My trip home is coming to an end. I'm also ill right now. Anyway, I'm thinking that I should keep my thoughts about home to myself.

I went to church yesterday. There were some who were glad to see me. Some who were not. I've noticed this even before I left that some people are not cool with me. Yet nobody tells me. it's probably not a big deal as people will not like me all the time. I think sometimes I have too high ideals of what church would be like for me. Maybe they'll never be met. I guess that's one thing. Church is a place for people to worship God. Even though we're not perfect, God does love everyone. Even if the people there aren't perfect, God loves them too. So maybe I just need to forgive and not let things bother me.

A lot of people will never know who I am. Most of my friends know me, but I think for most of the people at church, it's just a Sunday relationship. But then again, I know that people don't think that much of me and probably never will. And I'm cool with that. Why would I want to spend time with people who look down on me?

Anyway, i know that I'm not a normal person. I know that everyone will never be considered "normal" because nobody can set the standard for everyone to follow. But I know that compared to a lot of people out there, I'm a loser. I've come to realize that ever since I came to Japan. But what Japan has taught me is that it doesn't matter. I've known this before I went, but I'm starting to realize it now that I've been to Japan.

Anyway, i know that I'm not perfect. I know that I'll never be perfect. But I do know that regardless of what happens, God will love me and God will continue to love the whole world.

It makes me think about tomorrow. If Jesus were to come back, what would He say to me? Would He be pleased with me? I'm not sure. I'm kind of wondering how many people God would be pleased with? There are many, but it really depends on your relationship with God and how you love those around you.

Anyway, it was good to be back at church. But it was also a painful memory of maybe the damage that I have done here before i left. Who are they to judge? And who am I to judge? I know that even if we part ways, I need to continue to move forward.

I guess that's one thing about God. He forgave us when we nailed Him to the cross. And He forgives us of our sins if we ask. But He also does not want us to have grudges or things against people. He is the God of relationships...something which i don't think will be my forte in life. Oh man...relationships...I guess I've got to keep trying though.

It has felt like Friday for the past two days. I had no class today and no class tomorrow. I don't even know why the heck I'm going to school if I have no class. I don't know what to say anymore...I think that I need a vacation. And I think that I'm cranky.

when I think about things...I know that this world would be craziness if God wasn't here. It is craziness though in a lot of places. But most of the time, we don't turn to God. Many people don't know Him. Anyway, through it all, He's there in the midst of this craziness. I keep on thinking...there's got to be a purpose for each person here. But I wonder if any of us find it. Some do I believe...Anyway, I guess I won't know for sure until much much later. I'm wondering if I'm here in Japan for a reason. Maybe I should stay here longer if I get offered another year. But we'll see. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm thinking that the company might give me a chance for another year. Another year of probation? That sounds kind of lame. Okay, well, time to hit the sack.

Tomorrow...I won't be able to make it to the US for one of my friend's funerals. I don't know what to say...I didn't know him that well, but even though we weren't close, it seemed like I got know him a little bit at the end before I left for Japan.

The last memory I have of him was when we were doing a film for the faith and race class. I remember that somehow I mentioned that I was going on a trip. He seemed interested and asked me where I was going. I think that he was really interested and he seemed happy for me that I got this chance to go to Japan.

When I think about life in general, I think of how much more I could have lived. I could have gotten to know him better or maybe talked to him more when I found out that he had cancer. But I didn't, and I think that just shows my personality. I'm not living...I'm actually not living to my fullest and getting to know people while they're here...while I have a chance.

Anyway, I didn't really know him that well. I’m thinking that I most likely live out the rest of my life ikke this. Not really getting to know people and staying a certain distance from most everyone. Anyway, I know that he's in a better place right now. Reading other people's blogs, I saw that there was more to him than I knew about.

I guess that's true for a lot of people. Well...not sure what else to say...

You only think about yourself...

When I look back on my posts, I see that I am very absent minded. When I see other people's blogs, i see that they are going through much more than me and people they know are going through much more than me.

Frankly I wonder if I really think about things...the importance of some things and how unimportant some other things are.

I wish that I was a better person sometimes.

Well, i don't like to write everything on my blog, but it seems like I write the most unimportant stuff that's going on. Okay, do what you got to do.

Yes, I just drank one liter of coffee. heh. Man, no wonder I'm so tired all the time. heh. And it's 10:30pm.

oh man...Well, at least I just have to plan tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to stay awake.

Only one and a half weeks to go. Then I'm flying home. yay! I'm looking forward to staying up late and playing video games with my family. I'm also looking forward to seeing my dog. He's getting older, so he might pass away soon. It might be the last time I see him if I don't return in April.

I'm also looking forward to being able to sleep in and also to being able to sleep in a bed instead of a futon. My futon is flat right now, so I'm basically sleeping on a wooden frame. Which could also explain why my back hurts when I wake up. I've been waking up 3 times a night to change positions. Maybe I should buy a new futon this weekend.

Anyway, there's so much in the US that is nice, but still, I'm enjoying my time here in Japan. I don't know how long I'll be here, but we'll see how long I stay. If I do stay, I'm not planning on staying more than one more year. I don't want to stay for too much longer though. I don't know...maybe I'll take a trip around Japan. Maybe i'll visit Kagoshima while I'm at it. That's crazy far away. And I'm not sure how to get there.

Anyway...I think that this weekend, I'm going to hit the Department store. This time, I'm going ot take a train instead of a bike. That way, I don't have to worry about some old man hitting me with a broom on my way there.

They're selling used PS2 here in Japan now that the PS3 came out. One thing that is a downside to the PS3 is that they don't have shock or vibration in the controller in the PS3. That is due to the tilt control that they put in the controller. Tilt control is something like when you're flying an airplane or dragon on the PS3, you can tilt the controller to tilt the plane a certain direction. Cool huh! But nobody liked the new design of the PS3 batarang controller. Some said it looked like a batarang (from batman) or a banana. So it got low ratings. Sony decided to use the old style of controller, so while it looks better, it doesn't have shock or vibration. i guess that's a good thing in some sense, because shock in the controllers can cause damage to your hands, or so I heard.

Anyway, I could buy a PS2 brand new here for only $20 more than they're selling the used ones. I guess I got to wait until February before I buy my ps2. I guess I can hold off on playing some of these cool games until the price goes down. heh. Hmm...if I stay another year, then I'll most definitely buy a PS3. Hopefully Shiro Kishi (White Knight) will come out by then.

I played part of Valhalla Knights last night before I went to sleep. I'm surprised that I understand even that much of the dialogue. Still, it seems like the dialogue isn't that great right now, because when they go into explanations they show a "........" and then the outcome. So it's like a conversation is happening, it's just you aren't a par of it. Darn it Marvelous Interactive!!! The reason people play role playing games is so that they can live in an alternate world. Well, at least that's my reason. heh.

anyway, the main character just says, "......." I think that it's a Japanese thing or something like that to not have the main character say much. Chrono Trigger and Chrono cross is one example. Personally, I think that the UMDs can only hold so much info, so they had to cut down on that to put in awesome gameplay. Which I've only had one battle. Plus it's a very customizable game, so there's a lot of items and stats that you can use. I think that they said there's about 1500 combinations in the preview that you can use for your character wear. Crazy...that's how detailed some people in the gaming industry in Japan are. Crazy...

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should come home after my contract ends, or if i should stay another year if they offer me another year. I'd stay in the same place if I had the chance, but part of me wonders if I should go to a different place. i'd feel bad because the people here are the ones who are investing in me. Not only in teaching, but in some of the friendships that I have here...even though we're just coworkers. Then there's the teachers that get on my case and that isn't nice all the time, but it's a good way to learn how to deal with things...unless I get depressed.

Anyway, I'd better get going.

A note about games...

Kingdom Hearts II went down to 29.99 at EBgames today. You can check out their website on www.ebgames.com and just look under Kingdom hearts ii for the PS2. Anyway, they forgot to update their website completely as you can buy the used game for 39.99 which may or may not come with box or instructions or the brand new game for 29.99. Hmm....which to choose.

Another note, I can now play Valhalla Knights on my psp. Thank you Amazon!

Yeah baby!!!

I think that I'm getting sick. Man, I'm not looking forward to this as I still have to come to work even if I am sick. Anyway, I just hope that it won't be too bad.

On another note, I'm supposed to go to Osaka this weekend. I got to buy my tickets right now. So I've got to go to the next city.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Yeah...not much I want to say.

PS3 came out today in Japan

Last night, there was this long report about the PS3 on the news. It looks pretty good right now. If you want to see pictures of people standing in lines and possibly the rain, you can check out the Asahi newspaper found here.

And yes, I saw the weather last night and also heard it outside my window. It rained last night and today. I'm glad that I'm crazy enough to buy one yet. I can imagine going into work sick and saying that I am sick because I stood outside in the rain for 8+ hours to get a lower version of the PS3.

Anyway, the newspaper article basically said the same things that everyone knows about already. The lower version cost 49980 yen and the higher version cost about 60000 and up. The PS2 was a big hit and the PS3 uses blu ray discs.

People must have been lining up right after school or work to try to get that. And of course, they have a picture of a gaijin with a PS3 holding it above his head. Caucasian people do stand out here. I guess there's this fascination with people different than the Japanese in Japanese society, but still, Japanese do have distinct in groups and out groups.

