Japanese Language proficiency test Level 3 passed

So I found out my score today online about my test. I got a 70%. Not great, considering that I thought that I should know most of this stuff and I practically have seen all of it before, but I guess it's been awhile since I've actually studied Japanese seriously. I keep on wondering why am I doing this? Why am I studying Japanese? Why do I want to know this language so badly?

Part of me says, "for fun." I guess I do play a lot of video games and would like to play video games in Japanese. Also it'd be cool to understand what people on TV are saying in Japanese. Like those two guys, Matsumoto and someone else. Matsumoto is the bald, dark skinned guy. I guess that doesn't help much...so maybe I'll post a link here.

Anyway, Matsumoto is the doctor guy or the guy who first tried this medicine on this episode. heh. Anyway, be warned, it is crude humor and very Japanese style of humor. heh.

I want to learn Japanese for my future. I spent a good portion of my life chasing this dream, but I always wonder "for what reason?" Should I go on a mission to Japan? I don't think that now is the right time. Should I try to minister to Japanese people? I don't think so...Japanese people tend not to like me for some reason. I think it has to do with me not knowing the unwritten rules.

One of my friends told me of this book his wife read about an American in Japan. It talks a lot about the unwritten rules and nuances of Japan that most foreigners don't understand. You can find the book here or do a search on the book "American Fuji."

I just ordered it now and I'm hoping that I can learn a lot more about what I experienced there. It was really a crazy place to be. So many different types of people, yet they all seem to conform to one standard and criticize those who don't. Part of me feels sad for the kids that grow up there. It is a hard place to grow up in. If I grew up there, I probably wouldn't be alive today. I say that because I was in some of the classrooms in Japan and observed how things work over there. It is a place where you have to earn everything you get. You don't get anything for free. You have to deserve it to receive it. OR, you get something because your group did well or something like that.

Anyway, I'm still trying to process what the heck happened over there in Japan...and I'm not quite sure...I wish that I kept a journal of what happened. But maybe this book, "American Fuji" will help me to understand the things I didn't understand.

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So here I am again...I think a lot of the times I feel like I'm a complete and utter loser. I mean, what good have I done here? What good have I done in this world? I had so many hopes and dreams and did even most of them come true? No. They didn't. A few did, but life did not turn out the way I wanted it to.

I felt like I could accomplish so much when I was a kid, until I hit Jr. High. I never really did experience what everyone else experienced during those times. I was a loner, a nerd, an outcast. Sure I had some school friends, but nobody really who I keep in contact today with. I never did date, or go to a dance. I never really experienced how to be social and keep a conversation going.

Anyway, this is all hindsight and I can't change the past. But I have today to do anything I wish to do with it. Well, except the obligations. But still, what's stopping me from going out there and totally just being a winner?

I'm not quite sure what stops me. The sky is the limit and I could do or be anything that I wish to be. I think the real question is, how do you get there? Obviously you can't just become something overnight. You need to work and spend the time in creating that life.

Anyway, I have time to do stuff that could be productive...or destructive...or apathetic. I guess it all depends on what I want to do with my life.

Anyway, one friend of mine who amazes me a lot is my friend who is following what God wants in his life. He prays and seeks direction from God and tries to align his life to what he feels is what God wants. He reads the bible and tries to follow it. He's not a perfect person, as anyone knows that no person is perfect, but he is respected and well liked.

Anyway, he keeps on seeking what God wants to do in his life and what God wants him to do for others. I think we can achieve great things, or become awesome people, but really, if we don't follow the plans God has for our lives, then what are we doing that matters at all? If we don't follow what God would like us to do, then what are we really accomplishing? Not saying that God speaks to people directly through a voice, but when you seek out what He wants, you'll find that He desires to help those afflicted with illnesses, the poor, the needy, the orphans, those who are lost, those who are leading destructive lives, those who are broken, those who have been given up on by everyone.

Part of me wants to get involved with making a difference, but as of right now, I'm not ready. I don't have what it takes right now to tackle something big. But I believe that if we get involved in a small way, in whatever good we can do for God and others, then maybe we can see some of that glory manifested in other people's lives.

Anyway, for me, I've been kind of trying to pursue things that probably God doesn't want in my life. I guess actually praying and reading the bible lately has helped me to see again, what God wants in this world. Man, I forgot so much. And it's a command to remember what God has done in your life.

