No sense blogging right now. Must do something productive with my life.

Why post...nothing's happening anyways. While that's not true in the world, it certainly is in my life.

Realization...

When you know who you are, then it doesn't matter what other people say. All I can say is that I'm thankful...

Thinking...

Have you ever had an adversary? Have you ever had someone who tries to put you down? I'm sure that probably most everyone has. Probably everyone has been bullied at one time or another.

I ask myself, what am I supposed to do? One guy is saying stuff to me at work and I wonder, should I keep on ignoring him? Or should I say something back?

I think that the best thing to do is to talk to the guy and find out why he's calling me these things. Really, he has the problems, not me.

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That is so untrue. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but your bones will heal. Words can stay with you until you die.

Anyway, I'm handling it okay. I have counter what he says and not believe the things that he's saying. But I think that I have got to make my stand sometime.

Really, he's harassing me, and I could get him fired for that. But really, I'd rather not. Maybe it's that I don't want him to be out of a job. But then again, I probably won't stay here for too long. So I won't see him again afterwards, unless I run into him by some chance.

My thinking is that he's trying to get me to say something back, so that someone else will hear and I'll be fired. But then again, maybe I'm giving him too much credit. He could be just saying that, because it makes him feel good.

Anyway, Jesus talked about how God shows no partiality to anyone. He's good to both the evil and the good. Both to the unrighteous and the unrighteous. He loves everyone, regardless of their sin. Matthew 5:43-48. Loving your enemy seems unreasonable, but then again, Jesus died for those who killed him, and He lives today for us. To help one another to come to know God and live righteous lives helping others. If God can love someone who's really horrible, then how much more should we try to do the same?

I think about my own life and how I was doing some things that were wrong. Yet there were some people who helped me to lead a better life than those wrong deeds. I am much happier now, not because of a better life though...

Anyway, "pray for those who persecute you, so that they may be sons of your father in heaven. For he causes his sun to rise on the righteous and the unrighteous, and sends forth rain on the evil and good."

Anyway, I'm NOT saying "take whatever crap that people throw at you." That's not right. But what I've learned is that we're supposed to show them that it's wrong. Maybe I should bring this up to the manager. But there's better ways than that...not saying that I'm going to take this crap. But what I'm saying is, there are better ways of doing things.

Yeah, staying up late while drinking lots of caffiene is never a good idea...must remember this the next time I think that I can pull another all nighter. Time to go to sleep...

Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. Maybe I'm egotistic, thinking about myself all the time. But I usually don't think of all the good things that I've done. Usually it's about all the bad things that have happened to me and that I've done. To a lot of people, these would be small things, but to me, during that time, they were huge.

During that time of my life, lets say about 10-13 years ago, I really didn't enjoy life. I really wanted to get away from everything. I wanted to give up, and I did for awhile.

I look at my life now, and I've come a long way since then. I've reached some of my goals in life, but there's still a lot of room for improvement. I'm not satisfied with the way things are right now. But I should be happy that I'm still alive and that I am where I am.

Being reminded of the past doesn't seem to help me, but I keep thinking about it from time to time. New things come up and it just seems like I'm back where I started.

Anyway, one thing that I know is that I didn't get here on my own. It took a lot of help. I was helped a lot by others. All the time that I felt alone, God was helping me. The help came in ways I didn't expect them. I don't expect help this time, that's not what I'm after. I can help myself now and receive help from certain people, but really, the one that is truly helping me is God.

Anyway, I feel like giving up from time to time, but I know that you can't give up on everything. Some things are okay to give up on. But some things are not.

As of right now, I'm seeing that maybe this job is something that I should give up. Things from the past are coming back in this job, and I'm paying for it. I think also, the environment of this job is not so good either. Well, I guess it was good to start, it will be good to leave.

I just hope that I find a new job with a better environment.

One thing that I was told by someone at the library was that "your worth is not seen in what you do." That person went through a lot of jobs until he found the job that he's currently at and enjoys. He is a really good person and he really is a light at the library. Everyone likes him there and he likes everyone else. I think that that is one of my favorite libraries to go to, except for the books. They're always shelved out of order. But when you do find the books you're looking for, it's really a nice feeling.

Anyway, I know that I can do better than this job. But, I'm glad that I did get this job, because it was a good kick in arse from nobody but myself.

