Dinner with my teacher

Yesterday, after a really short notice from my roommate, I went out with my roommate, two other guys and one of our Japanese teachers for dinner. It was supposed to be at an Izakaya, (I'm not sure how to translate that except sort of like a cafe where you can drink alcohol and eat.) Yeah, the food was good! Nobody drank anything though, despite how I've heard from my TA how much the Japanese teacher's drank at one party. heh. I guess my teacher needed to drive home too.

Anyway, it was good. I hardly talked, because I could barely hear anything in that place. The environment was close quarters with a lot of people. I couldn't catch everything that was said. The one time that my teacher talked to me, I didn't even hear what she said.

But, still, even though I acted so quiet that night, I had a good time. I'm surprised at how much one can say with such a limited ability in Japanese. My friends weren't using hard words, but they were able to express themselves quite well.

My teacher looked a lot better. The last time I saw her, she was pregnant with her second child. I think her second, or maybe first. Anyway, I'm glad that she's happy.

My Japanese ability is increasing. Each time I use it, I'm gaining a little more knowledge. I'm just getting so lazy now that I don't have to do anything anymore, besides work.

Anyway, if I want to learn Japanese, I'm going to have to work hard to use it and keep it. It's so easy to forget something that one has learned. Right? I mean, how many of you remember the information from classes that you've taken?

I read today about a South Korean being held hostage in Iraq. you can find it here. I wrote in an earlier blog that it was good that missionaries are going over the Iraq to spread the gospel. However, most of them will lose their lives, because people are hostile to Christianity in the middle east. It is not good that people lose their lives. But because of the word from Jesus, many will die because of trying to spread it.

The cross, a symbol of Christianity today has become a trinket to many people. Like a good luck charm.

The cross in Roman times was a sign of someone condemned to death. Criminals and people who were sentenced to death were nailed to the crosses. They were put in public places as a message to others, "If you do the same, so will be your end."

It is dangerous to be a Christian. Maybe not in the US, but around the world, following Jesus has its price of persecution. Even in the US, people don't want to hear about Jesus. Many people take their faith for granted.

The reason why people choose to endure persecution can be of many reasons. However, the one main one that I think about is, "I have a relationship with Jesus and I want others to know Jesus." Despite all the good things in this world, people are willing to take a chance at a probable certain death because they love Jesus and want others to know Him. Some fall away because of persecution.

This man, a South Korean, who went to Iraq as a dream of being a missionary probably knew that he might never come back. I can't imagine what horrors he's being threatened or punished with. Being a Christian has its price, and sometimes to follow God, you may be put to death.

But, I really think that if Jesus were not worth following, nobody would follow Him. Nobody would stay strong till the end in their faith. It all comes down to what you think. Is my Jesus worth my life, my time, my all?

The verse can be found here

If you've seen the "Passion of the Christ", you might have been grossed out by what happened to Jesus. But, this is God's love for us, not just Christians, but the world. He is willing to die for you and suffer all that to free you from the burden of sin and have a relationship with mankind again.

It all comes back to Genesis. Where God created Adam and Eve. God created Adam and Eve, and Adam and Eve had fellowship with God. Fellowship is kind of like community and friendship. God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. However, Adam and Eve did eat the fruit and disobeyed God and committed the first sin. Disobedience to what God had said. So, God cast them out of the Garden of Eden, and fellowship with God was broken.

Anyway, I'm not expert in this subject, and probably someone else could explain it better. I've just summarized some of the beliefs of Christianity.

1. God and man had fellowship in the beginning
2. Man sinned and the fellowship was broken
3. God came in the form of Jesus to take away sin so fellowship could be restored
4. Through Jesus, we can have fellowship with God

There are some times in life when I am thankful that I stuck with it and didn't give up. From how low I've come to how good of a life I now have, I can only say that God has really worked in my life so much through the tough times to get to these times today.

Life is not easy, and it will not always be good. In fact, it may plainly be harsh and unrewarding.

But don't give up on trying to improve one's life. There will be disappointments, failures, and even times of pain. But, there is also good in this world. One just has to find it.

