Monday, March 15, 2004
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Rethinking things
Sometimes I just wonder what will happen in the future. Things look so uncertain right now and I wonder if I'll go on a mission any time soon. It might not be until a couple years down the line. I might not even go to Japan for missions this fall.
When your relationship with God is not going well, how can you minister to other people? I don't know why it's not going well, but for some reason, I just wonder if i'm not doing something right. Maybe I'm not really taking chances and denying feeling comfortable. The verse comes to mind, "The one who seeks to save his life will lose it, the one who loses it for my sake (Jesus') will find it." I forget where it is, but I think it's in Luke somewhere. Anyway, for those not familiar with the bible, my interpretation of this is that Jesus is not telling us to die or forfeit your life, but rather he's telling us to live for Him (Jesus). It's kind of confusing, but basically, part of being a Christian is denying living for oneself and living for God.
Anyway, I feel like I need a vacation right now...heh. Maybe missions isn't right for me right now. I don't know.
I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do. And it's true for not just me, but everyone.
Anyway, regardless of what happens, I would like to serve on some kind of ministry with other believers. Maybe now's not the right timing...but I think, when will be?
The other option instead of going to Japan would be trying to find an entry level job somewhere. I really don't care right now what type of job I do...but I would like to at least do something that will last years after I'm gone. Oh well...maybe I should ask God instead of writing all this on the internet. hehe...Yeah, that would be better.
Sometimes I just wonder what will happen in the future. Things look so uncertain right now and I wonder if I'll go on a mission any time soon. It might not be until a couple years down the line. I might not even go to Japan for missions this fall.
When your relationship with God is not going well, how can you minister to other people? I don't know why it's not going well, but for some reason, I just wonder if i'm not doing something right. Maybe I'm not really taking chances and denying feeling comfortable. The verse comes to mind, "The one who seeks to save his life will lose it, the one who loses it for my sake (Jesus') will find it." I forget where it is, but I think it's in Luke somewhere. Anyway, for those not familiar with the bible, my interpretation of this is that Jesus is not telling us to die or forfeit your life, but rather he's telling us to live for Him (Jesus). It's kind of confusing, but basically, part of being a Christian is denying living for oneself and living for God.
Anyway, I feel like I need a vacation right now...heh. Maybe missions isn't right for me right now. I don't know.
I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do. And it's true for not just me, but everyone.
Anyway, regardless of what happens, I would like to serve on some kind of ministry with other believers. Maybe now's not the right timing...but I think, when will be?
The other option instead of going to Japan would be trying to find an entry level job somewhere. I really don't care right now what type of job I do...but I would like to at least do something that will last years after I'm gone. Oh well...maybe I should ask God instead of writing all this on the internet. hehe...Yeah, that would be better.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
An end before the beginning?
After all that talk about missions to South America, I've decided not to go for now. As of right now, my relationship with God is not going good. I feel like maybe I blew it for this summer. Everything you do in a ministry context should be based upon God. Without the foundation, it's hard to build something.
Anyway, just lots of frustration right now as I just gave up before I even tried.
The questions on the form for the mission asked questions like, "How are your devotions?", "How do you think God is calling you to a cross cultural ministry?", "What books have you read recently?" Stuff like that which I don't have a good answer to. I feel really unprepared to go on a mission, plus I feel like would I serve any purpose there?
Anyway, the reason why I'm frustrated is that I might not ever be able to go on a mission to Brazil or any other place. I guess I just didn't want to stress out about what might lie ahead.
Plus, I'm just tired of a lot of things in my life. I need to stand up for something and not just always take in things from other people.
Things are going to change, because I'm going to change them in my life. People tell me sometimes that you need to let God change you. But, they omit what I must do to let God change me. I believe that God gave us free will to choose what we do each day. Whether we spend it well or spend it foolishly is our choice. It determines where we go and where we end up. Whether we choose to follow God today, or choose to go our own way. It's one's own choice.
Most of my life, I've been a spectator in life. A quote from my dad from his dad was, "Little kids should be seen and not heard." I can't blame my dad or my grandfather for this. I can't blame anyone for why I've been a spectator most of my life. I was raised one way, but now I have control of some parts of my life.
