So yeah, I was rested today, but I found that I need to eat before I go to work, or get there early and eat there. Yesterday, I didn't eat until dinner...I didn't eat breakfast or lunch...which could be why I felt kind of crappy today, but okay still.

Anyway, enough about work...

So the topic of this week has been Fable. One thing I like about the game is that you can pull off some ultra cheapness. If you get behind someone while fighting, then they can't defend and you'll keep hitting them in the back. Basically, one of the cheapest moves of the game is to use the slow time spell and just run around people and destroy them from behind. What's unfair though, is that if someone attacks you from behind and you're blocking, then you block it. I guess it'd be too hard especially since there can be quite a few characters on the screen and you can turn around fast enough with the mouse.

However...Fable is a good game...so far...in the game I've played 34 days and my character is at age 54. Apparently he ages every time I use experience points. I guess that's undestandable, but I wonder if my character will lose some strength when he gets too old. This game does seem to have a way with realism that can either thrill someone, or annoy someone. What's one mistake I made on another game, "knights of the old republic", I made my character too balanced and had a heck of time trying to beat the last boss. Apparently these realistic games are pretty realistic as it's true in life that you want to specialize in something and not just do things in mediocrity. I wonder if it'll be impossible to learn everything in this game and that I'll have to pick and choose what I want and leave behind other things that may not be so important.

True in life too...you have to pick what's most important with your time as you only have so much of it. I can understand why some people are left in the dust...it's impossible to make time for everyone...which is why I can understand why g-sak is always busy or why he doesn't tell people that's he's coming back. heh. I guess I'll need to make the same choices now...what is most important to me...

Anyway, I was thinking today about growth and being an adult. I feel like a kid still in many ways. I don't act like an adult in some sense and I feel very stupid most of the time, because I am not thinking ahead. Anyway, I was thinking that everything needs work. And to grow, I need to work on things gradually and make some good decisions with my life. What is most important to me? As of right now, I'm thinking that I might be single for the rest of my life. heh. I do not know how to act in social situations and I have not learned...but as my friend told me at my workplace..."You're gonna have to learn."

Well, it's 9:30 now...I should really stick my plan that I made two weeks ago and make time for video games only on Saturday and do what's important on the weekdays. Yeah...we'll see if I can delay my gratification and keep my sticktoitiveness. That word is not a word, but a lot of people use it. That's important to do...stick to it and be disciplined.

Okay, so video games got me in trouble...sort of. Anyway, an update on Fable, one part of the game is pretty sketchy, so you probably don't want kids under 17 playing this game. Anyway, one thing about the game that I don't like is that your character has no dialogue. Your only choices are that, choices...yes or no.

Anyway, I'd say that I'll just beat this game and get my money's worth out of it. I feel pretty bad after playing this game. But it's a good game, it's just that some things they shouldn't put in video games. I'd say that this game has got some functions that only ultra nerds would appreciate. heh. And I'm not as nerdy as that. So yeah, no more of that function for me.

I guess people do play games to escape reality sometimes, but for me, I don't want it to become an alternate lifestyle. Which is why I haven't joined an massive multiplayer rpg. Anyway, I was taught that it's not a good thing to get too involved online. That's why I have no comments on my blog. I don't want to hear from strangers and people who don't know me.

Why I blog is another thing...I wanted people to see that a quiet person like me does have some interesting things to say once in awhile...even though it's rare. heh. I guess that's the thing...online, you don't know what language people speak in real life. You only see their thoughts and words which may or may not be crafted like a Japanese painted mask. That's the thing...you don't know who these people online are. And I don't think that it's a good idea to share too much info about yourself online. But then again, I've shared some things online that I probably shouldn't have...but that's just me.

Anyway, this is a broken world. I could take the stance which the Jehovah's witnesses take, in that Christianity isn't working...but I don't. I know that God is working in everyone's lives everyday. But so is the devil working also. My friend at church told me that there is this fictional book about how God wants to do so much in this world, but won't interfere too much unless He's asked to help. The angels were empowered with prayer...

Anyway, that's one reason why he prays so much now. If nobody is praying for the people of this world, then how will God intercede?