Walk the walk

Saying something is one thing. Actually doing something about it is another. Over the past few weeks, I've been doing nothing but going to work and playing video games. I've decided not to play video games until I get my Japanese in working order.

Something has to change. I can't keep on saying one thing and not getting anything done.

Someone said that video games will be my downfall. And to be honest, I think that they might be right. Hence the no video game rule.

List of things to do.

1. Watch Anime (Short for Animation. Semantically meaning Japanese cartoons in places other than Japan. Anime is just animation in general in Japan) and listen to my Japanese language CD
2. Study old class notes
3. Read old textbooks
4. Read Manga


Spiritual things to do
1. Pray
2. Read Bible
3. Journal
4. Apply

Life in general
1. Discipline
2. strength
3. Treating people the same way I want them to treat me

Why am I here?

Things lately haven't been going so well. Finding a job after college isn't working out as well as I'd like it to. Roommate problems...as well as other things that can cause a person to get irritated.

I ask this question a lot and I know one reason why I'm here...to make this world a better place.

This world isn't such a nice place to live. Even if you don't mean any harm towards another person, they can get angry at you or irritated at you because that might just be their nature. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making fun of anybody or teasing anyone, but just by being here or there, some people just get irritated that I'm there.

It makes me want to say, "Excuse me for being alive."

Maybe I haven't found the right people to be with...or maybe I have. Ministry is not so much helping the people that don't need help. Ministry is helping the people that DO need help.

When Jesus was asked by the Teachers of the law and Pharisees (Ie the leading church people of the day) "Why do you eat with Tax collectors and sinners?" (Tax collectors were the pawns of the Roman government to collect taxes. Sometimes they collected more taxes than they should have and were really not liked in those times.)

Jesus answered, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Luke 5:31-32 It can be found here

Anyway, look up the whole chapter if you like. Here It might not make sense to you, but just to get a little context as to what Jesus was doing at the time.

The reason why I write this is that lately, I think that God has been trying to grow me in my relationships with others. There comes a point where a person needs to really just take some chances and work things out with others.

No man is an island. Man was created to live with others. Right?

Anyway, I fail to see how I'm making this world a better place right now. I also fail to see how I can make this world a better place.

I emailed a lady about teaching English in a certain part of Japan for two years. We'll see if they hire me or not. I just emailed her about getting more information though. Nothing big, or life changing...yet.

If I had gotten the game testing job, I might not have time to apply for this other English teaching position in Japan. But we'll see. One of my friends is praying for me as to direction.

I do have good friends. They are good people, don't get me wrong about that. It's just that there comes a time when there needs to be some communication.

Plus, I don't think that my perception of how things really are is always correct. Going by one's feelings does not tell of the reality of how things are. They tell the reality of how one is feeling or doing. Hence, the "not doing so well."

But don't worry about me. I've been through much worse and have come out alright. God is faithful, despite our lack of faith...despite our lack of thanks or gratitude. I think that it's in James where James says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above." You can find it here

Anyway, again, don't worry about me. I'm doing alright. Growth always has pain in it.

Yesterday

When I think about yesterday, (not specifically yesterday), but the days past, I find that there's a lot that I should learn from and move forward with.

If I look back, I realize that that's now gone, and I need to focus on the now and the future.

Anyway, getting back to the title. Yesterday was the last day of school for me ever. I will miss school, but I'm glad to be done. What am I going to do now? No idea, but will try to apply to Aeon and see what happens. Maybe I'll go to Japan.

I think that God wants me in Japan for some reason. I know this though, I specifically don't want to be dating anybody in Japan. I think personally that Japanese people are great, but just the cultural differences between America and Japan are too great for me to actually be comfortable with.

In Japan, less than 1% of the population is Christian. I hope that I can meet some of the people of Japan and really get to know them. Japan has helped me so much in the past, and I would like to give back to it. It was partly because of Japan that I became a Christian. I owe God a lot for postponing my trip to my senior year of high school.

I hope that God will use me in Japan to really give back to the people that helped me out so much.

