Tsunami
If you haven't heard, check the news. A Tsunami hit South East Asia just a couple of days ago. The death toll is in the tens of thousands right now...I think it was 60,000 from one person I heard from. It's expected to double from diseases caused by the dead bodies and waterborne diseases.
I really don't want to write more about this. But yeah, it's terrible and it's going to get worse. Relief programs are trying to help, but it's going to take a lot of money. No matter how big or small any bit helps. Check out www.worldvision.org or other places like www.Amazon.com (I stole this from GC's website.)
Seeing stories from people who have lost family from the Tsunami...I can't imagine what they're feeling. I know that bad things happen...from time to time. They're happening all the time...
I really don't feel like posting anything else right now...
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Monday, December 27, 2004
So many things, so many distractions. Okay, I need a job.
I have been looking into a application for this church in Japan. I wonder if I'll be able to do a good job there. The contract is 3 months, but I'm thinking that it's going to be a very stressful three months. Why? I really think that the Japanese churches are really on fire for God and want you to do really well in your job. Being kind of lazy right now, I'm thinking that I might get sent home early. But we'll see if I get the job or not.
With another Christmas season passing, I'm finding that a lot of things are changing. Change is good, but not always. I guess that was a generic statement. But I'm both happy and sad that things are changing. Happy that people are moving on and moving forward in their lives. Sad that I'm still living at home and feeling like I might not get a job any time soon.
I'm also sad that I feel like I haven't changed all that much while everyone else is changing a lot. I guess it depends on what we do with our days and what we choose to invest in. I can say that I've invested a lot of time in video games now that the holiday season is here and everyone else is home.
Going away
Something my dad said yesterday is causing me to rethink where I want to be. It's nothing bad, but he just mentioned that we should probably move away from where we grew up so that we would not be stifled. I wonder if going to Japan would be a good thing for me.
I have been looking into a application for this church in Japan. I wonder if I'll be able to do a good job there. The contract is 3 months, but I'm thinking that it's going to be a very stressful three months. Why? I really think that the Japanese churches are really on fire for God and want you to do really well in your job. Being kind of lazy right now, I'm thinking that I might get sent home early. But we'll see if I get the job or not.
With another Christmas season passing, I'm finding that a lot of things are changing. Change is good, but not always. I guess that was a generic statement. But I'm both happy and sad that things are changing. Happy that people are moving on and moving forward in their lives. Sad that I'm still living at home and feeling like I might not get a job any time soon.
I'm also sad that I feel like I haven't changed all that much while everyone else is changing a lot. I guess it depends on what we do with our days and what we choose to invest in. I can say that I've invested a lot of time in video games now that the holiday season is here and everyone else is home.
Going away
Something my dad said yesterday is causing me to rethink where I want to be. It's nothing bad, but he just mentioned that we should probably move away from where we grew up so that we would not be stifled. I wonder if going to Japan would be a good thing for me.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Writing some personal stuff down, I found that it was therapeutic to actually write them down and think things through.
Sometimes I feel that it is better to leave some things left unsaid. But part of me wants to make my voice heard.
I know that God has a plan for my life. Despite the twists and turns, there is a plan. Yet I can't help but think, what is it? Am I following it? Am I better off than I was 5 years ago? I know that I definitely am better off.
There is hope in the day today. Each day has hope and each day is yours. What you do with your time can make all the difference.
Living in the past
I remember when I was a kid. Things were a lot simpler, but I was not happy. I always lived with the mistakes that I've made. I still live with them, even though I don't remember them. Part of me has a hard time letting things go, even when they're gone and I'm just gripping hard at empty space.
One event sticks out at me and I see that my life changed dramtically because of that. Both bad and good. Another comes to mind and I see that yeah, I could have done better in what I did.
But all in all, I never really remember the things that I have done well. It's like I need evidence that I actually did something well. It shows you how strong the negative is. The negatives come and keep a grip on my life.
But, at least they keep things real. Don't get me wrong though, the positives are definitely worth remembering. I remember a lot of them and laugh in nostalgia. But why I live in the past is something that I don't want to share.
