Temptations of WoW
Even though nobody is playing World of Warcraft in my guild, I'm finding that I want to log in to play the Hallow's end holiday event when it hits October 18th, but I won't.
It seems like nobody in my guild is playing as they're all the same level as they were before, except for one person. With new challenges in life and new babies being born I guess nobody has time to waste on things that don't matter.
The Ramen Girl
Anyway, was reminded of Japan again when my parents were watching this movie called, "the Ramen Girl." Okay movie, but would have been way better if they kept the deleted scenes in the movie. Most of the movie left plot holes that were explained in the deleted scenes. The deleted scenes would have made the movie a lot darker and kept the movie longer than most people could handle, but I would have liked the movie a lot more with them in. Maybe that's just me.
The Ramen Girl, however, is a light hearted movie which shows part of Japan's culture in putting everything into their work or life, (their work being their life.) Definitely this movie is all about "heart" as the ramen shop owner who is training the ramen girl puts everything on the line for her while the ramen girl needs to adapt to Japanese culture. Culture clashes and anger arise, but in the midst of it you see that both of them are trying to help one another in the end. As you go along in the movie, you see that both chef and student need one another because they both need to change. Both are stubborn and are missing something in their lives because they just can't seem to do what they got to do.
A tagline from the movie was, "In food as in life, sometimes the missing ingredient is love." In this crazy fast paced world it's easy to go on with your life and forget what or who are most important to you. Maybe that's saying too much for this movie as it didn't really get that deep into that, but in Japan, sometimes that's as deep as you'll get. However, the movie did really get to what mattered most to them in the end.
To get to know a person in Japan is really difficult, because of all the safeguards a Japanese person has. Sometimes you need to share a moment in what someone really loves to do...whether it be drinking or an activity that shows their heart, like cooking. Whatever it is, people do not open up too easily in Japan and culture definitely keeps Japanese reserved. Sometimes you can't do what you want to do in Japan, but must follow the rules. It's complicated, but as a westerner, you can express who you are even in the midst of the norms and traditions. This movie is an expression of that, being who you are in the midst of the norms, yet experiencing reservedness and conflict in being different. However, it is also a mix of conforming to the norms, because that's how you get through life sometimes.
Anyway check it out on netflix if you're interested. I liked the movie. IMDB has a page on it found here. Definitely reminded me of Japan. However, if you haven't been there, you may wonder why everything is the way it is in the movie. The movie stays true to Japanese culture and misconceptions from westerners and some foreign attitudes in Japan. However, in the deleted scenes, it shows the darkness that is prevalent in Japan, which is true of all places that people anywhere don't like to talk about.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Not much work to do...
I find that the less money I have, the more I think about it. When I was in college, I didn't have to worry so much about money because I knew that I was taken care of for the time being. But now that I'm working and I'm not making that much money and have expenses to pay every month, I keep on worrying about the future and if I'll be on the streets someday.
Today, there wasn't much work to do, so it didn't make sense for me to go in when my coworker could finish it off in about an hour. Half and hour of work isn't much money and I think that I'd be paying more in gas to get there. So I let my coworker have all the work today.
It seems like so many people are struggling with even getting a job nowadays, so I should count myself lucky. I need to save up more money now and invest more instead of buying video games and playing world of warcraft. I guess it's times like these that I am actually glad that I have a job and that I'm not in danger of losing it.
Which brings up another point. A lot of places are cutting back, so I need to either do a lot better than my coworkers, or maybe be laid off sometime. Man, I keep on thinking that I should try to do translating as a side job. And maybe that's what I should be doing now instead of writing this blog. Yeah, I guess good workers find work to do when there's no work to do. Something my dad told me a long time ago and it does work.
Anyway, I only hope that things get better soon, but I can't wait for things to happen...I need to make something happen in my life.
I find that the less money I have, the more I think about it. When I was in college, I didn't have to worry so much about money because I knew that I was taken care of for the time being. But now that I'm working and I'm not making that much money and have expenses to pay every month, I keep on worrying about the future and if I'll be on the streets someday.
Today, there wasn't much work to do, so it didn't make sense for me to go in when my coworker could finish it off in about an hour. Half and hour of work isn't much money and I think that I'd be paying more in gas to get there. So I let my coworker have all the work today.