Anyway, I'm basically in the out group for all of my coworkers. But that's okay. I can still work 'em. heh.

One thing that I noticed on TV was this gameshow called "Deal or No Deal." They have all foreign women, about 50 of them standing with suitcases. At the beginning, the contestants choose a suitcae number. That one is put off to the side for now. Then the contestants choose different suitcases to see what they could have won if they chose that one. It goes from 1 yen to maybe 1 million yen. After each case is opened, the host calls the man upstairs and asks for an offer to offer the contestants. If low cases are opened, then they usually raise up the price. The contestants have a choice to choose to take the deal or say no deal and go on. If a high one comes out like 1million yen then usually there's a better chance that the price of the deal will go down. And so on.

If the contestants decide to go all the way, then when there is only 3 cases left, they open the last case and that's what they get. Of course there is a table prices that have already been opened, so you have a chance of getting something good or something low. The first game that I watched, the contestants decided to go all the way. They could have either won 2000 yen which is $20 or 200,000 which is about 2000 dollars. Or something like that. Anyway, they got the 2000 dollars. It all depends on the risk factor you're willing to take and what your reasonable price amount that you're willing to take also.

Anyway, I think that they will have that show in America if it's not out already. What makes the Japanese show so interesting is that the host and other people on TV say these funny things that make the audience laugh or they have little arguments with each other. Anyway, I've noticed that Japanese people do have some showmanship in them...the ones on TV. Most people though, don't. So I guess it's pretty rare to get on TV.

Anyway, there was this group of four. Two couples. One guy wanted to hold out longer, because they were only at 200,000 yen. So they did rock paper scissors and the guy who wanted to hold out longer won. So they got more money later on because they accepted a deal. I think that each of them got 10,000 dollars approximately. But if they stayed to the end, then they would have gotten 20,000 each. I guess 10,000 is a good chunk of money.

Anyway I've seen people only get $30 on that show when they could have gotten $2000. So I'd take the deal if I were given a good amount of money. It'd suck to get 1 yen.

Why is it that I'm feeling so alone nowadays. I think that I need to rest. Then I'll be able to converse with others at school.

Anyway, I don't know why the heck I'm here in Japan. I've said it over and over again. No matter what reasoning I can come up with, I still don't know if this is what God wants for me. And I can't pray right now, or else I'll fall asleep.

Today I was falling asleep in my chair at work. I fell asleep with the light on last night. I wanted to work on some things, but decided to take a nap and that was a mistake. I woke up tired the next day. Alarms don't seem to wake me up when I need sleep. I'm wondering if I should call in sick tomorrow. Nah...

One guy who I met last week at training told me that it's tough when the kids call you names. But he told me that he thinks that I don't have one bad bone in my body. heh. I don't think that's true for anybody. But I must say that I do give that impression. heh, I remember one of my principals in Elementary school was this guy named Mr. Ficken. One of my friends told me that this girl who we both knew went up to him and sang farajaqkah (I don't know how to spell that) using his name Mr. Ficken except the i was turned into a u. My friend told me that the principal's face turned bright red and he said, "Kary, get to class!" i guess I'm not the only one who has experiences like that.

Today a kid called me "Megane sensei." It was a little girl. heh. Then she said bye bye! What a cute girl. I don't think that it changes much when the kids turn into adults. They say things to rile you up a little bit, but I don't think that they mean too much harm by it. I think that they do things to have fun with you. Still, the adults are way more mature than the kids are. But not all the adults are mature. I think that it just depends on the person. You can't judge people by how other people are. Everyone is different, so everyone will have different personalities. Just because someone's an adult, no matter where they're from, doesn't mean that they'll act like one. But still, don't get me wrong. The teachers at the schools are great. But it's just that they sometimes say my name sometimes and I wonder if they're talking crap about me. I let it go and don't worry about it all that much. If they were mean to my face, then it'd be a different story. But since I don't know what they're talking about because of my poor Japanese, I can't complain. They might be telling an anecdote or they might be talking about something else. Who knows. Anyway, I'm thinking that I should come home after March. Japan is a nice place, but I don't think that it's for me.

All the things that I've learned before have been preparing me for this. Preparing me for my life in Japan. I can't worry about what others think about me. My last job prepared me for this job in that I learned not to get angry at what others said about me. Everyone thought that I was gay at work for some reason. Not sure why. But rumors fly around especially in a male dominated homophobic place like my old company. But still, the people there at my old workplace liked me. So I guess I learned to deal with it and to make a difference in my relationships with the others.

Anyway, I feel like I stopped caring. Maybe I'm burning out. But I think that I know the real reason. I need to take better care of myself. Maybe that's what this job here in Japan is why I'm here. Take care of myself and learn how to depend on God throughout all these times. My whole life, looking back, I can see why I turned out a certain way. I can see why I am who I am now. I didn't realize that some things that happened back then would shape who I am today, but they were steps in making me who I am now. I have a responsibility to make sure that I don't keep the knowledge that I've learned to myself. Meaning, that I need to go and share goodness with others. Maybe that's why I'm in Japan. Maybe I need to care for the people here who have no God other than the idols on TV or radio. Maybe I need to take better care of myself so that others will know that there is a God out there who cares for them. I can't say how hard it is to tell others about Christ here, but St. Francis of Assisi had it right. "Preach the gospel 100% of the time...if necessary use words."

Teaching is one part of showing that I care. I guess i need to work on that too. But loving the people is just as important. I feel that the people will not listen to me if I teach crappy lessons. So I guess I need to prepare better when the time comes.

An article about Sony's PS3.

You can find it here on gamespot. Apparently there's going to be 20,000 kids who won't be happy on launch date for the PS3. Anyway, really, why the heck are people trying to get this right when it comes out? It's expensive...and with the 60 gig version in Japan with no limit set on how much it will be, it really is pretty crazy how much people want this machine. Reminds me of the XBOX 360 launch.

Anyway, I read off of gamespot that the PS3 games will be region free. But the region codes for the Blu-ray movies will be I think North America, maybe South America, and Asia (excluding China.) If so then, I will probably wait until I go back home to get a Japanese ps3. Anyway, I don't know if the ps3 will be able to play other region games for the ps2 and psone, but I'm doubting it. So I'm going to buy a Japanese PS2 before I leave Japan.

Anyway, I just wasted so much time today when I got back. I really should use my time wisely. Anyway, got to get going.

I bought Valhalla Knights for the PSP here in Japan. It will come out in America around March. I found that I cannot play the game. PSPs are region free, but this game requires version 2.71 on the updates. I have version 2.70. So close and yet so far.

I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I will make mistakes. I know that no matter how well something goes, there's always the chance that I could do something wrong. I can't worry about that though. I keep telling myself that I need to move forward and not worry about the roadblocks. That's the thing about a roadblock. Either they slow you down or they stop you from moving forward. I guess that's the thing. I need to keep moving forward even though I'm being slowed down by my mistakes.

I don't know what the heck I'm doing here in Japan. I don't know if I want to stay here for another year if I get offered another year. But what I do know is that I need to spend more time writing things out and praying. Writing on a blog is one thing, but the whole world can see my thoughts and I don't have the patience to slow down when I'm typing. Thinking about things, there's some things that I'd rather keep to myself and God. But definitely I need to make time for that.

Anyway...got to get going

Anyway, right now there is a lot of wind blowing outside. I'm hoping that my bike stays in the same place. Otherwise, I might not be able to ride to work tomorrow. heh.

Hmm...I think that I should stop the video game madness. I've been buying way too many. I'm wondering if I should start a business selling Japanese games to other places in the world. But then again, i'll only be here for 5 more months and teaching is more important right now. I got an anket back from two of the schools. I got a average of 3 and an average of 2 from those schools. It is out of 5. So with my limited teaching experience I'm lucky that I didn't get a one. otherwise my trainer told me that I would definitely have been visited.

Anyway, if I do get offered to stay here longer, I don't know what i'll be doing. Teaching is a lot like being a student, only you have the responsibility to teach. One thing that we're supposed to do is make learning fun. when they reach Jr. High school, they'll be stressed out to the max. It is a definite hard time starting from there for Japanese kids. Some even commit suicide. There's so much pressure to do well in Japan. There is also a high level to attain in knowledge too. These kids are smart, but that's true for all kids everywhere. Everyone has the ability to become something greater than they are now. It's just easier when you're a kid. And the motivation to do that is not always there. But luckily that's where teachers come in. heh. Also parents too. Anyway,

My job is not an easy job. Well, compared to some jobs, it's way easy, but man, I'm finding that people scare me. I am intimidated by people. Kids too. The reason being that you'll never know what someone will do. I guess for me, i'll have to learn how to deal with this. I've been dealing with it, but I probably will never feel comfortable reaching out to people. Maybe that's true for a lot of people. But still, reaching out is something that can be rejected and cause for evaluating oneself negatively. play it safe and you'll never experience life. But you've got to know when to fold 'em and know when to run. Ie being smart.

