I'm wondering why the heck I'm spending so much lately. I probably was spending this much in my past 6 months here. It's crazy...a one hundred yen coin is $1 in the US. Usually I think of coins as something like quarters...so I guess I should be a lot more careful when I go shopping. The smallest bills here are 1000 yen bills which is the equivalent of a $10 bill. I think that maybe I'm just too spendy with my money. It's freaking bad. I might be out on the streets someday if I'm not careful.

Anyway, keeping track does not seem to help me. I think I need to make a reasonable limit for myself each day. An allowance of how much I can spend on entertainment, an allowance on food and coffee, and an allowance on my bills. Not saying that I'm going to not pay my bills, but what I'm saying is I need to limit how much water I use, meaning not running the shower constantly when I'm showering. That's one of my favorite things to do is to warm up by taking a hot shower. It's still kind of cold here.

Anyway, I see that I need to really watch what I buy at the grocery store, as that is 2nd in terms of my spending. Okay, budget...$20 a day...30 days...$600 to spend on bills and food and entertainment. The rest needs to be saved. Hmm...that's not much I'm saving if you count rent...hmm...maybe I need to limit myself to just paying the bills and limit myself to $100 a month on groceries, eating out, and video games. Hmm...that's pretty tight. I'm wondering if I should count transportation...maybe not. That's a necessary given if you're taking the train. I never take taxis...too expensive.

Anyway, okay, $100 a month divided by 30 is 3 dollars a day. hmm...I'm not sure if that's possible. Oh well...I should probably try to limit the coffee or at least fast coffee...man, I can't stay awake then...oh well...I need to think about this some other time.

I just realized after reading my blog that I tend to spend way too much, even when I don't intend to. Bad habits die hard. Oh well...I wanted to make sure that I got this ps2 before they stopped selling them again. For some reason, it seems like PS2s are still hot in Japan. I guess that's true after the PS3 is not able to play all the ps2 games and psone games while the ps2s are able to. It looks like the PS2 won't go away that easily. And I was expecting it to go way down in price. Oh well.

PS2 baby!!! I bought the slim silver edition! oh yeah. Sexy, sleek, and silver!!! I waited a full year before I bought it again.

The previous year, I bought it on Ebay. But for some reason, the guy selling it didn't send it to me. Anyway, I guess it all works out because I got it at the cheaper price now instead of paying a heck of a lot of money for the system and shipping. I guess I could sell it on Ebay, but then I think...not too many people have that much money to spend on foreign PS2s.

Anyway, I'm expecting to not get another year at my company, so I figure I might as well try to test some of these used games out. If I don't like them, then I could always sell them. I still have to buy a couple games for my friends who sent me a care package. I'm low on money because of all the freaking video games that I bought. I should sell these games. I might be able to make a couple dollars here and there.

Oh by the way, Valhalla Knights is a pretty interesting game so far. One thing however is that there's only one dungeon right now that I can explore. It has different areas, but it's kind of annoying that you can't explore other places yet. For some reason, I think that once I get to the boss in the dungeon I might be able to leave town. The gates are closed and the only place you can go to is further in towards the castle and in the dungeon. For some reason, the dungeon leads to the sewers, a mine, forest, then it leads to another underground castle, which is the furthest I've gotten, because my guys are pretty weak. I'm expecting greater things from this game, so we'll see if it meets my expectations. But still, I've got to get my lessons done before Saturday so that one of my friends will buy me a game. He's a good friend. But man, he really doesn't have to do that, but if he's offering, then I'm going to take advantage of that. heh. Most likely however, I won' t be able to finish by this Saturday. Oh well.

I'm probably not going to go exploring here in Japan. Maybe I should, but I think that maybe I should save my money while I can. I could experience more, but I kind of wonder if I should be thinking of my future. Anyway, no more buying electronics this month. Wait until march when I hear back from my company. Probably they won't tell me until the last minute...oh well. I'm not expecting them to give me another year. I was expecting that another year wouldn't come for awhile.

Oh well...maybe I should buy a PS3 here. heh.

Okay, I'm talking nonsense right now. I think that I should try to find what it is I want to do with my life. Lately, I've been thinking...."Does the Lord me so little to me?" I mean, I haven't been praying all that much and I haven't been doing what I should be. But what else is new? I haven't been doing what I should be for the past year and 6 months. Oh well...maybe now is a good time to start. Put down the computer and do something that is going to make some difference in my life. Yeah, the first step is always the hardest. Then continuing after that first step is a challenge. But I don't want to live as someone who has climbed up the wrong ladder. Or entered through the wrong gate and went somewhere else that is not as good as I could have gone to if I had been walking on the right path.

