According to this yahoo article, graveyard shifts are a "probable" cause of cancer.

I'm glad that I don't work that shift anymore...who knows though, if I get fired, then maybe I'll have to do that again. But yeah, the people who I saw that worked that shift at my old workplace looked really old compared to people I saw who worked during the day.

I guess maybe I need to take better care of myself and not stay up too late anymore...

More babble

I've been staying up way too late these past few nights of vacation. So I've been waking up at 2pm. heh. Oh man...so I missed church again. I don't know what it is, but I like to stay up for some reason. I don't like to go to sleep early, even though I would feel better. Maybe it's the fact that I can't use the TV until after my parents go to sleep.

Anyway, I should be studying for the JLPT...I don't know why I keep on taking these tests if I'm not going to study...I'm thinking that I should probably not sign up for the test until I can confidently say that I can pass it way before I sign up for it. Another year of failing...

But it has been a good year though...I went to Japan to teach English and came back even though I had failed there. I got another job because of my friends and I'm somewhat content now. Maybe that's why I haven't been studying...I'm really comfortable with where I am now.

Someone told me to not get too comfortable because you'll never know what will happen in the future. So I'm thinking that if I don't improve myself, I'll be in some trouble...

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I just want to take a longer vacation. But as the holiday season approaches, that's not possible. I might be working the day after Christmas...or maybe Christmas eve or the Saturday before it...but we'll see.

I guess I have a lot to plan for in terms of where I want to be in a year...or even where I want to be in terms of my language ability in the next month. I guess instead of making goals for the year or even the long term, I need to focus more on the short term goals...day by day, to week by week, to month by month...then it might be possible to reach those long term goals. I've been stuck in the same place for 3 years now.

But anyway, I have a lot to be thankful for. I experienced new things in my life...going to Japan and living there for a good amount of time...meeting some great people, and growing a little more from my time away from my parents. God has definitely been good to me in that I do feel that I am a better person than I was a year ago...

I guess I should be better to God...

JLPT is in two weeks...man, I am not ready...but then again, I just spent an hour reading articles about the ps3...and surfing the net...and fantasy sports...and well...you get the picture. My mom asks me why I keep on signing up for these tests if I'm not going to study. She said, "you'd think signing up for the test would motivate you to study for it, but maybe you should wait until you know that you can pass the test for sure."

I don't know what it is...I don't know why I'm so unmotivated. Maybe I just don't want to do this as a career...It was so different in college though...I studied hard in Japanese...I really enjoyed it...but I think that I got overloaded...

Maybe I should look to do something else with my life...

One thing that someone said was that they hated going to Japanese school when they were young, but appreciate it so much now that they're an adult. Okay, nothing's going to happen if I keep on writing.

Dual Shock 3 for PS3, but woes for the ps3???

Apparently I saw on ebay that people were selling dual shock 3 controllers for around $70 in Japan worldwide. So I checked www.amazon.co.jp (or check this link) and saw that they are actually selling that. However, it's not in the US yet...and probably not in other countries either.

So apparently the CEO, when he was hinting that there would be a controller with vibration for the ps3 was actually serious.

So apparently from a gamespot article found here, Sony is pleading with its 3rd party developers to stay on board for the ps3. Dismal sales of the PS3 contribute to that.

In other news, Sony released a 2.0 firmware for the PS3, but it doesn't do very much. Remote turn on using your psp? And other eye candy stuff...article found here.

I'm still disappointed in the ps3 too. There aren't any good games out for it. Ninja Gaiden sigma is one, but who hasn't played that? Heavenly sword is another good one, but it's pretty short. I'm still waiting for FFXIII and White Knight. Plus for some reason, the ps3 disconnects from online play when I get some lag. And on top of that, I have to download the updates to my memory stick on my pc because the ps3 I got can't keep a connection long enough to download it directly from the wireless router. Maybe I have a defective PS3. I don't know...