Living in the now is hard. But I have resolutions to make and I feel that this is one that I should make. So here goes nothing, it's said. Hopefully I'll follow through. I'd better. My life depends on it. Not life and death, but my future.
Sometimes I feel that it is better to leave some things left unsaid. But part of me wants to make my voice heard.
I know that God has a plan for my life. Despite the twists and turns, there is a plan. Yet I can't help but think, what is it? Am I following it? Am I better off than I was 5 years ago? I know that I definitely am better off.
There is hope in the day today. Each day has hope and each day is yours. What you do with your time can make all the difference.
Living in the past
I remember when I was a kid. Things were a lot simpler, but I was not happy. I always lived with the mistakes that I've made. I still live with them, even though I don't remember them. Part of me has a hard time letting things go, even when they're gone and I'm just gripping hard at empty space.
One event sticks out at me and I see that my life changed dramtically because of that. Both bad and good. Another comes to mind and I see that yeah, I could have done better in what I did.
But all in all, I never really remember the things that I have done well. It's like I need evidence that I actually did something well. It shows you how strong the negative is. The negatives come and keep a grip on my life.
But, at least they keep things real. Don't get me wrong though, the positives are definitely worth remembering. I remember a lot of them and laugh in nostalgia. But why I live in the past is something that I don't want to share.
Living in the now is hard. But I have resolutions to make and I feel that this is one that I should make. So here goes nothing, it's said. Hopefully I'll follow through. I'd better. My life depends on it. Not life and death, but my future.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Why am I here?
This is something that I continually ask myself in light of why God didn't allow me to die when I had lost all hope in 9th grade. I was helped a great deal and my views of myself have changed since then. Still, part of me from the past lurks within me and asks, "Why am I here?" "What purpose do I have here?"
I may never know those answers in my lifetime. But one thing is clear, people do make a difference in another person's life. It could be either good or bad. But it depends also on our reaction and how we deal with the other influences.
What I found to be powerful, was that in spite of how bad things got in my life, I could use them as a testimony for the good that God has done in my life. How low I've come to be where I am now. And it didn't come solely through prayer, but through people who were the answers to those prayers.
I can honestly say that I'm here because people have impacted me a great deal and I have changed. But what I can also say is, not all of my old self has gone and part of me still wonders, "Would life be better without me?" For the last question, I can say yes and no.
What keeps me here is hope. It helps me get through the day and know that something great could happen each day. For me, I wake up feeling tired, but everyday starts anew and I feel better than I did when I went to sleep. (That is unless I go to sleep upset.) Christ helps me through His word in the Bible and prayer. I cannot say that I could go on without Him. He is my strength and my hope and also a source of a lot of discomfort.
Anyway, why I'm writing this, I don't know. Only that after I got baptized today, I kept asking myself, "Am I going to be more serious now? Am I going to follow after Him? Or am I going to keep on ignoring Him?" (That Him is Christ and my walk of faith.)
I have committed my life for Him. I want to be part of something special and longlasting. Not letting my life drain away as I go through each day, but taking part of something each day, whether it be something small or big. But, in light of my commitments, I find that I fall short a lot. Hence the questions, am I really committed or am I just saying things again?
God didn't save me for nothing. But part of me wonders, am I missing out on what I should be doing? I guess writing about it won't make too much of a difference. But I guess maybe this is a way that I voice my thoughts. Hmm...makes me wonder if I should write this somewhere else.
Baptism
I got baptized today. It was a great day as I finally proclaimed that Jesus is my Savior and Lord. I'm not sure what the significance is to it, only that it is expressing the commitment that I made. I'm sure that that's what it is.
God has done so much in my life, it's time to stand up for what I believe in.
This is something that I continually ask myself in light of why God didn't allow me to die when I had lost all hope in 9th grade. I was helped a great deal and my views of myself have changed since then. Still, part of me from the past lurks within me and asks, "Why am I here?" "What purpose do I have here?"