I guess this is a wake up call. I need to be praying more as I need God to work more in people's lives. But so often do I not pray and so often do I get sucked into my activities like playing video games. Anyway, I'm not saying that activities like video games are bad, but what I'm saying is, I need a balance and to weigh my priorities on what I really want to make important and not just say it.

I guess I'm not serious enough...and I kind of wonder where I'll go in life. Will I not run a marathon in life and just keep running sprints? I guess it all comes down to who I live for everyday. What am I doing here on earth?

I don't know...as of right now I'm just doing a contracting job and going by everyday. I know that God can do great things for people, but I know that I am not doing much for God. Got to start with the basics everyday...

Anyway, I was talking about video games...yeah, Fable...good game, but it could cause some people to stumble. My friend at work was saying, "So why did you buy this game again?" I told him because of a good review. 8 point something is pretty good. So he said, "So you buy games on a whim? Just because they got a good review?" It's not like I can play these games before I buy them, unless I play them at someone else's house. But still, maybe I have a problem here in buying video games. And buying other stuff. Hmm...

Okay, so I guess I do need to watch what I spend. Man, maybe I shouldn't buy a video game until I beat one. buy one, beat one, then I can buy another...but it seems like that never works. Maybe that why I have problems...hmm...no self control in terms of delaying gratification. oh well...something to work on today.

With my new contracting job I haven't had much time to play video games. I think that I've been suffering from withdrawal from my ps2.

Anyway, I checked out Gamespot today and saw a review on a soon to be released Nippon ichi game, also done by Vanillaware who did Odin Sphere. Anyway, it's called Grim Grimoire. you can find the review here.

What's interesting about this game is that it's not a RPG, but a RTS (Real time strategy) for the PS2. This game came out on April 12th, two days before i left Japan. I wasn't sure what to make out of the game, as I saw some pictures on the Japan Amazon site, but wasn't sure what exactly it was. Now I know and I want to get this game. Anyway, it comes out on June 26th.

Check out the article if you're interested. It's no. 8 on the viewed list for the PS2 on Gamespot.

I'm glad that I have a job for now, but as of right now, I don't know when or if they'll hire me on full time. I hope so, but then if I am hired on, I need to put music on my psp.

Man, I don't know why I'm up this late, only that I'm finding that I want to play video games while I should get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow. I'll eat lunch after church and go home...then I can play video games. heh. I might miss church tomorrow.

One thing I'll always remember being said is, "You can't be part of the body if you're not actually there with the body..." hmm...Oh well...maybe I should get going.

I got my paycheck today...I'm so happy as all that work that I did actually amounts to a monetary value. And it's not bad.

I like working full time. My old job in the States was only part time and you'd be lucky if you got 4 hours. This job pays a little better, gives me more hours, and what's the best part is that it takes place when the sun is still up and not when it's starting to rise.

I don't doubt my abilities, but I do sometimes have too much attention to detail and tend to put too much work into one item. I have been working faster, but I wonder if I'm thinking too much about what the customer might think. I mean, it depends on the customer, but I do believe that if a customer pays money for something, and if it's brand new, then they'll expect the best for what they paid for. I don't like products that are substandard and I tend to make each product as good as I can.

It's frustrating sometimes, because that means that I need to do a lot more work and the work is piling up in additional stuff besides the project that I'm doing.

Anyway, it's a good place to work, and I want the company to do well, but I don't know if people are waiting on me for things, which can cause stress for other people. I guess it's a balance as is most of life. I can't be so picky that I have to do a lot of work, but I can't be too lax and not do enough. Oh well...

I told myself not to play video games during the weekdays as I get home late because of the job. So I might just take a shower and go to sleep. It's already 9. Which reminds me...got to do the reading for tomorrow.

So missed church today, so I owe my bible study $5...I hope that they don't think that I meant to owe each of them $5, but yeah, I was planning to just owe the bible study altogether $5 only. Anyway, last night, I was playing my new game Fable. I still like Knights of the Old Republic better, because it's more of a role playing game, but this game does bring in some interesting similar concepts. More on that later as I play the game more.