The problem for me is that I've learned about Japan's past in college and it really distorted how I feel about Japan. Just so many messed up things that Japan did really made me angry.

But then again, so many messed up things in my past really made some people angry at me. Not the people of the present, but the people at the time.

The verse that I have always remembered since the day I read it was, Luke 6:37 "Do not judge and you will not be judged, do not condemn and you will not be condemned, forgive and you will be forgiven."

God has forgiven me, so I should forgive Japan. Just as Japan has helped me, I think that God is telling me to go to Japan. But, I'm still not sure. I'm still now sure as to whether or not God really wants me in Japan.

But I prayed, "If you want me there, provide a way." And I know that He will if I am serious about following Him.

Anyway, my heart right now is not in the right place for Japan. I used to love Japan so much, yet my love in a lot of ways has gone cold. Maybe I'm just judging my love on how I feel. But really, I do think that I've stopped caring for the most part, because of just all the struggles that I've gone through these past three years.

One thing is true though, there is still part of me that cares very deeply. It's still hiding in me somewhere, where I've lost the location. heh.

Anyway, I got to go to sleep. I think that I'm thinking too much about the past. Maybe I need to just go out there and do something.

One more day and i'm done forever.
Unless I can't find anything better to do but go back.

Tomorrow is my last day of class and my last final. Going through the past five years of school has really been the best time of my life. Not the easiest time, but definately better than anything I have experienced elsewhere.

I'm going to miss school. Something I probably never thought that I'd say before going to college.

Well, the next part is just making a resume and finding something else to do besides bum around the house. heh.

Dude, all those years back, when I was serious about quitting, I knew that I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. Sticking with it has been very rewarding. However, getting a job is a different story.

Use it or lose it!
Now that I'm done with Japanese, I have to work even harder at studying it. It won't be easy to pick up a Japanese textbook and study for fun. Like muscles, the body and mind have to be used to improve and to stay at a certain level. Otherwise, you just lose everything bit by bit.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. There's got to be a reason as to why I get these chances in life. Anyway, life has been interesting, painful, good, and still full of hardships. I can honestly say that I had not known life as full as I have known it until I started to have friendships with people in college. Yet, I have not known how hard and painful life can be from my failures and mistakes that I have made in these friendships.

Still, God is good. Jon G stated it best in his blog, which Ray read tonight at Senior Sendoff. I don't know Jon's xanga site, but I'm sure that I can probably find it later. His main thing was help us all to seek after God. The focus should be on God in everything we do. In our life, work, friendships, relationships, etc.

This is a kind of randomly put together blog, but I'm just wanting to write this down before I forget.

God, please help me to follow after You. After working so hard in school this past year, I've seen that nothing takes the place of You. Thank you that you still love me despite how many times I've failed you. And thank you for the victories that you have given me. It really is awesome to know You. Thank you

Man, I took a final today, and it didn’t go well. I guess this is my last quarter at school, but if I had spent more time studying, I could have done a whole lot better. Oh well. I guess this is a lesson for when I am applying for a job. If you don’t know the stuff beforehand, you won’t know it during the interview. Heh. Stupid logic, yes, but here’s a more applicable piece of logic.

“God is not mocked! What a man sows, he reaps.” (Galatians 6:7) Saying, if you sow things that will be harmful for you in the future, you will reap those later in life. If you sow good things, then you will reap those later in life. What I mean by sow is plant, like seed. What you do will be repaid sometime later in life. Sometimes you might not see the results in your own life, but the good or bad that you put into something will be repaid.

Yeah, I’m reaping the benefits of not studying by failing my exam. Heh. But I guess I paid that price.

Oh well. My goal for this summer is to study Japanese every day by reading articles online in Japanese and then improve my Japanese listening ability by watching anime without the subtitles. Hopefully I will learn enough Japanese to be able to use it in a job. What a man sows, he reaps right?

As I look back on my life, I see that I have repeated the same process very frequently. I slack off, I get in trouble, I stay up late trying to get my work done, and I do poorly. The only time that I haven’t done this was when my parents were looking out for me in elementary school, and during high school. I guess if you want something to be done right, you will have to work for it. Duh, right?