Anyway, I have a long way to go and I don't think that I'm going to get there anytime soon. But at least I can thank the people who have been praying for me. I think that I finally see that I need to align myself with God's will, rather than trying to make a name for myself. Well, wherever God leads me, there I hope to go.

Part of me wonders exactly what purpose I serve here on earth. Why am I here exactly? Why am I always wondering this? Is it because I feel like I didn't do anything useful or life changing for anybody that day?

I know that part of living is just going through the daily routine, but part of me wonders, isn't there more to life? Like the Steven Curtis Chapman song goes,

"There's more to this life
than living and dying
more than just trying to make it through the day.

More to this life
More than these eyes alone can see
And there's more to you and me
And there's more to this life."

Part of me feels like I'm missing the point here. I guess being human is being in community. While it can be frustrating at some times, it's necessary for us all. I guess I should make it to church this Sunday...

Anyway, I'm not sure exactly why I'm always going to struggle with things. I can't count on anybody to help me, because nobody really can or really does help me. I guess a few people have helped me, but the majority has no clue.

Anyway, it does give me comfort to know that God knows exactly what I'm going through. Every pain and hurt that comes, He knows. Even though He may let me go through these, I feel that He knows what's best. If Jesus went through tougher things than these, then how can we expect to have life easy if we are to be His disciples?

Buddhist thought says that "all life is suffering." While I agree that all life is suffering, I feel that there's a purpose behind that suffering. I can't prove it, because it would be like trying to prove everything that happens has a purpose, pointless as it may seem. But I do think that people are at different places and why they say things, or do things can be because of where they're at. I feel that despite where we think people should be, God knows exactly where people are at and loves everyone and meets them where they're at. Jesus came down to earth to be one of us 2000 years ago and died at our hands and was resurrected and rose into heaven...why couldn't He meet us where we're at now if He did that so many years ago?

Anyway, I write these things to remind myself of what I learned a long time ago, and to be more patient with people who may berate me or think little of me. Even though some may think bad things about me, I know that God loves me regardless of where I'm at and that He loves everyone. Do not judge and you will not be judged, do not condemn and you will not be condemned, forgive and you'll be forgiven. That seems to be the verse of my life as I always remember that when I go through struggles. Yes, I need to remember that more often and to forgive and accept forgiveness from others.

Anyway, I know that God loves me regardless of anything and I need to keep remembering that He does. His love is not conditional, and I know that I need to make my love for people unconditional. However, I won't let people walk all over me, because that's just not healthy. Sometimes people need a slap in the face to wake up of what they're doing. That's just my opinion and not biblical, but I do think that some people need to know that they're doing wrong. While the slap may not be the best thing, I feel that I need to express that they are doing unjust things.

Anyway, I'm a simple man. Maybe things will work out in the end.

So part of me wonders where I'm going in life. What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with my time? Why am I here?

I don't think I have a purpose anymore...I feel like I'm drifting without any reason to live for something greater. I mean, if I were gone, what would the world have lost?

Part of me thinks that we are all here for a greater purpose. But it just seems like my life fails to do anything to help with that greater purpose. I mean, how have I made anyone's life better? How have I done anything in terms of work to make my workplace better? What am I doing at home? Am I actually doing anything to help my parents to know God?

I feel like no matter how hard I try, things seem too hard to accomplish.

someone said that "it's a marathon, not a race." You have to be in it for the long haul. I kind of feel like maybe I just don't have what it takes anymore. I'm getting really tired of trying and nobody actually caring. I guess maybe I wonder if my friend was right...that maybe I'm trying to earn my way into heaven instead of accepting the gift from God.

Maybe I don't really understand it anymore. Maybe I'm just so far removed that I have lost touch with God and my purpose here on earth. I feel that so many people don't care about me or others in this world. And I know that we're not supposed to focus only on the people that do care about me and others, but it is kind of discouraging to find yourself caring for someone who doesn't care for you. And I give up sometimes.

I feel like I want to give up and stop caring at all and just care about nothing. That would be easier and that would let me stop feeling pain . But I guess you can't go through life caring about nothing, because you'd be causing your own pain in your loneliness.

Anyway, I'm just ranting about things...and I feel like I'm tired and I want to stop just going through life at all.

