Maybe a year or two would be good for me.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Thinking back...
Looking at old pictures of myself of when I was a kid, it really looks like I was a happy kid. From my memories, I know that it wasn't always happy. But I do recall going to the city center for Easter to get candy, going to see Santa Claus every Christmas, and even seeing the Blue Angels when my dad was too tired to drive. (My dad almost crashed if it weren't for the sonic boom of the Jet Engine that woke him up.)
My parents have really been good to my siblings and me. Even though there were so many of us, they took us all to piano lessons, practices for sports, and Judo tournaments at far off places.
Growing up in a big family wasn't easy. When you're in close proximity of people and you don't have your space, then things can get ugly from time to time. I would get into a fight with my brother so often that my mom would have to intervene between us frequently. I didn't get along with my family until my siblings went to college, and I finally went to college.
I saw change in my siblings after they started going. They matured there and we got along better. Maybe it was the distance that separated us physically that brought us closer together. (Strange concept, but I've realized how much I miss someone, if they meant something to me, when they've stepped out for a bit and come back.) I remember before they went to college, all of them would yell at me at one point. Afterwards, they loosened up a bit and were more understanding. I knew that I wanted to go to the same exact college when the oldest went to college.
My oldest brother matured a lot, and I figured that college had really changed him. I expected college to be a place where you could start anew. Nobody would know you, or your past besides the people that also went with you. It was going to be different when I went. My life would be different.
It was different, I admit. The people in my dorm were nice to me. I reached out to them, and they responded to me. I made some good friends there my first few weeks. But these expectations that I had didn't seem to fulfill the thirst that I was seeking after. I was thinking in my room what life was really about and then just went along with my business.
Out of nowhere, the phone rings, and I answer it. A guy, whom I never met before, asked if I were there and asked me to go to a fellowship that my brother had suggested. AACF was the name. I was interested when my oldest brother told me about it, but I didn't go the first few weeks, because I just didn't want to go. The guy on the phone asked me if I wanted to go, and I said that I'm not really Christian, so I don't really want to go. He left it open and said that we could meet if I wanted at the Student Union building and go together. I said that I'd think about it. (I had no intention of going.) We ended our conversation, and for some reason, this good feeling came upon me and I decided to go. My life changed after that. I became Christian after a lot of stages. I was anti-Christian, to skeptic, to being for Christ, to walking with Christ.
There are crossroads in our lives where we choose to go in a certain direction. I've mentioned the crossroads before in an earlier post. But the people we meet along the way and people we choose to hang out with do make a difference in which direction seems more favorable. It's still up to each individual to choose which road to take, but sometimes our friends help us to choose.
Anyway, what I'm saying is, the people that are a part of your life can make a big difference in your life. Not saying that they always will, but they can have an influence in how your life turns out. My advice is to seek out people who are positive influences on you and also for you to be a good influence on your friends.
I know that things are different where you go and that some things are harder in some other places. I admit that I don't know who's reading this, or what they've been through or what they go through each day. I'm not saying to break away from the friends that you currently have. It's your choice what you do. But I'm saying that people have influences on each other.
My brother, the oldest, went to college and became a Christian. I never knew that he was Christian until he got baptized maybe 4-5 years later. Until then, I thought that he was the same as me at the time. Buddhist. My siblings influenced me a lot throughout my life. The one sibling that influenced me the most was my oldest brother. If it weren't for him pointing me towards Christ, my life would be a lot different than it is now.
I guess I inherited a lot of habits that my parents and my siblings have. Some good traits are, thoughtfulness from my dad, integrity, understanding. Actually, I'm really different from my siblings. They're all talkative, I'm not. But they listen to me when I do speak. Maybe that's why I'm so good at listening huh? heh
Looking at old pictures of myself of when I was a kid, it really looks like I was a happy kid. From my memories, I know that it wasn't always happy. But I do recall going to the city center for Easter to get candy, going to see Santa Claus every Christmas, and even seeing the Blue Angels when my dad was too tired to drive. (My dad almost crashed if it weren't for the sonic boom of the Jet Engine that woke him up.)
My parents have really been good to my siblings and me. Even though there were so many of us, they took us all to piano lessons, practices for sports, and Judo tournaments at far off places.
Growing up in a big family wasn't easy. When you're in close proximity of people and you don't have your space, then things can get ugly from time to time. I would get into a fight with my brother so often that my mom would have to intervene between us frequently. I didn't get along with my family until my siblings went to college, and I finally went to college.
I saw change in my siblings after they started going. They matured there and we got along better. Maybe it was the distance that separated us physically that brought us closer together. (Strange concept, but I've realized how much I miss someone, if they meant something to me, when they've stepped out for a bit and come back.) I remember before they went to college, all of them would yell at me at one point. Afterwards, they loosened up a bit and were more understanding. I knew that I wanted to go to the same exact college when the oldest went to college.
My oldest brother matured a lot, and I figured that college had really changed him. I expected college to be a place where you could start anew. Nobody would know you, or your past besides the people that also went with you. It was going to be different when I went. My life would be different.
It was different, I admit. The people in my dorm were nice to me. I reached out to them, and they responded to me. I made some good friends there my first few weeks. But these expectations that I had didn't seem to fulfill the thirst that I was seeking after. I was thinking in my room what life was really about and then just went along with my business.
Out of nowhere, the phone rings, and I answer it. A guy, whom I never met before, asked if I were there and asked me to go to a fellowship that my brother had suggested. AACF was the name. I was interested when my oldest brother told me about it, but I didn't go the first few weeks, because I just didn't want to go. The guy on the phone asked me if I wanted to go, and I said that I'm not really Christian, so I don't really want to go. He left it open and said that we could meet if I wanted at the Student Union building and go together. I said that I'd think about it. (I had no intention of going.) We ended our conversation, and for some reason, this good feeling came upon me and I decided to go. My life changed after that. I became Christian after a lot of stages. I was anti-Christian, to skeptic, to being for Christ, to walking with Christ.
There are crossroads in our lives where we choose to go in a certain direction. I've mentioned the crossroads before in an earlier post. But the people we meet along the way and people we choose to hang out with do make a difference in which direction seems more favorable. It's still up to each individual to choose which road to take, but sometimes our friends help us to choose.
Anyway, what I'm saying is, the people that are a part of your life can make a big difference in your life. Not saying that they always will, but they can have an influence in how your life turns out. My advice is to seek out people who are positive influences on you and also for you to be a good influence on your friends.
I know that things are different where you go and that some things are harder in some other places. I admit that I don't know who's reading this, or what they've been through or what they go through each day. I'm not saying to break away from the friends that you currently have. It's your choice what you do. But I'm saying that people have influences on each other.
My brother, the oldest, went to college and became a Christian. I never knew that he was Christian until he got baptized maybe 4-5 years later. Until then, I thought that he was the same as me at the time. Buddhist. My siblings influenced me a lot throughout my life. The one sibling that influenced me the most was my oldest brother. If it weren't for him pointing me towards Christ, my life would be a lot different than it is now.
I guess I inherited a lot of habits that my parents and my siblings have. Some good traits are, thoughtfulness from my dad, integrity, understanding. Actually, I'm really different from my siblings. They're all talkative, I'm not. But they listen to me when I do speak. Maybe that's why I'm so good at listening huh? heh
Work is done...for now
Well, it's official. My last day of work at my old job was this past Friday. I am no longer working for the university library anymore. School is starting and since I have graduated, I can't stay there anymore. I guess I've put off finding another job long enough.
It's a weird feeling staying at home while everyone else is going to school. I feel like a bum to be honest. As of right now, I'm living at my parent's house, with no job. The good thing is that my parents gave me some time to find a job and move out, but still, I don't want to be waiting until that time comes.
Grim reality
Lately, in my free time, I've been watching "Outlaw Star". An interesting anime so far, and some scenes are not for kids. But it is reminiscent of Cowboy Bebop in the sense that this world is dark and there are people out there who will try to hurt you. (Not saying that people are out to get you, but saying that some people may try to hurt you if given the chance.) But it differs in the sense that Outlaw Star has the use of magic and some new ideas and concepts. While Cowboy bebop, to me, seems more realistic and believable with what is already out there in Science Fiction and our technology today. Both are about the future
I don't know why I'm attracted to these types of anime, but I believe that the future will not be such a nice place. The past wasn't a nice place to live, the present has gotten better but still not the greatest, and the future is unknown. It's kind of scary to see what people can do if they have the will to do it. North Korea now has nuclear technology. But, I still believe that what we create today will last for some time and direct the future. Whether it be good or bad, those are the two directions that we influence with our actions.
So What am I doing?
That's a good question. I talk a lot about doing something to make this place better. But still, I've felt like I haven't been doing too much.
I got involved with a kids camp last month and did some positive things there. I hope that my mistakes will not cause any future harm to the kids, but I do believe that God will do miracles if we ask Him. Not the way we want them to be done all the time, but in God's own way and wisdom.