But, one thing that went well was my Judo presentation. God really helped me out in this by helping me to focus. It wasn’t perfect, but it went way better than I had expected it to go. Thank you guys for praying for me too. Someone volunteered to help me out and the class got a kick out of seeing the different techniques for throws, pins, and chokes. Actually, there was only one of each. But yeah, the presentation that was supposed to last 4 minutes and 30 seconds lasted 6 minutes and 50 seconds. Over the time limit, but I got rated pretty well.

Church, a Birthday and a Party

Sunday...it was pretty fun. I woke up late for church as usual and drove there at a leisurely pace. Luckily there's always parking. Got to service in time to hear the message.

The message was the last message based on the book of Acts. Basically our pastor talked about how Paul gave thanks to God for the community that he experienced on his way to his trial. He mentioned that it is kind of hard to see anyone giving thanks for anything on their way to see Nero, (the emperor of Rome at the time).

He talked about how we should try to find what fits us best in our ministries (maybe outreach, or inreach), but still even if you do one or the other, you should not forget the community that is so important to both your spiritual growth and well being. The brothers that met Paul on his way to his trial encouraged Paul and were there for him, even though they had never met him before, they had heard of him and because of the bond in Jesus, they came out to see him.

My pastor talked about how one of the miracles of the Holy Spirit is loving our neighbor as ourselves. How different personalities can get along with one another.

Granted not all the churches are free of problems of people not getting along. In fact, I'm sure that there are lots of people who don't get along in churches. But, if God is present in you, you should try to get along with everyone, by loving them as yourself and treating them as you would want to be treated. (Love your neighbor as yourself can be found here
and, treating others the same way you want them to treat you can be found here). Granted it's not possible to get along with everyone, but at least pray for them, because they need God's blessings too! And they are also loved by God! check this out here Anyway, enough preaching from me. My goal is not to convert people over the web, but to really tell this to those who may be having problems in the church.

Anyway, church was good in that sense, that I've caught a message to build part of my life upon. I still don't know where God wants me to move. I still think Japan, but I'm still not sure.

It was someone's birthday coming up, so we celebrated a little early and ate lunch with her. It was good to just hear how things were going through her past year. We ate at a pizza joint and watched Zoolander afterwards.

I had never seen Zoolander before, but it was pretty funny. If you go along with the humor, it is pretty darn funny. If not, then it's probably really stupid. But, I thought that it was hilarious. =)


I left in the middle to go to my Japanese party. I got there 30 minutes late, but they had not started yet because they were waiting for people.

I had my apprehensions in going to the party, because I didn't know the people that well. But, the people that are in my class are definately a lot of fun! It was nice to meet people outside of class and when they didn't have as much time constraints. My teacher is such a nice guy and I hope that he'll be teaching many more years.

I didn't drink anything, but for some reason, I felt shaky driving home. Like my faculties weren't all in order. I wonder if there was something in some of the things that I ate. Some of this type of vegetable was kind of damp, but maybe it's just my imagination. Anyway, I got home alright obviously. Instead of driving all the way home, Mel and I got bubble tea and I hung out at the apartment for an hour to let some of the side effects pass.

The guys at the party drank quite a bit. It wasn't too much, but one guy looked really red. I kind of worried that someone might get pulled over or maybe not make it home in one piece. If they did get pulled over, it's better that they get pulled over than get into an accident though.
However, if it were me, then I wouldn't be too happy.

Overall, it was a pretty good day. I can't say that I'm feeling well right now, but it was definately a lot of fun.

I can't say that it was a perfect day, being that I have a bad headache right now, but it was definately one of the highlights of the quarter.

Well, it was a good day, despite the headache.

When the adrenaline is running, it is hard to write a paper. So, I decided to actually try to write out what’s been going on instead.

Anyway, reading over Judges in the Bible, a book of the old testament, I was amazed at how messed up things were in that book. Back then, it seems like things were a lot worse than they are today. But if you look at today, there are a lot of messed up things happening.