Old memories come back...and I think of this one guy who would say, "I'm going to dominate you!!" There was even a comic strip that one of the other guys made in the class about him. It was art class. Anyway, this job is not going to dominate me, and if I lose it, so be it.

Anyway, I really have come a long way. I can thank God for that. If He hadn't seen worth in me, then nobody else would either. Anyway, I don't mean for you guys to go out there and just dive right into helping people unprepared. Sometimes you can help someone else, but sometimes, there's only so much you can do. If you know Jesus, pray for that person consistently. Even if things get worse, keep praying. Get others to pray with you, get others to pray for the person. The more people praying who care, the better.

For me, things got a lot worse over 3-4 years. But after that, they got a lot better. I can't say that it was just one person that helped me, because there were so many people who made a difference in my life. Everyone played a small part, but some more than others.

Anyway, keep alert, pay attention to things you can pray for and keep your eyes open.

Enough...it's not as easy as it sounds. It's actually pretty hard.

Anyway, I know what's important in my life...even though I can't play a part in it all the time, it will be in my heart. I will not let these things be crushed again. And I will improve. Things will get better. I will not give up this time.

I can't help but wonder what people do when they get fired. Today, one guy was called aside by the head guy of our department. It was in the middle of work, so I have no idea what he wanted with him, but it seemed like he wasn't happy about something.

I can't help but wonder if he got fired for saying something that he shouldn't have said. I think that someone overheard that and probably told the head supervisor, or the head supervisor overheard it.

Something tells me that this place that I'm working at is not a very good place to work at. I guess with jobs that anybody can do, it's not that hard to replace people, despite how long they've been with the company. I'm assuming that this guy has been there for a long time and was earning an okay paycheck, maybe hoping to move into a full time position.

Hmm...I think that I'd better find a new job. I might not have one soon enough.

I guess I'll see if I ever see him again at work...

Hmm...sometimes it's not good to post when things are bothering you. But one thing that helps me to keep on going is that God loves me. As one of my friends posted...if the whole world hates me, I'll know that I'll be welcomed with God.

Next point...community. It's not always a nice thing, depending on how you get along. But it's necessary. People need other people. One thing that you should not do is just be with anybody. When you're needy, then you tend to be with just anybody. That's not good. Don't hang around people who will cause you to do bad things.

Anyway, I guess I shouldn't worry about what other people think. People have their own ideas when it comes to the unknown. But really, people can think anything, even if it's not true. And I shouldn't let others bring me down.

I guess I need to forgive those who try to hurt me, but not let them get me down. I know myself better than anyone else knows me. The only person who knows me the best is God. He sees everything and knows everything. He knows my heart and my thoughts. Really, these are the things that people can't see.

I have no idea what I'm going to do next. The only thing that I should be doing now is the translation. I've been working on that, but work, besides the translation, has been tiring.

One good thing though has been that I now have some motivation to get out of the workplace that I'm in. Some of the other guys have it rougher than me. But I know that they will do well if they keep working at what they're dreams are.

Dreams sometimes only stay dreams, because we don't make any steps toward making them a reality. But someone that I talked to, (one of my co-workers), is working hard to make something happen in his life.

Anyway, I'm going to get out of there. I've decided that I'm going to get out of there and improve my Japanese, go to Japan, and act like a mature person. heh. Man, I'm older than some of the other guys at work, and they act more mature than me sometimes. heh...I laugh at that. haha.

Anyway, something that keep running through my mind is this quote by someone...(I don't remember his/her name, but it was written on one of the walls on my high school cafeteria.) "If you don't stand for something, you fall for anything."

Really, people don't know who I am, because I've never made that clear. I never really told people what I believe. I never acted like a person from there. I've gone with the flow too long.

Well...do any of you stand for something?

To me, there are some things that I just don't care about. But there are some things that I do care about. And there are some things that I should put less priority on. And others that I should put more priority on.

Well, I wrote this all down, now I need to get on it and start. heh...where will I be in 10 years? I don't even know where I'll be next year. But one thing that I do believe is that regardless of things tha happen to me, I am responsible for myself and the people in my life. I need to make some changes.

Really, the one person that I need to focus on the most is Jesus. What would He do? What does He do? And What will I do?

Weekends...