I just hope that our actions as counselors will cause positive growth in these kids who come. The kids had a good time, and I hope that they'll continue to have good experiences at this camp, and other camps. I know that it's not us who cause things to grow in the kids, we're only the seed that begins something in someone else. God causes things to grow.
I have been wondering what I can do personally. To be honest, I haven't been doing much. I am looking to get more involved in stuff at church, and I'm hoping that we'll get involved in the community around us. My church is not filled with people from the neighborhood. In fact, I think that there isn't anybody from the neighborhood surrounding our church, that goes to the church.
To tell you something that I heard from one of my friends. The United States is the third largest missions field in the world. There are a lot of people in this country that do not know God or Jesus. The United States is not a Christian country as seen by the evidence shown in our movies, magazines and other things that happen here.
My friend told me, "you can't keep waiting around for something to happen. You've got to get involved." Involved...making my life count...affecting others in a positive way.
It's tough, because our pastor has done things to try to reach out to the neighborhood, and has had doors slammed in his face. A clash of cultures...maybe. I don't know what the neighborhood thinks of us, but really we've got to do more to reach out.
Well, it's official. My last day of work at my old job was this past Friday. I am no longer working for the university library anymore. School is starting and since I have graduated, I can't stay there anymore. I guess I've put off finding another job long enough.
It's a weird feeling staying at home while everyone else is going to school. I feel like a bum to be honest. As of right now, I'm living at my parent's house, with no job. The good thing is that my parents gave me some time to find a job and move out, but still, I don't want to be waiting until that time comes.
Grim reality
Lately, in my free time, I've been watching "Outlaw Star". An interesting anime so far, and some scenes are not for kids. But it is reminiscent of Cowboy Bebop in the sense that this world is dark and there are people out there who will try to hurt you. (Not saying that people are out to get you, but saying that some people may try to hurt you if given the chance.) But it differs in the sense that Outlaw Star has the use of magic and some new ideas and concepts. While Cowboy bebop, to me, seems more realistic and believable with what is already out there in Science Fiction and our technology today. Both are about the future
I don't know why I'm attracted to these types of anime, but I believe that the future will not be such a nice place. The past wasn't a nice place to live, the present has gotten better but still not the greatest, and the future is unknown. It's kind of scary to see what people can do if they have the will to do it. North Korea now has nuclear technology. But, I still believe that what we create today will last for some time and direct the future. Whether it be good or bad, those are the two directions that we influence with our actions.
So What am I doing?
That's a good question. I talk a lot about doing something to make this place better. But still, I've felt like I haven't been doing too much.
I got involved with a kids camp last month and did some positive things there. I hope that my mistakes will not cause any future harm to the kids, but I do believe that God will do miracles if we ask Him. Not the way we want them to be done all the time, but in God's own way and wisdom.
I just hope that our actions as counselors will cause positive growth in these kids who come. The kids had a good time, and I hope that they'll continue to have good experiences at this camp, and other camps. I know that it's not us who cause things to grow in the kids, we're only the seed that begins something in someone else. God causes things to grow.
I have been wondering what I can do personally. To be honest, I haven't been doing much. I am looking to get more involved in stuff at church, and I'm hoping that we'll get involved in the community around us. My church is not filled with people from the neighborhood. In fact, I think that there isn't anybody from the neighborhood surrounding our church, that goes to the church.
To tell you something that I heard from one of my friends. The United States is the third largest missions field in the world. There are a lot of people in this country that do not know God or Jesus. The United States is not a Christian country as seen by the evidence shown in our movies, magazines and other things that happen here.
My friend told me, "you can't keep waiting around for something to happen. You've got to get involved." Involved...making my life count...affecting others in a positive way.
It's tough, because our pastor has done things to try to reach out to the neighborhood, and has had doors slammed in his face. A clash of cultures...maybe. I don't know what the neighborhood thinks of us, but really we've got to do more to reach out.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Don't get mad...
Someone once told me, "Don't get mad if people don't respond the way you want them to." I guess that's good advice.
For some reason, it seems like people aren't responding to me lately. I can only conclude that it's not them, but something that I'm doing wrong. Or maybe it's something that I don't know about going on with them. Anyhow, I shouldn't worry about things in my friendships and relationships.
Over this past year, I've found that it's best not to expect anything from anyone. People have good days and bad days, and sometimes they'll respond and sometimes they'll just want to be left alone. I know that I don't have very good rapport with a lot of people, but I know that with practice, anything is possible.
Over time, if you work hard and long enough, and happen to be in the right place at the right time, then good things will come. That's my hope. I know that bad things come too, and sometimes you don't reap any benefits for the hard work that you've put in. But, I do know that you grow as a result of the hard work and that by becoming a better person, good things do come. Maybe not right away, but later. Maybe not even in your lifetime.
Know this also, if you do evil things, or bad things, then you will also reap the consequences from those also. From my past, I'm still reaping the consequences for my actions. It does affect my relationships and it does affect how people treat me. I can't blame my past for why people treat me a certain way, but only that I have full responsibility for who I am today from my past actions and my past way of thinking and how I viewed things before.
But change is possible. It's hard, but it's possible. My life is a lot better because of a lot of hard work on my part, and by a lot of people around me. You might not believe this, but my brother, who became Christian in college, prayed for me through my struggles, and even though things didn't turn out better all at once, over 5-7 years, things got a lot better. God did some great work in my life because of my brother and his friends and church, and my friends. Prayer is heard.
Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with my past. It's part of who I am. It's part of my struggles today.
I tell myself, "The actions you take today determine your life tomorrow."
It may not be easy to see how your life changes, but over time, the small things that you do, whether good or evil, determine which path you walk. Each thing is a little step, in my opinion.
Final thoughts
So, I guess what I'm saying is, despite how people treat me now, I really don't worry about things like that anymore. I have good friends who don't try to hurt me. And even though I'm not the most popular person out there, I do have one or two good friendships. Even if everyone abandons me, I still have God. I can't blame anyone for how another person treats me. I shouldn't blame myself, even though it may be very well the cause of why. The only thing that I can do, is work on what I do.
My parents told me that Jack Nicholaus, the famous golfer, said in an interview (about what I'm guess people said about him on the golf course), "I can't help what other people say or think. I can only help what I can do." (Paraphrased by me, because I actually didn't hear the interview.) But the basic meaning behind that is, you only have so much control over life. What other people say or do or think is not in your power. You only have the power to do, say, and think things in your own life.
My mom would tell me, "does it matter what they think?" "no," I would reply. "Then don't let it bother you."
It bothers me, but I've learned to care more about what I think more than what other people think. Even though I do get mad, I try not to let it bother me in the long run.
Anyway, enough idealism for today. Just trying to write some things down for my benefit.
Someone once told me, "Don't get mad if people don't respond the way you want them to." I guess that's good advice.
For some reason, it seems like people aren't responding to me lately. I can only conclude that it's not them, but something that I'm doing wrong. Or maybe it's something that I don't know about going on with them. Anyhow, I shouldn't worry about things in my friendships and relationships.
Over this past year, I've found that it's best not to expect anything from anyone. People have good days and bad days, and sometimes they'll respond and sometimes they'll just want to be left alone. I know that I don't have very good rapport with a lot of people, but I know that with practice, anything is possible.
Over time, if you work hard and long enough, and happen to be in the right place at the right time, then good things will come. That's my hope. I know that bad things come too, and sometimes you don't reap any benefits for the hard work that you've put in. But, I do know that you grow as a result of the hard work and that by becoming a better person, good things do come. Maybe not right away, but later. Maybe not even in your lifetime.
Know this also, if you do evil things, or bad things, then you will also reap the consequences from those also. From my past, I'm still reaping the consequences for my actions. It does affect my relationships and it does affect how people treat me. I can't blame my past for why people treat me a certain way, but only that I have full responsibility for who I am today from my past actions and my past way of thinking and how I viewed things before.
But change is possible. It's hard, but it's possible. My life is a lot better because of a lot of hard work on my part, and by a lot of people around me. You might not believe this, but my brother, who became Christian in college, prayed for me through my struggles, and even though things didn't turn out better all at once, over 5-7 years, things got a lot better. God did some great work in my life because of my brother and his friends and church, and my friends. Prayer is heard.
Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with my past. It's part of who I am. It's part of my struggles today.
I tell myself, "The actions you take today determine your life tomorrow."
It may not be easy to see how your life changes, but over time, the small things that you do, whether good or evil, determine which path you walk. Each thing is a little step, in my opinion.
Final thoughts
So, I guess what I'm saying is, despite how people treat me now, I really don't worry about things like that anymore. I have good friends who don't try to hurt me. And even though I'm not the most popular person out there, I do have one or two good friendships. Even if everyone abandons me, I still have God. I can't blame anyone for how another person treats me. I shouldn't blame myself, even though it may be very well the cause of why. The only thing that I can do, is work on what I do.