Seeing just how bad the oppressors were to the oppressed makes me feel like there can’t possibly be a God in this world. But, as I know, there is a God in this world, and He knows what happens, and He feels the pain of all the people in this world.

Anyway, I realized that so much of the world is suffering compared to my life in the States. Picking up a newspaper around 3 weeks ago, I saw an article about a medical team in Libya. That really didn’t make sense, as it was pretty messed up what happened.

A medical team went to Libya from some place in Europe to give medicine and shots to children. The government arrests them and charges them with spreading AIDS to the kids. From the way the paper made it sound, it looked like the government was finding their scapegoat for their unsafe hospital conditions. They were found guilty and are appealing. (This was about 3-4 weeks ago.)

Anyway, the point here is that there are a lot of messed up things in this world, and they won’t get solved unless someone does something.

As a Christian, I do believe that prayer does help this world. God can change the hearts of men, which is way more powerful than killing them. The only thing that I need to be ready is for when God will send me out. Where, I don’t know.

This world is in desperate need of something good. As I look at my own life, I see little good coming out of it. I go to school, learn, and will try to get a good job, but really, I feel like I’m doing very little as compared to what I could be doing.

I guess what I need to do is pray and do something about it. Anyway, if you haven’t noticed, I do a lot of my thinking on this page. This is not necessarily meant to be entertaining, but just what has been on my mind.

Anyway, one good thing that I heard this past quarter was from a missionary to Iraq. He goes, because probably most of the Iraqis have not heard about Christ. People from other countries are also going to Iraq to spread the gospel. His reason for going was, “Every Iraqi soldier that dies, is another person who died without hearing about Jesus.” God is good in that He cares for all people and all mankind. Most of the missionaries to Iraq will never come home, because they will be killed. But, the foundation that they build will last. That’s one good thing that I can say that I’ve heard this quarter. People are putting their goals and their lives to God’s goals and desires.

I ask myself, what is the purpose of my life? And, what can I do? The real question is, “Am, I willing?”

Missions

Well, I forgot about this mission thing for awhile. But when I did pick up the packet, I found that the due date was a couple days before today. I'll email the guy in charge tonight though.

Anyway, I'm still not sure if I should go on a mission right now when my relationship with God is not the best. I know that God could use me if I went, but there's always the chance that I could be used by the other side.

Seeing how Jesus prepared for His ministry, I think that a lot more preparation is going to be needed if I do go. Time is something that I don't have right now though. Anyway, more on this later.

Playstation 2

I am really looking forward to getting a Playstation 2. I told myself that I'd buy one when it went down to $150. Anyway, I probably won't buy it until I beat all my PSone games.

Heh, yeah, not too interesting. But hey, this journal is mainly for me.

randomness
Walking home after class, I decided to go to a burger joint and met two people that I haven't seen for awhile. They are awesome! They were some guys in my Japanese class. Very smart and very fun to be around. Anyway, we talked a lot about Japan, ultimate fighting, Pan Kress (I have no idea how to spell it), Anime and a whole bunch of other things related to school. Overall, one of the most interesting conversations I've had in awhile. Mainly because I didn't do most of the talking, but just listened.

It kind of makes me sad that they've never heard the gospel. I'm sure that most people in this world have not heard the gospel. One reason why I need to get get my relationship with God on track.

Two things that I think matter most in the world. However, I've strayed a little bit from both, but yeah, I'm slowly getting back.

1. God
2. People

As of lately, I haven't been too much of a people person. But yeah, given the time constraints, it's just not possible to do everything.



Anyway, not too much happened today. Just the usual, class, work, hw. More later

Well, there's only 3 weeks left of school. I'm happy to be graduating. But also sad that my time in college is now at an end. I wonder what I'll be doing in the future.

This past Sunday, I asked my Pastor to pray for me as to what God wants me to do in terms of my career and such. I still have no idea, and personally I think that I need to spend more time reading the Bible and praying to find out God's will.

Anyway, I'm sure that I'll just have to go out and look for a job somewhere. But I do have hope that there is a plan for my next step.