Anyway, I've experienced more fun here in Japan than I have in the past year. The kids are great. But still, it has been a bitter experience in how I cannot seem to meet the expectations of the people here. But still, I can't help but wonder if God wants me somewhere else. Anyway, I know that I should be praying about that. I didn't pray too hard about Japan. But I'm seeing that I need to be praying. The greater good...I'm only a soldier. I'm not important, yet God considers everyone, including me important. We're important, yet we're not important because anybody could take our place. I know that no one can take the place of another person, but I find that if there's nobody there, then who will go? I have to take the great commission seriously. Man, the great commission. I'm not sure what to do. yeah, I know...

Okay, I know I should be sleeping, but I just wanted to say that if you're into strategy games and a little old school, Disgaea 2 is a good game to get. But it takes leveling up to a whole new dimension. Basically you have to earn your levels up. You just can't go through the story, you have to level up outside of it, or else you won't be able to pass the game. Anyway, Atlus and Nippon Ichi games usually don't go down in price all that much. But then again, there's so many games out that you could miss a few good ones. Anyway, Final Fantasy XII came out in the US today. That will go down in price later on. But if you want the collectors edition and to learn more about the history about Final Fantasy, then check out www.ebgames.com or www.gamespot.com and look for the final fantasy collector's edition.

It's $60 though. Is it worth $60? That depends on you.

Okay, it's late, but I find myself surfing the net. Yay one for coffee!

Anyway, I was reading a former ALTs webpage off of one of my friends links to a whole bunch of webpages. Interesting enough, I find that her experience is way different from mine. She is pretty much an opposite from me. Not in terms of morals or anything important...well I'm assuming she's better at those than me. But what I'm saying is that she is outgoing, friendly, and a really nice person to know. I on the other hand, am shy sometimes, keep to myself, and I don't speak very much. Not a good way to get to know people. But maybe things will change if I put more effort into reaching out. I'm thinking that sleeping would be a good idea right now.

I'm thinking that culture shock is starting to kick in. But thankfully I have God with me. Not that He's not for anybody else, or against anybody else, but that He's there for me and everyone else.

Anyway, with Halloween now here, I'm thinking that it is a good time to remember the things that are needed. I don't want to say what I'm thinking but yeah, rememberance is a good thing. Not always a pleasant thing, but definitely I need to put the past behind me and come to terms with it. I have changes that I need to go through. I have issues that I need to work out. God is with me, but I need to let Him work in me.

Anyway, it's a good reminder of how desparate the need is here. I'm wondering what this means for me. I don't think that I'm supposed to be in full time ministry, but I do see that I need to take God seriously. People here in Japan don't know God. Even though they are good people, they won't know the Creator unless there are people who go and tell them.

It's tough, because I have flaws, and I have barely any relationships with my coworkers. I'm wondering if that is a sign to do something...like maybe talk to them. It's tough...they're always working on something. I guess that's why they get paid. But man, how the heck can I start a conversation with people who are working all the time. I don't know. Maybe I just need to interrupt them and see for myself. heh. Okay, I need to take a step out and look stupid again. Forget my ego and be a gaikokujin or gaijin. Maybe things will improve with my relationships with them. I'm sure it will. They are nice people.

Man, this Kit kat tastes like it has pumpkin in it. And yes, the insides of it are orangish yellow. Thanksgiving came early huh?

Okay, lets see...hopefully I got paid today. I think that I'm going to get paid late. Maybe on the 15th or so. Man, that sucks.

Man, I'm finding that I really don't know what I'm doing here. Adapting to a new culture, teaching kids who barely understand what I'm saying, and then there's the issue of trying to communicate in Japanese when I'm suppposed to use English. I'm finding that I don't know why I'm here or what reason or purpose I have here in Japan.

One friend mentioned to me that I need to pray. Well, he didn't actually say that, but he told me of things to pray for and I'm seeing just how little I have been praying for them. One reason being that I fall asleep when I pray because I'm so tired.

So the answer I guess is to make sure that I go to sleep early enough and wake up early enough so that I'm rested when I pray.

I'm wondering what God has placed me here for. Did God place me here? Or am I supposed to be back where I was before? Anyway, writing won't help. It hasn't for about 3 years now. It's only been a log.

What is it that I should be doing. What is it that God wants me to do? And why am I so reluctant to find out. I've been thinking about this for so long. Maybe it's time to ask the hard questions. What is it that I was created for? I have a feeling that i'll never know.

Well, I looked on the housefullofgames website again and saw that "A Fistful of Cards" was the top seller. When I clicked on the cards, I found that it is out of stock. I'm wondering...who the heck bought up all of these cards. Certainly not people who were reading my blog were they?

Anyway, I personally don't know if a Fistful of cards will go out of print, but by the looks of it, it might stay around for quite a bit longer. Anyway, for $3 to make a more interesting game, you can't go wrong.

Anyway, if you missed the Fistful of cards on housefullofgames, then you could always buy it off of www.amazon.com. They charge more for shipping, but the base price is only 25 cents more. Anyway, housefullof games might have another restocking of a Fistful of Cards given how popular they were.

I kind of did the same thing with a board game of star wars. I found out that they were going to stop making it, so I bought up games when I could for about $30 each. Now it looks like everyone is selling their star wars games and the price is going down. Anyway, if you bought a fistful of cards, then it would make a good gift for someone who likes Bang. High noon, the other expansion for Bang, that is out of print, sells for about maybe 10 dollars on ebay...I'm not totally sure, but the only other kinds that I've seen are in the German language, so I'm not sure exactly if it came out in the US. Anyway, Bang is a good game, but you need to play it with friends. It's tough to play by yourself as with any game except video games. And it will most likely go out of style in about 5 years, but who knows. it might be a classic someday.

Another good game is Settlers. www.housefullofgames has an excellent price on Settlers. It's an up to 4 player game, unless you buy the 5-6 player expansion, but I don't know if you would want to, because it'd take longer. But yeah, that's another good game by the same company who made Bang.

Apparently there is a computer version of Settlers...or so I heard. So you might not need to buy the board game, but I still think board games are more fun because you have something tangible to look at.

Anyway, I bought 4 Fistful of Cards boxes myself for Bang. I always figure that I could give them out as gifts if i find someone who doesn't have the expansion. I don't know if this is going to go out of print, but if people keep on buying it, it may turn into a classic expansion scenario set. Man, I wish I had people to play this game with. Nobody likes the games I like in my family. My family is not a family of nerds like me. And everyone is different from me. But we're pretty much similar to each other. Anyway, I like that house full of games website. They have great prices and fair shipping. I hope that they do well.

Anyway, I'm still wondering if I should buy that world of warcraft boardgame. Apparently it looks like it takes quite awhile to make even one of them given the amount of pieces that you have in the box. Man, if I only had 4 hours to kill with friends. I so want to play World of Warcraft, but I so don't have the resources. Ie time and money. Plus I don't know if I really want to live an alternate life in an online community. One of my friends did that and he didn't do so well in school. That's one danger of online video games. You lose contact with people in the real world and make friends with people who you have no idea who they are. But I would still like to play in that game. However, it'll probably be gone when I do get around to that.

If I am allowed back into the Bible study when I come back, I don't know if I can play these games with the guys, because it looks like there would be quite a few people to play with and everyone wouldn't get a chance to play it. WoWC boardgame is I think only 4 players, but it could be 6, I'm not sure. But man, nobody in the Bible study has 4 hours to waste on a game that leads to nothing but mindless fun! It was usually like 9:30-10 when we did get out on a weeknight. Oh well...maybe I can play myself. Kind of boring to play myself. Nobody to talk to except myself. And I don't talk that much. heh.

Anyway, i've babbled on again and again. Man, I need to get a life and stop blogging so much. heh

It's nice to see that video game companies are starting to take a look at making extras available. Square-Enix is coming out with a collector's edition for FFXII. Granted you can only buy it off of Gamestop and EBgames, found here .
And it's $60

But, it's nice to see that they are sharing more about the game and what they did to make it. It's really a lot of work to make video game. And to make one that's good takes a lot more work and attention to details. The collector's edition will feature the making of Final Fantasy (the history.) What I learned off of a website was that the reason why they call Final Fantasy "Final" is that they pushed the limits of the system that they could at the time with their programming. Finding new ways to push the system without breaking it will happen as you gain more experience and think of new ways to program. it's like speaking a language. you learn how to speak it better as you practice and think of new ways to articulate yourself. But it doesn't happen only with experience, you have to work at it, and the people who make Final Fantasy do some amazing work.

Hmm...FFX-2...heh. one of my friends said this about the game. "Your bests weapon is a DRESS!!!" He didn't have too high marks for the game, I think. But in some other comments online I saw that this guy's girlfriend didn't want to be around him with her niece while he was playing that game because she didn't like how the battles portrayed women. heh. Scantily clothed...ie. Some even called it shady.

Anyway, it's not secret that a lot of the programmers out there are guys. And it's also no secret that most of the game players are guys. I can understand why girls don't play video games as much. There's more important things to life than video games. But some girls do play video games, and I'm seeing that there's probably more girls in Japan that play video games or at least I think...not sure. But in Japan, there's way more video games out there that never make it to the outside world. Neon Genesis Evangelion 2, the video game...I've never seen it anywhere in the states, and I bought it here for $20. It's selling on Ebay for about $40.

Man, I've got to stop talking about video games. I need to do something else with my life. But then again, if I like video games so much, then maybe I should learn how to design and program games.