I heard a good message this past Sunday, but I think that I should not post my thoughts about it, because I could take parts from it, and people would not get the whole impact of the message. I'm still thinking about it and I realize that I need to change my life right now. I want this past Sunday to be more than just a good message. I'm learning more and more...but really, there needs to be change and I need to let truth change me for the better.

Anyway, I'm glad that I went to church, but really, I need to think about this some more.

I've been feeling that I'm not a good example to others. I'm not. I don't conduct myself in a worthy manner. I try to help others, but I find that I tend to do that in the wrong way.

I have work to do in my life. I have lots of work to do.

I guess I need to learn how to treat people better huh.

I can't explain it, but things were better today. I talked with my mom yesterday and she brought in another viewpoint on what was happening. It's always good to have a different perspective on what's going on. Especially a person that is not directly involved and knows me well. She also has a good common sense too.

Anyway, it's not easy to talk to someone who doesn't agree with you, but it helped me to think things over again.

Well, at least work is over for the week. Man, I saw that I didn't get holiday pay. Someone told me that you have to work there a year before you get that. I'm thinking that most people there haven't even worked there one year. I guess that's one incentive to stay there. But I'd rather not stay too long. Oh well, I don't know how long I'm going to be there. But it could be awhile before I plan my escape. heh.

Congrats to the Golden Bear

Jack Nicklaus finished his golf career today, early in the morning at our time, in Scotland. Man, looking at some old videos of his career on the golf channel really shows you how great he was back in his prime. Jack said today that he shot 72, which was the best round he's played all year, and he didn't make the cut. He said that it tells him that it's time to go.

Well, all I want to say is, well done. His career is really something that you don't see that often. I don't know much, but even when I was still a kid, he was still winning tournaments like the Masters (a golf course named the Masters). Age does catch up with everyone. I guess that's part of life. Making way for the new by having the old move on.

Hmm...the battle wages on...

My dad tells me that there is a new format that is going to come on the Market for DVDs. Two parties are fighting over which format to use. Of course they want their own used. One is Sony. The other is Intel. It's supposed to be High definition DVD formats. It won't come out for awhile, just like DVDs didn't come out for awhile even when they had the technology. They had things to work out before they came out with DVDs like Region codes. But it will probably be a long way away before they do come out with High Mat DVDs. So I don't mean to stop you from going out there and using the current technology.

Anyway, it's just like VHS and BETA fighting for which video tape to use. Who knows which one will be used in this DVD things? The cheaper one? Or the better one? I'm guessing that we'll probably get screwed again. Anyway, we'll see who wins. I personally don't know which company has the better technology, but hopefully the better one wins. But I'm guessing that people don't want to pay an arm and a leg for the new technology. Unless they have some cash burning holes in their pockets.

Thinking back

Recent events at my workplace have reminded me of how it was long ago. When I went to college I never thought that life could be so good. But before that was high school and I hated every minute of it. Work reminds me of high school. Some of the guys are probably still in high school or just high school graduates. I can see why some people judge others because of their education, but that still pisses me off when they do. As if an education makes a person better than someone who doesn't have one. Anyway...

Back in high school, I thought that people really didn't like me. There were only a few people who actually talked to me and everyone else seemed wrapped up in their own world. I had my own world of my classes, some 3-4 friends that I ate lunch with, and the rest...strangers who I had class with.

I remember it being much worse in jr. high school. I could call that the "falling down" period of my life. High school, things were starting to look a little better. Heh, you might not know the movie, but Michael Douglas stars in "Falling Down." One word, anger. One sentence, taking out your anger on those who deserve it. I'm just glad that I didn't go off the edge like Michael Douglas. I just kept the anger inside.

High school, I remember high school as a time of change. Jr. High had more changes, but High school had some positive ones. I remember not liking High school because everyone seemed so shallow and group oriented. However, I do remember some people that made a difference in my life. Some of my teaches made a big impact, some of the school workers, and some individuals who stepped out of their comfort zone to actually start a conversation with me.

I'm not an easy person to talk to sometimes. In High school, I was even harder to talk to. To me, people looked like they were afraid of me or just like they didn't want to talk to me. They had good reason, because I was angry. But I really do respect the people who reached out to me. It took a lot of courage, but don't get me wrong. They only talked to me during class, which was good enough. I didn't need anything more than that.

