First Time Staffing; an experience I'll always remember

Camp was great for many reasons. The kids were all awesome, the crew that we had worked well together, (God provided people to serve in the crew last minute), and through prayer from many people, things worked well for the kids.

I don't know how many people prayed, but I know that the staff at camp prayed for us everyday.

It was a miracle in itself seeing that the kids had a good time. One of our crew members is a 1st grade teacher who did very well with the kids. Without her, I think that I would have freaked out, because she knew how to keep the kids under control and keep their attention. All of us, except CA and the first grade teacher, were newbies.

First day
The first day, I wasn't sure what to expect. I came with CN and it was very lucky that I asked C if I should bring my sleeping bag. He said, "yeah." The form that I signed up with was a guest form, and not a staff form, so I chose the best lodging, because I thought that that is what everyone else would choose.

Apparently there was another form which I was supposed to get from the leader of the group to sign up for staff housing. I'm not going to complain too much, but really, someone should have told me or wrote on the form which housing was for which housing. Part of the blame lies on me for not asking any questions though. It's really no big deal, but things had to be set straight as to where we were to stay when we got to camp.

I'm glad that I stayed with the two other guys, because we had some great conversations about what happened during the day and just random things. CA and CN are very funny. I really should spend more time with them, but I know that they're really busy. Anyway, I guess it doesn't hurt to email or call them once in awhile.

The first night of camp, we played a name game. We tossed a ball to another person and said their name. It was going pretty good.

However, before we started, two girls just hugged each other and cried. I think that they haven't started school yet, and haven't learned to be away from their parents. I didn't know what to do, and neither did my friend. But luckily the first grade teacher was there and she came and stood by them, while me and the other guy went to join the group.

I was stressed out to tell you the truth. I thought that I didn't know how to act around kids, and that I would ruin some of their lives. But this camp showed me that there is more to things than what we think.

Day 2
I wasn't really looking forward to day 2. The first night went by kind of slowly and the morning went by even more slowly. It lasted 3 hours and it was a challenge to find things to keep the kids interested. Luckily the teacher found things to keep the kids interested. It showed me that worrying doesn't help any, but finding something that is helpful will be very useful.

However, things went well for the second day, and I was surprised that the kids responded to me. Just by being there, they responded. I'm not a talker.

I really don't know why the kids liked me, but I know that they did. Maybe not all of them, but I think that nobody held a grudge against me.

Day 3
Saturday mornings I usually sleep in from a long night of playing video games after work is done on Friday. I slept in and missed breakfast, and I went straight to the classroom after I got ready. I was giving the lesson for that session.

I struggled with it, and I could see that the kids weren't interested. I said, "I know that this isn't the most fun thing in the world." And after I repeated that a little later a kid said, "You said that already..." Basically my message was about a servant heart. Because Jesus loves us, he serves us and how we should love one another and serve one another.

The craft probably wasn't the most fun thing, but I think that some kids will learn some good things from it. I had doubts about my abilities and about the craft.

CN was very supportive of me throughout the whole camp and afterwards. On the car, I was doubting that I am this and that. He told me "you shouldn't sell yourself short by thinking that you can't do these things." I can see why he does well and part of why he is such a great guy.

"You'd be surprised what a person can do," as one of the people I met at school said. He was in the army before. He was talking about what a person is able to do with what seems really tough to do.

I surprised myself. But, the credit for what I did does not belong to me. God worked in the people and He put this together so well. I was very nervous about interacting with kids, but I learned to love them. That I believe, was not given by my own doing, but through Him who loves me and them.

Day 4
That was today. I was kind of looking forward to the end of camp, but not looking forward to it. I was having such a good time and I felt so happy to be with other believers. The kids were the greatest. They all are unique and they all have their own personalities. Each one of them is a miracle in itself. Each one of them will become someone great. The parents are all godly parents, and it shows in the kids.

I had trouble with two kids today. Both were siblings and they kept on messing with each other's stuff. I am lucky to have other people there to help me to control the situation and to help them to understand that they're not doing their work.