Anyway, I'm just glad that video game companies are seeing that people want to know the histories behind how they made the game and how the company was formed, as it will give other people ideas of how to form their own companies and create their own video games. A lot of the future star programmers and game designers are/were kids who played video games way back when.

Anyway, maybe I have enough creative ideas/geekiness to create a good game.

The kids in Japan..no idea how they get so smart, but a lot of them are. I guess that's true with any kid. They have potential, but they need help in the beginning. A lot of help. If I ever do get married, I hope that either me or my wife will be able to spend constant time with my children. If I become a programmer, that might not be possible. But then again, I might pull a Mozart and party when the kids are sleeping and work during the day. Umm...no...i don't know. I don't want my kids being in Daycare, cause you never know who is there or what they're doing. Anyway, that's just coming from a kid who was raised by his mom who quit her job to raise us kids. She had a good job too. Anyway, I don't know who is the right person for me, but I guess I've got to focus on becoming the right person first. If I'm not the right person, and if I do find the right person, then she'll definitely not want to be with me.

Anyway, got to get going

Got to email my boss. Apparently I've got to deliver something about my lunch to my company. At first I thought that it was another bad review, but then I really don't know what the heck it is. Good or bad, at least my company is more understanding than the schools. But, then again, they still are pretty strict.

Maybe Japan isn't for me.

World of Warcraft...BOARDGAME?!?

Yes, that's right, I saw it while I was shopping online. Apparently it's pretty popular and out of stock. I also saw Warcraft the board game also on their website. Man, they have some great prices. But, you have to pay shipping. They use UPS, so what I learned from my experience with UPS is that they charge a base price for shipping out the initial thing, but that's only because they have insurance on the packages. So, if it gets broken, then you can probably call up the company and ask them to contact UPS. But most likely that won't happen. Anyway, my point is that you pay a base price for the shipping and if you get more, then it costs less to order. Anyway, this online company is in Washington State, so for most of us, that's pretty far, unless you're on the west coast.

Anyway, check out the online store. It is called

www.housefullofgames.com

If you're into Bang, the card game, then they have the expansion set "A Fistful of Cards" for that game also. It's only $3 there. A Fistful of Cards came out in 2005, so I don't know if it will go out of print sooner or later, but Bang has been here for a few years already, so if you haven't played it yet, play it. It's a party game. Anyway, you can find info on it on Wikipedia here.

Anyway, once I get my paycheck, I'm definitely going to sign up for the waiting list for the World of Warcraft Boardgame. That way, I can get into World of Warcraft without having to pay a monthly fee and also play it with 2-6 of my friends. Hmm...too bad I have no friends in Japan. I guess I'll have to wait until I come back home.

My dad thinks that I don't want to come home because he wants to be away from them (the parents.) He thinks that I want to stay in Japan, because I'm independant here. My main reason for staying in Japan is a personal one....*cough* video games *cough*....and is nothing personal against anybody. I do think however, that it's cool to get greeted by the kids everyday with an enthusiastic "Jon Sensei!!!" I just hope that my welcome doesn't wear out. Anyway, I'm wondering why I'm here. Was it a good idea to come to Japan? Should I go home after my contract ends? Will I even be offered an extended period of stay?

Anyway, I'm stoked for the PS3 coming out. It comes out Nov. 11th here in Japan. In the US, it comes out Nov. 17th. In Japan, there is no set price for the 60 gig version of the PS3. They will let retailers decide the price. The 20 gig version is $600 flat.

Heh, I guess I've always loved games. Even when I was a kid, I loved chess. It's just that I could never find anyone to play against. Maybe that's why I play video games so much. I can play by myself. And I think that's why I suck at sports games. Well...maybe i just suck at the strategy of sports. I only know the basics. In football, i don't know anything, except how to catch a football.

Anyway, i've babbled on for quite awhile. Man, I'm so materialistic. I kind of wonder when Jesus comes back, will we still have these childish games? It'd be interesting to see what life is going to be like when He does come back. Right now, I guess I need to develop my relationship with Him and my fellow brothers and sisters. Man, relationships...i've never really been good at those. Games are more my fancy. heh...not literally mind you. i don't play games with people...or I try not to. I have no feedback, so I don't know. heh. Anyway, maybe that's just cruel. And i'm not a cruel person...or at least I don't think I am. Someone help?

hehe...anyway, I'd better get going. I've got to improve my Japanese skillz. Yes, i'm going to read Comics!!! In school, I learned some things about how to speak Japanese, but what I'm finding is that in real conversation, there's so much that I don't know. And some of the basics can be found in kid-teenage literature called manga. Or comics. Anyway, I don't recommend manga for younger kids. Sometimes they have inappropriate stuff in them that can be taken the wrong way. But that's just my opinion. Anyway, that's not all the comics mind you.

Right now, I'm going to read Detective conan and try to finish that before I leave Japan. Yes...Detective Conan. If you want to see the anime in America, it's called Case Closed. But the dubs in English are really, really bad. So it might ruin your experience of this great anime/manga. Anyway, I think that they cut out episodes 10-60, so you miss out on most of the good stuff. But it's more for teenagers than kids, which is what the company was probably thinking. Anyway, if you know how to read Japanese, try reading Detective conan, or try to find the comic online somewhere. It's really good.

Okay, so I overslept again...and missed church. Okay, next week for sure. Anyway, i think that I'm just afraid of how things are going to go over there. But I guess it couldn't hurt to go at least once.

blah blah blah blah...I'd rather not post about today, unless I really feel like it on my other blog. Anyway, I miss home. Hopefully this church I'll go to this Sunday will have some friendly people. Hopefully they won't be a cult.

One song that came to mind is "Faithful Father."

I don't know the exact lyrics, but here's some that I heard from one of the sermon cds that my church sent out to me in Japan.

Father, I can't explain this kind of love this kind of grace
I know, when my life is through my heart will find its home in you

This is my song of praise to you
For who you are and all that you do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful

I like how even before the songwriter knew God, God is still faithful. To that I say, Amen.

Now, will I be faithful to God? That's the other question.

There are times when I wonder why God created me. I feel like a loser quite often in life. I sometimes feel that I can't get things right.

One thing that one of my trainers told me about lessons was, "Don't expect them all to go well." That's one lesson that I'm learning. Don't expect to be perfect. Don't expect to feel like a winner all the time. Even if it is only a few times.

What brings me down the most is that I don't focus on the good times, I focus on the bad. I focus on my mistakes. I see what I did wrong and dwell on those. That's one of my flaws. I'm a perfectionist.

I try to be perfect and yet I find that more often than nought, I'm not. Why is life like this? Why can't I be the person that I would like to be? I know for a fact that nobody is perfect, except God. It's kind of funny how God would create us to not be perfect. But it gets complicted when you think of the fallen angels and Satan.

Anyway, what I'm always amazed at is how people are dedicated to God. That's a really great thing, because they're living as they should. Loving God and loving people. The two most important things ever. But I know that even they are not perfect. And even they fail. But they get back up and go at it again.

One of the things that i've been told over and over again is that when you're riding a horse, you will get thrown off from time to time. Especially at the beginning. So should you quit? Should you give up and never ride a horse again? If you do that, then you'll never learn to ride. The old saying goes, "When the horse throws you off, what do you do? ...You get back on."

I think that that is one reason why I continue to go through life. Even through all my failures, I've still limped back onto the horse. The horse is a representation of life or something that you are trying to do. If you give up, then you'll never learn how to be successful at it.

There was a time where I gave up. I gave up on life. I gave up on living and thought, "why am I here?" I gave into the desires of life. I didn't do anything bad, but the things that I did do weren't good. But I've learned my lessons from them. If you don't care about anything anymore, then you'll never have a purpose in life. If you give up, then you'll never succeed. Sometimes however, some things we must give up. But the main thing, "life", is something that everyone tries to do well in. It's not easy.

Anyway, I've babbled on for quite a bit. Even though I struggle with why I'm here, I know that I do have a purpose here. I'm just not fulfilling it. Maybe it's rebellion. Maybe it's fear. But I'm not sure why i'm so afraid. What do I have to be afraid of? A lot I guess...but man, so many other people are dealing with much more. Well...enough babbling.

Okay, so maybe I'm having trouble with how much I'm buying nowadays. I guess I should be saving up for retirement or something like that. Anyway, some of these games are pretty rare in the states and are only $28 here in Japan brand new. Shadow hearts, the first one, is being re-released here.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should check out Kuroganeya again to see if they sell packing materials. Then I could be like one of the other sellers on Ebay who only buys from Amazon.co.jp and resells them for $20 more. I love Amazon by the way.

Anyway, I have noticed on Ebay that the things that I have are now going down in price. So I missed out on my chance to sell my board games. I sold one for around $70. Man, that was cool. But I bought about 3-4 of them for about $30 each. So I'm in the hole $50. Anyway, maybe I can sell them when Christmas comes along for a better price. I think the Star wars craze is dying out and everyone is selling their board games for low prices now.

Anyway, man, I'm so materialistic.

Okay, about the last post....maybe not all the games they made were good. But yeah, Okami stands out above the rest. oh well...

Anyway, with the PS3 coming out, there should be a lot of games that have been out for awhile that are going down in price. But, not all of them will until much later. For example, games that are just coming out now, will most likely not go down in price for a long time. And because people will be buying the next generation games, these games might be discontinued because they aren't selling. It reminds me of Dragon Warrior 3 and 4. The Super nintendo came out and people were busy playing the new games that they didn't buy 3 or 4, including me.