But I know that nobody can know how one feels inside except God. The only one who can help with that it seems like is someone who understands and can listen to you, or God who knows exactly what you're going through.

I could rant and rave about things, but it wouldn't help anybody. I know that I could spend my time feeling bad, and maybe I already have spent too much time feeling bad. But sometimes you've got to face the ugly truth and look at it, and if you don't like it, you can try to change yourself and your outlook and try to make the best out of what lemons life gives you.

I feel that nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do. They can punish you for not doing what they said to do, but it's ultimately up to you what you do with your life. People can point the way, only you can walk where you go. You have decisions with your life. This is not in terms of actions, but in terms of who you are, and what you become.

Anyway, I guess it is these hard times that really help us to become stronger. It's these times that really help us to know who we are at that moment. And it's these times that it's so easy to forget what God has done for you, and remember who God is. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. Sometimes you've just got to pick up the pieces and move forward with your life.

Sometimes you need to make God the most important person in your life and put things in perspective to Him and not focus on you being the center of the world, but Him being the center of everything.

I guess in all retrospect I have put myself as the center of the world for a majority of my life. Part of me wants to change that this year and to make God the center, because He is the center, but he allows us to choose what we do with our lives. Does everything give God glory? I struggle with that question, because I feel that sometimes God is not glorified all the time. However, part of me knows that all things can be turned to God's glory. In the brokenness of a crime or some addiction, God can reign through it all and redeem those afflicted. Part of me knows this, because I have experienced redemption. But cynical as I am, I am doubtful in this world.

Anyway, I had so much hope for last year, and I failed through it all. World of Warcraft took a lot of my life out of me. I guess it's all in perspective huh? Maybe the falling away will spur on a growth? Who knows...

Anyway, I wonder how things will turn out...yes, I failed, but I have another day to live and try to succeed.

So I started World of Warcraft again...I must say that I forgot how tiring it is sometimes and exhilarating at the same time. Sometimes it makes me think that this could be compared to a video game sport of some kind. However, one bad thing about this is that it takes me away from time I could be using to exercise and lose some of the weight that I've gained over the past 3 years.

Part of me thinks that I will be diligent and be able to limit my time on WoW. But part of me thinks that I might go over the edge again and spend way too much time playing this game. So much has changed since I left it about 4 months ago.

What has changed? Well, you can now use the looking for group to go into 5 man dungeons regular or heroic (depending on your gear) across different realms of the same battlegroup. There's also rewards for completing random instances. Anyway, people in my guild have been doing instances like crazy since the new patch came out and I'm falling further away from how well I could be doing in the game.

But then again...it's just a game. I keep on thinking about how old I am now and if I'll ever advance in my career. I keep on thinking about what is the next step in life? Why am I ignoring God so much? (answer is because I'm playing video games and not managing my time...) It makes me think that I could be doing so much better in my life if I had more self control. I guess I should try to make something happen in my life and do something productive. I'm always wondering what purpose I have here on this earth. But who knows? Maybe I'll never find my purpose here...

Well, I rejoined World of Warcraft, but I don't plan on being there for the majority of my life. I want to do more with my life and I'm going to make sure that I achieve something other than an awesome WoW character.

I will update tomorrow sometime...I need to get back into the right mindset of what I want from this life and where is God leading me? Maybe those are two different things. And I am definitely not on the narrow path.

I saw this link on MSN about a man "being trapped in his own skin." You can find the link here.

My first thought when hearing about this was an NPR interview on the talk show "Fresh Air," about how so many people are misdiagnosed as vegetables when they get into an accident...and the result becomes that they let the person die.

It makes me think about my own life...how I'm not really living a fruitful life right now and how I'm wasting a lot of time playing video games. I wonder if I could accomplish so much more if I was focused and had a plan of some sort or even started thinking of a plan to achieve something in life. I guess if I don't start today, then nothing will come out of this thought...

Veteran's day

When I was kid, I thought it'd be cool to go into the army. It wasn't any grand idea about serving the country, or helping out with any war effort, but more like a big video game which I could gain skills and become some sort of officer. As I got older, I realized that people die in war and in combat and that you aren't playing for points or even a level up, but you're role is to kill people and protect those whom your fighting for.