Anyway, the right path...means more than just reading or praying, but actually becoming and being, and doing. But more emphasis to me on the becoming. Being is what I am now, but becoming is a goal that I need to reach. I guess life is not about goals, but definitely I need to have a new marker in my life. The last one was in 2000. It's 2007 now.

oh yeah, I need to stop buying video games. Unless they're cheap, then maybe I can sell them. But yeah, I'm seeing that domestic games don't sell for very much in the country of origin. I think that the reason being that video game companies don't like other games being sent out of the country, because they can be bought at a lower price in the country of origin than other countries. Lik-sang, a import/export company got destroyed by Sony for sending Japan PSPs and PS2s to the UK. I think that they have the same region code. It's also cheaper to buy things in Japan and online than it is to buy it in the UK. So they have banned selling stuff to those banned regions for importers.

Anyway, I need to stop buying so many games that I want to play and start playing the games that I have now and beating them before I buy new games. But we'll see. I'm thinking that I won't get another year here, so I might as well buy games that I can't get in the states.

One of my friends told me that in everything, I need to make good decisions with my life. Video games and money is just one aspect of that. I need to grow up in my decision making process. For example, instead of staying up late, go to early. (that's not going to happen) Or, get your lessons done a week ahead of time instead of leaving them till the day before. Or be prepared when you go in to do something and not caught off guard. He told me that I don't have to give up my childhood, but I do have to make some good decisions.

I see what he's saying, because it's so easy for someone to be living on the streets, because of bad decisions or bad luck. But mainly, I think that unwise decisions lead to worse circumstances. So I need to take care of that.

Anyway, I should be more careful with my money. It's crazy how many video games are coming out here in Japan every month. I can't keep up with them. I kind of wish that the original Japanese language games would be in the states also. But I find that there's no import shops near my house in the states. Plus some of those import shops rip you off. Oh well. I know of some good sellers on Ebay. Definitely I can see why they stay in business. But I think that it's sometimes ridiculous how cheap some of their games are. I mean, don't your seller fees cost more than what you're selling the game at or what it sold at? I don't know...maybe they're just trying to win more customers. Definitely I love that shop on ebay. I'm not the only one though. It's crazy how much time it takes to list something and get it ready to ship.

I'm thinking...about some things. Maybe I should postpone that until tomorrow. heh

One thing about Ebay is that smart Ebayers bid on an item at the very last possible second if they want to save money. Ebay encourages you to make a small starting price to get people to get the first bid. I don't know why the heck it works, but apparently people need to learn some self control. Anyway, most people probably have some self control. But yeah, I know that for these games that I'm selling, most people don't know about them now, because one just came out in Japan, and the others are not well known names. Anyway, I like to buy stuff from sellers on Ebay because 1. they do put stuff out at a low price. The only problem is shipping.

Anyway, there are some awesome sellers on Ebay as well as many crappy ones. But yeah, the awesome ones will get my business.

Anyway, it's not a good thing to buy stuff at high prices that you could get elsewhere. But I do like ebay because sometimes it's the only place that you can get stuff.

Anyway, I probably could get in trouble if I sell a whole bunch of new stuff outside of Japan. The games usually say, "For Japan only." I don't know why. Anyway, it's nice to play games in a different language if it's the original language. I still have yet to understand them though. But we'll see. I just hope that I'm not wasting my time by playing these games. Maybe I need to write the vocab down.

I made it almost through the whole week. Now I just have to plan for next week. Thank God that things are not as bad as they seem. If you can hold on for one more day, then definitely things will get better. Maybe not immediately, but definitely later on in life. Making good choices with one's life is one way to improve too.

Without God, I don't know where I'd be. But luckily someone shared God with me when I didn't know Him. Anyway, I'm just lucky that I didn't get pulled into a cult, or else, I might have gone the other way. Well...thank you Lord.

I can't believe how much I spent in a month. I bought more than I thought that I did this month. Man, I spent my whole paycheck! I know because this is the first month that I kept track of how much I spent from the receipts and wrote it down on excel. Crazy.

Man, I'm terrible with money. When i think about other more important things, I realize that I haven't been thinking of them at all. Missionary friends, or saving up for future education, or even if I meet that special someone somewhere...No idea if I'm ready for that though, so I probably shouldn't look.

Anyway, this week, how i've changed my habits is that I tried not to visit the store to buy food. It's not like I'm starving myself, but yeah, I have so much food in my apartment already. Instant curry, instant ramen, Miso base, and a heck of lot of junk food. hehe. Really, I'm trying to only go to the market when I need to buy meat, cheese, and coffee. I'm thinking that I'm not going to stay another year so i'm trying to get rid of all the food in my pantry before I have to move and throw stuff away. But I still have to think about it some more.