Anyway, the main point I don't want to waste my life anymore. I've got to take chances again, like I did before I met that one guy. Really, I'm going to do what I want to do, and not what everyone else tells me I should do. Thinking for myself, speaking for myself, responding for myself. This stage I've reached before, but have fallen down.
After all that talk about missions to South America, I've decided not to go for now. As of right now, my relationship with God is not going good. I feel like maybe I blew it for this summer. Everything you do in a ministry context should be based upon God. Without the foundation, it's hard to build something.
Anyway, just lots of frustration right now as I just gave up before I even tried.
The questions on the form for the mission asked questions like, "How are your devotions?", "How do you think God is calling you to a cross cultural ministry?", "What books have you read recently?" Stuff like that which I don't have a good answer to. I feel really unprepared to go on a mission, plus I feel like would I serve any purpose there?
Anyway, the reason why I'm frustrated is that I might not ever be able to go on a mission to Brazil or any other place. I guess I just didn't want to stress out about what might lie ahead.
Plus, I'm just tired of a lot of things in my life. I need to stand up for something and not just always take in things from other people.
Things are going to change, because I'm going to change them in my life. People tell me sometimes that you need to let God change you. But, they omit what I must do to let God change me. I believe that God gave us free will to choose what we do each day. Whether we spend it well or spend it foolishly is our choice. It determines where we go and where we end up. Whether we choose to follow God today, or choose to go our own way. It's one's own choice.
Most of my life, I've been a spectator in life. A quote from my dad from his dad was, "Little kids should be seen and not heard." I can't blame my dad or my grandfather for this. I can't blame anyone for why I've been a spectator most of my life. I was raised one way, but now I have control of some parts of my life.
Anyway, the main point I don't want to waste my life anymore. I've got to take chances again, like I did before I met that one guy. Really, I'm going to do what I want to do, and not what everyone else tells me I should do. Thinking for myself, speaking for myself, responding for myself. This stage I've reached before, but have fallen down.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Today, was the last day of class for one of my Japanese classes. I came late as usual on Wednesdays. Terrible, I know.
The teacher didn't pass out class evaluations yet. I got there just a little before it.
The teacher passed them out and left, and someone made a bad comment. I didn't stand up for fear of getting shot down. However, two people did, and I really see their maturity.
It makes me wonder...if I don't stand up for what I believe in now...when will I? I'm sure that God applauded the two that stood up.
Anyway, just thought that I'd write that down before I forget.
The teacher didn't pass out class evaluations yet. I got there just a little before it.
The teacher passed them out and left, and someone made a bad comment. I didn't stand up for fear of getting shot down. However, two people did, and I really see their maturity.
It makes me wonder...if I don't stand up for what I believe in now...when will I? I'm sure that God applauded the two that stood up.
Anyway, just thought that I'd write that down before I forget.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
I guess I have nothing but complaints off the top of my head right now. School is almost over for me and I could have done way better than I did. Bad use of my time, plus going to events when I didn't finish my hw. Plus my parents are getting on my case right now to do better as they probably feel that I'm wasting my time here staying an extra year.
Yeah, I stayed an extra year for personal reasons even though I didn't do so well in school...to raise my GPA and to get some extra things learned before I go off forever into the working world. Seems like nothing has changed though.
Anyway, I can honestly say that I haven't wasted my time here in college. I became a Christian here and have experienced a lot of good things and met a lot of good people. Even though my grades did pay for it I have grown a lot because of my experience here. Still, I am wasting my time here if I don't learn anything.
Anyway, just my one complaint of the day...nothing special.
We do not get everything we want in life...but hard work does pay off. And even when we work hard, we do not always get what we want. In my opinion, we always have one or more choices to make that determine where we go. We do not always know where we're headed, but that's life, what's ahead is unknown, but we're headed somewhere.
Looking back on things, I can see the clear path of what choices I made that determined where I am now. Sometimes things that I said that I'd change, haven't changed at all...and some things that I have changed have made me a better person.