Also, about the last post. I have had a hard life. Easier than some people I know. But still, pretty hard. We all have hard lives, because life is hard. I deleted the post, because I felt that it could be used in the wrong way. But yeah, I was being kind of overzealous I think.

Anyway, when I see a person in need, I tend to identify with that person, because I was a person in need at one time.

Anyway, life is tough, and it's tough for everyone. No matter how easy you think someone else's life is, they've got their own struggles that you don't see. That's part of life, and getting past those struggles is part of growth.

Anyway, I'll end here.

2 weeks left


Man, it's saturday. This week has been pretty bad. After Men's Meat Night, I pretty much crashed throughout the whole week. I stayed up almost the whole night on Monday working on an outline draft for Japanese, and ended up missing all my classes on Tuesday. Well, except for work, which I'm pretty much obligated to go to.

I missed class on Friday too, being that I was so tired. And again, I was late to work and only got up because of work.

My counselor suggested that I drop my Greek and Roman Mythology class, being that I haven't done too much of the readings. I haven't gotten my midterm back because I wasn't there on Tuesday, so I don't know how I'm doing in the class.

Part of me wants to stay in the class, because I think that I can do it, do well, and get my GPA above a 3.0. (It's at a 2.97 right now). However, from the past, I always think that I can do stuff, and it turns out that I don't have enough time to do it. I'm capable, but I just need enough time.

Anyway, I would like to finish my school year strong, but being that I have all this other stuff on my back to carry, I might not finish as well as I'd like to. I guess school isn't everything, but still, I don't know if I'll even be able to get a good job if I don't work at it.

Anyway, enough about this subject.

My Judo outline has been coming along. I'm 70% done with the outline. Only 70% done with it, as opposed to being done with it last week being that it's for Japanese class and that I have trouble expressing myself in Japanese. It has been interesting though. All this information about Judo that I never really learned by taking Judo.

I knew that Judo came from Jujitsu (Actually pronounced "Jujutsu". Meaning pliable art or soft art.) It was an unarmed fighting style of the Samurai. Jigoro Kano, the creator of Judo, learned Jujutsu from Fukuda Hachinosuke, then Tsunetoshi Iikubo. Then learned other forms of Jujutsu from other schools.

Jujutsu at that time was rapidly disappearing because of the Meiji Restoration where (as the website says) the ways of the Samurai were being looked down upon in favor of new ways of the state. (I'm not totally sure about this, because I have not gathered that much information.) But, well established Jujutsu schools were having trouble because of the Meiji Restoration.

Jigoro Kano is credited with preserving Jujutsu through what is now called Kodokan Judo. He took what he considered the best forms from the different schools of Jujutsu and implemented them into something that could be used as a sport. He got rid of techniques that would cripple or permanently damage the opponent and also got rid of kicks and punches, forcing the contestants to grapple with the opponent. Kicks and punches were taught to the high ranking Judoka (people who practiced Judo) only as a way of preserving some of the techniques. (I think).

According to one website, Jigoro Kano adapted Jujutsu to the changing times of Japan by making it into a sport. However, he not only made it into a sport, but into a philosophy and a way of life also. Whereas before, Jujutsu was seen as a collection of techniques by some, Jigoro Kano made the goal of Judo to make the individual a better person and one who would benefit society.

Men's Meat Night

This past night was Men's Meat Night for AACF. I and two other people lead it.

Basically, what we did was provide the food for it and just invite people. The people that we invited were mainly the people that already went to AACF, but there were some new people that came.

Being that the day was a totally horrible day to choose (the day before Mother's day), most people didn't come. It was fun, but still, I think that if I had chose a better date, more people would have come. oh well...next time, I've got to look at a calendar before I choose the date.

We played x-box on two x-boxes, mainly Halo. We also played the Typing of the Dead, which is House of the dead (a shooting game) made into a typing game.

Some guy kept on trying to hack into my computer all throughout that time, but I don't think that he got in. Thank goodness for firewalls. =)

Overall, I think that the night went pretty well. I just wish that more connections were made with the new people that did come. They didn't stay too long. One had another barbecue to go to, and the other two, I don't know if they had another engagement to go to, but I'm not worrying about it.