I really didn't want to go into the army when I reached high school. I was afraid of a draft and wondered if I would even survive boot camp. But luckily no draft was ordered and I escaped with my life.

Today is Veteran's day and when I look at some of the things that people sacrificed for us in the United States, I'm always thankful that they put their lives on the line, (some even giving their lives,) so that we can have the freedom that we have today. I always loved WWII films. The strategy of war and working as a team to achieve a common goal. It's kind of like American football in some sense, except deadlier. Me being a civilian and never really sacrificing that much for my country, I really respect those who have served in the military for our country.

Even now, I wonder if some of my friends who went into the military are still living. I hope so, but I have no idea if they are or not. I can only hope and pray that they come back alive.

She and her friend are both Christian, and I wondered if it was a good idea for them to even go into the military. She is such a nice person that it's hard for me to imagine her doing the dirty work of our country. All I know is that I'm not doing much for this country and I guess the only thing that I can really do is volunteer my time and my money for causes that deserve it and spend less on myself. Not saying I do much of that, but it really makes you think about what people do for you; and the fact that you don't realize what they're doing. I hope that you'll take some time today, or even another day, to really think about what people do for you so that you can enjoy the freedoms that you have today.

Since I'm part Japanese, and some of the people that go to my church fought in WWII in the 442nd regiment, I thought that it'd be nice to post a link to some info about them. While they are only a small part of the service that has been done in this country, I hope that you will take some time to read about some history of the wars in the present and in the past. I can't stress enough how much we owe all the veterans.

There's times when I wonder why God has placed me on this earth...today was one of them. It seems like things build up in my life and I don't diffuse it early enough, and it becomes a huge explosion that causes lots of burns in my life. Anyway, I don't think that I handled it very well today, but oh well...got to forgive, pray, and get better over the weekend.

I sometimes wonder how things would be with the people that I know if I wasn't part of their lives.
Anyway, nothing serious, just blew up today and said some things that may have caused people to not feel so good.

Learn from your experiences and don't let history repeat itself.

Didn't God die and rise again for them too?

Our bible study is going through this book called, "The Ragamuffin gospel," by Brennan Manning. I must say that I've only read the first two chapters and I find that I am agreeing a lot about what he is saying.

God loves everyone (sinners)
God loves not only the "good" people, but the "bad" people as well
God is a God of grace and Mercy and not an accountant looking to be repaid for your sins
God loves the outcasts, prostitutes, Money grubbers and IRS agents, homosexuals

Etc.

I must say this book really brought back some of the love that I felt from God when I first experienced Him at AACF. Granted not all AACF members are loving or accepting, but there were key players that played a big part in my life and I felt that I could actually be myself for once.

However, as I got out of college I found that the world is a very unforgiving and cold place to be in. I always wondered why it seemed like the youth had more fire in their bellies than the career aged people. I told myself that I'd never be like that, but I found that when I started a job and had less time, I took my eyes off of God and put it more on this world.

Anyway, a long story short, I became like everyone else in this world and not much like God's personality.

I found that in the first chapter, he hits one of the things I was struggling with which was grace from God and not judgment for my wrongs. I felt that I couldn't be forgiven for the wrongs I had done or what other people thought of me. So I'm glad we're reading this book.

Anyway, it also brings up a good point that I need to love those around me and try to at least pray for them. Because God loves everyone. And even though I'm struggling with loving my neighbors as myself, or treating people the same way I would like to be treated, I find that God loves them just as much as He loves me.

I know that in the future, what we accomplished on earth or all the money we made or things we collected or own won't be worth anything in comparison to knowing God. As Paul wrote, "I count them all rubbish in comparison to knowing God."

I guess I have things to work on in accepting people as they are. I wonder exactly what I'll be doing in God's kingdom when heaven comes. But whatever it is, I'll be happy that I'll be with the Lord. Hopefully...heh

When the Last Sword is Drawn

I watched this movie with my dad tonight. I was really impressed with this movie as I felt that it captured a lot of Japanese culture in the sense of honor and tradition of the Samurai. You can find this link to Amazon.com here.

The movie seemed to really get at the heart of the traditional samurai and a "true" samurai. One of the first scenes of the movie has the two main characters drawing swords at one another with one samurai intent to kill the other. What happens next, I will let you find out.