Anyway, the only good games I have are on the ps2, ds, and some on the psp...which I might add is breaking up...which means I either have to buy a new one, or get it fixed...I also might add that I hardly used my psp and my directional pad on the bottom left corner is broken. On top of that also, my wireless internet for my psp isn't working either, so I can't connect.

I remember hearing about people buying the ps2 when it first came out and that it broke a year later. Now, the ps2 doesn't have that problem...but it could be that sony does make improvements over the years when they update the model. So maybe I should never buy sony products when they first come out...

Anyway, I'm curious to see if Sony can make use of its six axis controllers to make great games...but still, it's pretty early and I'm doubtful.

If they can develop great games that will be worth the wait, then I'm sure that news will spread and more ps3s will be bought. But it has been a whole year and still a lot of the games won't come out for awhile. I'm guessing ps3 sales will be low this Christmas.

Nintendo was pretty smart though...they came out with Zelda when the Wii came out and had wii sports to keep people busy until their new games come out. Sony however, didn't have any blockbuster games like that close to launch.

However, if Sony is able to come out with great games for the PS3, then I'm sure that people will be happy with it. Which is why I can see why they're pleading for developers to stay with the ps3.

Anyway, they have some great titles lined up for next year, so hopefully...hopefully...they'll do something worthwhile.

For some reason, I don't want to study for this test coming up. I already know that I'm going to fail...I've failed 2 times before at this level. I don't know what it is, but maybe I'm just too comfortable right now with where I am.

I don't know where I'll be in the future. I really should have a back up plan, (like building my Japanese skills,) but I'm so unmotivated now.

Time is passing by quickly and the test is in 2 weeks. Maybe I should find something else in terms of what I want to do. If I'm not going to put in the time to do something, then why pursue this dream of being someone who can make a living off of translating Japanese? It makes no sense.

Anyway, no matter what I do, it seems like there's this cloud hanging over me in bad memories and experiences related to studying Japanese. Maybe it's not even that, but that it's pretty dry in terms of looking stuff up constantly. Not a good sign if you're looking stuff up all the time and not understanding it on your own.

I do believe that anybody can do anything. But sometimes there's limitations to what a person can do. I guess maybe Japanese isn't for me. Maybe I'm not cut out to do Japanese as a profession. Maybe I should just work these blue collar jobs.

I do believe that if you do believe that you can do something within your bounds, then you can achieve it. I guess basketball was a good lesson for me on life. My friend told me that being good a basketball is all about practice. And without practice, you can't get any better. Anyway, some great people are people who overcame others telling them that they couldn't do something and proved them wrong. They knew that they could do it and followed through to the end when they achieved success.

I guess if I want to get any better at Japanese, I'll have to practice often...if not everyday. I can't learn this language at the rate that I'm going at now.

Maybe I'm too little too late for this year. But if I improve from my previous two scores, then I'll be happy.

Man, I really suck at scrabble...I'm getting creamed online. Well...I only play for fun, so whatever.

Anyway, the JLPT is coming up. I'm thinking I'm going to fail...but as long as I improve, I'll be happy. Maybe next year.

Sometimes I'm glad that I'm still here.

So I was playing Yu-gi-oh tag force for the psp. Man, I can see why the kids get so addicted to these games. But still, one thing that kind of bothered me was that if you have a crappy deck, then you'll always lose. Buying new cards is a must, but it's all luck in what cards you get. I can't imagine playing this as a real card game, because there's so many cards and I can't keep track of all of them.

One thing that I didn't like either was that it's not like an rpg in any sense of the word. You don't whittle away your opponent's monster's health, you just knock them out. Unless you get a card that does take their health away. Basically it's like a card game, highest value wins.

I think that this game and puzzle quest will be sitting on my shelf for awhile. I kind of think that card games and puzzle games are just not my cup of tea.

Anyway, maybe I'm outgrowing video games. Well, at least I didn't get sucked into WoW. After watching my former roommate do poorly in classes from Evercrack, I vowed never to get into that stuff. heh. Nerd talk...oh man...