Anyway, I still have yet to play Knights of the Old Republic as the Dark side. Still, I don't like having to travel all over the map and going to different places and taking up a lot of time on places that I have already seen and know about. I think that I'll pick it up again after a year has passed. Anyway, the first Knights of the Old Republic was made by this developer called Bioware. The 2nd one, as I've heard, wasn't as good as the first and reused a lot of concepts. The 2nd Knights of the Old Republic was made by a different company.

I think that Bioware made this game called Mercenaries for the PS2, also done by Lucasarts I think...but I'm not sure. Anyway, I have so many games right now that I need to stop buying them and start beating them.

One of my friends told me that he doesn't see a point in buying video games just because they're at a good price. "If you don't have time to play them, then it's the same as not having them." Man, I'm always wondering when I'll have enough time to play a game. I love RPGs, but as I'm getting older, I'm finding less and less time to play. And if I ever have a girlfriend someday and eventually get married, then I'll have no time to play video games...unless I actually schedule in some time for myself...which I could be using to study Japanese...man, the cycle repeats itself...no wonder I never passed level 2 of the JLPT.

Oh well...speaking of that, I'm finding it frustrating when I'm reading this Japanese children's book, because I'm having to look up so many words. I guess that's the only way to learn though...reading and looking up words, as I don't have anybody in real life to ask, besides one guy at work...but I don't want to bother him with that. Anyway, this book is about 4 volumes long and about 250 pages each. It's actually a Japanese children's novel.

Anyway, should get going...

Week 2 done

I think that this week went better than the first week. I actually was a little better in reaching out to some of the people there, but still not very successful. I think that it's a good place to work, and there are some great people there, but I always feel that no matter where I go or who I'm with, I don't belong anywhere or with anyone. I've been a loner for a majority of my life and even though it is more fun to be around other people, I find that I am most comfortable being by myself.

The reason being that I don't have to deal with misunderstandings from other people in how I act. I admit though, that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I'm sometimes rude to other people on occasion, even though I don't mean to hurt their feelings, I do sometimes.

What I noticed though, people there are trying to be nice to me and even though I am not perfect, some of them make some efforts to say hi.

My first week there, I was pretty angry...I think being uncomfortable and not knowing a lot of people there I felt like I was a fish out of water...ie out of my comfort zone. But luckily my friends work there too, so I could talk to them. I still however felt very uncomfortable when people would walk by and I really didn't want to reach out.

It's a little easier to reach out now that I've done only the minimal over the course of two weeks, but still tough for me to do. I'm not sure if they'll hire me full time, but I'm kind of wondering if I'll be let go sometime soon. I still don't know if they want me to show up on Monday as I wasn't told if I'd been hired full time. Well, at least I got to know some of them a little bit and that's important...not just doing your job all the time, but actually getting to know the people there. But still, I don't know if I'll see these people for very much longer...

Anyway, they'll most likely tell me on Monday if they want me to work another two weeks or so. Right now, they need workers to do the job that I've been doing and for another two weeks, I'll most likely be there, which is good.

I still don't relate well to people at times and I feel like maybe I should try to communicate more. I said some comments today that might have made my boss mad, but then again, I don't know. I think that he's a good guy and he's been trying to reach out to me, but then I try not to treat my bosses any better than I've been treating everyone else, which can come across as me being rude...again...man...maybe I should try to treat everyone better so that I'll treat my bosses better.

I don't know...I think that it has just gone to show that I'm out of practice in my relationship with Christ. As the "Experiencing God" workbook said, my relationship with God will mirror my relationship with people. I guess I should try to find a reference for that, but I'm thinking that I need to spend more time with God...I think that I haven't been doing that enough.

I look at my friends who work there who are Christian and see just how well they relate to the people there. Even though they don't talk too much and do their jobs they do treat everyone there with respect and the love of Christ.

I'm seeing that I need to get my act in gear and do what I should be doing. I guess bridges aren't built too easily. It was so much easier before a certain point in my life, but now it's a lot tougher...I guess it's no use reminiscing about the past. As the song goes, "Yesterday is dead and over." Man, I love Switchfoot...

