This past weekend, I didn't want to go on the church retreat. I wanted to skip out and play video games at home. But I went...even though I was a little late.

It was good though and I think it was something that we needed to hear. I still have to process all that went on in the messages. I feel that this is something that I needed to hear to grow and become more like the early church.

Anyway, there's so much in the Bible that we don't know about because we just don't have the background on it. But man, when the background was put into context, boy did it make a lot of sense in the speaker's message.

So yeah, we'll see what happens...it may not happen with a lot of people, but I want it to happen with me...what I'm talking about is change. And maybe it won't happen...but I do believe that God is true to His word that if you are faithful in a little thing, then God will trust you with more. If you aren't faithful in a little thing, then who will trust true riches to you? Leveling up. heh

Why is it that I relate so much of my life to RPGs? heh

Anyway, I know that God can do great things through those who are faithful. I've seen it in other people...and I want that in my life. But we'll see...maybe I'm on a retreat high right now. When I hit the working world tomorrow, maybe things will go back to normal. I hope not...

Anyway, it was definitely a message we needed to hear. And I'm glad that I went.

I got so wrapped up in making money and the material things of this world that I forgot that there's so much more to life than earning a paycheck. I thought that I was happy, but I found out that there is so much more awesome things out there in ministry and in Christ.

I also felt like I grew up a little bit. Thinking about things I felt that I learned how to relate to people a little better and to not take things for granted. Still have to work on that more though.

Anyway, I want to write more, but it would lose its meaning in that this is a word from God to our church and other people and churches may not be in that same place yet. So I won't publish what I learned. But yeah, definitely I need to learn how to relate to people who are different from me and not run away from those who are in sinful lives or different cultures. Now I understand what my pastor was talking about all those years ago. Man, apparently the speaker was someone whom God placed there to bring us this message.

Yes our church needs to change, but we can't make it change...we can only change ourselves and point others in the right direction. If we all do this, then of course our church will change. During our times of aloneness and meditation, will we learn...heh, yeah, I guess I'll be ruminating more...

So last night, I was filming a soccer game. That's my part time job. My friend is the director of photography for that job and he needed help, so he asked me. I'm lucky that my friends are looking out for me. In Japan, I was pretty much alone, but some of the other ALTs did look out for me. I kind of wonder why I'm not able to take care of myself. But I'm thankful that I do have good friends.

When we were leaving the carpool, my friend said, "Make it to church this Sunday!" Heh. I made it to church this past Sunday and the Sunday before, but both times I was late. However, I do feel that I am blessed every time that I go to church. It's kind of hard to described "blessed", but it is a good thing.

I go to this prayer class at my church for Sunday school. One of the things that I requested was doing a good job at the cameras at the game and also finding a full time job. I did see a lot of improvement yesterday in my filmwork, and one of my other friends, who got another job is giving me his old job.

Someone as undeserving as me is being looked out for. By my friends and God. Which brings me to another issue. Am I living for God?

One of my other friends in New York told me in Japan on im that he's been praying for me to do everything for God. At first, I was like, I thought I was...but now that I'm back, I'm seeing other people who are living their lives for God and I see just how unfaithful I've been. I've seen that all the things in this world pale in comparison to God. As a Christian, we're taught that the two most important things in this world are, 1. God, 2. people. Mark 12:28-34. You can find it here. But when I look around at some other people, I kind of think...are we really following God? I believe some are, and some aren't.

I look at myself and see someone who is failing again. I guess I've got to put God first in my life again. And then after that, find out what His will is.

I see that God is definitely the best person that has ever come into my life. Why is it that I just put Him aside? I think that maybe I'm too "me" centered and not God centered.

Anyway, I think that it's been showing lately as I've been kind of irritating a lot of people. But one of my friends I talked to last night said that especially in a Christian community, you try to accept people as they are and learn to deal with things like that. He told me that I probably don't say anything when people irritate me. He's right though...but as I've been seeing, people are all imperfect and definitely because of God, if we depend on Him and follow Him and do not judge our brothers and sisters no matter what religion they are, then I do think that God will do a great work.

It's not our works or money or whatever, it should be our love for God and our love for our neighbor that change people's lives. I guess that's impossible to do without spending time with God. Oh well...I guess other things will have to wait...

Okay, so I went to church today...finally. My friend called me up because I told him that i probably wouldn't make it to church the next day. So he told me that he'd call me up so that I'd wake up. I'm lucky to have friends who are concerned with my spiritual health.

Anyway, so my bible study has been praying for me to get back to God as well as some of my friends. I guess it's finally starting to pick up. We'll see it if happens next week though.

Anyway, it was good to go to church today. I thought that church was at 10am instead of 9:30, but it was at 9:30, so I arrived late again by 30 minutes. Oh well.

Anyway, I fell asleep during the message again. It wasn't anything that I hadn't heard, but it would have been good if I stayed awake. Since it was mother's day, they gave a message for those who usually don't come to church. I kind of wonder if there was anybody new to the church and just came because it was mother's day. But then I don't know. I was too concerned about myself.

It was a little strange being back, but good to back. I'm always surprised that people are glad to see me. They barely know me and I'm always wondering...why the heck are they greeting me? Usually I'm used to people giving me weird looks....maybe I'm making a weird face or something...but yeah, it was kind of different after being away for 7 months.

I guess one thing that I need to work on is being reliant on God more than getting things done right now...as I have no job. But still, I can't keep on putting off a job. My pastor asked me if I would go back to my old job...and I just might...but it'd take me 5 months to get benefits and I don't want to spend the rest of my life there. I mainly took that job as a temporary job to earn money, but I spent more than a year there before I found my other job that I just left, which was teaching English.

Maybe I'm not motivated or maybe I got it too easy right now. I guess I should keep on looking for a job no matter what. What someone told me was that if you don't have a job, you've got to make your job finding that job and getting that job or some other job.

Anyway, one last thing...I've come to see that I've changed since going to Japan. I have some life lessons that I learned, but I think that I've lost some things in terms of where I used to be. Anyway, one of the main things that I'll take from Japan is that I've seen the majority in America become the minority in Japan and how they felt when they were treated as "others". I basically think that it's good for people to go to another country to experience what life is like there. What I've seen is that the majority will look after itself and even push the minority down. That's not everyone, but it does happen subconsciously. Racism in America is not dead and even in Japan, you'll see some of what it's like to be the "other", even if you're asian. But still, I think that it's easier to blend in for me in Japan since I look Japanese, but it's tougher, because the expectations are so high.

Anyway, why I say that "if people get to know each other as people then this world would be a lot better," is that people aren't so different from each other when it comes down to the main things. People are different from each other even in the same race and different races, but still, we all have something in common with each other. Cultures are different for sure, but I do think that if we try to understand one another, then this world will be better off and we'll be better off. But I guess that will be a long time before that happens.

I guess for me, I still have a long way in trying to reach this ideal. I struggle with friendships and relationships. I thought that I was an understanding person, but I'm seeing that there's still quite a bit that I have to work on. I said some things recently that may have hurt others. Especially when it comes over im. But I think that maybe they'll just be some people that I may never get along with. And from my changes, I hope that I don't drive away my family and friends. I guess I've just got to look at where I'm at and try to move forward from my journey backwards. Or maybe a more adequate explanation is, a journey in a different direction leading to a different door and find my way to the right door.

Anyway, I've got to get going. I'm seeing just how much time I'm spending on blogs and online.