Anyway, yeah, to think all the hours I spent playing video games...the only people who ever benefited from video games are the people who win those video game tournaments...however, many of the other people are living in their parents' basement.

i wonder exactly what's going to happen if I take responsibility and do something worthwhile. We'll see though...it might never happen...but I can't think about tomorrow...I've got to do what I can today.

Lately, I've been feeling really low. I've wondered why I'm here on this earth again...and I'm wondering why the heck am I feeling this way?

The reason, after praying and talking to God, was that I realized that a some people were critical of me or criticizing me. Like today, basketball practice was today and I was feeling horrible today...my dad would always ask me..."Why did you join this basketball team?" It always made me feel worse when we lost, because he seemed like he was saying to himself...I'm right. Maybe he wasn't saying anything like that, but that's how I felt these past two months.

This wasn't the only thing that's been going on, but some other people have been getting on my case. And I can't escape anywhere from their presence.

What I think God told me during this time of prayer was that people will always be critical of you...and you can't help that. But you've got to be happy with who you are and see the good things inside of you. And if you desire change, you can work with God to become a better person.

It always helps me to find my place in God, because He does put things into the right perspective. In the cloudiness, He is the beacon of light that guides me to where I should be.

it makes me wonder why the heck I didn't do this earlier... Maybe I've been too busy chasing after other things.

Anyway, I've been sick with this cold for a month now...and I haven't gotten better. Maybe I should see a doctor, but I think that I can overcome this illness. I don't feel too terribly bad, but it is pretty annoying not being at 100 percent.

Well...whatever...I know that God can do a great thing in me if I work with Him to accomplish that.

So yeah, I do feel healed a little bit...anyway, got to go

Maybe I just don't want things to be better too badly...maybe I'm content with being average or below average. I mean, if I really wanted to do something, then I'd work for it right? If I don't make changes or sacrifices, then I won't get any better. Maybe I just want to live comfortably...maybe that's why I'm not working any harder.

I was taught that hard work does pay off. It has in the past...but for some reason, I just started to drop off in Jr. High.

Anyway, as the Bible says, "God is not mocked! a man reaps what he sows." Meaning that if you work for bad things, then you'll receive bad things. If you work for good things, then you'll receive good things. I'm not talking about karma, but what I'm talking about is growth in your personal life. Meaning, you plant things in your life everyday...what you do each day, what you work for, or what you don't do or what you are lazy in. Or, it could be some bad things that will change or warp you.

This whole verse always comes to mind in that God will honor whatever you do in that each action has a consequence. You may not see the results early on, but later on in your own life, they'll be there. And if you keep on doing them, they'll still be living, like a plant.

So, with that said...it's true that if you don't use it, you lose it. Hmm...I'm thinking that it's going to take a long time for me to get any better at something...and I guess that's the way it should be. I can see why people get frustrated at me...and they have good reason to be.

Anyway, maybe I should stop blogging about this broken record...

In other news, my brother came back this past week for a gig. It seems like he's really busy nowadays. I don't know how he can do so much. I couldn't handle all of that. But like sports, I guess if you work on something and are successful at it, then you can handle more.

Well...I'm thinking...I've been at this stage several times in my life...some times I was successful, because I made a change and worked hard at it. But other times, I failed, because I just didn't start early enough to be successful when the date came. The day I had to prove myself.

I guess training and practice are what I need...to be successful. And it starts with changing myself...and changing my life...cutting corners will not be good...like performance enhancing drugs...they hurt you in the end...even though they give you some early success, you'll pay for it later on. God is not mocked...man, I guess the phrase, "everything is hard" is true.

I'm thinking that I won't pass the JLPT. Anyway, got other things to think about now...the boss is thinking of talking to me tomorrow, so that probably means that he's going to move me to some other job in the company...not sure if that's a good thing...or worse, he's going to fire me...but yeah, maybe I'll be doing something else...

Anyway, regardless, I'm just glad that I got my hours in...I'm wondering if I'll be taking over someone else's place that will be leaving soon. It's going to suck, because work has been fun because we had some funny conversations in the group that I'm in now. But I guess I've got to do what I've got to do. No complaints...it's a job.