Anyway, I guess if you don't want to buy the games, you could always wait until the emulators come out for the system, but that probably won't be for awhile. Anyway, I don't recommend emulators unless you actually own the game.

Anyway, it's up to you what you do with your time. I like to invest in the companies that make the good games. Hopefully video games won't be the end of me.

Sad news for gamers...

Clover studios is going to be shut down. The developer who made Okami, Viewtiful Joe, and God Hand will be shut down because of extraordinary losses. You can find the link here.

It is a great loss now in the video gaming world, but Capcom has to make sure that the company stays afloat.

Anyway, they'll be around until March of 2007. Just kind of sucks when you find a great game developer, that when the games don't sell, the talent goes to waste and the games end up being collector items. I'm sure that Okami will be around for awhile, but who knows

Oh well, I kind of think that with maybe so many games coming out that that may cause some of the good ones not to get as much recognition as they should.

Anyway, I feel the loss.

Listening to some Kepano Green CDs that I ordered from CDbaby (an online CD service) I'm reminded that I've been out of the loop when it's comes to God. I think I've been in this rut ever since I started my old job about a year and a half ago. Anyway, the reason being that I don't spend time with God...

One reason why I haven't been doing this as much is that I fall asleep when I pray. I fall asleep and I wake up the next morning tired, because the light was on all night. Sometimes I don't wake up until much later from my sitting position.

And no, I haven't played video games for about a week. I only play on the weekends now, because I don't have time to play on the weekdays.

And yes, even though I've been hoarding video games like a miser hoards money, I don't play most of them. I just buy them, because I figure that I might not get the chance to play them if they stop selling them. I've been buying video games in the states online even though I have no way of playing them. I don't know if I'll ever play any of the games that I have. heh.

Anyway, that could be another reason why I'm not that close to God anymore. I've grown materialistic. I guess ever since I got a job in college, I figured that I could buy whatever I wanted. But it was also a time where I put God second to school, because of pressure from my parents. Something I know wasn't a good thing in my life.

Anyway, I've babbled on for quite awhile.

I know that the only way to get closer to God is to spend time with God and develop a relationship with Him...but I know that that is not the only thing that one must do. I've been doing the other part, but loving God is different. I think that the devil has really made me ineffective. Okay, get my weapons and get back into the game. I've got to arm and shield myself with the Word and prayer.

Man, warfare is unpleasant. It's not a good thing to go to war. But it's something that has existed for God knows how long. Probably ever since God created the devil.

Is the struggle always necessary? Is it always necessary to have things be earned? I guess that's the key word. Earning. Even though we cannot earn eternal life, we can earn things that can help shape us. I'm not talking about material possessions, but what I'm talking about is about the law of the jungle. Dog eat dog.

Anyway, I wrote some stuff, but deleted it as I figured that it would give people the wrong idea without a long, lengthy explanation. And even though I wrote most of it, I found that it's probably not a good idea to put it on the internet.

Anyway, I do believe that you have to earn stuff. Man was made to work. But you need to balance the eating material food with the eating of the spiritual food. Anyway, my thoughts are jumbled...

But man, a man's got to know his limits. I never knew how true that was until I met someone who tried to take advantage of me.

Anyway, this post is really making me moody. I don't know if it's because I'm remembering a lot of bad memories or what, but yeah, this isn't turning out how I wanted it to.

Okay, this is an old post on gamespot, but it has some info about the upcoming FFXIII. Man, I kind of wonder how long I'll be stuck in my room.

Anyway, I kind of wonder if the Nintendo Wii will outclass the PS3 if Square-Enix decides to go with multiple platforms for their series. I'm sure that they'd sell more games if they did though, which will make not only the company happy, but the gamers out there as well.

Anyway, this post came out in may of 2006. You can find it here.

Anyway, probably most of you have read it already. But on the bottom, they have a live blog of the Square-Enix upcoming games for 2007 at an preview event.

I have a feeling that I'm going to fall asleep in my bed with the lights on and in my school (work) clothes.

when I look back at my posts, I think...man, how selfish...I know what I should be doing. And it isn't blogging every little thing.

When I think about how things could be, I think...that's never going to happen. In a perfect world, what would things be like? Then I think about what is perfect? As far I have ever seen, it's only in God. People definitely are not perfect.

Human beings being falliable will fail others and even themselves from time to time. I think about things from time to time. I think why my life is the way it is. I think why was I created this way? Why can't I change?

I know the answers of how to make things better. I know that it will involve choices and those choices will help me to become something I do or don't want to be. An example could be, how do i spend my time? What do I do in my free time? I'm not saying that you have to always be doing something productive, but change comes in times when you are working on things that will shape your personality. That's only one aspect though. Sometimes what you put inside of yourself will also change you. What you listen to, what you read, what you watch. Habits are formed. Thoughts are made. Thoughts are the beginning, but action could take place because of a thought.

Anyway, I keep babbling on and on about the same things. I'm not taking things seriously anymore it seems like. I feel like I'm still at the same place that I was 5 years ago. It's almost 2007. 2002 still sticks in my mind.

Why I think that I grew so much during 1999-2002 was that I spent a lot of time with God and other Christians. But it was also a time where I stepped out of my comfort zone and reached out to people that I didn't know so well. While some friendships faded, some I still have today.

This reminds me of my former roommate who thought, "What is the purpose to life?" He was sad because he thought that no matter what he did, in the end it wouldn't matter. He is an atheist. He wanted to be remembered or to make a difference in someone else's life. He has a good heart, but he does not have any purpose in life. An explanation of why he is an athiest...I'm not sure why. But I know that he's had a harder life than me and things have been pretty tough for him. But still, through it all, he's still stayed a good person.

I think one thing that I regret is that I didn't spend enough time with him. The friendship faded away. I stayed within the Christian bubble too long and I lost one of my best friends. But maybe i'll see him at the ten year reunion.

I think that I'm in the same boat as him. What is my purpose to life? I have none as of right now. Have I been living for God? No. What is living for God? I think what I've learned is that it's about worshipping God. Not only in song, but in your life. Worship is a lifestyle. When you act as a part of the body of Christ, you are acting as a representative of Christ. And it doesn't always mean that people will see you do your good deeds, but it does mean that God sees you.

Anyway, the reason why I think that i haven't been living for God is that I haven't been spending enough time with Him. I mean, doesn't being a Christian mean putting God at the center of your life? I keep on thinking about my life recently. Am I worshipping God daily in my life? Am I giving Him glory, my love, and showing that to other people? No...

it's pretty easy to go through life not doing anything worthwhile.

I kind of wonder, even if I was the person that I would like to be, is that the important thing? What I mean by that is is it the result, or is it the process that's more important? Anyway, this is probably just late night rantings of a sleepy person.

I've always liked to do my thinking at night. During the day, i'd like to play video games. I originally wrote this post as thinking about something completely different than what it came out as. Maybe God wants me to put him first instead of trying to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.

White knight (Shirokishi)

Apparently I saw on gamespot that this game called White Knight is coming out for the PS3 by Level 5. You can find their trailer on gamespot. If you want to read the preview then you can find the link here.

I just watched the trailer of the game and it looks a lot like FFXII. The battles looked so cool! Anyway, check out the trailer if you have a chance. I think it uses Windows media player and Internet explorer as I wasn't able to use firefox to open the trailer.

Man, I am so stoked for all these new video games coming out. I can't believe that so many are coming out at once. I had a dream to create programs like this, but never realised that dream. Man, it looks like I'll need to get a lot of programming experience and coursework if I want to be able to make things like this. But I'm guessing that it's too late for me.

Rogue Galaxy update on gamespot

Apparently the delays in Rogue Galaxy coming out in the states are due to the developer (level 5) making changes to the game because of player comments. They are improving the game for the US release and are adding in new stuff. So the game won't come out until January in the states. I guess I won't be buying a Japanese version of Rogue Galaxy until they come out with a director's cut of some sort.

Anyway, if you want to know more details, you can find the link here.

Apparently I'm finding that the meaning of "level 5" in Japan means a really high level. Level four is tough, but level 5 is super tough. I found that out when setting up a dodgeball game. In Japan, they use only one ball at a time, but in America, or at least at my elementary school, we used a whole lot of balls at once. So I told the kids to get 3 volleyballs. Anyway, the kids have something to learn about strategy with this as they just chuck the ball once the get the ball. One kid did have the right idea though. He threw the ball at me when I was in the middle of throwing my ball. Almost hit me. Anyway, the vice principal played one game with us. He almost pegged my face, but luckily I put my hands up in time.

Anyway, video games are my obsession. I can imagine things going grossly wrong because of them.

How the heck can I explain a story in Japanese? Man, I'm thinking that I need to work on my Japanese a lot more.