It seems like so many people are struggling with even getting a job nowadays, so I should count myself lucky. I need to save up more money now and invest more instead of buying video games and playing world of warcraft. I guess it's times like these that I am actually glad that I have a job and that I'm not in danger of losing it.
Which brings up another point. A lot of places are cutting back, so I need to either do a lot better than my coworkers, or maybe be laid off sometime. Man, I keep on thinking that I should try to do translating as a side job. And maybe that's what I should be doing now instead of writing this blog. Yeah, I guess good workers find work to do when there's no work to do. Something my dad told me a long time ago and it does work.
Anyway, I only hope that things get better soon, but I can't wait for things to happen...I need to make something happen in my life.
Monday, September 21, 2009
So I decided after doing some research on translating Japanese into English, that maybe I'll only do it for fun and just try to improve my Japanese not so much for a career, but for my own benefit. I looked at some quotes on a website called www.proz.com and saw that
1. you have to translate stuff really quickly
2. you have to be really good
3. there is a lot of people who do this already and are pretty good
Since I don't know very much about Japanese culture compared to someone who has lived in Japan for many years, I don't think that it would be a good fit for me to try to go into a career in this field. I mean, I struggled enough with just teaching English in a Japanese environment, how can I communicate to Japanese people at all or communicate with English speaking people what Japanese people are saying?
Anyway, sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do next as a career and sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life here on earth. I'm finding a lack of purpose in my life as I'm not making it to church.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm doing here. And maybe I just need to find something positive to do with my time.
1. you have to translate stuff really quickly
2. you have to be really good
3. there is a lot of people who do this already and are pretty good
Since I don't know very much about Japanese culture compared to someone who has lived in Japan for many years, I don't think that it would be a good fit for me to try to go into a career in this field. I mean, I struggled enough with just teaching English in a Japanese environment, how can I communicate to Japanese people at all or communicate with English speaking people what Japanese people are saying?
Anyway, sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do next as a career and sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life here on earth. I'm finding a lack of purpose in my life as I'm not making it to church.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm doing here. And maybe I just need to find something positive to do with my time.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Huskies win over USC!
When I was in college, it seemed like UW could never beat USC. I remember the one football game I went to was with USC and UW at Husky stadium. I think we punted the football into the end zone and Reggie Bush caught it and ran it back all around our guys and scored a touchdown. I didn't want to watch the butchering of our team, so I left early, because it was cold. What can I say? Maybe I'm not a true fan as one of my friends put it.
Today, I caught the first half of the UW vs. USC football game on TV. All I can say is, the program looks a heck of a lot better and I think the football team at UW has a lot more confidence with these two new coaches. It wasn't a slaughter again and UW ended up winning. My parents told me that I missed the game of the year, because I fell asleep at halftime and woke up from the cheering on TV from UW's win.
Sarkisian and Holt are doing a good job in turning this team around. They have a long way to go, but I'm actually hopeful that I can see the Huskies go to a bowl game this year.
My dad was saying something today about USC before they hired Pete Carol. The year before they hired Pete Carol, USC was the worst in the PAC-10 and the Huskies ran over USC that year. They hired Pete Carol the year after to transform the program and history writes itself. Last year, UW was 0-12 and was run over by USC 54-0. They hire Sarkisian and Holt from USC and the program looks better now.
Anyway, USC was missing their quarterback and number 1 defensive person. Plus Sarkisian and Holt probably knew most of the plays that USC would run from previous experience, but you got to hand it to the Huskies that they did have some great plays and they did stop the USC offense. I don't know if USC's quarterback or number one defensive man will come back next year, but the real test is the next time they meet.
I'm really glad that UW has something to hold their head high to.
When I was in college, it seemed like UW could never beat USC. I remember the one football game I went to was with USC and UW at Husky stadium. I think we punted the football into the end zone and Reggie Bush caught it and ran it back all around our guys and scored a touchdown. I didn't want to watch the butchering of our team, so I left early, because it was cold. What can I say? Maybe I'm not a true fan as one of my friends put it.