I may never know those answers in my lifetime. But one thing is clear, people do make a difference in another person's life. It could be either good or bad. But it depends also on our reaction and how we deal with the other influences.
What I found to be powerful, was that in spite of how bad things got in my life, I could use them as a testimony for the good that God has done in my life. How low I've come to be where I am now. And it didn't come solely through prayer, but through people who were the answers to those prayers.
I can honestly say that I'm here because people have impacted me a great deal and I have changed. But what I can also say is, not all of my old self has gone and part of me still wonders, "Would life be better without me?" For the last question, I can say yes and no.
What keeps me here is hope. It helps me get through the day and know that something great could happen each day. For me, I wake up feeling tired, but everyday starts anew and I feel better than I did when I went to sleep. (That is unless I go to sleep upset.) Christ helps me through His word in the Bible and prayer. I cannot say that I could go on without Him. He is my strength and my hope and also a source of a lot of discomfort.
Anyway, why I'm writing this, I don't know. Only that after I got baptized today, I kept asking myself, "Am I going to be more serious now? Am I going to follow after Him? Or am I going to keep on ignoring Him?" (That Him is Christ and my walk of faith.)
I have committed my life for Him. I want to be part of something special and longlasting. Not letting my life drain away as I go through each day, but taking part of something each day, whether it be something small or big. But, in light of my commitments, I find that I fall short a lot. Hence the questions, am I really committed or am I just saying things again?
God didn't save me for nothing. But part of me wonders, am I missing out on what I should be doing? I guess writing about it won't make too much of a difference. But I guess maybe this is a way that I voice my thoughts. Hmm...makes me wonder if I should write this somewhere else.
Baptism
I got baptized today. It was a great day as I finally proclaimed that Jesus is my Savior and Lord. I'm not sure what the significance is to it, only that it is expressing the commitment that I made. I'm sure that that's what it is.
God has done so much in my life, it's time to stand up for what I believe in.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
JLPT
I got there early. It was already crowded with people eager to take the test and people cramming at the last minute fitting images of words into their minds. I basically didn't care about studying at the last minute at that point, because I knew that my test would have at least 1000 words that you would need to know. It could have been that I just wasn't expecting to pass this test from the previous results of the practice test.
As I walked in, someone called my name. I was surprised, because the cynical part of me wants to think that people don't like me and don't have very good impressions of me. (In the latter part of my years at the university, I've grown to be like this, because I moved out of the dorms and lost contact with a lot of my social life.) But to my surprise, it was someone whom I met in the dorms some 4 years ago.
We met in my Sophmore year, her freshman year, and both have a passion for Japan. She's half Japanese, and I'm a third. heh. We both weren't very good at Japanese at the time, but apparently she has gotten a lot better, because she was taking level 1, the hardest test. I was taking level 2.
Since July, she has been working for a Japanese company and loves her job. She gave me the name and info of the person she works for and told me to turn in my resume. "It couldn't hurt" she added when I told her that my Japanese is horrible. I gratefully took it and put it in my wallet. Wow, I totally wasn't expecting to apply to any Japanese companies this soon. We parted when the test started and she told me, "Ganbatte" (Good luck). "Nice girl," I thought.
The test was rough. It was harder than all the previous tests that were given before. I hope that the people giving the test didn't read my blog about it not showing how proficient a person is, because I really didn't catch everything and I do think that this test does show some basic material that is essential to master. But probably they just thought that there were too many people passing, so they upped it up a notch. It was a lot harder than I expected it to be.
It was a pretty rough test, but we'll see what the results will be. I might have done better than I thought. But for now, I really need to find any type of job and study Japanese in the meantime.
Gambling as a Job?
My dad told me that he thinks that I should go with my brother to the casinos and earn some money gambling. My brother told him how I beat all of them at Texas Hold 'em when I went to visit. I thought that it was funny that my dad would say something like that, being that he wanted to get a stable job when he was young. Hmm...I could try gambling, but I know that I would lose more than I would win. Yeah, gambling wouldn't be fun if you won every single time. The thrill does come in winning, only because the reality is you'll lose more than you'll win (odds stacked against you). Unless luck is on your side, or you're really good.