Anyway, another update on games. I bought Okami, the Japanese version and also Growlanser 5 generations. Growlanser generations (a different version) came out for the PS2 here in the states. Growlanser Generations consists of Growlanser 2 and 3 together in one package! And yes 5 is called generations also. The publisher brought 2 and 3 out together and just called it generations. I bought that before they stopped selling that, because I read on Amazon that it was a good game. Too bad working designs (People who brought Alundra, Lunar, and other rare games to the states) are now out of business. I think that if they had a better advertising system they would have done much better. Also, Growlanser cost $50 to buy at Target or Amazon. I paid the price for it, but you can get it on Ebay for about $30 now. Anyway, you get two full games for $25 each, so I figure that that is worth it, especially since it's a RPG. I personally have not played Growlanser 2 or 3, but I've played 1. Yes I bought growlanser 1, a rare game in the US. It's only on the Japanese psone and never made it to the states. I didn't get very far in it before I left the States, so I can't tell you much about it. But I think that the battle system is similar to Growlanser 2 and 3.

Anyway, Working Designs was a cool company, but man, they must have not had a good business model. I'm kind of wondering if they were gamers like me and probably most of you out there that read this blog. Anyway, one reason why I think that their games didn't do so well was that 1, not enough advertising, 2 the price never went down, 3, they stopped making the games that they spent so much money to bring here (probably because they weren't selling). Anyway, if you bought their games, then you would see the amount of effort that they put into some of the packages. Lunar the silver story (I think working designs brought this to the US) was a package of some sort. Anyway, I bought lunar the silver star story here in Japan for $10. In America on Ebay it's going for about 20-30 dollars right now I think. And from the picture, yes working designs did release Lunar the Silver Star Story here in the states.

Anyway, I'm thinking of buying a Japanese ps2 once I get my first full paycheck. That or I could wait until the PS3 comes out. But man, i don't want to have to wait in a line for it. Especially if it is going to be around my students. I mean, they're good kids, but I kind of wonder what the heck I'm going to talk to them for about 3 hours. Anyway, I think that the 2nd graders that I ate lunch with today were disappointed in my conversation ability in Japanese. I couldn't understand what the heck they were saying. But they're good kids. Man, I wonder if I'll ever learn Japanese.

oh well, if I take time to learn it, then I'll pick it up, especially since I'm here in Japan. We'll see though. I mean, you can't really learn something if you don't try. Since I'm not learning any new vocabulary, i'm going to have to pick that up myself.

Okay, back to work.

Church...not visited for a month

Okay, so it's not that much different than when I was back in the States. But yesterday, I got a package of CDs of the sermons for the past month from my home church. I never knew how much I was missing until I didn't have it anymore. Listening to the cds, I found that there's so much that I forgot in a month.

Really, God is the God of the broken, poor, weak, and humble. In Japan, it seems like there's so many people full of great character. There are so many people trying to earn a better life here. What I'm seeing is that no matter how much you do or how much you deserve, you cannot earn the gift of LIFE.

It's so easy to get swept away in how everyone else is and forget what really matters most in life. God is definitely good...and even though He is so good, it's so easy to forget.

It's like there's a party in my mouth and EVERYONE's invited!!!

I bought some cacao in a carton. i thought that it would be something like Chocolate milk, but man, this is so much better! One sip and I thought, man, this is good stuff. This is better than coffee! Hmmm...then I think what Chocolate actually does. And I think...yeah, that's probably why.

It's been awhile since I posted. I've been sleepy for the most part. What else is new? Anyway, I'm wondering how long I'll be at this job. I don't know if I'm going to get canned after 3 months, or if I'll be able to be successful. And even if I am successful, I don't know if I'll be able to stay here because of complications. But I wonder, why am I in Japan? Why did I decide to leave my home country and move to a foreign land? Because of a job? I don't know what I was thinking. But I'm here and it's not too bad, but still, it's tougher than I thought.

I find that I still have a long way to go as a teacher. Man, it's a big change from the other job that I had. Oh man...

Okami

I heard good things about this game from someone who owns a Japanese PS2. It came out around a year ago in Japan and is making its release in the States. It's like the Zelda of the PS2, if you don't count Dark Cloud. You can find the one of several articles on www.gamespot.com

If you just want to read the main preview you can find it here

It comes out on September 19th in America. I will most likely pick up a copy here in Japan. Man, I'll be getting all these good games and I won't have time to play them...

Anyway, it probably won't be a big hit in America mainly because of the Japanese mythology aspect. But, the person who told me about this has high recommendations of the game and I trust her game playing experience.

You can find it on www.EBgames.com for $39.99. You can find the link here.

Rogue Galaxy

Apparently people in Japan don't like Rogue galaxy for some reason. I don't know why. But then again, I've never played the game. I looked on the reviews for Amazon and saw that a lot of people gave it poor ratings. I neglected to read the Japanese though. Hmm...maybe I should do that. Anyway, I'm thinking of buying it from www.amazon.co.jp

Used video games in Japan...

Apparently used video games in Japan seem to have high quality in their condition. In America, the only thing that seems to matter in used video game stores is that the video game works. I'm not sure about all the games, but it does seem like all the games I bought used are in like new condition or at least very good condition. We'll see though. Man, what is my obsession with video games? To that I say, hey, if you wanted to create new worlds, what would you do? Become a storyteller/programmer/creative writer and gain ideas from as many things as possible. Too bad I have no time though...to play games I mean. Maybe if I spent less time on blogger....hmm.....

Late night rantings

We will never ask you for your password!


What's your password?

Do you want it?

Yes!!

Okay here it is. **********

...

That's something that you can use whenever someone asks you for your password. It always comes out like this. **********

A kid on this online video game typed that in the chat room when someone asked him for his password.

Everytime I type my password it comes out like this *********

Sometimes I wonder why I'm here in Japan. I mean, I feel like a loser most of the time, because I don't fit the expectations that people have of teachers and I can't expres myself in Japanese. I guess we're all human, and I do show my weaknesses more than others at times. I do see some reasons as to why I'm here, but then again, I'm finding that I need to pray more, spend less time on the net, and work more on my assignments.

It's tough. I mean, with a full time job, i'm seeing just how little time I have in the day to spend on things that I want to do. If I really want to get things done and get the important things done, I'm going to have to prioritize my time and play much much less. Which means, not doing anything on the weekdays except work and pray. heh. Get it? If you don't know Japanese, then that pun might not have made sense. But I meant pray.

I can't let everyone down. I know that if I fail, my friends and family won't be let down, but if I fail, then all my coworkers in my company and in the schools will be let down.

I'm still trying to get into the swing of things, but so far it's been kind of tough. I feel like the lessons that the company made suck. So I need to make my own adjustments to them. The books that the company made for teaching are all written in Japanese, and those aren't bad. They're actually pretty good. But the ones that I'm talking about are the ones online that are written in English. Some of them are good. But then I feel like a lot of them don't mesh well with the culture. But then again, who am I to judge only being here 3 weeks.

Hmm...maybe I need to study Japanese more and study the books at school that are in Japanese. Man, Japanese...I guess that's the key. Learn the language and the culture and things will be easier. heh

It's Thursday here. Around 8:30pm. I've been slowly trying to adjust to my life here as a teacher. It is a lot different than being a student. But yeah, standards are much higher for teachers...of course.

Anyway, I don't have anything really to say that I haven't said on my other blog. But yeah, some interesting things have occurred because of a communication gap. The vice principal thought that I called him an old man. Luckily my translator was there to clarify things. Just his reaction makes me laugh even now. heh. Luckily the relationship didn't start out bad.

I also said some things that I didn't mean...I mean, I said some things which I wasn't intending to say. I was trying to say something completely different, but I found out that I said something totally wrong. But then again, we'll all make mistakes when speaking another language.

I found an electronics store. Too bad it's kind of far away. I think that I'll just order from the net on their website. I can't imagine how I'd fit a vacuum on my bike. I'd probably have to walk all the way there and carry it home if I did. But at least now I know where the store is. But I did buy the Japanese version of Valkyrie profile for the PSP there. I couldn't find the other games I wanted. So I think that I'll visit the game shop close to my house for Valkyrie profile 2. I bought a Neon Genesis Evangelion game for the PS2 here also for $20. Man, it's in pristine condition for being used. I also bought Metal gear solid 2 for $10, Koudelka for $5, Carnage Heart for $1, Growlanser 4 for $20, Fire Emblem for the GBA for $30. So basically in one day I spent...$86 on used video games and $40 on one new video game. I told myself that I'd make a limit for myself each month. I still have yet to receive my first paycheck.

Anyway, I should be good to go as long as I don't go out and buy more video games that I can't play yet. I have yet to buy a Japanese PS2. I'm waiting for it to go down after the PS3 comes out. Anyway, it's about the same price as it is in the States. $130 here in Japan. Hopefully they don't pull an XBOX on me and raise the price on it after the PS3 comes out. The XBOX went up in price after the XBOX 360 came out. The main reason is that the XBOX 360 can't play all the XBOX games. So what I'm saying is that it's not completely backwards compatible. But who knows...I have a date that I promised myself that I would wait until I bought a PS2. We'll see.

I'm glad that it's almost Friday.

Yeah, I know that I'm supposed to be working on my hw, but yeah, after reading someone else's blog, I decided that I wanted to post some things.

I guess I should spend more time in prayer and in how I relate to people. I find that there is a lot of things that I don't know about. But a lot of things about life can be found inside of the Bible and out in the real world. I'm finding that people don't know Jesus here. But when I look at the people here, I see that they are good people, yet they don't know Jesus. And I look at myself, and I see someone who knows Jesus a little bit, and is a good person, but still has a long way to go to catch up in life to maturity.

