I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing in the future. I don't know where I'll be or what circumstances I'll be in.

When I was working my graveyard shift job about a year and a half ago, I felt like I should be saving up my money...even before then, I felt that same feeling. I thought that God was telling me something...but I didn't know what it was.

A year ago, during this time, I was in Japan...using some of the money that I saved up. A lot of it went to the plane ticket, a new suit, new shoes, a new waredrobe (actually my mom paid for that...) and just a lot of wondering how I'm going to survive with this rent to pay and bills also. One thing that I never had to worry about in Japan was money. Being an ALT paid pretty well even for someone who worked for a English teaching company.

During my time there, I ended up buying a crapload of video games and still saw my account rise.

On March 2nd, 2007 though, I received the phone call that ended that streak. I was told that they didn't want me to teach another year as my performance was below par. My heart skipped beats as I wondered what I was going to do in the future. This was the job that I left everything in the States for...this was the job that I went halfway around the world for. Now it was ending. Even though I was expecting/dreading this phone call, I knew that it was probably for the best. I always thought to myself that these kids deserved someone who can teach them English at a higher level. And that wasn't me.

Coming home, I wasn't worried about finding a job any time soon, but I knew that i needed one soon so I wouldn't be wasting my time doing nothing as I spent one year doing while I was waiting for a job that never came. It was strange this time though, I didn't have to do anything to get this job and I'm lucky that I even have this job that i have now. I'm lucky that I have good friends.

For some reason, I feel the need to save money again. I don't know why, but I can only hope that nothing bad is going to happen. I don't earn much, but I know that there are good reasons to be a good steward with what you have.

One thing that my pastor told me in a conversation i had with him was that one reason why we give to the church or other missionaries or help in other programs is that we give to bless. The church does a lot of good things with the money...well...not all churches, but the purpose for the church is to bless the nations and "to proclaim the good news to the nations" also.

We don't give to be blessed and I don't believe that God will make our lives easy if we follow Him. It has gotten me thinking that maybe I've got it all wrong this past year. I chose the easy path away from God and not the harder path that leads to lives being changed.

Anyway, not saying that i'm going to follow that harder path right now, but I've been thinking about things since I came back...it's really different in Japan and the US. I think that if I got involved with a church there in Japan, I would have had a different outlook during my time there and would have made a better difference rather than being just another person there.

I don't know why I feel the need to save money. Maybe this is a sign that I'm using too much money on things like snacks and video games. And when I think about things again...i'm left with the thought..."is it worth it?" What am i seeking in life? What do i really want to do with my life?

I don't know if I should go back to Japan someday...but maybe someday, I will go back and hopefully I'll be stronger and more dedicated. But who knows...I could be stuck in the same place I was 3 years ago and 3 years before that. I need to change and the first step is making a choice each day...not something that I really want to do in changing my life...and I feel that maybe it won't happen...but I have two choices in each decision...run away, or face it.

Someone asked one person at work today about money. "If God told you to give all your money away would you do it?" He replied, "Of course. If God told me to, I would." But then he was asked about hesitation and if he could do that if it really did come around in life. Of course we can't know until the time comes.

Anyway, I'm not sure what i'm thinking about money...Why the heck am I thinking about money? I don't know...and maybe I need to start focusing on something else.

Spending money...

I saw an article on MSN about how stores place their inventory and different departments and restrooms in strategic spots so that people who may not intend to buy a lot do. It also has a list of how to make sure that you don't fall into that trap.

You can find the article here.

I must say that whoever thought of these things is pretty smart and probably made a lot of money for his store. I guess I took those things for granted when I was growing up and even now. Impulse buys are not good.

I'm wondering what I'll be doing as a job when i come home. I wasn't offered another year, so I'll be coming home in April for sure. Maybe I can beat these games that I bought and then sell them. heh.

Anyway, I think that I need to stop the madness and stop buying so much. I'm going to be on a very limited income soon.