My parents told me that Jack Nicholaus, the famous golfer, said in an interview (about what I'm guess people said about him on the golf course), "I can't help what other people say or think. I can only help what I can do." (Paraphrased by me, because I actually didn't hear the interview.) But the basic meaning behind that is, you only have so much control over life. What other people say or do or think is not in your power. You only have the power to do, say, and think things in your own life.
My mom would tell me, "does it matter what they think?" "no," I would reply. "Then don't let it bother you."
It bothers me, but I've learned to care more about what I think more than what other people think. Even though I do get mad, I try not to let it bother me in the long run.
Anyway, enough idealism for today. Just trying to write some things down for my benefit.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning...
I have been cleaning up my room. It's a mess. Before, you couldn't even walk in it. Now you can at least walk around. If you didn't know, I am a pack rat. I keep almost everything that I own, and it's hard for me to throw away things. But for the sake cleanliness, I am. heh
Anyway, my dad has been on my case to clean up my room. It looks a lot better now than it did a couple of days ago. Still a big mess in the back of my room though. But for now, it's good for the day.
Cleaning up, I've found what people wrote to me for Christmas and birthdays. It's pretty thoughtful of people to write a card saying how they've seen you grow, or how they're looking forward to visiting you now that they're living near you next year.
Sunday, a day for growing
It was a low to high day for me. Low being that I see the flaws within me and how people react to me. High being that I know that despite my flaws, I can change and become a better person.
Sunday shouldn't be the only day to grow. It should be continuous throughout the week. But I find that through my struggles on Sunday, do I get motivated to grow. It's hard for me to step out and reach out right now. It's not fun to go into a place where most people already know each other already, and you're the new guy. (Granted that it was only today, because I went into the adult sunday school class). But, I've found that struggles are struggles, because it's something that we're not good at. Starting is pretty tough, but depending on how good you get, it will get easier as you go along.
Maybe I'll do what I did my freshman year. Forget boundaries, and take chances that I wouldn't usually take. This won't be a maybe, this has to be a must if I'm going to go anywhere.
Anyway, got to get ready for tomorrow.
I have been cleaning up my room. It's a mess. Before, you couldn't even walk in it. Now you can at least walk around. If you didn't know, I am a pack rat. I keep almost everything that I own, and it's hard for me to throw away things. But for the sake cleanliness, I am. heh
Anyway, my dad has been on my case to clean up my room. It looks a lot better now than it did a couple of days ago. Still a big mess in the back of my room though. But for now, it's good for the day.
Cleaning up, I've found what people wrote to me for Christmas and birthdays. It's pretty thoughtful of people to write a card saying how they've seen you grow, or how they're looking forward to visiting you now that they're living near you next year.
Sunday, a day for growing
It was a low to high day for me. Low being that I see the flaws within me and how people react to me. High being that I know that despite my flaws, I can change and become a better person.
Sunday shouldn't be the only day to grow. It should be continuous throughout the week. But I find that through my struggles on Sunday, do I get motivated to grow. It's hard for me to step out and reach out right now. It's not fun to go into a place where most people already know each other already, and you're the new guy. (Granted that it was only today, because I went into the adult sunday school class). But, I've found that struggles are struggles, because it's something that we're not good at. Starting is pretty tough, but depending on how good you get, it will get easier as you go along.
Maybe I'll do what I did my freshman year. Forget boundaries, and take chances that I wouldn't usually take. This won't be a maybe, this has to be a must if I'm going to go anywhere.
Anyway, got to get ready for tomorrow.
Friday, September 17, 2004
One more week...
I'll be unemployed next week. Next Friday is my last day of work. I know that it's time to move on.
The best part about the job is seeing different articles that you wouldn't see if you weren't working at this job. There are some pretty cool Japanese articles. I saw one today about "web diaries and why people post" in a psychology magazine. It was in Japanese, and I didn't have time to read it, but it shows that there is some good stuff out there.
However, the worst part of the job is also having to copy some of the articles too. Some things are better left unseen. There was an article where they were cutting someone's eye open for surgery. Not a pretty sight. The medical articles are just not a good thing to look at if you're not a doctor. Another thing better left buried was a picturebook of horrors in Japanese. Just disgusting...some showed people decapitated, or things kind of like that. I think that it was a book about punishments or something like that from the late 1800s to early 1900s. (Note that if you go into any type of room that is not left for the public, then you might see some bad things.)
Yeah, I got to see where they stored some books. For instance, did you know that under the Undergraduate library, next to the parking lot, is a room full of storage books? You enter through the cafeteria. Well, a door close to it. heh.
Anyway, this job was definitely a gift from God. I prayed for a job two years back, and I received a job a week later. I looked for one at the Eastern Library and received no response. But my friend, whom I told I was looking for a job, found me a job at his office. I couldn't have asked for a better situation in terms of my hours, flexibility, and just the people that I met through this job. It has been one of the best experiences that I have received.
Granted it's not all fun and games here at the library. I worked hard hauling books in the rain and hot sun. Because I was carrying too much, I strained my back a couple of weeks ago. I now have weak fingers from picking up books and photocopying. But all in all, these things are really small compared to the benefits that I have received.
It's time to move on. I know it...finding a job will come. I'm sure that I can find a job temporarily until I feel confident enough to use my Japanese.
Anyway, no bother worrying about things. Just take one step at a time...
I'll be unemployed next week. Next Friday is my last day of work. I know that it's time to move on.
The best part about the job is seeing different articles that you wouldn't see if you weren't working at this job. There are some pretty cool Japanese articles. I saw one today about "web diaries and why people post" in a psychology magazine. It was in Japanese, and I didn't have time to read it, but it shows that there is some good stuff out there.
However, the worst part of the job is also having to copy some of the articles too. Some things are better left unseen. There was an article where they were cutting someone's eye open for surgery. Not a pretty sight. The medical articles are just not a good thing to look at if you're not a doctor. Another thing better left buried was a picturebook of horrors in Japanese. Just disgusting...some showed people decapitated, or things kind of like that. I think that it was a book about punishments or something like that from the late 1800s to early 1900s. (Note that if you go into any type of room that is not left for the public, then you might see some bad things.)
Yeah, I got to see where they stored some books. For instance, did you know that under the Undergraduate library, next to the parking lot, is a room full of storage books? You enter through the cafeteria. Well, a door close to it. heh.
Anyway, this job was definitely a gift from God. I prayed for a job two years back, and I received a job a week later. I looked for one at the Eastern Library and received no response. But my friend, whom I told I was looking for a job, found me a job at his office. I couldn't have asked for a better situation in terms of my hours, flexibility, and just the people that I met through this job. It has been one of the best experiences that I have received.
Granted it's not all fun and games here at the library. I worked hard hauling books in the rain and hot sun. Because I was carrying too much, I strained my back a couple of weeks ago. I now have weak fingers from picking up books and photocopying. But all in all, these things are really small compared to the benefits that I have received.
It's time to move on. I know it...finding a job will come. I'm sure that I can find a job temporarily until I feel confident enough to use my Japanese.
Anyway, no bother worrying about things. Just take one step at a time...
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Sorry for not posting for awhile. I've been trying to get things together. Cleaning up my room, trying to study Japanese, and just working at my old job for the time being.
As of right now, I'm finding jobs for Japanese on the web. There's hope for my career in Japanese. My short term goal for this month is to read articles on the web. I'm going to try to see what they write about the war in Iraq. Seeing it through a country outside of the US might give me some insight as to how they view war and what they focus on. Still, I have to read the articles. Anyway, I'm going to read some articles before I go to sleep.
The nihongo noryoku shiken, (Japanese proficiency test), will be coming up. I have to decide soon as to what level I'm going to try for. Level 3 is something that I might be able to do. Level 4 isn't worth trying for, because I could do better. Level 2 might be a little tougher. Anyway, I have some time to decide, I'm set on at least level 3.
There are 4 levels for this test. Level 4 is the easiest, level 1 is the hardest. If you pass it, you get a certificate that says you passed a certain degree of understanding in Japanese. It will be helpful for anybody who is trying to get a job in Japanese that needs the proof. The deadline is coming up sometime in October. Anyway, I'll post the link for the test later. Right now, I've got to study.
Anyway you can find the main page here. If you're looking for the noryoku shiken, then you can find it here. Also note that the last page that I posted is mainly for people living in the US. If you're looking to take it outside the US, then the deadline has already passed.
If you're looking to take it next year, make sure that you read up on it, because they're very strict when it comes to the time that you send in your application and how your handwriting looks.
As of right now, I'm finding jobs for Japanese on the web. There's hope for my career in Japanese. My short term goal for this month is to read articles on the web. I'm going to try to see what they write about the war in Iraq. Seeing it through a country outside of the US might give me some insight as to how they view war and what they focus on. Still, I have to read the articles. Anyway, I'm going to read some articles before I go to sleep.