Anyway, lets put it this way. There have been some great people here, but then again, there are a lot of people who probably don't like my lessons, including the kids, and may not think much of me as a person. While I try not to care about things like that, I'm thinking...maybe they'd be better off with someone else. Maybe I too would be better off somewhere else.

I can't expect to be a great teacher in 7 months. I can't expect to teach great lessons every time, but, when I'm running out of material, then i'm thinking...maybe it's time for me to come back home.

Anyway, my feelings were hurt for the past two to three weeks. I'm not sure if I want to stay in this area. I do know however, that I won't see the impact of my life here while i'm here. I'm just not strong enough in God to do so. I guess time is the key. What God can do in each person's life. It's pretty crazy here. It reminds of how China was back in the 1800s to 1900s when the foreigners were coming with the Word of God. I don't know much history, but I do know that because the British were oppressing the Chinese, that a lot of Chinese had trouble believing in what the Christians brought with them. Some even believed that missionaries who adopted Chinese babies only adopted them to eat their eyes. Some crazy stuff like that, because what can you expect when people who are oppressing you have people come and try to do stuff with you?

Anyway, i'm not saying that all the missionaries were good. Some probably were more righteous than others, but definitely being a missionary back then was serious stuff as you probably would die in the land that you went to to preach the gospel for the kingdom of God.

I don't know what to say anymore. I am not a good witness here. I failed many times. I hurt some people's feelings. I caused some people to see me and most likely others after me in a negative view. But maybe that's it...I just haven't been doing what I should be.

Anyway, there were no opportunities to share. Maybe I wasn't looking for them. Maybe it would cast a bad light on other Christians if I did. Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. I've always tried to achieve greater things, but I've always fallen short. It's like running a great race and not being prepared for it. You run hard, but then you get too fatigued to continue. I guess I need to train better and not slack off everyday. Okay, I'm in no shape to do this right now. Maybe I should come home.

Anyway, I haven't fully decided, but I'm leaning more towards coming home. I don't have a reason to stay in terms of my teaching. Some kids like me and some kids hate me. I think the reason is that I just will never be what people expect of me. Or since I came in the middle of the school year, that some kids liked the other teacher better. He was a great teacher I heard. Hard for me to follow in his shoes. But yeah, it just seems like I was destined for failure ever since training. Oh well, it's probably not my fault. And I can't help it if I don't meet their expectations.

Anyway, given the amount of complaints that I've received, I'm not receiving too much love from the teacher's side either. Anyway, for my personal health, I think that I should return. heh

anyway, I should try to save money in the time I have left, because I don't know when I'll have a job. I guess I could always go back to my old job. But I'm thinking...maybe I should try to utilize my time in Japan right now and try to translate some stuff. Heh. Translate...that takes time. Which I don't have. I think that March will come quicker than I will think. I don't know if I'll have another year to stay in Japan. But maybe it won't matter. I don't have a reason to stay here. I haven't taught a good lesson in awhile. If I do decide to stay...I'm thinking that I'd better have a good reason to stay. I'm not too happy at school. As most of the ALTs in my area are feeling the same way.

I think that the clash in culture has something to do with it. I don't know. Maybe it's just this area that I'm in. Kantou region vs. the other regions. Hmm...maybe it might be better to go home. Anyway, I guess I need to depend on God through it all. He's the only one I have to turn to.

Rogue Galaxy

I haven't played it yet, even though I own it here in Japan, I have still yet to buy a PS2 or PS3. The US version is supposed to be version 1.5 of Rogue Galaxy. They listened to the gamer's complaints about the game release in Japan. Some levels were extremely hard, while the next level would be extremely easy. Level 5 (the developer) made new changes to the game for the North American release.

If you're interested in seeing some screen shots, you can find it on the circuitcity website at www.circuitcity.com Or you can find it here

If you want to read more about it, you can find it here on gamespot found here.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I want to buy the US version when I have a copy of the Japanese version, but it might be interesting to see how they improved the game, except for the computer AI of your other characters. Maybe they improved that too. Who knows. Anyway, I've got to get to work.

I think...why is it when you're weakest means that you're strongest? I know that the only reason why that would be true is that you're depending on God instead of yourself. I can't seem to get that down, as I tend to rely on myself. I don't know how to depend on God. And I know from experience that it doesn't mean just letting God do what you're supposed to do. heh. God doesn't do what you're supposed to do. But I guess when I ask, He's there.