The teacher said, "after all this time, I'm disappointed in how little you both have got done." Both were goofing around and had a hard time paying attention or keeping focus. I was getting a little bit angry, but I didn't blow up. I had to ask the younger one if if I should separate them. The younger one shook his head. I think that I was a little harsh in what I said afterwards, but hopefully the younger one will not carry any scars.

I was stressed out again. But I had fun and I know that the kids had fun too.

Teamwork
CN was very thankful for each person that came. It wouldn't have gone so well if it weren't for each person. 3 guys, 3 gals. I am glad that it is done, but I was so happy throughout all of camp. It was a very rewarding experience to work with these people and the kids. It was a positive experience, and I learned that children are really great.

What to say Lord, it's you who gave me life...
I had fun. It was refreshing to get to know the members better. I am glad that I went. I guess what I learned is, you need to have a faith like a child in how you trust God, forgiving other people as He forgave me, and by being obedient to Him.

The last one I struggle with the most, because I think that God wants me to do something sometimes, and I really don't want to do it. Sometimes when I'd obey and I wouldn't even know why or if He told me to actually do that. It made no sense at all. So, I'm reluctant to do things that I think that God wants me to do.

But I guess, if I'm to follow after Him, I need to find where He wants me and go there. I went this past weekend and found something that I've lacked a lot. Time with God and time with believers. Time in ministry serving others who are not believers.

It was positive, and I'm very thankful that I went. However, I would still have to pray about it again, if I were to go again. Fear comes to mind...of what? The same things that I was afraid of to begin with. But, what can I say, wherever He is telling me to go, I need to go.

Japan?
I'm not sure if God is calling me to Japan. I'm having doubts and fears. It's so easy to fall in Japan. I don't know if this is the right timing, because of a report I heard from one of my friends about how things actually are there. Discrimination is more common I think in Japan. I don't know, but if I go to Japan, I would like to go through a missionary program. I wouldn't want to go to through a secular program because of all the junk that I've been reading. Who knows...if I don't go now, will I ever go? Not sure.

I really don't want to go to Japan. Maybe that's a sign that I shouldn't go. But if I don't go, then what? What am I going to do with my life? Maybe I need to take another step of faith and go. Still, I need to meditate more about this.

Skeletons in the closet

So about now, you've seen probably some of the bad points about me. Yeah, I have a lot of work to do on myself.

I am not perfect and have to work to become a better person. But, I've come a long way from where I used to be.

Anyway, I really don't care what anybody thinks of me. I know who I am.

About the last two posts that I deleted, I was thinking irrationally and have thought these things through now. I shouldn't get angry or jealous over what other people have, and I should try to be happy for the great things that they have. Even though I do get angry and jealous, people have the right to be happy and shouldn't really focus on me, but on what is more important.

Regardless of what I think, everyone should do what is best for themselves. That is why I say that I have a lot of work to do on myself, because I have to become more secure in who I am and who I know I am. People need to do what's best for them regardless of what anybody else thinks.

However, don't get me wrong in that sometimes what your friends and family say may actually be good advice. Not all the time. But the people who do care for you will speak up and tell you what they think about what you're doing and what they think is best.

Anyway, think what you want, this is only my opinion.

rethinking Japan

Not sure if Japan is right right now. Maybe someday, but I'm not sure if I'll go until I can go with the right program. There's one in particular that I'm interested in. But, it's not possible right now. I'm still chewing on what is best for me.

Apologies again

Anyway, I'm sorry again for the past two posts that I deleted. I shouldn't have said most of that and I will be held accountable for every word that I said. Anyway, sorry again.

Sometimes you've got to wonder

I think a lot. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I should just go and do something besides thinking, but it has become a habit of mine to just think and ponder about things.

I think about the past and the present, and what will happen in the future. It's good to think, but sometimes I wonder why I continue to think about what is gone, what could happen, what just happened.

I think the happiest I've been is when I just did stuff. I wouldn't recommend that all the time, because it could lead into something really bad. But when I didn't think about the fears and the worries of life and just took a chance, I was really happy.