The nihongo noryoku shiken, (Japanese proficiency test), will be coming up. I have to decide soon as to what level I'm going to try for. Level 3 is something that I might be able to do. Level 4 isn't worth trying for, because I could do better. Level 2 might be a little tougher. Anyway, I have some time to decide, I'm set on at least level 3.
There are 4 levels for this test. Level 4 is the easiest, level 1 is the hardest. If you pass it, you get a certificate that says you passed a certain degree of understanding in Japanese. It will be helpful for anybody who is trying to get a job in Japanese that needs the proof. The deadline is coming up sometime in October. Anyway, I'll post the link for the test later. Right now, I've got to study.
Anyway you can find the main page here. If you're looking for the noryoku shiken, then you can find it here. Also note that the last page that I posted is mainly for people living in the US. If you're looking to take it outside the US, then the deadline has already passed.
If you're looking to take it next year, make sure that you read up on it, because they're very strict when it comes to the time that you send in your application and how your handwriting looks.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Home again
California was great. I spent a lot of time with my relatives. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to going, but when I got there, everything changed. My family there took good care of me and my brother.
I didn't meet any of my friends down there, but I guess I didn't keep in touch with any of them, so that's understandable. I wonder what they're doing now.
Anyway, I'm back home safe and sound.
California was great. I spent a lot of time with my relatives. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to going, but when I got there, everything changed. My family there took good care of me and my brother.
I didn't meet any of my friends down there, but I guess I didn't keep in touch with any of them, so that's understandable. I wonder what they're doing now.
Anyway, I'm back home safe and sound.
Friday, September 10, 2004
Thinking...about the past
My old roommate would tell me not to think. Not because I think too much, but because he thought that I am stupid. (Actually, I think that he just liked making fun of me.)
There was a time when I used to care what everyone thought about me. I was not a happy person. But now, I try not to care what other people think about me. Or about another person's opinion that I disagree with. I try to care enough about the person that I will try to talk to them if I think they are wrong, but usually I stay silent because I am not good with words. I find that sometimes I'd rather say nothing at all because I do in fact care too much about what other people think.
It's up and down with me. It's not consistent in how I act. But I figure on some days, "Why not?" On some other days, "I'd rather not." The former because life is really short. The latter, because I just don't feel like it.
I guess the reason why I write these things is for my own personal sanity. Sometimes you've got to think about the wrongs in your past and correct your own thinking with what is right. I know that I'm not stupid. I know that my roommate doesn't know me all that well. I know that I have my strengths and my weaknesses and I am unique. Everyone is unique. No one else is the same out there...unless you're a clone...then, I don't know what to tell you. But still, you'd still be unique in my book.
People can say anything. People will hurt you sometimes. But a person has to bounce back and not let things bother them. A person has to be grounded on what he/she knows to be true. That's how I get through each day. I counter the things that I know to be not true with things I know that are true.
Anyway, enough preaching by me. But yeah, I do feel a certain way now. I won't go into details, but yeah, I have a lot of work to do.
California Dreamin'
I'm visiting my family down here in California. We went to Disneyland California Adventure Tuesday and hit Magic Mountain today. Since school was in session, the lines were super short! I was on the rides in 5 minutes for some. Goliath, at Magic mountain took me only the long walk to get on. It was great. The park was almost empty compared to the busy season of summer.
My favorite part of this trip was not so much the things we did, but the time that we spent together as a family. We played DDR, Madden, NFL2K5 (aka ESPN football), hung out and ate meals together. It has been good to touch base with them again.
I will miss my time here. For not wanting to go, I'm glad that I did. It seems like I can just leave things like my job situation and other concerns aside for now. A much needed break in the daily routine.
My old roommate would tell me not to think. Not because I think too much, but because he thought that I am stupid. (Actually, I think that he just liked making fun of me.)
There was a time when I used to care what everyone thought about me. I was not a happy person. But now, I try not to care what other people think about me. Or about another person's opinion that I disagree with. I try to care enough about the person that I will try to talk to them if I think they are wrong, but usually I stay silent because I am not good with words. I find that sometimes I'd rather say nothing at all because I do in fact care too much about what other people think.
It's up and down with me. It's not consistent in how I act. But I figure on some days, "Why not?" On some other days, "I'd rather not." The former because life is really short. The latter, because I just don't feel like it.
I guess the reason why I write these things is for my own personal sanity. Sometimes you've got to think about the wrongs in your past and correct your own thinking with what is right. I know that I'm not stupid. I know that my roommate doesn't know me all that well. I know that I have my strengths and my weaknesses and I am unique. Everyone is unique. No one else is the same out there...unless you're a clone...then, I don't know what to tell you. But still, you'd still be unique in my book.
People can say anything. People will hurt you sometimes. But a person has to bounce back and not let things bother them. A person has to be grounded on what he/she knows to be true. That's how I get through each day. I counter the things that I know to be not true with things I know that are true.
Anyway, enough preaching by me. But yeah, I do feel a certain way now. I won't go into details, but yeah, I have a lot of work to do.
California Dreamin'
I'm visiting my family down here in California. We went to Disneyland California Adventure Tuesday and hit Magic Mountain today. Since school was in session, the lines were super short! I was on the rides in 5 minutes for some. Goliath, at Magic mountain took me only the long walk to get on. It was great. The park was almost empty compared to the busy season of summer.
My favorite part of this trip was not so much the things we did, but the time that we spent together as a family. We played DDR, Madden, NFL2K5 (aka ESPN football), hung out and ate meals together. It has been good to touch base with them again.
I will miss my time here. For not wanting to go, I'm glad that I did. It seems like I can just leave things like my job situation and other concerns aside for now. A much needed break in the daily routine.
Friday, September 03, 2004
Direction
I'm not sure why, but it doesn't seem like I'm going to go to Japan any time soon. I guess I have to find a job here in the states.
I know that my Japanese isn't very good right now, and I should improve it before I go to Japan. I still think that I should go to Japan as an English teacher, but now doesn't seem like the right timing. I don't think that I'll go soon, because complications have come up.
I can see why I wouldn't go to Japan right now. Things just aren't worked out. But still, I'm thinking that within a year, I might be able to go. That's my goal. However unlikely it seems now.
The reason why I wanted to go to Japan after college was that I felt that my Japanese skills could improve a lot. I felt that I would come back to the states after a year or so and get a job using Japanese.
It seems now that my plans that I've set in my heart will not come to pass. One of my friends told me that going to Japan isn't something that you should lightly decide to do. I guess I feel like I really don't want to go to Japan right now. There's still more growth that I need in my life.
Maybe two or three years down the road, I might go. But now, I'm not sure.
It's a pattern throughout my life. I start something late, and I follow through with it later. For example, I started Judo my Junior year of high school. I was asked to go to Japan for an exchange, but complications made me go a year later, the summer after I graduated. Usually you're not supposed to go your senior year, but they made an exception for me.
Yeah, I was angry my Junior year, but God worked out the trip my senior year for His glory. I became Christian partly because of my trip to Japan and the timing of how things worked out. It's unbelievable how things were laid out step by step.
Despite how things look now, I'm sure that God has plans for my life. Despite the plans that I set in my heart, God will determine my steps. Things don't turn out the way you want them to all the time, but we have only so much control in our lives and other people's lives. Really, we're not in control, because so many things could happen that we don't foresee. (Not saying that you have no control over your life, but saying that you only have so much control. The world is too huge for us to control.)
Anyway, I've got to make use of my time here in the states and find a job. I've got to practice Japanese in my spare time. I've got to grow into maturity. I really don't have to do any of these things, but I want to follow through with these plans despite how late I am.
I know that things will be alright with whatever happens. Because no matter what happens, God will always be there.
Reading through "Reaching for the Invisible God" has reminded me to spend time with Him today. Man, it seems like I have so little time now that I am out of school. I've got to choose carefully how I spend my time.
I'm not sure why, but it doesn't seem like I'm going to go to Japan any time soon. I guess I have to find a job here in the states.
I know that my Japanese isn't very good right now, and I should improve it before I go to Japan. I still think that I should go to Japan as an English teacher, but now doesn't seem like the right timing. I don't think that I'll go soon, because complications have come up.
I can see why I wouldn't go to Japan right now. Things just aren't worked out. But still, I'm thinking that within a year, I might be able to go. That's my goal. However unlikely it seems now.
The reason why I wanted to go to Japan after college was that I felt that my Japanese skills could improve a lot. I felt that I would come back to the states after a year or so and get a job using Japanese.
It seems now that my plans that I've set in my heart will not come to pass. One of my friends told me that going to Japan isn't something that you should lightly decide to do. I guess I feel like I really don't want to go to Japan right now. There's still more growth that I need in my life.
Maybe two or three years down the road, I might go. But now, I'm not sure.
