School concert

Man, what an awesome concert! (I didn't play in it), but it was so good! The performers were really well balanced in their dynamics and just their playing styles. Not too overbearing, and not too delicate, but just right for a big concert hall. Man, it was really good!

Every time I go to a concert it makes me miss playing the piano. How many hours they put in day to day is really something. I should have majored in music also...oh well.

I'd say that the Beethoven concerto played by this Japanese woman was really intriguing. Beethoven has a way of showing his creativity and how complex his music is by making it sound really simple. Really, this is not something easy to play at all. Anyway, this concert was unusually good! Props to the musicians who played in it.

Hmm...one thing that was on my mind when I got up is that what you do should be about love and not about duty. Basically, I wrote a lot about sharing Jesus and part of what it means to be a Christian. You could do a lot of stuff because you're supposed to do, but what it really comes down to is really loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving your neighbor as yourself.

Really, love is the most important key to anything. If you do a lot of great things for other people, yet don't have love for them...what benefit is that to you? It should be the motivation that we have to do something.

Anyway, I was just thinking of this today, because I find that it is so easy to just do something in the wrong way. Don't get me wrong...love is more than a feeling and can be rendered through acts of service too. Love is not always what you feel, it is more than that.

Anyway, that's enough of this topic for now.

Sometimes, you've just got to keep moving forward despite what happens. My life seems to be taking that direction.

At Wednesday night fellowship, we talked about basically what being a Christian is about. Knowing Jesus and working to share Him with others. Basically, God is cool...right? I mean, it's cool to talk about God, but to talk about Jesus is a different story. People basically either love Jesus or hate Jesus. He is controversial. Basically it's life or death, and people don't like that.

Anyway, it reminded me of what I should be doing. Man, there's a lot I need to get back in the habit of doing again.

Basically, I am discouraged right now because of the times that I tried to share Jesus. Jesus was right when He said that He did not come to bring peace, but a sword. He is controversial, life or death.

I think that there's more to life than just going to work everyday, and just being present in things. There's more to life than just doing good things, feeling good, and even standing out among everyone else. There's more to life than what we do here on this Earth. There's more to life than all of what I've done. Basically I'm here for something, just as you are here for something.

Everything that I've lacked, I've found in Jesus. Not saying that Jesus will give you what you want all the time, but what I'm talking about is a reason for living, just the strength to get through each day, and the reason why I am not insane right now. Life is tough, and is tougher for probably most of you out there...but there are people who do have reasons for living and lives are changed for the better.

Not saying that all Christians are living this type of life, but there are some who are, and they make a difference. There is joy to be found...real and clean.

Anyway, I guess I've talked most of your ears off, but really, my life is not easy, as your's is not easy. But there is some great purpose that each of us is created for. No matter what we've done, no matter where we are, everyone has a purpose. Really, I cannot tell you all about it over a blog, because I cannot answer anyone's questions over this, but man, life IS good, even though it's filled with so many struggles.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent, but this is what I'm all about. My life was changed because of Jesus, and my goal for life...well, is to be used to impact someone else's life the way that I was changed.

Anyway, I have a long journey ahead of me still. I've been stuck here resting and trying to recover...but when it is over, I hope that I will be able to say, I've seen and have taken part of God's work through Jesus.

School is starting to pick up. I can already tell that this quarter is not going to go so well. Anyway, got to keep moving.

Man, spent a long time trying to study, but for some reason I couldn't focus at all. There's a lot on my mind right now. Anyway, maybe I just need to calm down. Anyway, here at the library hasn't been too much help...maybe I should go home and bear the cold. Anyway, got to catch my bus. Later

The Crossroads

Crossroads...was it Fletcher Henderson or Robert Johnson who sold his soul to the devil at the Crossroads? I forget. But definately the crossroads are a time where we choose where we will go and where we will end up. It is a time of decision making; a time of uncertainty or certainty; maybe a time of splitting up now; maybe a time where we meet others. Whatever it is, it is a time where the future is not yet forseen.

I find that I might be going to Japan, but I really do not know if that will be a good idea or not. Anyway, I still have to meditate on this and really think about what it is that God wants me to do.

Probably what will happen is that I will probably just forget about it until the time that I do come to the crossroads.

Anyway, the reason for the title is that I think that there is a lot of decisions that have to be made...in my life and other people's lives. I'm kind of not sure what the future will bring...But I know that both good and bad will be coming. Whatever happens, I hope that my relationship with God will remain strong throughout it all.