Don't get me wrong, you should think about things and not plunge into things, because it could lead to some bad stuff later in the future. I'm not saying to not think, but what I'm talking about here is taking chances to make your life better.

I wonder why I think so much about the past. It was both good and bad. I guess that it makes up the majority of who I am. My memories of what I did and what I said.

Phillipians chapters 2 and 3 are my favorite chapters of the bible. There's lots of good stuff in those two chapters. Chapter two has helped me in my friendship with one of my friends Ricky. He's been a really good friend to me.

Anyway, enough babbling, but I will end here. Thinking is good, but what I am planning to do is forget what is behind and strain forward towards Christ. Abstract, but what I'm talking about is putting my past behind me, and working to become more like Christ.

Not an easy thing to do. Never easy, but I hope that I can grow a lot more in these next couple of years.

Cooled down

About the last two posts that I deleted...sorry guys for writing all that. I was irrational, and I said some things I shouldn't have. Anyway, I'm sorry.

Anime Sale

Apparently www.animenation.com is having a sale on Bandai anime like Cowboy Bebop, Escaflowne, Gundam, and other quality anime.

Man, if only I waited a year to buy Cowboy Bebop from Animenation. I got ripped off last year at the price that I bought it at. I did buy it at Animenation, but it cost me $152 and they gave me a used scratched DVD in Session 5 out of 6. I swore that I'd never buy from them again, but this looks like it might be worth taking a chance.

Anyway, I buy from a different anime store now. www.animecornerstore.com has so far given me better DVDs than animenation. But, if you could find it cheaper elsewhere, I'd go with them. However, if you're looking to collect anime, then animecorner is probably the better place to go. But yeah, shop around. www.anipike.com is a place where you can get access to a variety of websites.


The sale is only for this week, so it might end tomorrow.


Anyway, just thought that I'd post this, because Bandai does put out some good anime most of the time. I haven't seen all of them, but the one's I did see besides Saber Marionette, I liked.

I however, probably won't buy anything from them, because I have no spare cash lying around.

Camp planning

We planned for camp today. It was good in that we got lots of progress done. All that remains is just seeing what we have planned through. I have some uneasiness with this, but I'm sure that it will be a good experience.

I stayed up till 4 last night working on ideas. I have the beginnings of what might seem like a lesson, but I will try to turn it into a skit with lessons behind it. But we'll see how it turns out.

Updates
This is a just an update. Nothing too interesting.

On a side note however, our mayor has prohibited serving meals to the hungry in the park after 4pm. The program, kept going by private donations and a collection of churches, was moved to a park because the safety building is going to be demolished.

I can see that there are some problems with the park, but still, after about 2 years, they haven't found a better place. So the hungry went hungry for 2 days, until the city allowed another meal on Thursday night.

Even though it was prohibited, people protested and served on Wednesday despite threats of being cited. My friend attended and said that it was pretty amazing to see how people came to help out. I personally didn't want to go, because I felt like I'd get thrown in jail or something like that. But still, it was a worthwhile cause and if you didn't notice, the mayor responded.

There is no permanent solution to homelessness, but still, efforts must be made here in the city to fight it. Some here in the city may never get off the streets, simply because they need more help than the city is willing to give. Some of the people who are homeless are mentally ill, and basically funding ran out for the places that were helping them, and the mentally ill were left without any support. They ended up on the streets.

Basically, Jesus tells us in Matthew 25:34-46 about the poor. My roommate told me, "when you see the poor, you should see Jesus." I wonder how great God is...and how I'll never really understand Him, until I share in His ministry. I've been part of the ministry for a little bit, but still, I should be participating more.

Giving people food, clothing, and shelter is a good thing, but note that you must be "as shrewd as serpents, and as innocent as doves." Be careful.

Is my help helping people or hurting people?

I am always reluctant to give money to people. You'll never know what they will use it for later. My brother would buy gift certificates from McDonalds and give people those. I'd say that that's a more productive solution than giving people money to buy beer or drugs or knives.

People will take advantage of you if you're not careful. People become dependant when they see that they can. Call me cynical, but sometimes people are homeless for a reason.