It's a pattern throughout my life. I start something late, and I follow through with it later. For example, I started Judo my Junior year of high school. I was asked to go to Japan for an exchange, but complications made me go a year later, the summer after I graduated. Usually you're not supposed to go your senior year, but they made an exception for me.
Yeah, I was angry my Junior year, but God worked out the trip my senior year for His glory. I became Christian partly because of my trip to Japan and the timing of how things worked out. It's unbelievable how things were laid out step by step.
Despite how things look now, I'm sure that God has plans for my life. Despite the plans that I set in my heart, God will determine my steps. Things don't turn out the way you want them to all the time, but we have only so much control in our lives and other people's lives. Really, we're not in control, because so many things could happen that we don't foresee. (Not saying that you have no control over your life, but saying that you only have so much control. The world is too huge for us to control.)
Anyway, I've got to make use of my time here in the states and find a job. I've got to practice Japanese in my spare time. I've got to grow into maturity. I really don't have to do any of these things, but I want to follow through with these plans despite how late I am.
I know that things will be alright with whatever happens. Because no matter what happens, God will always be there.
Reading through "Reaching for the Invisible God" has reminded me to spend time with Him today. Man, it seems like I have so little time now that I am out of school. I've got to choose carefully how I spend my time.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Some last minute thoughts
I made some mistakes today and in the past. I make mistakes. I'm human. I'm not perfect. But, the important thing is to learn from them and not make the same mistakes over again. The reason why I can't sleep right now, is that I keep on rethinking the mistake that I made today.
Anyway, one of the mistakes that I'll mention is I gave a little bit of money to a person on the street, and I wasn't thinking, and gave on impulse. She made me feel sorry for her so I gave her $5 to get food and a bus fare home. I really think that she was lying to me after I saw her walk away with a big smile on her face. She walked to the next person behind me to beg for money.
Lesson, you've got to really think what a person's motive is when they're asking you for something. My brother tells me that I'm too good natured and that people take advantage of me because they can.
I'm slowly learning and I have shut some people down. I've got to learn how to be shrewd though, yet innocent of any wrong.
Right now, I'm not going to give anybody any money who asks me, because I don't know what they're going to do with it, and basically people need to find a job rather than beg.
Food I'll help them attain, and groceries. But money is a tool that can be used for evil.
Man, I felt really stupid. And I know that some of you might be thinking that I'm stupid. But know this, I know who I am and my weaknesses and strong points. I am not stupid. And I don't care if anybody thinks that I'm stupid. What matters to me is learning from these mistakes and becoming wiser. I write this down so that other people may know that giving money will not help a person, but rather could hurt the person you gave money to. Or it could hurt another person.
I was pissed off right after I gave her the money, because I knew that she had tricked me. Bad things can happen when you act on impulse. Sometimes good things happen, but really, I need to slow down, and think about things before I act.
I made some mistakes today and in the past. I make mistakes. I'm human. I'm not perfect. But, the important thing is to learn from them and not make the same mistakes over again. The reason why I can't sleep right now, is that I keep on rethinking the mistake that I made today.
Anyway, one of the mistakes that I'll mention is I gave a little bit of money to a person on the street, and I wasn't thinking, and gave on impulse. She made me feel sorry for her so I gave her $5 to get food and a bus fare home. I really think that she was lying to me after I saw her walk away with a big smile on her face. She walked to the next person behind me to beg for money.
Lesson, you've got to really think what a person's motive is when they're asking you for something. My brother tells me that I'm too good natured and that people take advantage of me because they can.
I'm slowly learning and I have shut some people down. I've got to learn how to be shrewd though, yet innocent of any wrong.
Right now, I'm not going to give anybody any money who asks me, because I don't know what they're going to do with it, and basically people need to find a job rather than beg.
Food I'll help them attain, and groceries. But money is a tool that can be used for evil.
Man, I felt really stupid. And I know that some of you might be thinking that I'm stupid. But know this, I know who I am and my weaknesses and strong points. I am not stupid. And I don't care if anybody thinks that I'm stupid. What matters to me is learning from these mistakes and becoming wiser. I write this down so that other people may know that giving money will not help a person, but rather could hurt the person you gave money to. Or it could hurt another person.
I was pissed off right after I gave her the money, because I knew that she had tricked me. Bad things can happen when you act on impulse. Sometimes good things happen, but really, I need to slow down, and think about things before I act.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
First Time Staffing; an experience I'll always remember
Camp was great for many reasons. The kids were all awesome, the crew that we had worked well together, (God provided people to serve in the crew last minute), and through prayer from many people, things worked well for the kids.
I don't know how many people prayed, but I know that the staff at camp prayed for us everyday.
It was a miracle in itself seeing that the kids had a good time. One of our crew members is a 1st grade teacher who did very well with the kids. Without her, I think that I would have freaked out, because she knew how to keep the kids under control and keep their attention. All of us, except CA and the first grade teacher, were newbies.
First day
The first day, I wasn't sure what to expect. I came with CN and it was very lucky that I asked C if I should bring my sleeping bag. He said, "yeah." The form that I signed up with was a guest form, and not a staff form, so I chose the best lodging, because I thought that that is what everyone else would choose.
Apparently there was another form which I was supposed to get from the leader of the group to sign up for staff housing. I'm not going to complain too much, but really, someone should have told me or wrote on the form which housing was for which housing. Part of the blame lies on me for not asking any questions though. It's really no big deal, but things had to be set straight as to where we were to stay when we got to camp.
I'm glad that I stayed with the two other guys, because we had some great conversations about what happened during the day and just random things. CA and CN are very funny. I really should spend more time with them, but I know that they're really busy. Anyway, I guess it doesn't hurt to email or call them once in awhile.
The first night of camp, we played a name game. We tossed a ball to another person and said their name. It was going pretty good.
However, before we started, two girls just hugged each other and cried. I think that they haven't started school yet, and haven't learned to be away from their parents. I didn't know what to do, and neither did my friend. But luckily the first grade teacher was there and she came and stood by them, while me and the other guy went to join the group.
I was stressed out to tell you the truth. I thought that I didn't know how to act around kids, and that I would ruin some of their lives. But this camp showed me that there is more to things than what we think.
Day 2
I wasn't really looking forward to day 2. The first night went by kind of slowly and the morning went by even more slowly. It lasted 3 hours and it was a challenge to find things to keep the kids interested. Luckily the teacher found things to keep the kids interested. It showed me that worrying doesn't help any, but finding something that is helpful will be very useful.
However, things went well for the second day, and I was surprised that the kids responded to me. Just by being there, they responded. I'm not a talker.
I really don't know why the kids liked me, but I know that they did. Maybe not all of them, but I think that nobody held a grudge against me.
Day 3
Saturday mornings I usually sleep in from a long night of playing video games after work is done on Friday. I slept in and missed breakfast, and I went straight to the classroom after I got ready. I was giving the lesson for that session.
I struggled with it, and I could see that the kids weren't interested. I said, "I know that this isn't the most fun thing in the world." And after I repeated that a little later a kid said, "You said that already..." Basically my message was about a servant heart. Because Jesus loves us, he serves us and how we should love one another and serve one another.
The craft probably wasn't the most fun thing, but I think that some kids will learn some good things from it. I had doubts about my abilities and about the craft.
CN was very supportive of me throughout the whole camp and afterwards. On the car, I was doubting that I am this and that. He told me "you shouldn't sell yourself short by thinking that you can't do these things." I can see why he does well and part of why he is such a great guy.
"You'd be surprised what a person can do," as one of the people I met at school said. He was in the army before. He was talking about what a person is able to do with what seems really tough to do.
I surprised myself. But, the credit for what I did does not belong to me. God worked in the people and He put this together so well. I was very nervous about interacting with kids, but I learned to love them. That I believe, was not given by my own doing, but through Him who loves me and them.
Day 4
That was today. I was kind of looking forward to the end of camp, but not looking forward to it. I was having such a good time and I felt so happy to be with other believers. The kids were the greatest. They all are unique and they all have their own personalities. Each one of them is a miracle in itself. Each one of them will become someone great. The parents are all godly parents, and it shows in the kids.
I had trouble with two kids today. Both were siblings and they kept on messing with each other's stuff. I am lucky to have other people there to help me to control the situation and to help them to understand that they're not doing their work.
The teacher said, "after all this time, I'm disappointed in how little you both have got done." Both were goofing around and had a hard time paying attention or keeping focus. I was getting a little bit angry, but I didn't blow up. I had to ask the younger one if if I should separate them. The younger one shook his head. I think that I was a little harsh in what I said afterwards, but hopefully the younger one will not carry any scars.
I was stressed out again. But I had fun and I know that the kids had fun too.
Teamwork
CN was very thankful for each person that came. It wouldn't have gone so well if it weren't for each person. 3 guys, 3 gals. I am glad that it is done, but I was so happy throughout all of camp. It was a very rewarding experience to work with these people and the kids. It was a positive experience, and I learned that children are really great.