Got to pray
Seeing things in this world is really telling me, pray and seek direction. We'll see where I end up. =)
I got there early. It was already crowded with people eager to take the test and people cramming at the last minute fitting images of words into their minds. I basically didn't care about studying at the last minute at that point, because I knew that my test would have at least 1000 words that you would need to know. It could have been that I just wasn't expecting to pass this test from the previous results of the practice test.
As I walked in, someone called my name. I was surprised, because the cynical part of me wants to think that people don't like me and don't have very good impressions of me. (In the latter part of my years at the university, I've grown to be like this, because I moved out of the dorms and lost contact with a lot of my social life.) But to my surprise, it was someone whom I met in the dorms some 4 years ago.
We met in my Sophmore year, her freshman year, and both have a passion for Japan. She's half Japanese, and I'm a third. heh. We both weren't very good at Japanese at the time, but apparently she has gotten a lot better, because she was taking level 1, the hardest test. I was taking level 2.
Since July, she has been working for a Japanese company and loves her job. She gave me the name and info of the person she works for and told me to turn in my resume. "It couldn't hurt" she added when I told her that my Japanese is horrible. I gratefully took it and put it in my wallet. Wow, I totally wasn't expecting to apply to any Japanese companies this soon. We parted when the test started and she told me, "Ganbatte" (Good luck). "Nice girl," I thought.
The test was rough. It was harder than all the previous tests that were given before. I hope that the people giving the test didn't read my blog about it not showing how proficient a person is, because I really didn't catch everything and I do think that this test does show some basic material that is essential to master. But probably they just thought that there were too many people passing, so they upped it up a notch. It was a lot harder than I expected it to be.
It was a pretty rough test, but we'll see what the results will be. I might have done better than I thought. But for now, I really need to find any type of job and study Japanese in the meantime.
Gambling as a Job?
My dad told me that he thinks that I should go with my brother to the casinos and earn some money gambling. My brother told him how I beat all of them at Texas Hold 'em when I went to visit. I thought that it was funny that my dad would say something like that, being that he wanted to get a stable job when he was young. Hmm...I could try gambling, but I know that I would lose more than I would win. Yeah, gambling wouldn't be fun if you won every single time. The thrill does come in winning, only because the reality is you'll lose more than you'll win (odds stacked against you). Unless luck is on your side, or you're really good.
Got to pray
Seeing things in this world is really telling me, pray and seek direction. We'll see where I end up. =)
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
About the last post
I wrote some things that probably made some people upset or angry in my last post. Or, maybe to some people, it sounded like I was whining.
That probably wasn't my best post. But let me clarify some things.
People do not have to see worth in me. It really does not matter if others see me as a nobody or not. Really, I cannot help that if people do, and I know that I should not post my frustrations on the web. But, what I wanted to get across was this. Because Christ died for all people and saw worth in all people, shouldn't we have the same attitude towards all people as well?
I know that it's not always so in this world. I know that we as human beings are imperfect. But, shouldn't we strive to be more like Christ? Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. Those things I was trying to get across.
Each person is important. No matter how small a role they play, or how big. Their worth is not seen in their job, what they do, what they say, or how others see them. But their worth is determined by God. Christ died for the ungodly. He died for us. But also for those whom we deem unworthy.
Why I wrote that last post
I've felt from time to time that I had no worth. Recently, I've kept asking "Why am I here?" That question goes unanswered, because nobody can answer that for me.
I've had to rethink things and see that I do have worth. I am worth something. And so is everyone else. No matter how worthless they feel, or think they are, they are worth a lot.
I think the reason why people in general saw no worth in me, was because I felt like I had no worth. Maybe I was imagining things, but to me, it was real.
The truth is, nobody can give you worth. You have to find it in yourself. Another person cannot give that to you, because they cannot make you into something else. You just have to recognize the worth inside of yourself. And when you do, others will see the worth in you.