Anyway, how that fits into today is that probably most of the guys at work have only just graduated high school and have not experienced other things beyond that. Someone once told me that it's true that you become a lot like your friends. You spend time with them and you pick up certain habits. Maturity and immaturity seem to be easier when the group is at a certain maturity. Everyone acts like the same level. If you step out, then it takes a lot of courage, because a lot of people will disagree with you. But you'll never know who will or won't agree with you unless you do step out.

Anyway, I'm just reminded of high school every time I go to work. I'm like, yeah...right...

I'm sure glad that I've grown beyond that and experienced college. I'm sure if I didn't go to college, become a Christian, and see how good life could be then I'd be pretty upset by some things at work. But I realize that some things don't matter. People can think what they want. I won't be able to change their mind unless I talk to them, which doesn't seem possible. I really don't think that people can change others. You can influence them, but it really depends on their acceptance. Really, change doesn't come from other people. It comes from within. That's why it's important to pray for others and try to explain things...

So, with that said, work sucks, but that's life. heh. I'm not that upset about work. But I just think that man, people don't realize how good things could be if they knew God, followed Him, and showed grace and mercy towards each other.

Actually, work is not that bad. But I think that I need to find a new job. I wonder if I'm there for a reason. It doesn't seem like I'm doing any good there though. And I feel like I just need to make some changes in the way I live my own life.

Anyway, there's a lot that I'm not telling you. Anyway, what things look like is not always how they are. Sometimes there are deeper reasons hidden underneath.

Anyway, one thing I want to mention to those who might want to help others who are going through rough times. Always be safe. Always look out for your own safety and don't put yourself in dangerous situations where you could get hurt. Always look out for yourself and even if that means that you have to deny someone something, then it's better to deny than to find something done to you. Some good people get hurt by those who are trying to help them. So, watch out for yourselves. I just say that, because I once tried to help someone else and I found that I could have gotten hurt. Things should be on your terms and not the person needing help's terms.

I've been thinking about my life recently. It has gotten bad at work, but still tolerable. I'm really thankful for that, because it has reminded me of why I followed God in the first place. It has helped me to see that things were a lot worse before than they are now. Without God, I'm not sure where I'd be.

I was thinking that I'd focus on work and such when I got out of college. I spent way too much time doing things other than homework. I even think that God was telling me to get to work on my studies. However, I always knew that my studies should never come first. One reason why I think that I didn't do as well as I could have. But one reason why I my life is not as bad as it could be.

Anyway, my job is not the greatest, but it's a job. I know that I don't want to stay here for too much longer. I guess if I really want to get out of the penitentary, then I'm going to have to prepare for it. I don't know what to say anymore, because I've been writing the same things for the past few months. But one thing is clear. I want change in my life.

I know that there are better things out there than a job. A job is just a job. It's something that you do to earn something to eat. It's something that everyone needs in some aspect of their life. Some jobs can mean more to others, some jobs are hated by the people that do them. But really, what I do in this job really doesn't matter. Anybody can do my job though...and I think that I want to do something else.

If you want something, then you're going to have to prepare for the day when it comes. Right now, I just want to play video games everyday after work and not work on the other things that I need to work on. I guess if I really want to do something, then I'm going to have to work for it. Guess I need to get back to studying again. But I must never forget the most important things in my life and put them first.

All I can say is that I'm thankful for the recent turn of events. I'm talking about the things that have happened to me recently...not other things in the world.

It's kind of funny when you're translating and you have no idea what the weird character is saying. It's also funny when the Japanese guy who is writing the notes on the context has no idea either. Some characters are really far out. Hmm...maybe the guy who is writing the notes isn't Japanese. Well, it just makes my job harder when he writes a note and writes a question mark after it.

Anyway, I got some translating done and I have more to do. I think that I'll take Sunday off and start again during the week.

Man, the group did 10,000 lines of text in 5 days. That's amazing. I guess I've got to pick it up or else I'll lose out on some potential experience. Not to mention money.

Man, I think that I should go to Japan next year.

Maybe I am an ignorant pampered fool. One movie, "El Salvador." Not very nice to watch, but it shows you how bad things can get. I can imagine things being worse than that over in Iraq. However, I don't know what goes on in the rest of the world.

Anyway, I hope that things will get better in the future, but I'm not sure with the current trends of life now.

I went to work yesterday. It wasn't a good day. Today wasn't good either, but yesterday was worse. After work ended, one guy said that there was a bombing in England.