Today, I caught the first half of the UW vs. USC football game on TV. All I can say is, the program looks a heck of a lot better and I think the football team at UW has a lot more confidence with these two new coaches. It wasn't a slaughter again and UW ended up winning. My parents told me that I missed the game of the year, because I fell asleep at halftime and woke up from the cheering on TV from UW's win.
Sarkisian and Holt are doing a good job in turning this team around. They have a long way to go, but I'm actually hopeful that I can see the Huskies go to a bowl game this year.
My dad was saying something today about USC before they hired Pete Carol. The year before they hired Pete Carol, USC was the worst in the PAC-10 and the Huskies ran over USC that year. They hired Pete Carol the year after to transform the program and history writes itself. Last year, UW was 0-12 and was run over by USC 54-0. They hire Sarkisian and Holt from USC and the program looks better now.
Anyway, USC was missing their quarterback and number 1 defensive person. Plus Sarkisian and Holt probably knew most of the plays that USC would run from previous experience, but you got to hand it to the Huskies that they did have some great plays and they did stop the USC offense. I don't know if USC's quarterback or number one defensive man will come back next year, but the real test is the next time they meet.
I'm really glad that UW has something to hold their head high to.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
It always seems like I have trouble going to sleep when I don't have personal time for myself to do something after work. No matter if I had fun going out with others or doing something in a group, I need my personal space and time. So that's why I'm still up at this hour.
I was thinking about the last few days that I've been taking care of my dog. Before, I never understood why my dog was barking all the time. I'd come home, walk him and give him his treats and then I'd go inside after he was done and he'd start barking. Normally I'd go outside and tell him to stop or grab his mouth and tell him, "no barking." But the past couple of days I've been thinking about what he actually might be trying to tell me.
My dog would be inside the whole day and basically be by himself. I noticed that when I pet him his back would be all tight and after I'd pet him for what seems like 15 minutes, I'd find that he wouldn't bother me for the rest of the night. All he wanted was some love from the person taking care of him.
It made me feel bad for the other times that I took care of him and told him to shut up basically. And it's rare to find people nowadays who actually have time or want to spend time with you. Everyone is so busy with their lives that you either have to make an appointment with a person's and your schedule, or you be lazy and don't do anything. With my dog however, he is like my kid, except that he doesn't hold any malice and always forgives you no matter how late you are to walk him. He's just glad that you showed up.
Anyway, comparing this to my life, I feel that sometimes in my relationship with God, (not saying that God is like a dog, or we're like dogs to God,) I find that all He wants from us is to love Him, and to love others. That you "treat people the same you want them to treat you," (Matthew 7:12. context Matthew 7:1-13,) or you help those in need (Matthew 25:31-46.)
And yet, even though I know all of this, I fail to do this most everyday. I mean, what does this look like in everyday life? I guess I need to think about these verses and my own life and remember them when the time comes to do what God has placed before me.
As one of my friends stated, "you've been saying some of the same things for the past several years. What's the moral to your story?" My response was, "there is no moral." But maybe my friend was right. Maybe I'm not getting it, because I'm not learning from my mistakes. I think my problem is that I don't think ahead and I'm always caught off guard when things do happen. I can't think on the spot, I need to deal with familiar situations, which doesn't always happen before they actually happen. Preparation is key, in life and in faith.
If you're not prepared, then you'll most likely fail. Unless you're good on the spot and can learn heck of quickly. I want that to be the theme of my life. Preparation and preparedness. I can't take life anymore this way as I'm feeling like I'm useless and not doing anybody any good. Guess the goal should be relationship with God first, relationships with people 2nd, and everything else after that. Hopefully I can pull this off. Guess discipline comes into play here. Something I lack a lot of lately, given my weight and my tardiness. Guess I need to get my act together.
I was thinking about the last few days that I've been taking care of my dog. Before, I never understood why my dog was barking all the time. I'd come home, walk him and give him his treats and then I'd go inside after he was done and he'd start barking. Normally I'd go outside and tell him to stop or grab his mouth and tell him, "no barking." But the past couple of days I've been thinking about what he actually might be trying to tell me.
My dog would be inside the whole day and basically be by himself. I noticed that when I pet him his back would be all tight and after I'd pet him for what seems like 15 minutes, I'd find that he wouldn't bother me for the rest of the night. All he wanted was some love from the person taking care of him.