I guess I need to be praying more throughout this week. I've been struggling quite a bit in terms of wanting to go to work. I don't want to deal with this job anymore as I've only received complaints and disappointments. I guess if I participated more, then I would feel better, but I am reluctant to go out and take chances again. I'm tired of always disappointing someone. Maybe that's just one thing that I need to learn to live with. I can't please everyone. I can only please myself.

I guess I did do some good lessons now and then. Even this past simple lesson went well for the most part. Even though the head teachers and principals don't see my lessons, I know that at least the kids are understanding this stuff. That's good enough for me.

Oh well...don't give up. Work on being a better person.

I keep on forgetting how good God is. I have to make it to church. Oh well...we'll see. I probably will miss this next week too, unless I go visit G-sak in Tokyo. I don't know what to say. I probably won't be able to get my lesson done. I guess I should do what I said in my other blog. Just do the simpler lessons and just don't try to make something too extravagant. Man, I like making awesome things, but it just seems like I just don't have what it takes right now. Oh well...keep on trying to improve and maybe someday I will be able to.

Yes, someday...what some people hate. Someday may never come. hehe. Maybe they're right. Maybe I need to do it now.

Heh. Anyway, something that I just heard on Steven Curtis Chapman's cd was, the Change. I'm wondering if I need to die daily again. I guess I have work to do. I have not been lately. For about maybe 5 years. hehe. That's quite a bit of time. oh well...never too late to start again. Man, I so don't want to do that. But then again, if I want to make a difference here, I'm going to have to. Man, I really don't want to do this.

To PS3 or Not to PS3?

I am thinking of buying a PS3 while i'm here in Japan. I'm not sure if I should do that given the fact that the money could be better spent elsewhere. But I think that I should at least play the games that I have already.

Anyway, the reason being that I'm not sure if the later editions of the PS3 will be region free or not. Plus I would like a Blu-ray disc player that plays the next gen of DVDs. But we'll see. Probably in 3-5 years, the PS3 will be outdated.

One good piece of good news is that I found that the PS3s will be region free for PS3 games. But not for the PS2 and PSone games. It will not be region free for backward compatability. Also, i found that some games do not work on the PS3. The reason sony says is that some companies didn't follow spefications for their games. Almost all the psone Final Fantasy games have problems on the PS3. anyway, if you're interested in which games are backward compatible for the PS3 you can find the site here.

If you want to read the article on Gamespot about PS3s being region free, but not movie region free, then you can find the article on gamespot here.

If you want to find more info about the PS3 in general, then you can check out an article on wikipedia found here.

Anyway, I could buy it off of www.yesasia.com for about $650 for the Japanese version. But 59980 yen is around $508 US dollars. I keep on wondering...do I really need this? And especially, do I really need this now? And, is it worth it to spend money here when I could spend it elsewhere that could be used for something else more important?

One reason why I am buying a lot of video games now is that I know that many of these games will not make it to the States. But then I think...I probably won't get a chance to play all of these games when I get back to the states if I have no time to play them now. That's just one reality about being an adult. You have to work and it will take up a lot of time if you do a traditional job. Maybe this is a sign that I should do something else that involves playing video games. heh

crazy...

All I can say this is one of the weirdest and funniest interviews that I've seen. Anyway, hopefully Paula gets back on track. You can find the link here.

Man, I'm freaking tired. I keep on falling asleep. i don't know what it is, but I just don't have that much energy anymore. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting old, Yeah, that's probably it. Even though I'm not that old, I'm freaking so tired all the time. Oh well. That's what I get for not getting enough sleep. heh. I'm not a kid anymore. It's kind of funny. I'm told that as you get older, you need less sleep. But I'm finding that I need more. Oh well, I guess everyone's different.

I think that this is the toughest job that I've had to do. This teaching job. I'm working on lessons late at home and falling asleep while I'm working on them. I'm wondering if I should not go for another year. That is if they give me another year.

I don't know what I'd be doing when I get home, but I do know that I can do something...while it may not be Japanese, I can probably do some manual labor type of job again.

Heh, it's funny. There was this guy at the video game store ebgames...I asked him if they had any more of valkyrie profile, for the psp, brand new and not the display model. He checked and found the last copy for me that was in the shrinkwrap.

He asked me if I would like to sign up for a preorder for this new game coming out that is kind of off the wall like valkyrie profile. I told him that I'm going to japan to teach English. He then got excited, because he used to teach English in Japan. He has a great sense of humor and I could tell now that he probably did well in Japan because he is so upbeat and funny.