What to say Lord, it's you who gave me life...
I had fun. It was refreshing to get to know the members better. I am glad that I went. I guess what I learned is, you need to have a faith like a child in how you trust God, forgiving other people as He forgave me, and by being obedient to Him.
The last one I struggle with the most, because I think that God wants me to do something sometimes, and I really don't want to do it. Sometimes when I'd obey and I wouldn't even know why or if He told me to actually do that. It made no sense at all. So, I'm reluctant to do things that I think that God wants me to do.
But I guess, if I'm to follow after Him, I need to find where He wants me and go there. I went this past weekend and found something that I've lacked a lot. Time with God and time with believers. Time in ministry serving others who are not believers.
It was positive, and I'm very thankful that I went. However, I would still have to pray about it again, if I were to go again. Fear comes to mind...of what? The same things that I was afraid of to begin with. But, what can I say, wherever He is telling me to go, I need to go.
Japan?
I'm not sure if God is calling me to Japan. I'm having doubts and fears. It's so easy to fall in Japan. I don't know if this is the right timing, because of a report I heard from one of my friends about how things actually are there. Discrimination is more common I think in Japan. I don't know, but if I go to Japan, I would like to go through a missionary program. I wouldn't want to go to through a secular program because of all the junk that I've been reading. Who knows...if I don't go now, will I ever go? Not sure.
I really don't want to go to Japan. Maybe that's a sign that I shouldn't go. But if I don't go, then what? What am I going to do with my life? Maybe I need to take another step of faith and go. Still, I need to meditate more about this.
Camp was great for many reasons. The kids were all awesome, the crew that we had worked well together, (God provided people to serve in the crew last minute), and through prayer from many people, things worked well for the kids.
I don't know how many people prayed, but I know that the staff at camp prayed for us everyday.
It was a miracle in itself seeing that the kids had a good time. One of our crew members is a 1st grade teacher who did very well with the kids. Without her, I think that I would have freaked out, because she knew how to keep the kids under control and keep their attention. All of us, except CA and the first grade teacher, were newbies.
First day
The first day, I wasn't sure what to expect. I came with CN and it was very lucky that I asked C if I should bring my sleeping bag. He said, "yeah." The form that I signed up with was a guest form, and not a staff form, so I chose the best lodging, because I thought that that is what everyone else would choose.
Apparently there was another form which I was supposed to get from the leader of the group to sign up for staff housing. I'm not going to complain too much, but really, someone should have told me or wrote on the form which housing was for which housing. Part of the blame lies on me for not asking any questions though. It's really no big deal, but things had to be set straight as to where we were to stay when we got to camp.
I'm glad that I stayed with the two other guys, because we had some great conversations about what happened during the day and just random things. CA and CN are very funny. I really should spend more time with them, but I know that they're really busy. Anyway, I guess it doesn't hurt to email or call them once in awhile.
The first night of camp, we played a name game. We tossed a ball to another person and said their name. It was going pretty good.
However, before we started, two girls just hugged each other and cried. I think that they haven't started school yet, and haven't learned to be away from their parents. I didn't know what to do, and neither did my friend. But luckily the first grade teacher was there and she came and stood by them, while me and the other guy went to join the group.
I was stressed out to tell you the truth. I thought that I didn't know how to act around kids, and that I would ruin some of their lives. But this camp showed me that there is more to things than what we think.
Day 2
I wasn't really looking forward to day 2. The first night went by kind of slowly and the morning went by even more slowly. It lasted 3 hours and it was a challenge to find things to keep the kids interested. Luckily the teacher found things to keep the kids interested. It showed me that worrying doesn't help any, but finding something that is helpful will be very useful.
However, things went well for the second day, and I was surprised that the kids responded to me. Just by being there, they responded. I'm not a talker.
I really don't know why the kids liked me, but I know that they did. Maybe not all of them, but I think that nobody held a grudge against me.
Day 3
Saturday mornings I usually sleep in from a long night of playing video games after work is done on Friday. I slept in and missed breakfast, and I went straight to the classroom after I got ready. I was giving the lesson for that session.
I struggled with it, and I could see that the kids weren't interested. I said, "I know that this isn't the most fun thing in the world." And after I repeated that a little later a kid said, "You said that already..." Basically my message was about a servant heart. Because Jesus loves us, he serves us and how we should love one another and serve one another.
The craft probably wasn't the most fun thing, but I think that some kids will learn some good things from it. I had doubts about my abilities and about the craft.
CN was very supportive of me throughout the whole camp and afterwards. On the car, I was doubting that I am this and that. He told me "you shouldn't sell yourself short by thinking that you can't do these things." I can see why he does well and part of why he is such a great guy.
"You'd be surprised what a person can do," as one of the people I met at school said. He was in the army before. He was talking about what a person is able to do with what seems really tough to do.
I surprised myself. But, the credit for what I did does not belong to me. God worked in the people and He put this together so well. I was very nervous about interacting with kids, but I learned to love them. That I believe, was not given by my own doing, but through Him who loves me and them.
Day 4
That was today. I was kind of looking forward to the end of camp, but not looking forward to it. I was having such a good time and I felt so happy to be with other believers. The kids were the greatest. They all are unique and they all have their own personalities. Each one of them is a miracle in itself. Each one of them will become someone great. The parents are all godly parents, and it shows in the kids.
I had trouble with two kids today. Both were siblings and they kept on messing with each other's stuff. I am lucky to have other people there to help me to control the situation and to help them to understand that they're not doing their work.
The teacher said, "after all this time, I'm disappointed in how little you both have got done." Both were goofing around and had a hard time paying attention or keeping focus. I was getting a little bit angry, but I didn't blow up. I had to ask the younger one if if I should separate them. The younger one shook his head. I think that I was a little harsh in what I said afterwards, but hopefully the younger one will not carry any scars.
I was stressed out again. But I had fun and I know that the kids had fun too.
Teamwork
CN was very thankful for each person that came. It wouldn't have gone so well if it weren't for each person. 3 guys, 3 gals. I am glad that it is done, but I was so happy throughout all of camp. It was a very rewarding experience to work with these people and the kids. It was a positive experience, and I learned that children are really great.
What to say Lord, it's you who gave me life...
I had fun. It was refreshing to get to know the members better. I am glad that I went. I guess what I learned is, you need to have a faith like a child in how you trust God, forgiving other people as He forgave me, and by being obedient to Him.
The last one I struggle with the most, because I think that God wants me to do something sometimes, and I really don't want to do it. Sometimes when I'd obey and I wouldn't even know why or if He told me to actually do that. It made no sense at all. So, I'm reluctant to do things that I think that God wants me to do.
But I guess, if I'm to follow after Him, I need to find where He wants me and go there. I went this past weekend and found something that I've lacked a lot. Time with God and time with believers. Time in ministry serving others who are not believers.
It was positive, and I'm very thankful that I went. However, I would still have to pray about it again, if I were to go again. Fear comes to mind...of what? The same things that I was afraid of to begin with. But, what can I say, wherever He is telling me to go, I need to go.
Japan?
I'm not sure if God is calling me to Japan. I'm having doubts and fears. It's so easy to fall in Japan. I don't know if this is the right timing, because of a report I heard from one of my friends about how things actually are there. Discrimination is more common I think in Japan. I don't know, but if I go to Japan, I would like to go through a missionary program. I wouldn't want to go to through a secular program because of all the junk that I've been reading. Who knows...if I don't go now, will I ever go? Not sure.
I really don't want to go to Japan. Maybe that's a sign that I shouldn't go. But if I don't go, then what? What am I going to do with my life? Maybe I need to take another step of faith and go. Still, I need to meditate more about this.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Skeletons in the closet
So about now, you've seen probably some of the bad points about me. Yeah, I have a lot of work to do on myself.
I am not perfect and have to work to become a better person. But, I've come a long way from where I used to be.
Anyway, I really don't care what anybody thinks of me. I know who I am.
About the last two posts that I deleted, I was thinking irrationally and have thought these things through now. I shouldn't get angry or jealous over what other people have, and I should try to be happy for the great things that they have. Even though I do get angry and jealous, people have the right to be happy and shouldn't really focus on me, but on what is more important.
Regardless of what I think, everyone should do what is best for themselves. That is why I say that I have a lot of work to do on myself, because I have to become more secure in who I am and who I know I am. People need to do what's best for them regardless of what anybody else thinks.
However, don't get me wrong in that sometimes what your friends and family say may actually be good advice. Not all the time. But the people who do care for you will speak up and tell you what they think about what you're doing and what they think is best.
Anyway, think what you want, this is only my opinion.
rethinking Japan
Not sure if Japan is right right now. Maybe someday, but I'm not sure if I'll go until I can go with the right program. There's one in particular that I'm interested in. But, it's not possible right now. I'm still chewing on what is best for me.