Every morning after work, I turn on the news on the ride home. It was the same stuff over and over again. I couldn't imagine feeling this way again. I felt this sense of dread. Why do people do these things to each other? I guess I'll never understand unless I experience the same things. But still, why do people hurt innocent people?

I know that other people have rougher lives than me. I know that other people have experienced some bad things and want to take out their pain on others. But why? I don't know why...I only know that I don't know what others have experienced. I only know myself.

Well...I know that things in Iraq are getting worse. A lot of Iraqis have become refugees, because they have moved out of Iraq. So who's left in Iraq? Hmm...who can survive there?

Times like this, I wonder where I'll be in 10 years. A lot has changed since I came into college and left college. It's only a speck in the great line of eternity. Looking back at historical stories, I see that things change. Whether good or bad, things change. But I wonder, how did things get to be as they are today? I'd say that in some parts of the world, things are better. In many parts of the world, things are really horrible. But there are some people who are working to make things better.

Really, in the grand scheme of things, we are merely ants. We all work, we all play a small part. But really, no one person makes the whole difference in the grand scheme of things. The only person that I can think of is God, who was, is, and who is to come.

Anyway, that's one reason why I at least try to keep following God. There is purpose to life, even though things don't matter so much. Don't get me wrong...things matter, but some things now in your life may not matter later. Some things now in your life may matter a lot later. But, how many of us remember people 1 or 2 generations back? What about 3?

I mean, people back then played a part in the world today, but how many of them are remembered? Is life meaningless? I like to think that it's not meaningless.

Anyway, I babbled on and on. But, I do believe that the terrorists should be stopped. I do believe that stopping them won't stop terrorism. What I do believe will help the world is looking out for one another. It may not seem big now, but it could impact many lives down the road.

The time is now. Do I work for a better tomorrow? Or do I live for today? I've felt for a long time, that I've lived for today. I haven't worked for tomorrow for a long time. I don't play a big role in other people's lives, but I do play a small part and I do have a role. I choose not to play a bigger role, because I just am tired.

Tired of what you may ask? I won't answer that.

All the things that matter and all the things that don't matter make up our lives. Really, we'll not be judged by our great deeds that we've done. One person put it eloquently in a chapter, "We'll be judged by love." Nothing else matters as much as that.

You may not know what I'm talking about, but read "Letters from the Desert" by Carlo Carretto. He has digested a lot of truth. The verses that comes to my mind is 1 Cor. 13:1-3.

[Edit] one thing I want to say is that you don't have to go far to help people that need help. They could be your friends or family. They could already be in your life at work...

Yesterday...

I was dead tired. I worked 5 hours and 50 minutes. I think a lot of people were gone, because we had the 4th off, but not the 5th. I guess I shouldn't complain because I got paid for the holiday because I showed up the day before the weekend and the day after. But man, it was a really long day.

Translating is fun...

when you know what they're saying. Right now, I've got a side job translating some text for a Nintendo DS game. I have no idea which game it is, but since it's a DS game, it needs to be under 30 characters including spaces. I'm getting paid 7.5 cents per translated word. I spent 6 hours translating 60 lines. I'm starting to get the hang of it now, but I think that I should go to Japan to learn Japanese and the way people speak it.

It's interesting though. Trying to translate the emotion, how people are speaking, and of course the text into a way that English speakers will understand is a little difficult. But, given that we only have 30 characters for each line, it doesn't have to be profound. I'm really enjoying this side job. I hope that they'll give me more work to do. I guess I just have to turn it in really quickly.

Star Ocean...

I'm really loving this game. The battles are simple and button mashers, but the new abilities that you learn make it interesting and somewhat obsessive. As you use your abilities more and more, your mastery of them goes higher and they become more effective. So, in a sense, you use it to get better at it, or you don't have to use it at all. There are 8 characters in this game that you can with. I'm thinking that there's more, but maybe one character goes away when you go to another planet. I'm not that far into the game, but I'm really looking forward to beating this game and unlocking the hardest difficulty level. I guess I've only spent 36 hours of my life playing this. hehe.

Man, RPGs will take up a lot of your life. I think that I've spent more time playing video games than I have anything else, but sleeping. What waste of time. But hey, it's fun. That's RPGs for you. They'll take up a lot of your life, because you're living an alternate life within the video game. I guess I should limit the time I spend on this huh.