Anyway, I was thinking...hmm...Japan didn't do very much for you. He's working at a video game store. But now that I think about it, I could be in the same boat. Actually, working at a video game store doesn't seem so bad. But still, I'm thinking that if I want to get anywhere, I need to work on my Japanese. Freelance translating...maybe...still, I'm kind of paranoid about giving my ss number to people that I don't know. Especially if it's freelance and it could be anybody who is trying to take that. Dah, I guess that's how most people get started in translating. Freelance, manga or anime. Manga and anime I mean the fan subs and fan translated versions not the professional ones.

Anyway, I'm not learning how to use Japanese any better here. I only know how to use what I learned from class a little bit better. Also, I can understand what people might be saying for some reason by their body language or tone of voice. I'm not understanding their words most of the time. Maybe this is a sign that I need to go to church. Use Japanese at church, because you won't get a chance to actually speak to people in Japanese that much in your free time. I mean, actually having a conversation with them.

Oh well...maybe I should stop writing about this and actually do something about it. Man, I don't want to. But sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do. Why the heck did I major in Japanese? Maybe I should go back to school.

I look at people of faith who are greater than most people I know. One is a little old lady who has taken great steps of faith throughout her life. I was reminded of her as I was reading Luke 14.

The first shall be last and the last shall be first.

Reading verses 12-14 in Luke chapter 14, it reminds me of her.

Anyway, the city wanted to give her an award for the work that she's been doing and she told them that she didn't want it, because if you are repaid for what you do here, you won't receive it in heaven, she said. But she didn't tell them that. So they said, "it would be an insult to reject the mayor's award." So she took it.

Anyway, I think the best part about serving with her is that she would tell stories of her life and how she saw God work in her life. It was pretty encouraging to hear just what she had been through and how the Lord was faithful to her despite the hardships.

When I got to the latter part of the chapter, I was reminded that I must put the Lord first in my life. It's pretty extreme...doing that. I'm not saying that I could do that, but saying that I should do that. Why? If you knew what God had gotten me through and how He had been faithful to me regardless of my sin, then you would know that I owe Him my life. Giving it to God is the hardest part, because 1, I have things that I want to do. But, as I'm seeing, sometimes God honors what you want to do and can use you there to do His will. Basically, what I want to do can be part of what God wants me to do. But if I'm called into ministry, I'd have to really think about it as I do not think that I could do that right now.

We'll see. I haven't been faithful these past four months. And even before that at my previous job, I wasn't faithful. Despite God saving my life, I have not been a good son to Him.

One of my friends thinks that there are daily things that God does to protect us. That His angels are doing His work to protect us from harm. It's not always happening in my opinion, but I do say that I should have been dead more times than nought. heh. Anyway, it's always something that reminds me that I need to get back to God. It's too easy to forget how good He's been to me.

I'm now back in Japan. Not sure what to write anymore as I haven't written in about 2 weeks. I played a lot of video games back home and maybe I shouldn't because I got sick during that time and am sick right now. I am getting better though.

I can honestly say that going back home was refreshing. It was good to see some old faces and to see that everyone is doing well. It was also good to be among Christians again as I haven't been making it to church out here. In fact, I missed yesterday also. Crap...

Anyway, I slept the whole day yesterday, so I guess it counts for something. Today however, I need to get my planning done and get going on this trimester's work. I only have about 3 months left here, so I should try to make the most of it while I'm here.

Funny how I didn't spend that much time exploring Japan while I was here. Guess not much has changed in that sense of me. I should probably eat at more restaurants here, but I probably will not. Well...maybe I should at least try one restaurant a week.

Man, the food in Japan is good though, but it's kind of pricey sometimes. What's 700 yen here and there.

Video games...

I want to play video games, but I am going to do my work first. At least one part of me is responsible here. heh. However, I was really lucky this past trimester that I didn't get in any worse trouble than I did. But I'm thinking that the company won't hire me again anyway, so it really doesn't matter now does it? I'm joking...really, I am. Anyway, these kids deserve good lessons and a chance to compete in the education world. I could have been screwing them over with my lessons, but I still think that I did an okay job given that I have no previous experience teaching and I had to leave training early to get to the first day of school for that trimester.

What can I say...I've been really lucky so far. I think people's prayers have helped me get through the tough times and also get started on this time in Japan. Now, I just have to finish it. Man, I hope that this is not going to be another repeat of last year. Well, I guess it just depends on me.

Anyway, I've been spending way too much on video games lately. I guess I should limit myself to an allowance on video games. heh. Part of me thinks that I could sell these games, but in reality, I want to play them, that's why I buy them. But who knows...I might not ever get the chance to if I keep on buying games left and right. I guess there's no option but to sell. Okay, stop buying video games...now...