It made me feel bad for the other times that I took care of him and told him to shut up basically. And it's rare to find people nowadays who actually have time or want to spend time with you. Everyone is so busy with their lives that you either have to make an appointment with a person's and your schedule, or you be lazy and don't do anything. With my dog however, he is like my kid, except that he doesn't hold any malice and always forgives you no matter how late you are to walk him. He's just glad that you showed up.
Anyway, comparing this to my life, I feel that sometimes in my relationship with God, (not saying that God is like a dog, or we're like dogs to God,) I find that all He wants from us is to love Him, and to love others. That you "treat people the same you want them to treat you," (Matthew 7:12. context Matthew 7:1-13,) or you help those in need (Matthew 25:31-46.)
And yet, even though I know all of this, I fail to do this most everyday. I mean, what does this look like in everyday life? I guess I need to think about these verses and my own life and remember them when the time comes to do what God has placed before me.
As one of my friends stated, "you've been saying some of the same things for the past several years. What's the moral to your story?" My response was, "there is no moral." But maybe my friend was right. Maybe I'm not getting it, because I'm not learning from my mistakes. I think my problem is that I don't think ahead and I'm always caught off guard when things do happen. I can't think on the spot, I need to deal with familiar situations, which doesn't always happen before they actually happen. Preparation is key, in life and in faith.
If you're not prepared, then you'll most likely fail. Unless you're good on the spot and can learn heck of quickly. I want that to be the theme of my life. Preparation and preparedness. I can't take life anymore this way as I'm feeling like I'm useless and not doing anybody any good. Guess the goal should be relationship with God first, relationships with people 2nd, and everything else after that. Hopefully I can pull this off. Guess discipline comes into play here. Something I lack a lot of lately, given my weight and my tardiness. Guess I need to get my act together.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Ted Kennedy's editor of his memoir on Fresh air
I listened to this tonight and thought that it was a really good interview. Ted Kennedy died some time ago, may he rest in peace, but his book was printed the day he died. Apparently they had been working on the book for 2 years before his death.
The editor tells the interviewer (Terry Gross) about who Ted Kennedy was as he got to know him. The book "True Compass" came out today. I plan to get it.
If you're interested in hearing the interview of the editor, you can check out fresh air on npr at this link. Or type in the search on google. The interview is on September 14th, 2009
I listened to this tonight and thought that it was a really good interview. Ted Kennedy died some time ago, may he rest in peace, but his book was printed the day he died. Apparently they had been working on the book for 2 years before his death.
The editor tells the interviewer (Terry Gross) about who Ted Kennedy was as he got to know him. The book "True Compass" came out today. I plan to get it.
If you're interested in hearing the interview of the editor, you can check out fresh air on npr at this link. Or type in the search on google. The interview is on September 14th, 2009
Saturday, September 05, 2009
The memories I'm having of Japan are slowly fading away. But even as I'm studying my 3rd year textbook, I'm having memories of college. It's kind of funny what I'm remembering from class. It's kind of weird actually remembering certain things from 7 years ago that happened in class. How to write kanji, some questions brought up, and just some of the same things that I forgot and seeing the answer in the same place in the book. It's a good thing I guess. Maybe it's happier than my time in Japan.
Anyway, I keep on thinking about people there in Japan. I don't know if they hate me or what, but so much time has passed that i'm sure they forgot all about me. Well, probably most of them. But the few that I remember I remember with fond memories. There were some great teachers there. But there were also some teachers who probably didn't like me at all. And i wonder why that was. But I guess that's the thing, you might never know what a person thinks about you in Japan.
I wonder if I could have handled things differently if I got more sleep and prepared earlier. Most likely, I could have, and I did do better towards the end of my time there; mainly because my friend kept me accountable. But maybe it was a good thing that I came back after only 7 months there.
Anyway, I know that there are learning experiences from everything. Maybe this was my first real job after college where I had to be an adult. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it. But I'm glad that I went, even though it was hard and I do feel like I've grown because of it. Maybe I'll always remember Japan as my time teaching the kids in the elementary schools there.