However, there are some people who are actually working to get off the streets. Granted that's not everyone, but a lot of the homeless aren't lazy, they just can't find jobs.

It's not that hard to land on the streets. A person could just have some bad luck and find themselves sleeping on an asphalt bed.

However, programs like feeding the Hungry and others that give people what they NEED and NOT what they can USE for whatever they want. Food and clothing are definate needs. In my opinion, people who don't work may never find themselves off the streets. Some as stated before just don't have the ability.

But, ways that are more useful than giving someone a dollar could be creating and funding programs to fight homelessness and help people off the streets rather than hurting people by supporting their bad habits.

We have to question whether or not our help is helping people or hurting people. Is it being used to give them what they need to make their lives better, or are we doing something that is causing them to make their lives worse?

It's not easy. It takes discerning and willing people. It takes time and money. It is dangerous and people need to be consider their safety when they're dealing with homeless people. But, the homeless are people loved by God and He died for them too.

Everywhere is a mission field. This world is fallen.

Life will always have its share of struggles. What matters most is how we deal with them.

What the heck am I going to do for a job? Hmm...still thinking and searching.

"Why am I here?" vesus "What the heck am I going to do for the next few weeks?!"

Someone told me that the latter is more productive in that it gives me something to shoot for instead of shooting nothing in the dark. I'm considering working at Costco or maybe some temporary place until I can find a job that pays well enough.

I've set the day that I'm going to leave my library job. I'm bent on going to Japan and teaching English. I'm confirmed that I'm registered as a kids camp staff for this conference that I'm going to be attending.

The main things that my friend told me was that you've got to make short term goals, intermediate goals, and long term goals. Short term goals to reach the intermediate goals. And Intermediate goals to reach the long term goals. The long term goals will come if you work on the short and intermediate first. A way of building a hill from the first pails of dirt to something larger. It will grow as you continue to build.

My friend is very wise, and I know that better things will come if I keep his advice.


Kid's scare me!

I don't know why I signed up for the camp as a staff person, but this is a leap of faith that I wanted to take. I wanted to be part of something positive, and with a lot of prayer and preparation, I know that things will go well. Maybe not as I expect, but definately this is in God's hands.

Frankly, I'm not sure what I've gotten into. I don't know what to expect, and I don't know how to deal with kids. But I figure now is as good as time as any. Better to learn now instead of learning when I'm old and just plain cranky. Hmm...

Also, I wanted to see what teaching would be like. I'm hoping to learn how to deal with kids so that I can be a good teacher in Japan. I know that one camp won't make me into a good teacher, but this is a stepping stone where I can get my feet wet and learn.

Video games

Heh, I've come to an obsession with video games in Japanese. Especially the ones by Squaresoft, now Square-Enix. I find that I'm having to start over a lot because I can't understand enough of the kanji to know what they're talking about all the time, but I'm getting the basic jist of it.

It is so cool, because I'm seeing how people actually talk and the different speech levels in text. I know that I should learn how to speak the actual standard dialect, but this is a little application for me as to how people actually speak. $80 down the drain though (Yeah, I bought a lot. )

Goals
My goal of working for a video game company translating texts is a very long term goal. I cannot speak and understand enough Japanese to be of any use. Plus I don't have that much translating experience to put on my resume.

My intermediate goal is to publish my own translations of manga (Japanese comics) on my very own blog. Maybe someone will see them. Maybe nobody will know about them. But it's a start.

My daily goals will vary from day to day. But mainly I plan to study Japanese two hours each day. Not every day, but most of the days. Japanese will be my breath, life, and love...for now.

Don't get me wrong. God will always be first on my agenda. Without God I wouldn't know what I would do. I've been helped so much by Him that I owe my life to Him. Life is tougher, but life is definitely better. Better in the sense that I now have an identity, a purpose for living, and hope that this world is not lost.

Anyway, I'm not perfect. As of right now, I'm just trying to get by each day. But I have hope that things will get better.

Missed church again...next week, I'll go for sure