It shows me that I need to gain some skills...or else I'm going to go nowhere.

Man, I'm thinking about today and just some of the things that happened. Anyway, it's nothing big, but I'm seeing just how empty everything is and what is most important to me. Anyway, seeing things from the other perspective, I'm reminded that there was someone else who was rejected by his own and misunderstood.

Anyway, whatever happens, and whatever doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger. So many people out there are lost, but I'm not concerned for the many, but the few that I know that are. Maybe I'm lost too in that I still have some things to take care of.

Anyway, God loves the people in the world...but man bad times are coming...I don't know when, but I just know that there will be someday...

This past weekend, I didn't want to go on the church retreat. I wanted to skip out and play video games at home. But I went...even though I was a little late.

It was good though and I think it was something that we needed to hear. I still have to process all that went on in the messages. I feel that this is something that I needed to hear to grow and become more like the early church.

Anyway, there's so much in the Bible that we don't know about because we just don't have the background on it. But man, when the background was put into context, boy did it make a lot of sense in the speaker's message.

So yeah, we'll see what happens...it may not happen with a lot of people, but I want it to happen with me...what I'm talking about is change. And maybe it won't happen...but I do believe that God is true to His word that if you are faithful in a little thing, then God will trust you with more. If you aren't faithful in a little thing, then who will trust true riches to you? Leveling up. heh

Why is it that I relate so much of my life to RPGs? heh

Anyway, I know that God can do great things through those who are faithful. I've seen it in other people...and I want that in my life. But we'll see...maybe I'm on a retreat high right now. When I hit the working world tomorrow, maybe things will go back to normal. I hope not...

Anyway, it was definitely a message we needed to hear. And I'm glad that I went.

I got so wrapped up in making money and the material things of this world that I forgot that there's so much more to life than earning a paycheck. I thought that I was happy, but I found out that there is so much more awesome things out there in ministry and in Christ.

I also felt like I grew up a little bit. Thinking about things I felt that I learned how to relate to people a little better and to not take things for granted. Still have to work on that more though.

Anyway, I want to write more, but it would lose its meaning in that this is a word from God to our church and other people and churches may not be in that same place yet. So I won't publish what I learned. But yeah, definitely I need to learn how to relate to people who are different from me and not run away from those who are in sinful lives or different cultures. Now I understand what my pastor was talking about all those years ago. Man, apparently the speaker was someone whom God placed there to bring us this message.

Yes our church needs to change, but we can't make it change...we can only change ourselves and point others in the right direction. If we all do this, then of course our church will change. During our times of aloneness and meditation, will we learn...heh, yeah, I guess I'll be ruminating more...

Crazy stuff....

Today, or should I say last night, someone tried to break into the company and who knows what they were looking for. All I know is, I should probably leave before dark and come in early. hmm...

Anyway, someone broke the window and ran in, but the alarm scared them off. Yeah, that's a good thing to have an alarm when you have a company. heh.

I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing in the future. I don't know where I'll be or what circumstances I'll be in.

When I was working my graveyard shift job about a year and a half ago, I felt like I should be saving up my money...even before then, I felt that same feeling. I thought that God was telling me something...but I didn't know what it was.

A year ago, during this time, I was in Japan...using some of the money that I saved up. A lot of it went to the plane ticket, a new suit, new shoes, a new waredrobe (actually my mom paid for that...) and just a lot of wondering how I'm going to survive with this rent to pay and bills also. One thing that I never had to worry about in Japan was money. Being an ALT paid pretty well even for someone who worked for a English teaching company.

During my time there, I ended up buying a crapload of video games and still saw my account rise.

On March 2nd, 2007 though, I received the phone call that ended that streak. I was told that they didn't want me to teach another year as my performance was below par. My heart skipped beats as I wondered what I was going to do in the future. This was the job that I left everything in the States for...this was the job that I went halfway around the world for. Now it was ending. Even though I was expecting/dreading this phone call, I knew that it was probably for the best. I always thought to myself that these kids deserved someone who can teach them English at a higher level. And that wasn't me.