Anyway, I keep on thinking about people there in Japan. I don't know if they hate me or what, but so much time has passed that i'm sure they forgot all about me. Well, probably most of them. But the few that I remember I remember with fond memories. There were some great teachers there. But there were also some teachers who probably didn't like me at all. And i wonder why that was. But I guess that's the thing, you might never know what a person thinks about you in Japan.
I wonder if I could have handled things differently if I got more sleep and prepared earlier. Most likely, I could have, and I did do better towards the end of my time there; mainly because my friend kept me accountable. But maybe it was a good thing that I came back after only 7 months there.
Anyway, I know that there are learning experiences from everything. Maybe this was my first real job after college where I had to be an adult. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it. But I'm glad that I went, even though it was hard and I do feel like I've grown because of it. Maybe I'll always remember Japan as my time teaching the kids in the elementary schools there.
Is faith taken seriously?
Something that a pastor said about, "Guys don't take their faith seriously," is really making me think. Especially since a lot of things are changing for people I know that are taking their faith seriously...in a good way.
It makes me wonder, why are we Christian if we don't spend any time with God or read the word? Wasn't the point of Jesus dying on the cross to break down the wall separating us from God? And also to bring people together instead of further apart from each other? To also break down the barrier of racism and people groups hating other people groups?
I think that I need to make it to church consistently or else lose my sense of purpose here on earth. In fact, I think I lost my sense of purpose here.
I look at some of my family and friends that don't know God and I think just how much better their lives could be. But when I look at their lives and my life, I see that they are further along than I am and I am not making that much of a difference in their lives. I feel that if I spent more time with God consistently; reading the bible, making it to church, and praying for others that I would see more of God's work in their lives and in my life.
The only thing to do is to do it now. To plan on making time for God and to plan on making sure that I'm balanced in my life. I am far behind everyone else and I need to catch up.
Maybe what the pastor said was right about me in that "guys don't take their faith seriously, [not as seriously as girls do.]" Maybe that's why I'm failing in life.
Anyway, I want to know who I am and what purpose I have here. I have lots of work to do. Can't all be done in a day. Must be done constantly over time. We all start out not doing very well in something new, because we have no experience in it. But as we go along, we get better. I guess I shouldn't compare myself to others who have been walking longer and are farther along than me.
Anyway, growth needs time and care put into it. Also growth can only come from God. We can plant seeds in the ground, and water them, but only God can make them grow. (some wisdom from a friend of mine.) We don't know how they grow, we just see the result. Anyway, enough babbling...
Something that a pastor said about, "Guys don't take their faith seriously," is really making me think. Especially since a lot of things are changing for people I know that are taking their faith seriously...in a good way.
It makes me wonder, why are we Christian if we don't spend any time with God or read the word? Wasn't the point of Jesus dying on the cross to break down the wall separating us from God? And also to bring people together instead of further apart from each other? To also break down the barrier of racism and people groups hating other people groups?
I think that I need to make it to church consistently or else lose my sense of purpose here on earth. In fact, I think I lost my sense of purpose here.
I look at some of my family and friends that don't know God and I think just how much better their lives could be. But when I look at their lives and my life, I see that they are further along than I am and I am not making that much of a difference in their lives. I feel that if I spent more time with God consistently; reading the bible, making it to church, and praying for others that I would see more of God's work in their lives and in my life.
The only thing to do is to do it now. To plan on making time for God and to plan on making sure that I'm balanced in my life. I am far behind everyone else and I need to catch up.
Maybe what the pastor said was right about me in that "guys don't take their faith seriously, [not as seriously as girls do.]" Maybe that's why I'm failing in life.
Anyway, I want to know who I am and what purpose I have here. I have lots of work to do. Can't all be done in a day. Must be done constantly over time. We all start out not doing very well in something new, because we have no experience in it. But as we go along, we get better. I guess I shouldn't compare myself to others who have been walking longer and are farther along than me.
Anyway, growth needs time and care put into it. Also growth can only come from God. We can plant seeds in the ground, and water them, but only God can make them grow. (some wisdom from a friend of mine.) We don't know how they grow, we just see the result. Anyway, enough babbling...
Friday, September 04, 2009
Hula Girls
So I watched this movie tonight. Set in 1965 in Joban, Japan; this is a coal mining town that is laying off workers. With not much hope for the future, the town clings to its own old tradition of mining coal. The times have changed and coal is not being used as much in this new wave of the future.