I have remebered things like this from some helpful reminders. Really, I have a lot to be thankful for.
I wrote some things that probably made some people upset or angry in my last post. Or, maybe to some people, it sounded like I was whining.
That probably wasn't my best post. But let me clarify some things.
People do not have to see worth in me. It really does not matter if others see me as a nobody or not. Really, I cannot help that if people do, and I know that I should not post my frustrations on the web. But, what I wanted to get across was this. Because Christ died for all people and saw worth in all people, shouldn't we have the same attitude towards all people as well?
I know that it's not always so in this world. I know that we as human beings are imperfect. But, shouldn't we strive to be more like Christ? Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. Those things I was trying to get across.
Each person is important. No matter how small a role they play, or how big. Their worth is not seen in their job, what they do, what they say, or how others see them. But their worth is determined by God. Christ died for the ungodly. He died for us. But also for those whom we deem unworthy.
Why I wrote that last post
I've felt from time to time that I had no worth. Recently, I've kept asking "Why am I here?" That question goes unanswered, because nobody can answer that for me.
I've had to rethink things and see that I do have worth. I am worth something. And so is everyone else. No matter how worthless they feel, or think they are, they are worth a lot.
I think the reason why people in general saw no worth in me, was because I felt like I had no worth. Maybe I was imagining things, but to me, it was real.
The truth is, nobody can give you worth. You have to find it in yourself. Another person cannot give that to you, because they cannot make you into something else. You just have to recognize the worth inside of yourself. And when you do, others will see the worth in you.
I have remebered things like this from some helpful reminders. Really, I have a lot to be thankful for.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Thoughts
I like to think. It may not always be clear what I'm trying to say, but the concept is there in my head.
Sometimes I'm just slower to say things rather than blurt out what I think. It was better this way, because I would end up hurting some people's feelings from my impulsive words.
Anyway, speech has never been a gift of mine. But I do have my own thoughts and ideas about things. From today's bible study, I'm thinking about faith and just how that fits into my own life.
Faith, I believe in God and Jesus and that He died for us. I know that He can do anything. But what I also know is that He doesn't do everything for us, or so has been my experience.
I know that you can't base your picture of who God is on your experiences, but I've found that some of my experiences have, or so I think, helped me to know God better. Things such as prayer, serving others, and trials. While other experiences have given me more questions than answers.
I wonder exactly what being a Christian is all about. And I know that it's about loving God and loving people. But looking at that statement from that sentence really doesn't dig into how deep of a statement it truly is. It's harder than you think.
Anyway, God will judge everyone at the end of times, so I should not judge them. He will judge me too. But yeah, I guess what I should do is not worry about how people treat me and just know that I am a great person. I am a winner. Even though everyone may think I'm a loser, God calls me a winner.
"Why do I say that?" you may ask. Tony Campolo put it best when he said in a sermon. He brought up an ordinary guy who was kind of fat and old. He said, "Do you see this guy? This guy is a winner!"
He explained that there was a big race. Thousands of others like him ran down a big tube and were racing for the prize. And he won!
He explained that we're no accident. Even if you weren't meant to happen by your parents, God meant for you to happen! The guy he brought up there is a winner. And so is everyone else.
I actually saw Tony Campolo and heard him speak at a church south of where I live. We traveled from Presby some 30 miles to hear him speak. It was definitely worth it. He is a very dynamic speaker and he has a great understanding of the Bible and the gospel.
Anyway, he was promoting a program called REACH ministry, which is a ministry that helps kids infected with AIDS. This ministry helps buy medicine for the kids that have AIDS and also sponsors a camp for them. The kids shown in the video are great. Yet, they are judged by other people because they have AIDS. This disease is something that they're born with and not something that they had by choice.
But yeah, getting back to all of us. God sees us all as winners. We won the race in the beginning of our lives. God loves us all. God also loves those who are looked down by us.