I haven't posted for awhile, because the internet keeps on going down. It's up one minute, down the next.

Anyway, I was playing Star Ocean Till the End of Time and I must say that it's a pretty interesting game. The characters have depth. One person, who is called Albel the Wicked, becomes part of your party. One person says that he has a weak heart and that makes him keep people at arms length. One conversation he has with the main character is about life. Life for him and the kingdom he lives in is harsh. It's packed with snow, not allowing too many crops to grow. Aquaria on the other hand, is a warm climate with a magical water source that flows throughout the land.

For Albel, he talks about the harshness of reality and why they went to war with Aquaria. Life is tougher for them over there and my choice of what the main character said to Albel of why Albel's kingdom lost, "You lack compassion," made him go on this tirade.

I guess I can understand why Albel's character is such a harsh guy. The climate, not weather, he lives in is pretty harsh. They do lack compassion, but maybe there's a reason behind it.

Anyway, I think that it's interesting to see how games nowadays are incorporating characters like this in your party. They're not perfect and they give you another viewpoint.

I can relate to Albel. I can also empathize too. But I cannot understand everything that he went through, because I have never had life that severe. But I know that living in hate is not the way to live.

I've come to see that I do keep everyone at arms length. I even push away those who I want to be close to, because I have a weak heart. I'm actually scared of how good life could be. I'm scared that I'd do something to mess it up by being me. In truth, it's probably because I haven't grown up enough to handle emotions like this. I have little experience.

But I think that over time, if I walk with God, then I'll learn how to love others.

Capcom

I must say that Capcom is an awesome company. If you ask me, I'll tell you why I'm so pleased. Anyway, they are now ranked #2 after Square-Enix in my book. I think that I might try to get a job with them later on in life after I get more experience.

Maybe I'm easy to please, but I'm loving Capcom right now.

The best part...

Fridays are always good. I get paid every Friday. Even though today was a lot heavier than the previous 4 days, it was good in that things went smoothly. At our break, the supervisor said that we get monday off! He also mentioned that if we don't show up on Tuesday, then we don't get paid for the holiday. Wow, I didn't even know that we got some holiday pay...I guess this isn't such a bad place to work at.

I'll be receiving benefits starting today. I know that I can use these. It takes 2 months of 40 hours a month to get benefits for the 1st month. I have to work 40 hours each month to continue benefits for the month after.

One thing that I found both sad and uplifting was talking to this one guy today. He told me, "I hate this place..." I asked, "How long have you worked here for?" He said, "6 years...you know why I work here? It's my wife...she has been married 4 times and all have been to marines. They beat her up and broke her bones, so she's always in the hospital now. Age is catching up with her now." I didn't know what to say, so I said, "I'm sorry..." and walked off. I think that I could have done a better job in saying something positive. It kind of sounded like I'm saying, "Oh, I'm sorry that you're still working here." I wasn't saying that, but while I was driving home, I thought that he must be a really good husband to put up with a job like this for 6 years. He hates his job, yet he stays here, because his wife needs the help...otherwise, they would be worse off.

People hate this place. I'm starting to not like it either. But, I guess it's still a paycheck, and we do get great benefits, despite our low pay. I'm just glad that I have a job. I don't plan on staying here for more than 1 year, but I'm wondering...what do I really want in my life? I don't know.

Personally, I think that I need to just meditate some more about the people in my life, how I'm treating them, and how to become a better person, so that they'll stay in my life. I feel that I'm rough around the edges most of the time.

But still, I think that I'm not so bad. But yeah, enough about me.

Anyway, this place where I work at, is a good place to work. But I need to find another job. Someone who also went to the same university as me works there too. He graduated a year before me. He tells me, "I went to school for this?" He cracks me up. Funny guy...anyway, I know that probably most people who are working there now, won't be there for more than one year. Things will change and the people will change. I know if I want to get anywhere, I'm going to have to prepare.

The best part about working here is that there are some decent people here. It's a dark place, but what part of the world isn't dark? If you're always in the light, then you're probably not needed there. But still, I don't think that I'm burning brightly at all. Well, sometimes, all you can do is pray and do your best to get to know people. I guess I've got to get back into the game. Life is not a game, but what I'm saying is, I've got to participate again...something I don't want to do anymore.