The town has one resource besides coal, and that is its hot springs. With a far fetched idea of creating a resort in that freezing hell, one man hires a professional dancer to teach girls Hula in hopes that they can create a "taste of Hawaii in Japan" and attract visitors.
The town sticking to its tradition of mining coal is resistant to making the resort and few latch onto the idea of dancing in front of others. In fact, everyone in the town thought that they would have to take off their clothes and be indecent, which is not Hula.
With obstacles from family and town folk, the teacher has to train these girls to dance or else the future of the town is up in smoke.
******
Anyway, I enjoyed the movie. There were some parts in there that put a tear in my eye as usual for a good Japanese movie. But there were also some parts with humor in it also. It reminded me a lot of being in Japan as I've actually felt their cold winters without a heater and was reminded of the culture and attitudes towards new things and new ways. It made me wish that I could have been a better teacher for the kids that I was teaching and a better coworker to my fellow staff in the schools. But all of it is up in smoke now.
I kind of wish that I could have been a better person in Japan and actually made more of an impact there. Wish I could have made it to church and gotten to know the pastor and his family. But all of these are gone now and I either have the option of writing, going back to the town where I taught and seeing if people remember me, or just having these feelings of I don't know what...I'm not sure what I'm feeling, but I miss the town where I taught.
I wonder if they'll ever accept again...but who knows. Maybe the only thing I can do is pray because I haven't kept in contact with anyone from the town. Certain scenes from the movie reminded me of my last days in Japan. I wonder if I'll ever go back there...
Anyway, I guess life is what we make of it. We have choices to make in our lives and nobody really knows what those choices will mean in the future. I hope that the kids will remember me with good memories, but most likely, everyone will likely forget sooner or later.
Like the movie, we either try something new for our future, even if it meets opposition, or we stick to our old ways and go down.
Anyway, having parents from Hawaii and me also being in Japan for a little bit, this movie was definitely true to Japanese culture and change. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who has been to Japan and likes Hawaii.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
This world is what you make out of it
I kind of wonder if I really fit in in this world. I don't really think so, and I guess I will always struggle with this. But I always wonder why I was brought into this world. What purpose do I have here? What am I doing with my life? Am I making my life count for something worthwhile? Or am I just wasting what God has given me?
I think about these things, because I find that I often feel like my life is worthless, even though I am trying to do good things from time to time. I guess what my pastor said is true, "It's not about the doing that matters, it's about the heart behind it." While men look at the outside, God looks at the heart.
How is my heart nowadays? In college, it was a lot better than it is now. I often wonder how did I fall so hard? How did I become like I am now? And I know the answer is that I spent my time playing video games or doing stuff that didn't have any value in it. I didn't do what I should have done and did what I wanted to do because it is fun. Watching TV or playing video games may have been what have lead me to lose a lot of my purpose here...
Anyway, I can't blame TV or video games, because they are not the problem. The problem was me not making my life worth something. I'm not saying that my life is worthless, because no one's life is worthless. God has a purpose for everyone. But what I'm saying was that I have not done things to give my life meaning. What have I done that is worthwhile to someone else? How have I made a difference for God's kingdom?
It seems like I'm still struggling with these same things 5 years later from when I wrote about these things. I know that God has a purpose for us wherever we are. To be salt and light to those who don't know God or don't have hope in God; to be God's ambassadors by showing others God's love.
I guess I just don't know how to do that well anymore. I feel like I don't care anymore and that I just don't want to get out of bed. Part of me fights that something inside of me that wants to give up. And I remember a time in my life when I gave up, and things got worse, because I DID give up. And I can't go back to the way that I used to be way back when. So I get out.
I can't keep on waiting for something to happen, because nothing will happen if I wait forever for it. I need to work on something and find something that I want to do with my life. And I don't know if I'm doing something that will actually help people. I want to get my life together and I want to find some direction with my life.
One of my friends is going back to school, even though she has a phD in another focus. I totally respect that as she is finding that she doesn't want to do this job she's currently in and wants to do something that she will enjoy more. It's things like that that really inspire me to do better.