The heart of the movie is about the changing times from Samurai times (Tokugawa era) to Meiji era where Samurai means nothing anymore. The Shogun will lose his power and the emperor will be restored to power (basically the changing of the times at that time.) The Shogun government fights this and resists the southwestern clans raising up the emperor.

A note, in the Meiji era, it became the Meiji era because of Commodore Perry from America who blasted the land from afar with cannons on boats and showed that the power of new technology is superior to the old way of swords and bushido. Because of that event of being helpless to the western technology and will, Japan adopted a new way of life so that they could become more "modern."

Also another note, a lot of farmers moved out of Japan during the Meiji era and settled in Hawaii and the west coast of America because to fund the Meiji Restoration, middle class farmers were taxed heavily. So a lot of them moved to America because they heard stories of people coming back rich.

Anyway back to the movie...it was a great movie. I really liked it and I feel like I can relate to the main character in his stubbornness and sense of duty to his country. The main character didn't earn much and had to go to an extreme of leaving his clan for a reason explained in the latter parts of the movie. In the beginning I was perplexed as to why he left his family. They were worse off when he left and it was a mystery to me throughout the whole movie until the end. But all I can say is that he did it because he had to. There was no other choice as it seemed. And he and they sacrificed much to keep on living.

The movie does get slow at times and the story bounces back and forth through flashbacks and different points of time not in chronological order which can be confusing but understable as those points reveal plot points.

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. See it on netflix if you have it. The movie is called, "When the last sword is drawn." Maybe it's because I can relate to some of it that I really liked it. It has a lot of Japanese culture in it. But maybe because I feel like so many people sacrificed much for me (a descendant) in my recent family history that I feel like I owe them more than I'm giving them right now.

A line from the movie was, "Get ahead of the times...Go wild. Bloom." I won't spoil the movie for you by telling you what that means, but it does mean a lot in the movie. Part of me wishes that I was more disciplined in my life. But wishing will never make reality happen.

In economics, we learn that money spent here is money you could have spent elsewhere. You can apply that to time. Time you spent here, could have been spent elsewhere. And that's part of what sacrifice is all about. What are you willing to sacrifice for your future and your descendants or for other people? It's not about giving something up, but creating something worthwhile in the time, money, and everything you've got to put it to good use for a common goal.

I keep on asking what I want to do with my life. But I know what I need to do first before I seek out what I want to do.

The Ramen Girl reviews on Amazon

If you go to www.amazon.com, or easier by following this link, they have a great review by this person named "go fish." He/she captured what the movie was all about and reviews it a lot better than I do. Anyone who has lived in both Japan and America can relate to this movie. I really liked this movie and hope that the screenwriters will write more about Japan and America and the cultural differences in movie format. =)

Temptations of WoW

Even though nobody is playing World of Warcraft in my guild, I'm finding that I want to log in to play the Hallow's end holiday event when it hits October 18th, but I won't.

It seems like nobody in my guild is playing as they're all the same level as they were before, except for one person. With new challenges in life and new babies being born I guess nobody has time to waste on things that don't matter.


The Ramen Girl

Anyway, was reminded of Japan again when my parents were watching this movie called, "the Ramen Girl." Okay movie, but would have been way better if they kept the deleted scenes in the movie. Most of the movie left plot holes that were explained in the deleted scenes. The deleted scenes would have made the movie a lot darker and kept the movie longer than most people could handle, but I would have liked the movie a lot more with them in. Maybe that's just me.

The Ramen Girl, however, is a light hearted movie which shows part of Japan's culture in putting everything into their work or life, (their work being their life.) Definitely this movie is all about "heart" as the ramen shop owner who is training the ramen girl puts everything on the line for her while the ramen girl needs to adapt to Japanese culture. Culture clashes and anger arise, but in the midst of it you see that both of them are trying to help one another in the end. As you go along in the movie, you see that both chef and student need one another because they both need to change. Both are stubborn and are missing something in their lives because they just can't seem to do what they got to do.

A tagline from the movie was, "In food as in life, sometimes the missing ingredient is love." In this crazy fast paced world it's easy to go on with your life and forget what or who are most important to you. Maybe that's saying too much for this movie as it didn't really get that deep into that, but in Japan, sometimes that's as deep as you'll get. However, the movie did really get to what mattered most to them in the end.