Apologies again
Anyway, I'm sorry again for the past two posts that I deleted. I shouldn't have said most of that and I will be held accountable for every word that I said. Anyway, sorry again.
Sometimes you've got to wonder
I think a lot. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I should just go and do something besides thinking, but it has become a habit of mine to just think and ponder about things.
I think about the past and the present, and what will happen in the future. It's good to think, but sometimes I wonder why I continue to think about what is gone, what could happen, what just happened.
I think the happiest I've been is when I just did stuff. I wouldn't recommend that all the time, because it could lead into something really bad. But when I didn't think about the fears and the worries of life and just took a chance, I was really happy.
Don't get me wrong, you should think about things and not plunge into things, because it could lead to some bad stuff later in the future. I'm not saying to not think, but what I'm talking about here is taking chances to make your life better.
I wonder why I think so much about the past. It was both good and bad. I guess that it makes up the majority of who I am. My memories of what I did and what I said.
Phillipians chapters 2 and 3 are my favorite chapters of the bible. There's lots of good stuff in those two chapters. Chapter two has helped me in my friendship with one of my friends Ricky. He's been a really good friend to me.
Anyway, enough babbling, but I will end here. Thinking is good, but what I am planning to do is forget what is behind and strain forward towards Christ. Abstract, but what I'm talking about is putting my past behind me, and working to become more like Christ.
Not an easy thing to do. Never easy, but I hope that I can grow a lot more in these next couple of years.
So about now, you've seen probably some of the bad points about me. Yeah, I have a lot of work to do on myself.
I am not perfect and have to work to become a better person. But, I've come a long way from where I used to be.
Anyway, I really don't care what anybody thinks of me. I know who I am.
About the last two posts that I deleted, I was thinking irrationally and have thought these things through now. I shouldn't get angry or jealous over what other people have, and I should try to be happy for the great things that they have. Even though I do get angry and jealous, people have the right to be happy and shouldn't really focus on me, but on what is more important.
Regardless of what I think, everyone should do what is best for themselves. That is why I say that I have a lot of work to do on myself, because I have to become more secure in who I am and who I know I am. People need to do what's best for them regardless of what anybody else thinks.
However, don't get me wrong in that sometimes what your friends and family say may actually be good advice. Not all the time. But the people who do care for you will speak up and tell you what they think about what you're doing and what they think is best.
Anyway, think what you want, this is only my opinion.
rethinking Japan
Not sure if Japan is right right now. Maybe someday, but I'm not sure if I'll go until I can go with the right program. There's one in particular that I'm interested in. But, it's not possible right now. I'm still chewing on what is best for me.
Apologies again
Anyway, I'm sorry again for the past two posts that I deleted. I shouldn't have said most of that and I will be held accountable for every word that I said. Anyway, sorry again.
Sometimes you've got to wonder
I think a lot. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I should just go and do something besides thinking, but it has become a habit of mine to just think and ponder about things.
I think about the past and the present, and what will happen in the future. It's good to think, but sometimes I wonder why I continue to think about what is gone, what could happen, what just happened.
I think the happiest I've been is when I just did stuff. I wouldn't recommend that all the time, because it could lead into something really bad. But when I didn't think about the fears and the worries of life and just took a chance, I was really happy.
Don't get me wrong, you should think about things and not plunge into things, because it could lead to some bad stuff later in the future. I'm not saying to not think, but what I'm talking about here is taking chances to make your life better.
I wonder why I think so much about the past. It was both good and bad. I guess that it makes up the majority of who I am. My memories of what I did and what I said.
Phillipians chapters 2 and 3 are my favorite chapters of the bible. There's lots of good stuff in those two chapters. Chapter two has helped me in my friendship with one of my friends Ricky. He's been a really good friend to me.
Anyway, enough babbling, but I will end here. Thinking is good, but what I am planning to do is forget what is behind and strain forward towards Christ. Abstract, but what I'm talking about is putting my past behind me, and working to become more like Christ.
Not an easy thing to do. Never easy, but I hope that I can grow a lot more in these next couple of years.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Anime Sale
Apparently www.animenation.com is having a sale on Bandai anime like Cowboy Bebop, Escaflowne, Gundam, and other quality anime.
Man, if only I waited a year to buy Cowboy Bebop from Animenation. I got ripped off last year at the price that I bought it at. I did buy it at Animenation, but it cost me $152 and they gave me a used scratched DVD in Session 5 out of 6. I swore that I'd never buy from them again, but this looks like it might be worth taking a chance.
Anyway, I buy from a different anime store now. www.animecornerstore.com has so far given me better DVDs than animenation. But, if you could find it cheaper elsewhere, I'd go with them. However, if you're looking to collect anime, then animecorner is probably the better place to go. But yeah, shop around. www.anipike.com is a place where you can get access to a variety of websites.
The sale is only for this week, so it might end tomorrow.
Anyway, just thought that I'd post this, because Bandai does put out some good anime most of the time. I haven't seen all of them, but the one's I did see besides Saber Marionette, I liked.
I however, probably won't buy anything from them, because I have no spare cash lying around.
Camp planning
We planned for camp today. It was good in that we got lots of progress done. All that remains is just seeing what we have planned through. I have some uneasiness with this, but I'm sure that it will be a good experience.
I stayed up till 4 last night working on ideas. I have the beginnings of what might seem like a lesson, but I will try to turn it into a skit with lessons behind it. But we'll see how it turns out.
Updates
This is a just an update. Nothing too interesting.
On a side note however, our mayor has prohibited serving meals to the hungry in the park after 4pm. The program, kept going by private donations and a collection of churches, was moved to a park because the safety building is going to be demolished.
I can see that there are some problems with the park, but still, after about 2 years, they haven't found a better place. So the hungry went hungry for 2 days, until the city allowed another meal on Thursday night.
Even though it was prohibited, people protested and served on Wednesday despite threats of being cited. My friend attended and said that it was pretty amazing to see how people came to help out. I personally didn't want to go, because I felt like I'd get thrown in jail or something like that. But still, it was a worthwhile cause and if you didn't notice, the mayor responded.
There is no permanent solution to homelessness, but still, efforts must be made here in the city to fight it. Some here in the city may never get off the streets, simply because they need more help than the city is willing to give. Some of the people who are homeless are mentally ill, and basically funding ran out for the places that were helping them, and the mentally ill were left without any support. They ended up on the streets.
Basically, Jesus tells us in Matthew 25:34-46 about the poor. My roommate told me, "when you see the poor, you should see Jesus." I wonder how great God is...and how I'll never really understand Him, until I share in His ministry. I've been part of the ministry for a little bit, but still, I should be participating more.
Giving people food, clothing, and shelter is a good thing, but note that you must be "as shrewd as serpents, and as innocent as doves." Be careful.
Is my help helping people or hurting people?
I am always reluctant to give money to people. You'll never know what they will use it for later. My brother would buy gift certificates from McDonalds and give people those. I'd say that that's a more productive solution than giving people money to buy beer or drugs or knives.
People will take advantage of you if you're not careful. People become dependant when they see that they can. Call me cynical, but sometimes people are homeless for a reason.
However, there are some people who are actually working to get off the streets. Granted that's not everyone, but a lot of the homeless aren't lazy, they just can't find jobs.
It's not that hard to land on the streets. A person could just have some bad luck and find themselves sleeping on an asphalt bed.
However, programs like feeding the Hungry and others that give people what they NEED and NOT what they can USE for whatever they want. Food and clothing are definate needs. In my opinion, people who don't work may never find themselves off the streets. Some as stated before just don't have the ability.
But, ways that are more useful than giving someone a dollar could be creating and funding programs to fight homelessness and help people off the streets rather than hurting people by supporting their bad habits.
We have to question whether or not our help is helping people or hurting people. Is it being used to give them what they need to make their lives better, or are we doing something that is causing them to make their lives worse?
It's not easy. It takes discerning and willing people. It takes time and money. It is dangerous and people need to be consider their safety when they're dealing with homeless people. But, the homeless are people loved by God and He died for them too.
Everywhere is a mission field. This world is fallen.
Apparently www.animenation.com is having a sale on Bandai anime like Cowboy Bebop, Escaflowne, Gundam, and other quality anime.
Man, if only I waited a year to buy Cowboy Bebop from Animenation. I got ripped off last year at the price that I bought it at. I did buy it at Animenation, but it cost me $152 and they gave me a used scratched DVD in Session 5 out of 6. I swore that I'd never buy from them again, but this looks like it might be worth taking a chance.
Anyway, I buy from a different anime store now. www.animecornerstore.com has so far given me better DVDs than animenation. But, if you could find it cheaper elsewhere, I'd go with them. However, if you're looking to collect anime, then animecorner is probably the better place to go. But yeah, shop around. www.anipike.com is a place where you can get access to a variety of websites.