The main point was to bond the guys in AACF already, and to invite new people and get them plugged into AACF too. The latter part seems unlikely, being that we played video games most of the time and didn't talk, but the former was a good one that happened.

Mother's day is tomorrow, and I have a whole bunch of school work to do. I guess I'm not worried about it, as I usually am. However, I always tend to stay up late on Sunday nights into the late evening. Sometimes I don't get it done, because I have to go to sleep.

The night was worth it though. Even though I don't really bond that well with people in general, I think that it went better than I expected.

We went over budget by a little bit, but that's okay. Anyway, thanks AACF core for putting up with me and my ranting and irritations. I guess I do tend to worry too much.

I sometimes wonder exactly what the lessons out of tonight are. I need to reflect about this.

About the earlier posts, and bible quotes, I don't know when I'll be able to get to them. I have a lot of work to do.

I have a lot to be sad about; a lot to be angry about. But I think that the best thing I can do is just write about it and think about it.

The same cycle has been happening all throughout my college career. I get way too busy, I don't have enough time to study, I do poorly in class, and I get angry at myself for doing this. This cycle has been happening my whole college career. I thought that I was putting God first by going to events and doing other things in ministry.

But, I've learned that God can use your school work and your hard work for His kingdom also. Knowing this, I've worked a lot more on my school work and less time in ministry. But still, I'm just so busy that I can't even get enough time to study right. All my free time either has to be used for studying or doing something else. As of right now, I'm so tired that I took a break from studying and decided to write down my thoughts.

I guess I tend to blame God for the things that go wrong in my life. Things come to my mind like, "Why can't I do well?" "Why do I always let down my parents and my teachers?" "Why do I always let myself down?" I know that the answer is simple, and is that if I spent more time studying, I would do better. But, given how slow of a worker I am, and how classes get harder, and how much more busier I become, it isn't likely that I'll do well. I've come to that conclusion, because I've just had so busy of a schedule.

Why am I so busy? Like any relationship, a relationship with God takes time. It's like being a relationship with someone else, except that it's more of a parent child relationship. I do my devotions, I go to fellowship, I go to church. It's not that much longer, but when you add in other things like work, school, sleep, it adds up.

Anyway, I'm just complaining right now. Really, maybe the thing that I need to do is actually pray for time management and just work at it. This is my last quarter, and as of right now, I know that I did not do well on my first midterm.

Well...I guess this is the never ending vicious cycle that is my life. I think that I have to cut soccer and maybe AACF until I can get myself back on my feet. I'm thinking if I'll be able to get a job or not. And frankly, it doesn't look very good right now.

Oh well. I'll find a job of some kind. Yet I don't think that I'll earn that much money. But hey, there's more to life than money.

I do consider my life better ever since I met God though. Don't get me wrong about that. Despite how bad I'm doing in terms of school, I've been doing better in my personal life. I'm not doing too bad in school either. I'm at a 3.0 average, which is not great I admit, but still I could do a lot better.

My life, has been good. It's not perfect. But life has been really great since I met God. (I didn't actually meet Him in person, but through church and prayer and the Bible, I've come to know Him to some degree.) Life is actually bearable through the tough times and He's always there for me. Knowing God has let me vent to Him and find healing in times of hurt, find joy (though not lately), and just realize that my life is worth something. The more time I spend in fellowship and with other believers, the more joy I have. The more I spend it serving others, the fuller I become.

However, getting my HW done is also good too. Therefore, I need to stop writing this now, and get to work. It's been a good break, but really, I need to get my work done

In the last post, I was pretty angry that I didn't get my work done. Sorry guys for venting.

Anyway, things are going a little bit better. I'm getting some stuff done, and last night was the last night for our church fellowship. So I only will go to AACF now. It was kind of sad to see that this was the last time we're going to meet, but I felt that our fellowship leader was moving on and needed to find where God was leading him and his fiance.