Coming home, I wasn't worried about finding a job any time soon, but I knew that i needed one soon so I wouldn't be wasting my time doing nothing as I spent one year doing while I was waiting for a job that never came. It was strange this time though, I didn't have to do anything to get this job and I'm lucky that I even have this job that i have now. I'm lucky that I have good friends.

For some reason, I feel the need to save money again. I don't know why, but I can only hope that nothing bad is going to happen. I don't earn much, but I know that there are good reasons to be a good steward with what you have.

One thing that my pastor told me in a conversation i had with him was that one reason why we give to the church or other missionaries or help in other programs is that we give to bless. The church does a lot of good things with the money...well...not all churches, but the purpose for the church is to bless the nations and "to proclaim the good news to the nations" also.

We don't give to be blessed and I don't believe that God will make our lives easy if we follow Him. It has gotten me thinking that maybe I've got it all wrong this past year. I chose the easy path away from God and not the harder path that leads to lives being changed.

Anyway, not saying that i'm going to follow that harder path right now, but I've been thinking about things since I came back...it's really different in Japan and the US. I think that if I got involved with a church there in Japan, I would have had a different outlook during my time there and would have made a better difference rather than being just another person there.

I don't know why I feel the need to save money. Maybe this is a sign that I'm using too much money on things like snacks and video games. And when I think about things again...i'm left with the thought..."is it worth it?" What am i seeking in life? What do i really want to do with my life?

I don't know if I should go back to Japan someday...but maybe someday, I will go back and hopefully I'll be stronger and more dedicated. But who knows...I could be stuck in the same place I was 3 years ago and 3 years before that. I need to change and the first step is making a choice each day...not something that I really want to do in changing my life...and I feel that maybe it won't happen...but I have two choices in each decision...run away, or face it.

Someone asked one person at work today about money. "If God told you to give all your money away would you do it?" He replied, "Of course. If God told me to, I would." But then he was asked about hesitation and if he could do that if it really did come around in life. Of course we can't know until the time comes.

Anyway, I'm not sure what i'm thinking about money...Why the heck am I thinking about money? I don't know...and maybe I need to start focusing on something else.

Well, I'm ill. I spent most of yesterday sleeping on the couch and most of last night in and out of consciousness. I'm feeling a little better today, but I'm glad that I didn't go into work today as I felt bad around noon time.

I'm not sure if I can make into work tomorrow, but we'll see. Hopefully I can as I need to make some money to live on.

I guess I'm lucky that I'm living with my parents. I don't have to pay rent or pay for food. I guess with my job, I won't be moving out anytime soon or independent anytime soon...man...it makes me think that I need to find something better.

My dad said something, "I should have made you all go into Engineering, because the two Engineers in our family are the only ones who don't have money problems." Well, he's right.

Anyway, I'm thinking of taking the level 3 Japanese language proficiency test. I don't think that I'll be able to pass level 2 this year. We'll see...

I took level 2 two times before and failed both times. What I should have done is take level 3 two years back...oh man...

There are so many people that speak Japanese fluently and I'm not in that level yet. Maybe I should give up and find something else...

I'm doing nothing related to Japanese and I don't see myself getting any better anytime soon. Do people learn Japanese from a book usually? Or from actually hearing it? I guess I need to pick up my anime once again...and manga too.

Man, I'm pretty tired. Yesterday was basketball practice...I still feel it today. It shows me that I need to get in shape if I want to play well.

Anyway, made it to church today...so that was good. I didn't really make it for worship though... so I'll try to do better next week.

Been awhile since I last updated, but I think that I'm stuck in the same place I was about 2 years ago. Anyway, I know that I can get to a higher place if I work at it.

What I'm talking about is where I'm going in life. It seems like I don't want to put in the work to achieve a higher success, but then again, who will trust me with anything if I'm not faithful in a little job, even just helping out around the house...I guess that's why people don't have very much confidence in my abilities, and why I also doubt myself too.

