Sunday, April 20, 2008
I haven't posted in awhile, so I thought that I'd post something today.
Anyway, pretty eventful weekend. i guess every weekend this past 8 weeks has been eventful. But today, I had a good day. I guess I wonder what's the worst thing that could happen? I tend to think of the usual stuff that could happen. But when I do go, it usually comes out that "nothing bad" is the answer.
Anyway, I don't want to spend time writing about what happened this weekend, but lets just say that nothing really bad happened and as one of my friends said about life is that "80% of life is just being present." Something like that. I always worried about if I would mess up somehow and that would cause someone not to hang out with us or I would make people feel uncomfortable by my weirdness. But even though that tends not to be the case, I still have that in the back of my mind. I tend to think that life would be better for everyone else if i wasn't present there in that moment.
What usually happens is that people are glad to see me when I do show up. My mom told me today that I worry so much about the anxiety of what people will think about me that I tend to be late and that could give them a reason to have something against me. And thus my worries would be created by my own choices. I guess the only answer is to really get up and get in there in the face of life.
Self fulfilling prophecies and things that I worry too much about are in my head most of the time. Each person is important in this world, because each person is unique and can add something constructive to the world. But I tend to fear being that person who is destructive and brings people down...even though I really don't do that...I just fear that my words or actions will cause someone else to feel down or discouraged. Maybe the only way to counter that is to actually see if being and discovering who I am when I speak causes that.
Anyway, got to get out of this rut and make some progress. I've been stuck here too long and everyone else is way ahead of me. Anyway, there's a lot of good things that have been happening. I can see God at work in my life encouraging me to grow and make choices to better myself and others...
Anyway, pretty eventful weekend. i guess every weekend this past 8 weeks has been eventful. But today, I had a good day. I guess I wonder what's the worst thing that could happen? I tend to think of the usual stuff that could happen. But when I do go, it usually comes out that "nothing bad" is the answer.
Anyway, I don't want to spend time writing about what happened this weekend, but lets just say that nothing really bad happened and as one of my friends said about life is that "80% of life is just being present." Something like that. I always worried about if I would mess up somehow and that would cause someone not to hang out with us or I would make people feel uncomfortable by my weirdness. But even though that tends not to be the case, I still have that in the back of my mind. I tend to think that life would be better for everyone else if i wasn't present there in that moment.
What usually happens is that people are glad to see me when I do show up. My mom told me today that I worry so much about the anxiety of what people will think about me that I tend to be late and that could give them a reason to have something against me. And thus my worries would be created by my own choices. I guess the only answer is to really get up and get in there in the face of life.
Self fulfilling prophecies and things that I worry too much about are in my head most of the time. Each person is important in this world, because each person is unique and can add something constructive to the world. But I tend to fear being that person who is destructive and brings people down...even though I really don't do that...I just fear that my words or actions will cause someone else to feel down or discouraged. Maybe the only way to counter that is to actually see if being and discovering who I am when I speak causes that.
Anyway, got to get out of this rut and make some progress. I've been stuck here too long and everyone else is way ahead of me. Anyway, there's a lot of good things that have been happening. I can see God at work in my life encouraging me to grow and make choices to better myself and others...
Labels:
Life
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)