I know that if I did what God asked me, then things would generally move in the right direction. Right now, I'm finding that I need to spend more time with God instead of nil. It's so busy here. I get out of work at 5pm. I get to work around 8am. I feel like I have so much to do. But I know that there is more to life than work. I'm still trying to figure out what is most important to me. Right now, in my choices, I'm seeing that survival is the most important right now, work 2nd, and God is last.

I'm thankful that God will accept me no matter what anybody else says. He knows me better than anybody else. He knows me, what I've been through, and what I will go through. He also knows everyone else intimately also. I've come to see that everyone is special, yet recently, I've found that I don't see everyone that way. From God's perspective, He is impartial to everyone. What I mean by that is that He loves everyone the same. And if He could forgive the worst of sinners, he could forgive you and me and everyone that I don't get along with.

One thing that I've been thinking is that if I don't get things together here, at least in my spiritual life, then I don't know where I'll be going. What is it that I really want? Do I want God? I think my choices have been saying no. If I think what is more important, it is definitely God and people. But yet, I find that I have been living for myself.

In a world that fights against God, a world that wants to idolize something other than God, it is so easy to follow the flow instead of going up the river to the mountain. Okay, enough babbling. fighto.

Must do what's right.

I'm in Japan right now and I've been riding a bicycle to the different schools that I'm going to teach at. I haven't traveled very far, because I'm not sure where to go. I don't know where there's an electronics store anywhere. I'm in a suburb of some sorts or small town. I don't even know the bus system here. Anyway, I've pretty much stayed in my general area and haven't ventured out too much.

Daiso, a 100 yen store, is pretty cool. It has a lot of the things that people need in their everyday life. But it seems like every time I go in, I buy a lot and people behind me buy like 4-5 things. I guess I have to adjust to my new apartment, so it's understandable. I don't have everything that I need yet...ie cleaning supplies and stuff...

Anyway, it's been a rough three days, but when I'm on the net at work looking up lessons, it seems to be fine. When I'm not on the internet and trying to create a lesson from scratch, it's pretty frustrating. I mean, there's so much that I could teach these kids, yet how to do that is another story. And how to make it interesting will take some time at home.

Anyway, I'll probably update my other blog more than this one. So yeah, please check my other blog if you know it.

Anyway, one thing that I like about Japan is that so far everyone has treated me so nice. Even though I know that they say some things in front of me or about me, I really could care less. The adults may talk, but at least they treat me nice while I'm there. If things change, then I think that I'm not sure how I'd take it. But yeah, I think for the most part they understand right now.

Teaching has been okay. I have a lot of things to improve on. I also have to work on my personality. Something that I could slack on in the states. I had my comfort zone back home. I could relax and not worry about things so much. I had my parents to talk to. Something I only have now on the weekends. And through email. Right now, I'm alone, but I know that I'm not the only person who feels this way.

I've been told to reach out to the teachers more. it's tough, because they barely speak English. And I don't know how to express myself in Japanese. I'm finding that I need to study more. Or else this is going to continue for the whole year.

Okay, well, I'd better get going. Time to update my other blog.

Well, I'm in Japan right now. It was pretty hot the first couple of days that I was sweating like a pig in a suit. But it has been cloudy these past couple of days so it has been cooler. I'm in Asakusa right now close to Sensoji temple. I didn't visit Sensoji temple, but I saw the gate of Asakusa with the big red lantern.

Today there was a samba in the streets in Asakusa. It was a parade of some sort. They had some people dancing in the streets as the parade moved along. There were also elementary school kids playing in marching band. Some kids were pretty good at the drums also and the syncopated rhythms. Apparently the people in the parade were in a contest of some sort.

I am thinking that I have some things to take care of. I don't have a lot of time left. Actually, I leave the hotel tomorrow and travel to Yamanashi tomorrow with two other guys. I don't actually know how I'm getting there, but one of the guys who has been to Japan before said that he could show me maps at the station.

I am not sure why I'm here in Japan right now. I have a lot of doubts, but I am countering a lot of them with some rational thoughts. Everyone starts out not so skilled at something. I am learning how to put things behind me and to move forward. I'm talking about mistakes and how I view myself.

I have a lot of things to do. I'm thinking that I need to spend more time with God. But this is my last night in Tokyo, so I have to take care of some things first. We'll see though. Anyway, whether or not I do well or whether or not I'm liked, there is something that I've learned these past couple of days. You can't experience life if you're worrying about all the things that you can't help. Basically the two things I mentioned in this paragraph. Sometimes people are good at one thing and they really suck at another. Even though i believe that everyone can do a job well if they learn and find ways to improve, I feel that sometimes there are paths that might not work out. But that's what i hear from some older wiser people. They tried some things, but they found that they liked this other things better. Jobs...man, I wonder where I'll be. What is it that i want to do with my life?

Responsibility is a good thing. I guess I have to learn how to be responsible. I've made one step in this process. I'm going to take more.

Rogue Galaxy

Speaking of my video game obsession, I saw on the circuit city website that Rogue Galaxy is coming out on January 27th, 2007! This game was made by Level 5, the developer who made Dragon Quest VIII and Dark Cloud 2 for the Playstation 2.

It already came out in Japan, and I think that I'll pick one up while I'm there. Anyway, the link on Gamespot can be found here

If you go to www.circuitcity.com you can find that they'll be selling this game for $39.99 when it hits the stores.

This game is an action RPG. Hopefully it's way better than Star Ocean Till the End of Time. I'm guessing it will be, but we'll see. Star Ocean is made by Tri-Ace who made Valkyrie Profile also.

If you don't know anything about Valkyrie Profile, you can check it out on Gamespot here. Apparently a lot of people think that this game is better than the gamespot rating of 7.5 or something like that. It is a rare game and goes for about $100 on Ebay for the Playstation version. You can buy the PSP remake of this for $40 on amazon or anywhere else. I'm planning to pick up the Japanese version of this game because I can't stand dubs in English.

I don't know...maybe I am a little too obsessed with video games. That could be a reason why I have no life right now. heh.

Lately, I've been feeling kind of distant from God. I think the reason goes back to not spending enough time with Him, not going to church regularly, and not reading the Bible. Why have I not been doing these? Video games. Maybe my friends are right. They are a problem for me.

Oh well...maybe I should forget bringing any video games with me over there and not buy them over there either. But I don't think that will happen. heh.

I told myself that I can't buy a PS2 system until a certain date. Things didn't work out the first time I tried to buy one, so I told myself to wait and maybe the price will go down when the PS3 comes out. Hopefully.

Why am I talking so much about material things? Maybe I'm falling too far into the American dream of owning stuff to feel important. Maybe "important" isn't the right word. Maybe it's the phrase, "worth something." Why is it that we stress buying so much? Why is it that so many people are in debt in the US? Capitalism...I wonder how long it will last...

In Japan, my professor told us at lecture that Japanese people have a hard time spending money. They save a whole lot of money, and their economy isn't doing so well. I kind of wonder how it's doing now though...but yeah, did they adopt a capitalistic system in a society that doesn't use capitalism that much? I don't know...I don't know that much about this. But I think that when I'm in Japan, I'm going to have save a lot of money because everything there costs so much. I'm going to have to really work on saving money as it is a problem here for me to do so. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't visit the stores for video games while I'm there. Maybe I should just focus on reading newspapers on the net.

Lately I've been thinking about what God wants me to do. I've been thinking this because I think that He migth have closed a door on Japan. We'll see though. I'm still going to go and I think that I might be coming home pretty soon though. I've been discouraged as I have not been able to get a placement yet. I don't know why it is, only that it has something to do with one portion of my interview that they taped. I talked in Japanese and made some mistakes and I probably miscommunicated some details about myself. I really don't know.

I leave in a week and I have not been placed yet. My mom was telling me to talk to the company to see if they'd be willing to help me out if I don't get placed. I mean, if I don't work in Japan, then what can I do but wait? And from how things are looking, it's going to be really expensive and I can only bring so much money with me. I really don't know what to say...maybe it was God who told me that I should stay at my current job for another year. And since I can't stand my job there, I took the other option, to leave for another job no matter what...even if it may not be the best job in the world, it's something different and something that could help me out in the future with other jobs.

But if I do go back to my current job, then I know that I'm definitely going to be a disgruntled worker.

The strange thing is that people were telling me that they didn't know that I was leaving my current job. One guy who does the same job as me, asked if Friday was my last day this past week. Apparently he had some things he wanted to say before we parted ways. Or so I think. I've made some friends there, but I feel that I cannot keep doing this and working these hours. But I've got to do what I got to do. If I do come back to this old job then I will pray about this some more and really see if this is what God wants me to do for another year. ugh...

My job is not so bad...I got the easiest job there. But really the hours are killing me. I'm not taking it too well and I feel about 3 years older. My body is starting to wear down in my legs and I think that I'm losing some of my hearing, but that could just be my imagination. The company has been good to me by giving me my paycheck and benefits, but really I think that I'm starting to go crazy there. We'll see though.

Japan...maybe now is not the right time. But I think, if not now, then will I ever go there again besides this time?