I guess there's only one way out...dig up and work my way out of this hole.

Well...what I've been learning from bible study though...has been that I need to seek out God first and direction from Him if I am to do something worthwhile. Dying to myself daily and living for God each day...whatever that means...I don't think I understand that right now.

Anyway, I have a long way to go...and I don't think that I've made any progress. It's so easy to just sit back and relax and do nothing to improve my life. Well...if I really want to do it, then I'll do it. But if I don't want to improve, then I guess I won't.

I wonder though...maybe it's like school in some sense. You improve gradually over a long period of time...making little successes everyday and eventually that will translate into a lot of growth. What comes to mind is, "God is not mocked! A man reaps what he sows."

Anyway...why I was thinking all of this recently was that I was listening to NPR this afternoon and the show "this American life" had a story of this one woman who did a biography of her father on this show...it showed me that this father of theirs was a horrible father and just couldn't achieve success in anything in his life. Everything he did was because of the essence of who he was and he really messed up his life and his children's lives as well. I kept on thinking about this show and was thinking that I could possibly be like this guy not in terms of the horrible things he did, but in terms of not achieving any success. He is a person who should not have gotten married, mainly that he just couldn't raise a family and he just didn't have the right attitude and maturity I guess.

Why I wrote all that about this guy was that it showed me what I don't want to become. He was basically a guy who preached about Christ, but didn't know Him or understand Him. When I think about what's important in this life, I think about God and what He cares about...

Am I living for Him? Not exactly, I feel that I'm living for myself right now.

Anyway, something that one of my friends said that a person at his church said was that, "it's not a matter of asking if God is on our side or not, but if we are on God's side." I really don't know too much about what God is for, only that He sees the oppressed and broken and wants to reach out to them...not sure how though...and I'm not sure if that's what I'll do or am capable of doing.

I don't know...I don't know where I'm going with this, but as I'm writing this, I keep on thinking that I need to live for God and turn away from materialism...which will be a big struggle...and to put Him first. Anyway...easier said than done...

Heavy topic today...but yeah, I don't think that anything is going to happen anytime soon though. I'm not called to vocational ministry, but I should at least try to reach out to people at work.

I guess I have been misunderstanding things as I'm reminded of Matthew 7:12, "Treat people the same way you want them to treat you." Lately, I've been thinking about how other people treat me and the relationships whether good or bad I have with other people. And I'm reminded that God loves all people and that everyone is special. It's not necessarily a big thing if people treat me bad, because that's not on my head...I can say something, but I can't change people. The only thing that I can do is change how I treat them. That's not my idea...

My parents told me of Jack Nickalus (spelling?) the famous golfer. He basically said something that still sticks with me today. He basically said something like this...don't quote me exactly on this...as I'm just hearing this secondhand. He said, "I can't help what other people think. I can't do anything to change their minds. I can only help what I think."

I don't know what specific question he was asked, but what he said is true to me today...even though I'm not that great of a person, I can't help what other people of me. I can only help what I think of me. How this all relates comes back down to treat people the same way you want them to treat you. Jesus doesn't say to treat people that same way they treat you, but to treat them how you WANT them to treat you.

Man, why is that I forgot so much in this past year? I guess if read the Bible and thought about it more and applied it to my life, then I would probably be better off. And if I made it to church and tried to live how Jesus lived on Sunday and carried that over to the workplace, then I also would be better off. Well...whatever...I gotta go.

Made it...sort of...

Today I made it to church...only that I got there when service ended. I however did make it to Sunday school, so that was a plus.

The Sunday school class that I'm going to is about Luke and Acts...only that the version of these books is "The cotton patch gospels," by Clarence Jordan.

As the teacher was outlining the class today, he mentioned that there is a lot of humor in the gospels that we don't pick up nowadays. The translations today was very formal and sometimes things are lost in the translation. The cotton patch gospels translate the gospels in terms of the not so far past in America. It's basically a word for word translation, only that it changes Jerusalem to Atlanta, and a lot of the geography to Georgia.