It's pretty cool to see that people are moving forward in life and not stuck in the same old place. It kind of gives me some hope of getting married someday heh. (I'm not implying anything, but just that I feel like I need to grow more in my walk right now.) Definately they are a great couple and will create some great kids. But, like always, things change and I must move on also.

Right now, I looked at some job posts at one company close to where I live. As of right now, I can't get a job there doing Japanese work without going to Japan. One, I really need to go to Japan if I'm to get any job related to my major, Japanese Linguistics. All this time that I was in college, I kind of felt like I had a love for Japan despite the feelings of guilt that I caused myself in terms of not keeping in touch with some people, and just doing some stupid things. Also, I've seen that time heals wounds, not always, but sometimes. So, with that, I'm still debating on whether or not to go to Japan and teach English.

Anyway, things are going well right now. Despite being behind in school, I'm doing fine.

I've got to study right now. But I just thought that I'd update you as to what's been going on for a short period of my life.

After spending the whole day after church working on HW that was assigned about 2 weeks ago I've come to the conclusion that I need to do less and work more on my homework. Something has got to give, and I'm not going to fail this quarter. Despite how my roommates feel that I should go to AACF every week, there's no way in heck that I'm going to be able to finish my school work and go to AACF every week. With the amount of stuff that I joined this quarter, I'm surprised that I even got this much of my school work done.

Don't get me wrong. I am one busy guy. Work, school (4 classes), going to 2 fellowships, church on sunday, soccer practice, AACF, Apartment dinner on one night, and on top of that HW which is not getting done. Something has to give. I am not able to do all these things and get my homework done at the same time. So, with that conclusion, I'm going to skip out of fellowship and only go to one and skip out on soccer practice and soccer games. I've already lowered my work schedule down to the bare minimum, and also, I just need to stop talking to people and just focus on my HW. This is my last quarter, so I don't want to fail this quarter like I did almost all of my other quarters.

This has got to end, and I'm sorry that I cannot be part of everything, but something has to give. I'm going to say "no" now.

Sorry that I haven't posted for awhile. I've gotten really busy lately. I'll also get back to you on the verses from the last posts.

So much has happened. Planning for Men's Meat night is coming along. Two other guys and me are planning it. I'm just praying that it will be a time where people can get connected to other people and build relationships afterwards.

Also, I've joined an intramural soccer team. I've never played soccer on a team before, so it will be a new experience. I have a feeling that I'm going to get hurt somehow, but it could be nothing.

At fellowship tonight, it was encouraging to hear the testimony of a gal's life. How she came to know Christ and what she went through. Teasing by kids because she is asian. Teasing by her friends. People telling her that she's ugly. I can relate to the betrayal and hurt that she went through.

She told us how she came to know Christ. At first, she scoffed at Him. But the night that she was going to kill herself, she decided to trust in Him instead.

She told us that being a Christian is not about experiencing joy all the time, but suffering what Christ suffered. He thought that we were worth dying for and going through all that He did. Do we as Christians believe the same? We should. To suffer the same pains that Christ did, from those whom you're trying to love. To see worth in people who don't see worth in you.

She challenged us to really see those around us as worth suffering for. Christ came and suffered many things for us. He chose to go through them and He forgave us all. How then can we not follow His example?

Hope. Something that I've been waning in. But, hope is something that has kept me going.

Hope
This world has little hope in it. So many messed up things are happening in this world. But, there is hope. If you look hard enough, there are people who go through tough things, but still have hope.

Some things really hit home. For the past two months, our pastors have been giving us messages to step outside of our boxes, go, and reach out to someone we don't know very well.

Two months, they've been preaching that, and I have really only just thought about it recently. The two most important commandments that God tells us through Jesus is:

1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-40

I'm tired, but I realize that there's two paths I could take. One, a wide, broad path. The other, a narrow, rough path. Which to choose. I know the right answer. Do you? Yeah, I know the answer, but the real question I'm asking is, am I following it? Or am I walking a broad path knowing that I should be on the other one. When I find the verses, I'll post them up for this last quote.

One last thing, be cautious and protect yourself, because this world is not a nice place. I'll give you the quote for that later too.