The sale is only for this week, so it might end tomorrow.
Anyway, just thought that I'd post this, because Bandai does put out some good anime most of the time. I haven't seen all of them, but the one's I did see besides Saber Marionette, I liked.
I however, probably won't buy anything from them, because I have no spare cash lying around.
Camp planning
We planned for camp today. It was good in that we got lots of progress done. All that remains is just seeing what we have planned through. I have some uneasiness with this, but I'm sure that it will be a good experience.
I stayed up till 4 last night working on ideas. I have the beginnings of what might seem like a lesson, but I will try to turn it into a skit with lessons behind it. But we'll see how it turns out.
Updates
This is a just an update. Nothing too interesting.
On a side note however, our mayor has prohibited serving meals to the hungry in the park after 4pm. The program, kept going by private donations and a collection of churches, was moved to a park because the safety building is going to be demolished.
I can see that there are some problems with the park, but still, after about 2 years, they haven't found a better place. So the hungry went hungry for 2 days, until the city allowed another meal on Thursday night.
Even though it was prohibited, people protested and served on Wednesday despite threats of being cited. My friend attended and said that it was pretty amazing to see how people came to help out. I personally didn't want to go, because I felt like I'd get thrown in jail or something like that. But still, it was a worthwhile cause and if you didn't notice, the mayor responded.
There is no permanent solution to homelessness, but still, efforts must be made here in the city to fight it. Some here in the city may never get off the streets, simply because they need more help than the city is willing to give. Some of the people who are homeless are mentally ill, and basically funding ran out for the places that were helping them, and the mentally ill were left without any support. They ended up on the streets.
Basically, Jesus tells us in Matthew 25:34-46 about the poor. My roommate told me, "when you see the poor, you should see Jesus." I wonder how great God is...and how I'll never really understand Him, until I share in His ministry. I've been part of the ministry for a little bit, but still, I should be participating more.
Giving people food, clothing, and shelter is a good thing, but note that you must be "as shrewd as serpents, and as innocent as doves." Be careful.
Is my help helping people or hurting people?
I am always reluctant to give money to people. You'll never know what they will use it for later. My brother would buy gift certificates from McDonalds and give people those. I'd say that that's a more productive solution than giving people money to buy beer or drugs or knives.
People will take advantage of you if you're not careful. People become dependant when they see that they can. Call me cynical, but sometimes people are homeless for a reason.
However, there are some people who are actually working to get off the streets. Granted that's not everyone, but a lot of the homeless aren't lazy, they just can't find jobs.
It's not that hard to land on the streets. A person could just have some bad luck and find themselves sleeping on an asphalt bed.
However, programs like feeding the Hungry and others that give people what they NEED and NOT what they can USE for whatever they want. Food and clothing are definate needs. In my opinion, people who don't work may never find themselves off the streets. Some as stated before just don't have the ability.
But, ways that are more useful than giving someone a dollar could be creating and funding programs to fight homelessness and help people off the streets rather than hurting people by supporting their bad habits.
We have to question whether or not our help is helping people or hurting people. Is it being used to give them what they need to make their lives better, or are we doing something that is causing them to make their lives worse?
It's not easy. It takes discerning and willing people. It takes time and money. It is dangerous and people need to be consider their safety when they're dealing with homeless people. But, the homeless are people loved by God and He died for them too.
Everywhere is a mission field. This world is fallen.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Friday, August 06, 2004
"Why am I here?" vesus "What the heck am I going to do for the next few weeks?!"
Someone told me that the latter is more productive in that it gives me something to shoot for instead of shooting nothing in the dark. I'm considering working at Costco or maybe some temporary place until I can find a job that pays well enough.
I've set the day that I'm going to leave my library job. I'm bent on going to Japan and teaching English. I'm confirmed that I'm registered as a kids camp staff for this conference that I'm going to be attending.
The main things that my friend told me was that you've got to make short term goals, intermediate goals, and long term goals. Short term goals to reach the intermediate goals. And Intermediate goals to reach the long term goals. The long term goals will come if you work on the short and intermediate first. A way of building a hill from the first pails of dirt to something larger. It will grow as you continue to build.
My friend is very wise, and I know that better things will come if I keep his advice.
Kid's scare me!
I don't know why I signed up for the camp as a staff person, but this is a leap of faith that I wanted to take. I wanted to be part of something positive, and with a lot of prayer and preparation, I know that things will go well. Maybe not as I expect, but definately this is in God's hands.
Frankly, I'm not sure what I've gotten into. I don't know what to expect, and I don't know how to deal with kids. But I figure now is as good as time as any. Better to learn now instead of learning when I'm old and just plain cranky. Hmm...
Also, I wanted to see what teaching would be like. I'm hoping to learn how to deal with kids so that I can be a good teacher in Japan. I know that one camp won't make me into a good teacher, but this is a stepping stone where I can get my feet wet and learn.
Video games
Heh, I've come to an obsession with video games in Japanese. Especially the ones by Squaresoft, now Square-Enix. I find that I'm having to start over a lot because I can't understand enough of the kanji to know what they're talking about all the time, but I'm getting the basic jist of it.
It is so cool, because I'm seeing how people actually talk and the different speech levels in text. I know that I should learn how to speak the actual standard dialect, but this is a little application for me as to how people actually speak. $80 down the drain though (Yeah, I bought a lot. )
Goals
My goal of working for a video game company translating texts is a very long term goal. I cannot speak and understand enough Japanese to be of any use. Plus I don't have that much translating experience to put on my resume.
My intermediate goal is to publish my own translations of manga (Japanese comics) on my very own blog. Maybe someone will see them. Maybe nobody will know about them. But it's a start.
My daily goals will vary from day to day. But mainly I plan to study Japanese two hours each day. Not every day, but most of the days. Japanese will be my breath, life, and love...for now.
Don't get me wrong. God will always be first on my agenda. Without God I wouldn't know what I would do. I've been helped so much by Him that I owe my life to Him. Life is tougher, but life is definitely better. Better in the sense that I now have an identity, a purpose for living, and hope that this world is not lost.
Anyway, I'm not perfect. As of right now, I'm just trying to get by each day. But I have hope that things will get better.
Someone told me that the latter is more productive in that it gives me something to shoot for instead of shooting nothing in the dark. I'm considering working at Costco or maybe some temporary place until I can find a job that pays well enough.
I've set the day that I'm going to leave my library job. I'm bent on going to Japan and teaching English. I'm confirmed that I'm registered as a kids camp staff for this conference that I'm going to be attending.
The main things that my friend told me was that you've got to make short term goals, intermediate goals, and long term goals. Short term goals to reach the intermediate goals. And Intermediate goals to reach the long term goals. The long term goals will come if you work on the short and intermediate first. A way of building a hill from the first pails of dirt to something larger. It will grow as you continue to build.
My friend is very wise, and I know that better things will come if I keep his advice.
Kid's scare me!
I don't know why I signed up for the camp as a staff person, but this is a leap of faith that I wanted to take. I wanted to be part of something positive, and with a lot of prayer and preparation, I know that things will go well. Maybe not as I expect, but definately this is in God's hands.
Frankly, I'm not sure what I've gotten into. I don't know what to expect, and I don't know how to deal with kids. But I figure now is as good as time as any. Better to learn now instead of learning when I'm old and just plain cranky. Hmm...
Also, I wanted to see what teaching would be like. I'm hoping to learn how to deal with kids so that I can be a good teacher in Japan. I know that one camp won't make me into a good teacher, but this is a stepping stone where I can get my feet wet and learn.
Video games
Heh, I've come to an obsession with video games in Japanese. Especially the ones by Squaresoft, now Square-Enix. I find that I'm having to start over a lot because I can't understand enough of the kanji to know what they're talking about all the time, but I'm getting the basic jist of it.
It is so cool, because I'm seeing how people actually talk and the different speech levels in text. I know that I should learn how to speak the actual standard dialect, but this is a little application for me as to how people actually speak. $80 down the drain though (Yeah, I bought a lot. )
Goals
My goal of working for a video game company translating texts is a very long term goal. I cannot speak and understand enough Japanese to be of any use. Plus I don't have that much translating experience to put on my resume.
My intermediate goal is to publish my own translations of manga (Japanese comics) on my very own blog. Maybe someone will see them. Maybe nobody will know about them. But it's a start.
My daily goals will vary from day to day. But mainly I plan to study Japanese two hours each day. Not every day, but most of the days. Japanese will be my breath, life, and love...for now.
Don't get me wrong. God will always be first on my agenda. Without God I wouldn't know what I would do. I've been helped so much by Him that I owe my life to Him. Life is tougher, but life is definitely better. Better in the sense that I now have an identity, a purpose for living, and hope that this world is not lost.
Anyway, I'm not perfect. As of right now, I'm just trying to get by each day. But I have hope that things will get better.
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