Today went better. I do see a connection between me spending time with God and how I relate to others. heh. Well, whatever...got to make sure that I'm doing what I need to do. Definitely who you spend time with does affect who you become. Ie, influence.

Nothing to post. Well things happened, but nothing exciting. Man, I'm so tired.

Sometimes maybe it would be better if I kept my mouth shut. I said some things today that were kind of inappropriate, so maybe some people got offended. But anyway, I think that I probably should just go to sleep now.

So much to do, so little time...I guess I've got to prioritize my time...

Another Sunday...is life a big circle?

Hmm...I guess you could read that title in a number of different ways. Anyway, don't think so hard about that. One thing that I took from my Greek literature class was that life is kind of like a big circle and it does repeat quite often. But that may not be true for everyone.

Still, I do believe that we can learn from people of the past because they probably struggled with some of the same things we struggle with today...maybe not in the same exact way, (because our world is changing,) but in the same nature.

So I made it to church this morning. Good times...but I left after lunch, because I didn't want to just hang out all day. I kind of wanted some time alone to do what I wanted to do. Yes I know...sometimes you can't do what you want to do, but in this case, I did have that option to choose. So instead of watching a movie, I just went home.

Man, it takes forever for our group to decide on what to do. If someone says they want to do something, then we usually do it, but it seems like a lot of us are lacking initiative to do something that we want to do. I don't know why that is...I mean, we don't criticize each other...maybe we just don't want to decide for the whole group and if it sucks, then we don't want the others to not have fun. Maybe...but then again, I don't know for sure. heh

Anyway, after lunch, I just left and came home. Then I talked to my mom for awhile about nothing. heh. It's nice to talk to her, because she is very understanding but speaks her mind when she feels like it. I think that as you become wiser in your older age, then you learn not to hold things back, because you're not afraid of doing that. But she still can get things across in a way that makes sense and is understandable. Maybe I'm at the age where I actually listen more to the older people.

Before, it wasn't like that...I wouldn't listen to my parents...mainly because they're my parents. But as I got older and got advice from different people, I've come to see that they were right about a lot of things. My dad told me to specialize when I was a kid. I wanted to become a jack of all trades and do everything myself. That's just my personality. But in this world, no man is an island and we all need others to work with and we need to work with others if we're going to produce something efficiently. That's why it's good to specialize...people will turn to you for specific things and you will know how to do that better than everyone else...hopefully.

I wish that I listened to them earlier as I'm realizing that I'm going to have to work harder now to catch up to my contemporaries in the Japanese language. With my lack of time, I don't think that I'm going to catch up anytime soon. Self study...I told myself that if I passed the level 2 JLPT, then that would be a real milestone and not just some dream that I had of actually using Japanese at work.

Maybe I should try to make a journal in Japanese...to use the new words that I learn each day. To be honest, I haven't been studying Japanese all that much. If I don't do that, then I'll get nowhere...oh well...maybe I should stop writing about these things and actually do them. Easy to talk about things, but harder to do.

Anyway, Brave story is still on the shelf. I'm kind of glad that I didn't buy anymore books.

Two parties on the same day

I was wondering if I should keep my promise and go to the parties that I promised that I'd go to today. I am kind of anti-social in some sense, that I like being alone sometimes, but then I get lonely. And when you're alone for too long, you become weird and creepy.

Anyway, I ended up going to both parties and I'm glad I did, but I see how much I fall short in my life. What I've seen from my experiences, is that sometimes, just being there and witnessing the special moment in people's lives is important to both them and you. I'm kind of curious as to why presence is so important to me and other people. Maybe it comes down to the fact that being there can show that you care and that you can be a part of history...unwritten history of course.

I think as human beings, we do all want to be loved and cared for. If you don't, then there's probably something wrong.

Anyway, I've seen that the body of Christ (ie other Christians) are good people. I don't necessarily feel that I belong anywhere...even in the body of Christ...but I know that I've got to try.

Anyway, I've seen that I am an outcast just because of my messed up past. I don't necessarily know where I'll go in the future, but right now, I have normal friends and I don't know how to relate to them.