We're only given so much time in life, and really, not everything matters in the bigger picture. Is not life more than food, or the clothes that we wear? (Taken a quote out of St. Matthew) The passage of Matthew 6:25-34 was the first passage that I truly ever remembered from the Bible. Check it out here. It was before I became a Christian. But it got me questioning some of the things about Christianity, because how could it say this? Anyway, reading Philip Yancey's "Reaching for an Invisible God" has helped me with some of these questions.
I learned that we expect faith in God to be something easy or full of joy all the time, or sometimes what we expect things ought to be...and when we don't experience it, we think that there's something wrong. I think that everyone who is a Christian has struggled with faith in God at some point or another. Anyway, I've gone off on another tangent. hehe. But yeah, my main point was, I've taken this journey with God for about 4 years now, and I haven't done as well as I'd like to have done, and things aren't turning out as well as I'd like them to.
But...who's fault is that? God's? No. They're mine. After all this time, people have been trying to tell me what faith is about. Don't get me wrong...it's not about doing things for God and getting bad grades...if you had been doing things for God, you would see that you can serve God through getting a good education and doing well. I think what I'm trying to say is that I've misinterpretted things based on a rudimentary knowledge of the Bible. Yeah, it's true that God provides for the birds of the air, yet our choices can destroy God's creations or help God's creations.
Our choices make a difference in how this world runs...how our lives run...where we go...what happens to others sometimes...
I've made some bad choices in the past...but I don't regret where I am now. God has been so good to me in that I am better off with Him, than without Him. Better off than before I mean. What I'm saying is, make good choices in your life. you'll be better off in the long run.
Despite what I said in the last paragraph...even if you follow God, try to make good choices, because they will affect you and others.
Yeah, I stayed an extra year for personal reasons even though I didn't do so well in school...to raise my GPA and to get some extra things learned before I go off forever into the working world. Seems like nothing has changed though.
Anyway, I can honestly say that I haven't wasted my time here in college. I became a Christian here and have experienced a lot of good things and met a lot of good people. Even though my grades did pay for it I have grown a lot because of my experience here. Still, I am wasting my time here if I don't learn anything.
Anyway, just my one complaint of the day...nothing special.
We do not get everything we want in life...but hard work does pay off. And even when we work hard, we do not always get what we want. In my opinion, we always have one or more choices to make that determine where we go. We do not always know where we're headed, but that's life, what's ahead is unknown, but we're headed somewhere.
Looking back on things, I can see the clear path of what choices I made that determined where I am now. Sometimes things that I said that I'd change, haven't changed at all...and some things that I have changed have made me a better person.
We're only given so much time in life, and really, not everything matters in the bigger picture. Is not life more than food, or the clothes that we wear? (Taken a quote out of St. Matthew) The passage of Matthew 6:25-34 was the first passage that I truly ever remembered from the Bible. Check it out here. It was before I became a Christian. But it got me questioning some of the things about Christianity, because how could it say this? Anyway, reading Philip Yancey's "Reaching for an Invisible God" has helped me with some of these questions.
I learned that we expect faith in God to be something easy or full of joy all the time, or sometimes what we expect things ought to be...and when we don't experience it, we think that there's something wrong. I think that everyone who is a Christian has struggled with faith in God at some point or another. Anyway, I've gone off on another tangent. hehe. But yeah, my main point was, I've taken this journey with God for about 4 years now, and I haven't done as well as I'd like to have done, and things aren't turning out as well as I'd like them to.
But...who's fault is that? God's? No. They're mine. After all this time, people have been trying to tell me what faith is about. Don't get me wrong...it's not about doing things for God and getting bad grades...if you had been doing things for God, you would see that you can serve God through getting a good education and doing well. I think what I'm trying to say is that I've misinterpretted things based on a rudimentary knowledge of the Bible. Yeah, it's true that God provides for the birds of the air, yet our choices can destroy God's creations or help God's creations.
Our choices make a difference in how this world runs...how our lives run...where we go...what happens to others sometimes...
I've made some bad choices in the past...but I don't regret where I am now. God has been so good to me in that I am better off with Him, than without Him. Better off than before I mean. What I'm saying is, make good choices in your life. you'll be better off in the long run.
Despite what I said in the last paragraph...even if you follow God, try to make good choices, because they will affect you and others.
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