I'm currently going through Genesis right now. It's been awhile since I read the Bible. I'm trying to read it straight through. Anyway, one thing that I've noticed a lot in the Bible is that all the great people of God obeyed God. Sure they had their flaws and such, but they were great people by doing what is hard and which may go against the grain.

How this relates to me is that I wonder if I will go back to my current job if things don't work out. Does God really want me there? Does He really want me to stay?

Then again, I could be overanalyzing things and this could just be my mistake that I made in the interview and really have nothing to do with God. But then again God sees further ahead. We'll see what happens.

Almost to the end of Faith and Race...but it shouldn't stop here

Man, I can honestly say that this is a difficult class to go to. I end up being angry the whole work day until I can calm down and sort of bury it in the distractions of work and the quirks of my coworkers. While it's not so much the content that makes me angry, it's the whole race thing being brought into my face type of thing with other people.

I haven't really thought about it before, but after taking this class, I'd say that there are some conotations of being Japanese, even if I am Japanese American and not a "true" Japanese person. With the tensions that I feel from the videos and just the uncomfortableness of talking about these things, I wonder if I make these weird faces and show my tension. Which might explain the weird looks I get from people. But I can't help but wonder if a couple left because of what I said about my dad. I haven't seen them since the first class and one of them did mention that there were Japanese people in her area in California.

I don't know...maybe I'm looking too hard where there might not be any unrest and maybe it was because this topic makes me so uncomfortable that when I was trying to pay attention, that I probably gave strange looks to them...but I wonder, does my being Japanese have anything to do with a reason why they might have left and why what I said might have caused them to say something else. I guess I won't ever know. But that is the thing that sticks most in my mind from this class. Japanese...I didn't think that tensions still existed between Japanese, Chinese, and Korean in America. But I guess they do.

Anyway, I felt some more tension later on this past night. But I don't want to talk about it. It was probably nothing.

I look at what I've learned in this class so far. Basically, it's not really about black, white, yellow, red or any other color. What it is is about privilege and how many of us have priveleges that others don't. It is this reason that we discriminate against others who we feel are "less" than us. While we may not consciously say these things, we do discriminate against others. It's human and one of our fallibilities.

The book that we are reading is called, "Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria" by Tatum. You can find it on www.amazon.com here

The main point of the class was this book and showing us that racism does exist today. It is like a smog. While we may not be the cause of the racism, we each have a responsibility to clean it up. (Quote taken from Tatum's book.) One of the points that she did mention was that racism does hurt society. It does hurt indiviuals who can be more than they are right now and are less because of racism. It hurts society because these individuals can help and benefit society instead of other things like problems.

Anyway, for most of the class, I think that we were learning how racism does exist today and that it didn't just exist in the past. For the minorities of the class, we're like...yes this is true. But I'm guessing as many other of my friends did, that the Caucasians didn't understand that there is still racism. And that they too have stereotypes and biases against others.

Anyway, the whole point of the class was not to just inform you of racism, but to help you to find a way to combat racism as a Christian. Tony Campolo said that "Racism is the work of the devil." He also mentioned other things that were the work of the devil also, like sexism.

One point that I want to make is, Ephesians 6:12 says that, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the tulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." NASB. You can find a easier to understand verse here at Biblegateway.com. Paul was talking about taking up the full armor of God from verses 10-24. Meaning to be strong in God as you go out into this world. I highlight verse twelve because if you look at things, Paul had it right in this verse. People are not our enemies. Satan is our enemy. And people are not Satan.

One of the retired pastors at my church told me this story. There was a Japanese Christian fighting as a pilot for Japan during WWII. What makes this rare was that there were hardly any Japanese Christians in Japan as Japan tried to wipe out Christianity for 200 years during the Tokugawa period. So this Japanese Christian was bombing China and he got shot down. He was afraid because he didn't want to be caught by the pagan Chinese. But, it just so happened that the people who saved him were Chinese Cathoic nuns. They hid him from the Chinese army and put their own lives at risk.

Later on, he thought about this. What he realized was that here he was a Christian bombing other Christians. And they happened to save him.

Which is why I say, in war, there is no discrimination. You don't know your enemy and they don't know you. You could be killing your own brother or sister in war and not know it. Anybody can come to know Jesus and God through the Holy Spirit. Which is why I learned that nobody is your enemy no matter who they are, whether they are terrorists or not. As seen in the past, even "good" people have the capability to do evil. Why? All people are capable of doing such things. We know the difference between good and evil. We are not so innocent as we think we are.

What it comes down to is that we in America are not innocent of what's happening in Lebanon. We support Israel and give them the weapons to do such damage to the people. We also are oppressors of other peoples economically. Just look at how much coffee we all drink and the hard labor that other people have to do to get that for us. What do they get? Pennies even if it is fair trade coffee. If it was fair, then we would be paying more for the hard work they do. There is a reason that the poorer keep getting poorer and the richer keep getting richer.

Anyway, I feel that this is meaningless because I myself am not doing anything to right this wrong. What can I do? Even if I do take this class and know all these things, how am I different from anybody else who does wrong?

There is no way that I can repay the debt that I am in. But I guess as Tatum said, there is a smog and while we may not be directly causing it, we all have a responsibility to clean it up. Man, I guess ignorance is bliss. But it comes at the price of other people's misery. I guess the time is near. What do I do? Man, I don't like this.

Anyway, we don't have to do something big to make a difference. We each can do something small. I guess I need to find what is on my heart.

I only have so much time left here in the US. It's kind of weird that I'll be going. I know that it's going to be tougher in Japan and stricter, but I feel that this is a step that I must take. I don't know what I'm going to do if I come back, but we'll see. 7 months is not too long and I think that the time will pass by quickly.

I wonder exactly what I'll do with my time there. I can imagine that I'm going to be lonely for quite awhile. I'm not sure if I can make new friends over there. I'm not sure that if I even do make friends over there that I'd be able to keep them. I'm having doubts to say the least about if I can make it over there.

Anyway, I know that things will be different. I'm leaving everything and everyone I know and going to a foreign country. I kind of wonder if this is wise of me to do this...but maybe this is something that I must do. Otherwise I'll never know what it's like to live in Japan.

I'll have to be more responsible than I am now. I can't go in unprepared and give a crappy lesson that's for sure. From what I've read in the information packet, it really is a different place than the US.

One other thing on my mind is that I'm using up pretty much all my savings that I've saved up since I was a kid to go on this new job. They aren't paying any of my airfare either way and my housing is going to cost an arm and a leg. From what I read, you have to make a down payment of so much money and put in the rent also. The company told us to bring $5000 with us so that we'll survive until our first paycheck, which is in 2 months from the time we start. Half of that will at least go to the apartment and setting it up. We'll have to buy all our supplies there, except for toiletries, which are expensive there also. Then we'll have to survive on around $1500 to $2000 leftover for two months until our paycheck. The paycheck is only around $2000 itself before taxes. Then I should be able to relax for a little bit, but there are some other complications that I have that I'll have to watch out for. We'll see though. As I said, 7 months is not a long time and I can choose to end my contract at that time.

In my current job right now, I'd actually be able to save more money than if I go to Japan with this new job. Even though I get paid more at my Japan job, I still would be able to save more with my current job. One reason is that I don't pay rent at home and I get great benefits from my employer now. But I've made this choice for now. I can't ever go back to my current job after this. Why? I don't want to. But who knows, I might have to sometime in the future and break my word.

Well, all I got to say is, I have a reason for going to Japan. That is, to learn Japanese. I don't know how that will turn out. But if I'm focused enough, and willing enough, then it could be a great experience. Here in the US, even with people who are from Japan and could speak Japanese to me, I feel really akward speaking to them in Japanese. So I don't practice with them. I guess I'll never learn that way. heh.

I guess you can't learn something if you don't put in the time and effort to learn it.

One of my friends already left for Japan a couple of days ago. I wonder how he's doing.

Today was a really rough day at work. I felt pretty bad all throughout the day. I'm not sick, but I think that the lack of good sleep has really made me wacked out. Did I use that in the right context? heh. Anyway, it's not only that, a lot of other things that happened throughout this past week since my parents left and came back has been pretty nerve wracking also.

I think that one thing that always sticks in my mind is that my dad always has a way to make me upset when I tell him something that's not going well. I don't know why he does that, but he tends to make me feel bad about myself. He doesn't mean to make me feel worse, it's just that he does. I know that I have that trait in myself too. When someone tells me something that's not going well I can, at times, make that person feel worse. I didn't intend to do that, it's just that I didn't watch what I said, so I think that's another reason why I watch what I say more often and why I listen a lot more. At times we try not to be like our family, yet in so many ways we are very much like them. In more ways than you think.

Anyway, things built up to today. I lost it at work and went into a silent rage. I think that people can tell when I'm upset. I don't hide it too well. But I think that people gave me space and they didn't seem like they were upset by me either. So I guess I'm glad to get this day over with.

I'm not sure why I'm here sometimes. I'm not sure why God created me. I know it is to do good works and for other purposes too. But I can't help but wonder if everyone else would be better off if I wasn't there. I know, however, that nobody is perfect and that we all have flaws. I know that there will be something that will not go right from time to time. I know why I'm not living a life that means something right now. I guess it really depends on me. What do I want in my life? Where do I see myself in the future? What will I do right now to make that happen? What are some steps that I can take to grow? And how can I keep that up?

Okay, lets do it.