To get to know a person in Japan is really difficult, because of all the safeguards a Japanese person has. Sometimes you need to share a moment in what someone really loves to do...whether it be drinking or an activity that shows their heart, like cooking. Whatever it is, people do not open up too easily in Japan and culture definitely keeps Japanese reserved. Sometimes you can't do what you want to do in Japan, but must follow the rules. It's complicated, but as a westerner, you can express who you are even in the midst of the norms and traditions. This movie is an expression of that, being who you are in the midst of the norms, yet experiencing reservedness and conflict in being different. However, it is also a mix of conforming to the norms, because that's how you get through life sometimes.

Anyway check it out on netflix if you're interested. I liked the movie. IMDB has a page on it found here. Definitely reminded me of Japan. However, if you haven't been there, you may wonder why everything is the way it is in the movie. The movie stays true to Japanese culture and misconceptions from westerners and some foreign attitudes in Japan. However, in the deleted scenes, it shows the darkness that is prevalent in Japan, which is true of all places that people anywhere don't like to talk about.

Not much work to do...

I find that the less money I have, the more I think about it. When I was in college, I didn't have to worry so much about money because I knew that I was taken care of for the time being. But now that I'm working and I'm not making that much money and have expenses to pay every month, I keep on worrying about the future and if I'll be on the streets someday.

Today, there wasn't much work to do, so it didn't make sense for me to go in when my coworker could finish it off in about an hour. Half and hour of work isn't much money and I think that I'd be paying more in gas to get there. So I let my coworker have all the work today.

It seems like so many people are struggling with even getting a job nowadays, so I should count myself lucky. I need to save up more money now and invest more instead of buying video games and playing world of warcraft. I guess it's times like these that I am actually glad that I have a job and that I'm not in danger of losing it.

Which brings up another point. A lot of places are cutting back, so I need to either do a lot better than my coworkers, or maybe be laid off sometime. Man, I keep on thinking that I should try to do translating as a side job. And maybe that's what I should be doing now instead of writing this blog. Yeah, I guess good workers find work to do when there's no work to do. Something my dad told me a long time ago and it does work.

Anyway, I only hope that things get better soon, but I can't wait for things to happen...I need to make something happen in my life.

So I decided after doing some research on translating Japanese into English, that maybe I'll only do it for fun and just try to improve my Japanese not so much for a career, but for my own benefit. I looked at some quotes on a website called www.proz.com and saw that

1. you have to translate stuff really quickly
2. you have to be really good
3. there is a lot of people who do this already and are pretty good

Since I don't know very much about Japanese culture compared to someone who has lived in Japan for many years, I don't think that it would be a good fit for me to try to go into a career in this field. I mean, I struggled enough with just teaching English in a Japanese environment, how can I communicate to Japanese people at all or communicate with English speaking people what Japanese people are saying?

Anyway, sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do next as a career and sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life here on earth. I'm finding a lack of purpose in my life as I'm not making it to church.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm doing here. And maybe I just need to find something positive to do with my time.

Huskies win over USC!

When I was in college, it seemed like UW could never beat USC. I remember the one football game I went to was with USC and UW at Husky stadium. I think we punted the football into the end zone and Reggie Bush caught it and ran it back all around our guys and scored a touchdown. I didn't want to watch the butchering of our team, so I left early, because it was cold. What can I say? Maybe I'm not a true fan as one of my friends put it.

Today, I caught the first half of the UW vs. USC football game on TV. All I can say is, the program looks a heck of a lot better and I think the football team at UW has a lot more confidence with these two new coaches. It wasn't a slaughter again and UW ended up winning. My parents told me that I missed the game of the year, because I fell asleep at halftime and woke up from the cheering on TV from UW's win.

Sarkisian and Holt are doing a good job in turning this team around. They have a long way to go, but I'm actually hopeful that I can see the Huskies go to a bowl game this year.

My dad was saying something today about USC before they hired Pete Carol. The year before they hired Pete Carol, USC was the worst in the PAC-10 and the Huskies ran over USC that year. They hired Pete Carol the year after to transform the program and history writes itself. Last year, UW was 0-12 and was run over by USC 54-0. They hire Sarkisian and Holt from USC and the program looks better now.