Anyway, I've come to know that "no man is an island," but I always tend to try to float away. I guess that's why I need to keep going to church and developing a relationship with God. Separated from the body means that you're not doing anything in God's plan or being part of taking care of the body...I don't know...maybe I've got that slightly off right there.

Anyway, I'll most likely need to pray more when I get home tomorrow. And go to sleep early.

It was a lot of people putting things together today...I did almost nothing...but it was good to see that people showed up to celebrate with them.

I'm kind of tired...maybe I'll go to sleep...

1st week done...one more to go

So I'm working my trial period at this new job. I don't know if I'm going to be hired full time...my friends don't see why I wouldn't. I kind of get the feeling that knowing the group has something to do with it, but then again, I don't know...and if I do a good job then they might hire me.

Anyway, I mainly do my job and don't talk very much...well, to the other people in the other departments I don't say much. I don't want to walk over there and talk and seem like I'm not doing anything...I don't know...maybe I should when I take a break, but still they have their own jobs to do too.

I feel like I might not actually get to know the people there because I'm just doing my job. They seem like nice people, but I am not one to open up so easily and basically everyone tends to stay with the people that they know already...me included.

I guess I'll be doing the same thing next week. We'll see...I don't know what I'm going to do there in terms of the future...they want me to do some Japanese conferencing later on which will be tough for me to do...so I guess I need to stay on top of Japanese...but I don't know if they'll ask me to do that anytime soon.

It's a good company...the people make up the company...in their hard work and their relationships to their co-workers and bosses. I guess I'd better try to work faster next week. But if I want to do a good job, then I'll have to ask a lot more questions to my manager...I'm kind of intimidated, because I don't know him very well and he doesn't say much...kind of like me in some sense. But he seems like a nice guy.

I don't know...but I feel like maybe I should try to get there earlier and start up some conversations with the customer service ladies. heh. I don't know if that would be a good idea though...what would I talk about? School? Anyway, they're pretty friendly at their age and not so demanding...but most likely, I'll just go to work and not say anything to them. I feel old and more crotchety.

I guess what you think does determine a lot of how you act. I guess writing on a blog is not a good way to deal with these problems and worries. Not helpful at all....Hmm...maybe I should have turned to God first. oh well...next time.

If I can't...

I thought on the way home about this. If I can't get along with my brothers and sisters in Christ, then who can I get along with? Both at my church and at my workplace, they are all Christian. Now that I've had some time away to think, I've been thinking that I need to get it right and that I can't do this by myself.

It's so easy to walk away and not face one's problems. I've done that plenty of times. And sometimes it's good to take a break and think about things. But I've seen that it doesn't go away. The problems. Not exactly with other people, but I'm talking about the problems with myself. Anyway, the easy road is to just not deal with anybody. The hard road is to engage with people and to try to understand them and get along with them. But what can be even harder is to change oneself. Sometimes it's not other people that are the problem, but yourself.

I remember in my youth, I thought that everyone else was the problem..."It's their fault!" While it may be true in some of the cases, it wasn't true in all of them. I was a problem too. Maybe moreso than everyone else that I had a problem with.

What struck so hard in college was that I was never accepted anywhere before I came to AACF. Well, I was probably accepted, but I felt actually welcomed there. The conclusion I came to after spending time with these people was that they are the way they are because they are following Jesus. Welcomed, accepted just as I am.

Anyway, that's in the past now and I need to take further steps than in my stages before I knew Christ. What I'm saying is, I probably need to work more on myself and not just say it, but actually do it and use it in real life.

That's how God is. He accepts you as you are now and wants you to live a better life now in this world for His kingdom. What I meant by that last statement was that everyone is welcome in His kingdom and living for His kingdom for me is in one way "treating people the way you want to be treated;" "being a servant and not a king," and putting in practice the sermon on the mount. Hard to do, but if I do put all this in practice, then I'm sure that others will come to know Christ someday.

So much I've forgotten. Time to get it together.