I've been finding lately, that the more time I spend with God throughout the week, the better my week is. In my experience, the times that I have spent with God have been the best parts of my day. Truly He is the bread of Life. For example, Christians give an example of having a hunger and thirst for God. A hunger and thirst for righteousness. It is like skipping a meal if you do not spend time with God. Application can be used like exercise...but don't take my words as being the "truth".

Anyway, it's getting late. I wrote a lot about the Bible, but decided against publishing it. I figure that I can't really have a conversation with people over the internet. It's just not the same.

Japanese...man, it's tough. But I got a conversation partner, so I hope that this will help a little bit. Anyway, back to studying.

Fellowship's Retreat

I must say that I was impressed this past weekend at the retreat. The speaker said some stuff about telling about what Jesus has done in your own life, and if you don't know Jesus, what great things have happened in your own life.

The theme of the retreat was a New Hope, taking from the Star Wars theme. This hope in Christ that we have compels us to share with others, as said in Peter. The speaker was on Fire for God and I could see the love in all the people who attended. Really, I hope that this retreat will not be just another good word that we hear, but something that nudges us into action.

I look back on my life these past few years and I know that I have been afraid of people for awhile. Afraid, scared, maybe even avoiding people. I wonder exactly how I can share the good news if I'm treating people as if I don't want to talk to them. And, it's true, that part of me doesn't want to talk to anybody. And part of me does. But still, I'm struggling in this aspect of isolating myself.

Anyway, the retreat was good, but I'm hoping that this doesn't just become another good word, but steps that I can use to step out of this hole.

Anyway, some things I will work on is prayer and taking steps in reaction to the prayers by trusting God. Don't get me wrong...sometimes God doesn't want you to do some things, but it is possible to see if He is with you or not.

Note about an earlier post. When I say that worries will go away, I meant that present worries will go away, not that worries will go away completely. Things in the present are sometimes not such a big deal in the future.

Anyway, I wrote another long section about my life, and figure that I shouldn't tell what's going on to the whole world. Some things are better kept to oneself.

Note, missed both my classes today and ended up just going to work and AACF. Man, things are not looking good so far. I'm going to have to cut some things again. Maybe AACF again. Even though it was good tonight, I might have to just focus on graduating and being able to get a job. God didn't call me to be a loser and drop all my classes. But then again, He didn't call me to stop meeting with the body of Christ either. Balance...so important, and so tough.

I wrote a long part about how I'm doing, but I feel that I should keep this to myself for now. To summarize, I've started to heal a little bit. And this is just the beginning. Doubts and worries will go away if I'm successful in this. Really, following after God was never an easy task, but something that must be done if you want to know Him.

Plans for the future might include Japan. We'll see though. There are a lot of worries, but I know that there are better plans.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 NASB

Anyway, back to HW.

School!!!

I'm almost done! Two more quarters to go, and we'll see where I go from here! From last quarter, I'm feeling really old and ready to get working. However, I know that I'm going to miss my time here on this campus. It has been a wonderful experience, even though it was grueling and I spent many late nights wondering what I was doing in school.

Last night at AACF, a speaker named Tung really reminded me of some things. "What has God done for you lately?" Do we believe in a living God? Yes. So, what has He been doing in your life? And 2nd, "Are you grateful?" "What do you remember God doing in your life when you first became a Christian?"

All I can say is that I have been very bitter about things that I cannot help and just thinking of what I am not that I want to be. Where is God in my life? I ask...I always remember that He is always with me and has been with me since the beginning. Every struggle, every joy, everything that I experience can be used for something good, no matter how bad or how hard it is. This is my hope that God loves me and will use me for something in His will because I love Him.

So, after a long period of this bitterness, I was encouraged not to worry by many things I've read and people whom I've talked to. (Don't get me wrong...I don't talk to that many people.) But the hope that there is something worth living for and some greater purpose that involves more than just me is my hope.

Anyway, things have been good lately...tough, but good. I think that depression is kicking in now that it is winter...I've been wanting to sleep throughout the middle of the day, and have been falling asleep in the library many times this past week.

Anyway, plans for the future, school, work, and just doing the necessary things of LIFE is my plans for now.

Happy New Year!!!

New Years, a time where one can start another year over again. I never really believed in only making resolutions on new years, because why only do that at new years? Why not do that when there is a need to do so?

Anyway, I made some resolutions regardless of what I just wrote. I thought that there needs to be some change in my life.

Throughout most of my day, I spent it sleeping, taking care of my business and just watching the game on TV. Anyway, now to do the more important stuff.