Anyway, USC was missing their quarterback and number 1 defensive person. Plus Sarkisian and Holt probably knew most of the plays that USC would run from previous experience, but you got to hand it to the Huskies that they did have some great plays and they did stop the USC offense. I don't know if USC's quarterback or number one defensive man will come back next year, but the real test is the next time they meet.

I'm really glad that UW has something to hold their head high to.

It always seems like I have trouble going to sleep when I don't have personal time for myself to do something after work. No matter if I had fun going out with others or doing something in a group, I need my personal space and time. So that's why I'm still up at this hour.

I was thinking about the last few days that I've been taking care of my dog. Before, I never understood why my dog was barking all the time. I'd come home, walk him and give him his treats and then I'd go inside after he was done and he'd start barking. Normally I'd go outside and tell him to stop or grab his mouth and tell him, "no barking." But the past couple of days I've been thinking about what he actually might be trying to tell me.

My dog would be inside the whole day and basically be by himself. I noticed that when I pet him his back would be all tight and after I'd pet him for what seems like 15 minutes, I'd find that he wouldn't bother me for the rest of the night. All he wanted was some love from the person taking care of him.

It made me feel bad for the other times that I took care of him and told him to shut up basically. And it's rare to find people nowadays who actually have time or want to spend time with you. Everyone is so busy with their lives that you either have to make an appointment with a person's and your schedule, or you be lazy and don't do anything. With my dog however, he is like my kid, except that he doesn't hold any malice and always forgives you no matter how late you are to walk him. He's just glad that you showed up.

Anyway, comparing this to my life, I feel that sometimes in my relationship with God, (not saying that God is like a dog, or we're like dogs to God,) I find that all He wants from us is to love Him, and to love others. That you "treat people the same you want them to treat you," (Matthew 7:12. context Matthew 7:1-13,) or you help those in need (Matthew 25:31-46.)

And yet, even though I know all of this, I fail to do this most everyday. I mean, what does this look like in everyday life? I guess I need to think about these verses and my own life and remember them when the time comes to do what God has placed before me.

As one of my friends stated, "you've been saying some of the same things for the past several years. What's the moral to your story?" My response was, "there is no moral." But maybe my friend was right. Maybe I'm not getting it, because I'm not learning from my mistakes. I think my problem is that I don't think ahead and I'm always caught off guard when things do happen. I can't think on the spot, I need to deal with familiar situations, which doesn't always happen before they actually happen. Preparation is key, in life and in faith.

If you're not prepared, then you'll most likely fail. Unless you're good on the spot and can learn heck of quickly. I want that to be the theme of my life. Preparation and preparedness. I can't take life anymore this way as I'm feeling like I'm useless and not doing anybody any good. Guess the goal should be relationship with God first, relationships with people 2nd, and everything else after that. Hopefully I can pull this off. Guess discipline comes into play here. Something I lack a lot of lately, given my weight and my tardiness. Guess I need to get my act together.

Ted Kennedy's editor of his memoir on Fresh air

I listened to this tonight and thought that it was a really good interview. Ted Kennedy died some time ago, may he rest in peace, but his book was printed the day he died. Apparently they had been working on the book for 2 years before his death.

The editor tells the interviewer (Terry Gross) about who Ted Kennedy was as he got to know him. The book "True Compass" came out today. I plan to get it.

If you're interested in hearing the interview of the editor, you can check out fresh air on npr at this link. Or type in the search on google. The interview is on September 14th, 2009

The memories I'm having of Japan are slowly fading away. But even as I'm studying my 3rd year textbook, I'm having memories of college. It's kind of funny what I'm remembering from class. It's kind of weird actually remembering certain things from 7 years ago that happened in class. How to write kanji, some questions brought up, and just some of the same things that I forgot and seeing the answer in the same place in the book. It's a good thing I guess. Maybe it's happier than my time in Japan.

Anyway, I keep on thinking about people there in Japan. I don't know if they hate me or what, but so much time has passed that i'm sure they forgot all about me. Well, probably most of them. But the few that I remember I remember with fond memories. There were some great teachers there. But there were also some teachers who probably didn't like me at all. And i wonder why that was. But I guess that's the thing, you might never know what a person thinks about you in Japan.