Work and being "too Japanese" as my friend put it

Today started out alright. I got there on time and things seemed to be going okay. A lot of the things that happened today were probably because of my own thoughts and frustrations inside of myself and not with the other people there. I think that's a problem with me. I don't know what goes on all the time, so I fill in the information even if it is not true.

Anyway, to put a long story short, I came home feeling pretty bad and angry. I felt guilty in some sense for causing other people to feel bad or just how I acted towards others. But I was also angry at the things that I thought were said by others...which when I think about it, is probably all in my imagination. I know that they might not forgive me, but I guess that's the thing. People can forgive for little things like what I did and sometimes they forget. Tomorrow, I've just got to "treat people the same way I want them to treat me."

Anyway, I think part of the problem is me not spending any time with God or in the Bible and refreshing myself in the renewing of my mind. It's so easy to forget what's in the Bible if you don't read it. But I do see that it's helpful for learning to get along with people and to actually live life together with others. Everything is pretty complicated when you come down to relationships, but part of it is the lack of communication in how to express oneself without any shots at the other person...ie being neutral, even though you might have been hurt...and being able to express how what that person did hurt you and how you would like for that person to not do that or communicate in another way.

Anyway, maybe I'm too Japanese in that I am thinking too much about how others perceive me. I think that I have been too negative lately. It's so easy to fall on one's face.

Today was just one bad day. Got to try to make tomorrow better. I think I'm going crazy...being around people again...I'm just not used to it anymore...especially people that speak English and the American culture. Lame excuse, but I just don't know how to relate anymore...

Crap, I forgot to put my report on my supervisor's desk...oh well...he's cool enough not to yell at me... But still, that kind of sucks after I was told to do that at the end of every day. Anyway, I like how our company does have QA so that we don't send out defective products from our manufacturer to our customers. I do think however, that I need to work on working faster. heh. But I think that we're running out of stuff to do...and I may need to take some time off next week if nothing comes in to test. hmm..I guess that's why we don't have full time QA people and why I might be the only one. Run out of stuff to do, and nobody is doing anything.

Man...oh well...

Since I'm low on time, I'll keep it short.

Things to do tomorrow...

1. Stop saying stupid things that cause other people to get hurt or annoyed...
2. work faster
3. ask more questions
4. and stop doing stupid things like trying to kick my friend (it was a play kick, not an actual kick.)
5. don't speed onto the on ramp and then brake suddenly because you're going too fast for the curve.
6. calm down and know that whatever happens, things will be alright.

One thing that I want to say is, this is a great place to work. However, I'm not sure exactly if I'll be hired on full time. We'll see though...2 weeks is pretty short and I'm not exactly sure if I can learn everything in 2 weeks...but we'll see...I've done some stupid things today...I think that I was feeling too good. Hmm...did something from outer space come down and bring out the worst part of my personality? (Reference, Spiderman 3.)

I am just happy to be alive. Sometimes even the sun and little things make a lot of difference in one's life.

So I start my new job tomorrow. I guess it's something to look forward to, but then again, I'm not sure how well I'll fit in this company. I mean, I'll be working with some of my friends, but I don't know if I'll be accepted there. If things don't work out, then at least I'll get something for my work.

Anyway, no sense worrying about it...just got to go there and do the best I can.

I will have to travel quite a bit though to get to and from everyday. i'm hoping that I can work a little bit later to avoid the worst traffic in the morning. That would save me some time, but I don't know...if so then it's going to be really tough. Anyway, that freeway kind of sucks, but there's no other option. The only other option is to get there early and leave early, which won't be very nice at all knowing from experience of having to wake up in the dark.

Anyway, enough about this...

Made it to church today...finally. Got there 10 minutes early instead of late. Maybe treating church like a job will work further on in the future. I know that it's important to make it to church, because it'll equip you and help you to be grounded in the Word if you're in a good church.

But one thing that stood out from today's sermon was that "we are the light of the world." Not meaning, "We are the light of this church"...Jesus said "world"...Our pastor has been trying to get us to take steps of faith to reach out to the world and not just stay insulated in the church. I'm finding that I'm going to have to really think about what it is that God wants for my life. I didn't attend church in Japan, so I wasn't really thinking about God and wasn't reaching out to the kids later on in my time there...