Anyway, I get tomorrow on call because we don't have too much work to do. So I'm going to study Japanese during that time. Yes, I'm taking the level 3 test after failing the level 2 test three times. I need to make it out to Uwajimaya and buy some materials for that test. I should be able to pass the level 3 test, but given how much I've forgotten, I'm not so sure.
Anyway, seems like I just babbled on for about what I've been talking about for a long time on this blog. My point is, I want to make my life count, but I can't do that if I don't make my life into something worthwhile. And I can't do that if I'm not seeking God first. And I can't do that if I'm always putting myself first. So with all that, I know what I need to do...it's just will I do it? And will I stick to it? Decisions decisions...
I kind of wonder who reads my blog, because I really don't think that I write interesting stuff on here. Not most of the time...
Anyway, I want to do better in life. I gave up WoW, so that's the first step...even though the new expansion looks so cool coming out in 2010. But no, I've seen how far other people have gone in this world in a lot of aspects...spirituality, service, success, hospitality, and friendliness. I want these things in my life...but with everything, you must work for it and come up with plans.
Planning...
I kind of wonder if I really fit in in this world. I don't really think so, and I guess I will always struggle with this. But I always wonder why I was brought into this world. What purpose do I have here? What am I doing with my life? Am I making my life count for something worthwhile? Or am I just wasting what God has given me?
I think about these things, because I find that I often feel like my life is worthless, even though I am trying to do good things from time to time. I guess what my pastor said is true, "It's not about the doing that matters, it's about the heart behind it." While men look at the outside, God looks at the heart.
How is my heart nowadays? In college, it was a lot better than it is now. I often wonder how did I fall so hard? How did I become like I am now? And I know the answer is that I spent my time playing video games or doing stuff that didn't have any value in it. I didn't do what I should have done and did what I wanted to do because it is fun. Watching TV or playing video games may have been what have lead me to lose a lot of my purpose here...
Anyway, I can't blame TV or video games, because they are not the problem. The problem was me not making my life worth something. I'm not saying that my life is worthless, because no one's life is worthless. God has a purpose for everyone. But what I'm saying was that I have not done things to give my life meaning. What have I done that is worthwhile to someone else? How have I made a difference for God's kingdom?
It seems like I'm still struggling with these same things 5 years later from when I wrote about these things. I know that God has a purpose for us wherever we are. To be salt and light to those who don't know God or don't have hope in God; to be God's ambassadors by showing others God's love.
I guess I just don't know how to do that well anymore. I feel like I don't care anymore and that I just don't want to get out of bed. Part of me fights that something inside of me that wants to give up. And I remember a time in my life when I gave up, and things got worse, because I DID give up. And I can't go back to the way that I used to be way back when. So I get out.
I can't keep on waiting for something to happen, because nothing will happen if I wait forever for it. I need to work on something and find something that I want to do with my life. And I don't know if I'm doing something that will actually help people. I want to get my life together and I want to find some direction with my life.
One of my friends is going back to school, even though she has a phD in another focus. I totally respect that as she is finding that she doesn't want to do this job she's currently in and wants to do something that she will enjoy more. It's things like that that really inspire me to do better.
Anyway, I get tomorrow on call because we don't have too much work to do. So I'm going to study Japanese during that time. Yes, I'm taking the level 3 test after failing the level 2 test three times. I need to make it out to Uwajimaya and buy some materials for that test. I should be able to pass the level 3 test, but given how much I've forgotten, I'm not so sure.
Anyway, seems like I just babbled on for about what I've been talking about for a long time on this blog. My point is, I want to make my life count, but I can't do that if I don't make my life into something worthwhile. And I can't do that if I'm not seeking God first. And I can't do that if I'm always putting myself first. So with all that, I know what I need to do...it's just will I do it? And will I stick to it? Decisions decisions...
I kind of wonder who reads my blog, because I really don't think that I write interesting stuff on here. Not most of the time...
Anyway, I want to do better in life. I gave up WoW, so that's the first step...even though the new expansion looks so cool coming out in 2010. But no, I've seen how far other people have gone in this world in a lot of aspects...spirituality, service, success, hospitality, and friendliness. I want these things in my life...but with everything, you must work for it and come up with plans.
Planning...
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