Really, the gospel is good news! It's a sign of God's love. AACF's theme verse was 1 John 3:16. It goes, "This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down his life for us, how we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
Anyway, there's lots of things that are wrong in this world. But who am I to judge other people? I am here to do what I know to be right. Not judge others. God is good. God is great. And God sees things differently than man. For "while man looks at the outward appearances, God looks at the heart."
Anyway, you may be asking who I'm talking about. Really, no one in particular. But, I know that there are some people who don't see worth in me. I guess I'm a little bitter about that, but I know that God loves them too. Regardless of how we treat each other, God's love for us will never change, despite how our love for each other changes.
"I shouldn't worry about whether or not people like me or not. I can't help that. But what I can do is worry about what I can do. That I can help." My thoughts may not be important to others, but they're important to me. I have worth. I have a soul. I am important. And these three things are true for everyone else.
The quote in the last paragraph is from an interview from Jack Nicklaus, the famous golfer.
I like to think. It may not always be clear what I'm trying to say, but the concept is there in my head.
Sometimes I'm just slower to say things rather than blurt out what I think. It was better this way, because I would end up hurting some people's feelings from my impulsive words.
Anyway, speech has never been a gift of mine. But I do have my own thoughts and ideas about things. From today's bible study, I'm thinking about faith and just how that fits into my own life.
Faith, I believe in God and Jesus and that He died for us. I know that He can do anything. But what I also know is that He doesn't do everything for us, or so has been my experience.
I know that you can't base your picture of who God is on your experiences, but I've found that some of my experiences have, or so I think, helped me to know God better. Things such as prayer, serving others, and trials. While other experiences have given me more questions than answers.
I wonder exactly what being a Christian is all about. And I know that it's about loving God and loving people. But looking at that statement from that sentence really doesn't dig into how deep of a statement it truly is. It's harder than you think.
Anyway, God will judge everyone at the end of times, so I should not judge them. He will judge me too. But yeah, I guess what I should do is not worry about how people treat me and just know that I am a great person. I am a winner. Even though everyone may think I'm a loser, God calls me a winner.
"Why do I say that?" you may ask. Tony Campolo put it best when he said in a sermon. He brought up an ordinary guy who was kind of fat and old. He said, "Do you see this guy? This guy is a winner!"
He explained that there was a big race. Thousands of others like him ran down a big tube and were racing for the prize. And he won!
He explained that we're no accident. Even if you weren't meant to happen by your parents, God meant for you to happen! The guy he brought up there is a winner. And so is everyone else.
I actually saw Tony Campolo and heard him speak at a church south of where I live. We traveled from Presby some 30 miles to hear him speak. It was definitely worth it. He is a very dynamic speaker and he has a great understanding of the Bible and the gospel.
Anyway, he was promoting a program called REACH ministry, which is a ministry that helps kids infected with AIDS. This ministry helps buy medicine for the kids that have AIDS and also sponsors a camp for them. The kids shown in the video are great. Yet, they are judged by other people because they have AIDS. This disease is something that they're born with and not something that they had by choice.
But yeah, getting back to all of us. God sees us all as winners. We won the race in the beginning of our lives. God loves us all. God also loves those who are looked down by us.
Really, the gospel is good news! It's a sign of God's love. AACF's theme verse was 1 John 3:16. It goes, "This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down his life for us, how we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
Anyway, there's lots of things that are wrong in this world. But who am I to judge other people? I am here to do what I know to be right. Not judge others. God is good. God is great. And God sees things differently than man. For "while man looks at the outward appearances, God looks at the heart."
Anyway, you may be asking who I'm talking about. Really, no one in particular. But, I know that there are some people who don't see worth in me. I guess I'm a little bitter about that, but I know that God loves them too. Regardless of how we treat each other, God's love for us will never change, despite how our love for each other changes.
"I shouldn't worry about whether or not people like me or not. I can't help that. But what I can do is worry about what I can do. That I can help." My thoughts may not be important to others, but they're important to me. I have worth. I have a soul. I am important. And these three things are true for everyone else.
The quote in the last paragraph is from an interview from Jack Nicklaus, the famous golfer.
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