Showing Christ, or blending in... another quote from my pastor. He definitely has the right heart for the church and to see us step out and reach the world. So often is it so easy to stay inside one's comfort zone. Being in Japan, I've seen what it's like to be on the outside of everything. Being back, it's nice to be back, but I do think that I need to step out more. Well, maybe my friend who has been praying for me to live my life for God...his prayers are starting to be answered...maybe...I still have to make my decisions.

Anyway, it was nice to be back at church, and I am seeing that I need to do what I should be doing. Reaching out to the world...man...not an easy task, but wherever I am, I need to be a light.

Halo 3 premium box

Man, crazy how popular Halo is. Since I get motion sick I don't play First person shooters (FPS) that much. Circuit city is selling a Halo legacy box for $130. It makes me wonder if I would have gotten a video game testing job if I played more FPS. Anyway, you can check out the link here.

I wondered how I could get my foot in the door in video game testing...but maybe it wasn't meant to be.

I like the band Switchfoot. They seem to address the issues that the generation coming up and even the generation now are facing. As I can relate a lot to the songs that they write. It does seem like they talk about American culture in their albums...

From the Album "The Beautiful Letdown"

Meant to Live
By Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence and wondering why the world has passed him by...
Hoping that he bent for more than arguments and failed attempts to fly...fly

We were meant to live for so much more, we lost ourselves
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more, we lost ourselves
Somewhere we live inside


Dreaming about providence and whether mice and men have second tries
Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken...broken

(Chorus)

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
Everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more...we lost ourselves
We were meant to live for so much more...we lost ourselves
We were meant to live for so much more...we lost ourselves

We were meant to live
We were meant to live...


One thing that I've seen and know about is that this world is fallen and so everyone is fallen too. There's nothing that we can do to make ourselves unfallen, except with one choice. Anyway, I'd say that that's something that you have decide everyday, and not just once. As Paul said, "I die to myself daily..."

For me, I know that I haven't been doing that. I haven't been living for God everyday...I've been choosing my own path that leads to destruction. I guess I have to decide now and everyday, "who will I live for?" Me? Or God? So often have I chosen me. Not saying that living for God means doing nothing for yourself, but when it comes to doing what's right, I'm not successful all the time. It's going to take more than me writing words down. We'll see...I think what might be helpful is trying to start out the day reading the Bible and thinking about it during the day...I'll try to work on this step...

I guess when I start living for God again, then I'll experience what life is about. And in other people's lives, I've seen that it is good, clean, and helpful for people's lives. That was quote from some famous person that I forgot who said that...it was on one of my other friend's blogs, but I don't remember who was the author of that quote...anyway...enough babbling

I went to my interview yesterday. The people there seem nice and it does seem like a good place to work. But I'm not sure if I'll pass the trial period. But who knows...the job doesn't seem too hard to do and the people seem cool enough. But I do think that as my mom said, "it's hard for people to get to know you because you don't talk very much..." or something like that.

Lately it does seem like I've been saying the wrong things. But who knows...I am better at writing than I am at talking, because in writing I do have more time to think about what I'm going to say. But speaking, people tend to lose their attention because I'm too long winded or just not quick enough to say something interesting right there.

I'm not sure about a lot of things...but we'll see. Definitely Japanese seems to be in my future...I don't know if I want to go back to Japan, given the fact that it was tough because I don't give good impressions to a lot of people at first. Hey, if you dressed up in a t-shirt and jeans there, people wouldn't think much of you either, unless you had an interesting personality...which I don't show often. Yeah, very image based society in Japan...crazy how first impressions are important...I guess that's true in America too, but maybe not to the same extent.

Anyway, I'm not sure how long I'll be at this company...right off the back, I think that I didn't make a good impression. And it does seem like everyone there is pretty tight knit already. We'll see though...who knows...maybe I'll be working there for a long time...given the fact that they said some interesting things about where they want to move the company and the types of jobs that I could be doing. Nice people there.

Anyway, so I'm on probation for right now...it'll last at least 2 weeks till whenever...we'll see how things turn out. Just got to do my part.