I have a lot to be sad about; a lot to be angry about. But I think that the best thing I can do is just write about it and think about it.

The same cycle has been happening all throughout my college career. I get way too busy, I don't have enough time to study, I do poorly in class, and I get angry at myself for doing this. This cycle has been happening my whole college career. I thought that I was putting God first by going to events and doing other things in ministry.

But, I've learned that God can use your school work and your hard work for His kingdom also. Knowing this, I've worked a lot more on my school work and less time in ministry. But still, I'm just so busy that I can't even get enough time to study right. All my free time either has to be used for studying or doing something else. As of right now, I'm so tired that I took a break from studying and decided to write down my thoughts.

I guess I tend to blame God for the things that go wrong in my life. Things come to my mind like, "Why can't I do well?" "Why do I always let down my parents and my teachers?" "Why do I always let myself down?" I know that the answer is simple, and is that if I spent more time studying, I would do better. But, given how slow of a worker I am, and how classes get harder, and how much more busier I become, it isn't likely that I'll do well. I've come to that conclusion, because I've just had so busy of a schedule.

Why am I so busy? Like any relationship, a relationship with God takes time. It's like being a relationship with someone else, except that it's more of a parent child relationship. I do my devotions, I go to fellowship, I go to church. It's not that much longer, but when you add in other things like work, school, sleep, it adds up.

Anyway, I'm just complaining right now. Really, maybe the thing that I need to do is actually pray for time management and just work at it. This is my last quarter, and as of right now, I know that I did not do well on my first midterm.

Well...I guess this is the never ending vicious cycle that is my life. I think that I have to cut soccer and maybe AACF until I can get myself back on my feet. I'm thinking if I'll be able to get a job or not. And frankly, it doesn't look very good right now.

Oh well. I'll find a job of some kind. Yet I don't think that I'll earn that much money. But hey, there's more to life than money.

I do consider my life better ever since I met God though. Don't get me wrong about that. Despite how bad I'm doing in terms of school, I've been doing better in my personal life. I'm not doing too bad in school either. I'm at a 3.0 average, which is not great I admit, but still I could do a lot better.

My life, has been good. It's not perfect. But life has been really great since I met God. (I didn't actually meet Him in person, but through church and prayer and the Bible, I've come to know Him to some degree.) Life is actually bearable through the tough times and He's always there for me. Knowing God has let me vent to Him and find healing in times of hurt, find joy (though not lately), and just realize that my life is worth something. The more time I spend in fellowship and with other believers, the more joy I have. The more I spend it serving others, the fuller I become.

However, getting my HW done is also good too. Therefore, I need to stop writing this now, and get to work. It's been a good break, but really, I need to get my work done

In the last post, I was pretty angry that I didn't get my work done. Sorry guys for venting.

Anyway, things are going a little bit better. I'm getting some stuff done, and last night was the last night for our church fellowship. So I only will go to AACF now. It was kind of sad to see that this was the last time we're going to meet, but I felt that our fellowship leader was moving on and needed to find where God was leading him and his fiance.

It's pretty cool to see that people are moving forward in life and not stuck in the same old place. It kind of gives me some hope of getting married someday heh. (I'm not implying anything, but just that I feel like I need to grow more in my walk right now.) Definately they are a great couple and will create some great kids. But, like always, things change and I must move on also.

Right now, I looked at some job posts at one company close to where I live. As of right now, I can't get a job there doing Japanese work without going to Japan. One, I really need to go to Japan if I'm to get any job related to my major, Japanese Linguistics. All this time that I was in college, I kind of felt like I had a love for Japan despite the feelings of guilt that I caused myself in terms of not keeping in touch with some people, and just doing some stupid things. Also, I've seen that time heals wounds, not always, but sometimes. So, with that, I'm still debating on whether or not to go to Japan and teach English.

Anyway, things are going well right now. Despite being behind in school, I'm doing fine.

I've got to study right now. But I just thought that I'd update you as to what's been going on for a short period of my life.

After spending the whole day after church working on HW that was assigned about 2 weeks ago I've come to the conclusion that I need to do less and work more on my homework. Something has got to give, and I'm not going to fail this quarter. Despite how my roommates feel that I should go to AACF every week, there's no way in heck that I'm going to be able to finish my school work and go to AACF every week. With the amount of stuff that I joined this quarter, I'm surprised that I even got this much of my school work done.

Don't get me wrong. I am one busy guy. Work, school (4 classes), going to 2 fellowships, church on sunday, soccer practice, AACF, Apartment dinner on one night, and on top of that HW which is not getting done. Something has to give. I am not able to do all these things and get my homework done at the same time. So, with that conclusion, I'm going to skip out of fellowship and only go to one and skip out on soccer practice and soccer games. I've already lowered my work schedule down to the bare minimum, and also, I just need to stop talking to people and just focus on my HW. This is my last quarter, so I don't want to fail this quarter like I did almost all of my other quarters.

This has got to end, and I'm sorry that I cannot be part of everything, but something has to give. I'm going to say "no" now.

Sorry that I haven't posted for awhile. I've gotten really busy lately. I'll also get back to you on the verses from the last posts.

So much has happened. Planning for Men's Meat night is coming along. Two other guys and me are planning it. I'm just praying that it will be a time where people can get connected to other people and build relationships afterwards.

Also, I've joined an intramural soccer team. I've never played soccer on a team before, so it will be a new experience. I have a feeling that I'm going to get hurt somehow, but it could be nothing.

At fellowship tonight, it was encouraging to hear the testimony of a gal's life. How she came to know Christ and what she went through. Teasing by kids because she is asian. Teasing by her friends. People telling her that she's ugly. I can relate to the betrayal and hurt that she went through.

She told us how she came to know Christ. At first, she scoffed at Him. But the night that she was going to kill herself, she decided to trust in Him instead.

She told us that being a Christian is not about experiencing joy all the time, but suffering what Christ suffered. He thought that we were worth dying for and going through all that He did. Do we as Christians believe the same? We should. To suffer the same pains that Christ did, from those whom you're trying to love. To see worth in people who don't see worth in you.

She challenged us to really see those around us as worth suffering for. Christ came and suffered many things for us. He chose to go through them and He forgave us all. How then can we not follow His example?

Hope. Something that I've been waning in. But, hope is something that has kept me going.

Hope
This world has little hope in it. So many messed up things are happening in this world. But, there is hope. If you look hard enough, there are people who go through tough things, but still have hope.

Some things really hit home. For the past two months, our pastors have been giving us messages to step outside of our boxes, go, and reach out to someone we don't know very well.

Two months, they've been preaching that, and I have really only just thought about it recently. The two most important commandments that God tells us through Jesus is:

1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-40

I'm tired, but I realize that there's two paths I could take. One, a wide, broad path. The other, a narrow, rough path. Which to choose. I know the right answer. Do you? Yeah, I know the answer, but the real question I'm asking is, am I following it? Or am I walking a broad path knowing that I should be on the other one. When I find the verses, I'll post them up for this last quote.

One last thing, be cautious and protect yourself, because this world is not a nice place. I'll give you the quote for that later too.