Basically, there is a lot of racial tension in the south and the Bible has lots of that racial tension that we don't really think about that was true back then that is true today. I'm really looking forward to seeing the gospels in terms of something that I can relate to. Man, I'll write more when I read more.

Basically, the class is going to read 3 chapters per week and write key verses that we find in there that really speak about what the whole book is about.

Another plus is, I got my perspectives books back that I lent to someone at church. Yes! I can now indulge in reading instead of video games! Hmm...funny how just actually making it to church, even though I missed the whole service, can really have an impact on what you do. Well, we'll see what happens this week if I live it out.

Basketball...

Last week, I practiced basketball for the first time in awhile. I'm really out of shape and I can see myself really dying this first game tomorrow. We practiced again today and I still felt really out of it. I know that unless I get in shape, I'm going to be the weak link on the team for quite awhile.

After basketball practice we ate and talked. One thing that I never really did as I was growing up was talk at the table. We basically just watched TV and the news at that time. Every time I talked, I was told to be a little quieter, mainly because my dad wanted to watch the news and this was his way of relaxing after working from 7 to 5. Well...he left around 7, so maybe 8 to 5? I don't know...but yeah, I do feel like if I ever have kids, I want to talk to them at the table when they're young and get them in the habit of making conversation...something a little different from how I grew up. I can see myself being much quieter in the future.

Anyway, back to today...I'm feeling good actually...after exercising for a little bit. I think that it's good that I get out and do that consistently as I've become really round in the belly.

Anyway, last night was a gathering for post college and career singles. I really didn't want to go. And even after my friend's convinced me to go, I really didn't want to be there. I didn't initiate conversation and I was a little antisocial. When it got dark and cold, I left with my friends who went. I'm kind of wondering...will I ever get married to anybody? Me being like I am now, will I ever make a connection with any woman? I don't know...but we'll see.

Anyway...as I was driving home today from basketball practice, I listened to NPR and heard some stuff on there. Interesting bit too. Apparently it was about this American soldier and an Iraqi translator or something like that. A reporter was there taping the conversation and basically it was just their normal day to day stuff that they did. At one point there was jokes being told about Iraqis. I personally took offense to that...but as the reporter interviewed the translator the translator did not. He knew the guy that was saying those jokes and he knew that that wasn't the real him.

How he explained it was that in their private conversations, they had some meaningful conversations and developed a friendship. He knew that the soldier was blowing off steam.

When the reporter interviewed the solider, he basically looked at the tape and he was ashamed of it, but he said something that kind of stuck with me today. I'll try to paraphrase it, but he said that he doesn't believe what he said personally and he feels ashamed of that when looking back on it. But he said that in war, everything that you believed and what you stand for can be changed. People are trying to kill you and it brings out the bad parts of you. He said that that wasn't the worst of him. Back home he wouldn't say those things about other people...

Anyway, what stuck out of me was that something that I was told came true when hearing it from someone who has experienced war. "War brings out the worst in people."

Back home, the soldier and the translator brought those tapes to a Muslim organization and as the reporter said, "everything in his senses that is telling him to run away and not face the hatred that he was expecting to receive, he overcame his fears and anger and brought those tapes to the people there." They accepted him and I think that there was some healing in the soldier. His friend, the translator, who was with him vouched for him.

Right now, they both are going to college in the United States.

I was thinking...wow, people can be decent if you give them a chance. And when you try to understand them and there is a connection and friendship, it can lead to healing.

I just found it on the www.npr.org website.

Apparently it's on the program "This American Life" and can be found on www.thislife.org

It ran today, September 8th, 2007. If you can wait, you can probably listen to it for free next week by downloading the MP3 or maybe next month, you can download it. They do have a 30 second promo though which is for free.

How they described it was, an Iraq war vet joins the Muslim student association to overcome his anger towards Muslims.

Anyway, go to www.thislife.org and look for the title, "The Devil in me" (September 8th, 2007)