I wonder if I could have handled things differently if I got more sleep and prepared earlier. Most likely, I could have, and I did do better towards the end of my time there; mainly because my friend kept me accountable. But maybe it was a good thing that I came back after only 7 months there.

Anyway, I know that there are learning experiences from everything. Maybe this was my first real job after college where I had to be an adult. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it. But I'm glad that I went, even though it was hard and I do feel like I've grown because of it. Maybe I'll always remember Japan as my time teaching the kids in the elementary schools there.

Is faith taken seriously?

Something that a pastor said about, "Guys don't take their faith seriously," is really making me think. Especially since a lot of things are changing for people I know that are taking their faith seriously...in a good way.

It makes me wonder, why are we Christian if we don't spend any time with God or read the word? Wasn't the point of Jesus dying on the cross to break down the wall separating us from God? And also to bring people together instead of further apart from each other? To also break down the barrier of racism and people groups hating other people groups?

I think that I need to make it to church consistently or else lose my sense of purpose here on earth. In fact, I think I lost my sense of purpose here.

I look at some of my family and friends that don't know God and I think just how much better their lives could be. But when I look at their lives and my life, I see that they are further along than I am and I am not making that much of a difference in their lives. I feel that if I spent more time with God consistently; reading the bible, making it to church, and praying for others that I would see more of God's work in their lives and in my life.

The only thing to do is to do it now. To plan on making time for God and to plan on making sure that I'm balanced in my life. I am far behind everyone else and I need to catch up.

Maybe what the pastor said was right about me in that "guys don't take their faith seriously, [not as seriously as girls do.]" Maybe that's why I'm failing in life.

Anyway, I want to know who I am and what purpose I have here. I have lots of work to do. Can't all be done in a day. Must be done constantly over time. We all start out not doing very well in something new, because we have no experience in it. But as we go along, we get better. I guess I shouldn't compare myself to others who have been walking longer and are farther along than me.

Anyway, growth needs time and care put into it. Also growth can only come from God. We can plant seeds in the ground, and water them, but only God can make them grow. (some wisdom from a friend of mine.) We don't know how they grow, we just see the result. Anyway, enough babbling...

Hula Girls





















So I watched this movie tonight. Set in 1965 in Joban, Japan; this is a coal mining town that is laying off workers. With not much hope for the future, the town clings to its own old tradition of mining coal. The times have changed and coal is not being used as much in this new wave of the future.

The town has one resource besides coal, and that is its hot springs. With a far fetched idea of creating a resort in that freezing hell, one man hires a professional dancer to teach girls Hula in hopes that they can create a "taste of Hawaii in Japan" and attract visitors.

The town sticking to its tradition of mining coal is resistant to making the resort and few latch onto the idea of dancing in front of others. In fact, everyone in the town thought that they would have to take off their clothes and be indecent, which is not Hula.

With obstacles from family and town folk, the teacher has to train these girls to dance or else the future of the town is up in smoke.

******
Anyway, I enjoyed the movie. There were some parts in there that put a tear in my eye as usual for a good Japanese movie. But there were also some parts with humor in it also. It reminded me a lot of being in Japan as I've actually felt their cold winters without a heater and was reminded of the culture and attitudes towards new things and new ways. It made me wish that I could have been a better teacher for the kids that I was teaching and a better coworker to my fellow staff in the schools. But all of it is up in smoke now.

I kind of wish that I could have been a better person in Japan and actually made more of an impact there. Wish I could have made it to church and gotten to know the pastor and his family. But all of these are gone now and I either have the option of writing, going back to the town where I taught and seeing if people remember me, or just having these feelings of I don't know what...I'm not sure what I'm feeling, but I miss the town where I taught.

I wonder if they'll ever accept again...but who knows. Maybe the only thing I can do is pray because I haven't kept in contact with anyone from the town. Certain scenes from the movie reminded me of my last days in Japan. I wonder if I'll ever go back there...

Anyway, I guess life is what we make of it. We have choices to make in our lives and nobody really knows what those choices will mean in the future. I hope that the kids will remember me with good memories, but most likely, everyone will likely forget sooner or later.

Like the movie, we either try something new for our future, even if it meets opposition, or we stick to our old ways and go down.

Anyway, having parents from Hawaii and me also being in Japan for a little bit, this movie was definitely true to Japanese culture and change. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who has been to Japan and likes Hawaii.