Playstation 3
Okay, regardless of what I just said in my previous post, I was eating my breakfast as I was reading an article about the PS3.
Anyway, Ken Kutaragi announces stuff about the PS3. You can find the article here.
All I can say is, later versions of the PS2 in Japan were able to record tv shows on their hard drives and burn them to CDRs or DVDRs on the PS2. I'm not sure if that's true...but I'm sure that a lot of better things in Japan don't come out here in the US...sometimes not until much later. I'm hoping that Sony will send out the updated versions of the PS3 as they update it through the years so that it will be more of what they are claiming they are making it to be.
Anyway, now, to start work.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Sunday...the busiest day of the week
This sunday was good. God answered some of my prayers. I have a better direction as to where I'm going.
It was also bad, because I probably ruined some of my friend's weekends by not keeping my mouth shut. I should have not mentioned something. I hope that they worked things out. Maybe God will do something.
It was also a party. Went to G-Dawg's house for his birthday. His girlfriend sent out an evite to people. She mentioned to forward this to others, but I wasn't thinking...what's new? Some of my friends didn't come...If they didn't get the evite...then how would they know? ugh...But I'm glad that I went. G-Dawg is a great guy and I was glad to celebrate with him.
Anyway, all I can say is, Sundays break the routine of the week. It can be the best of times, and the worst of times sometimes. But looking back, I'm glad that I went. Experiencing what it is to be human...I've never really had a community growing up. My family was pretty much all I knew. When I came to college, I experienced things that I haven't experienced before. I didn't know too many people in High school, and I was determined to change that in college.
Anyway, I wrote some spiritual stuff, and just deleted it. I think that people can take my words and twist them to their own purposes. So I think it best that I deleted my thoughts. Teaching can be useful, but that's not what changes people's lives. I don't believe that hearing a good message or learning about what's right changes you. It can help, but that's not what changes you. Thus I deleted it.
Anyway, what I'm learning lately is that I am nothing...and I am like everyone else. heh. If you're wondering where I'm getting this stuff from...read "Letters from the Desert" by Carlo Caretto. Don't get me wrong...we're all unique and we're all special, but we're all human, hence not perfect. I'm finding that I really need God more than ever.
This sunday was good. God answered some of my prayers. I have a better direction as to where I'm going.
It was also bad, because I probably ruined some of my friend's weekends by not keeping my mouth shut. I should have not mentioned something. I hope that they worked things out. Maybe God will do something.
It was also a party. Went to G-Dawg's house for his birthday. His girlfriend sent out an evite to people. She mentioned to forward this to others, but I wasn't thinking...what's new? Some of my friends didn't come...If they didn't get the evite...then how would they know? ugh...But I'm glad that I went. G-Dawg is a great guy and I was glad to celebrate with him.
Anyway, all I can say is, Sundays break the routine of the week. It can be the best of times, and the worst of times sometimes. But looking back, I'm glad that I went. Experiencing what it is to be human...I've never really had a community growing up. My family was pretty much all I knew. When I came to college, I experienced things that I haven't experienced before. I didn't know too many people in High school, and I was determined to change that in college.
Anyway, I wrote some spiritual stuff, and just deleted it. I think that people can take my words and twist them to their own purposes. So I think it best that I deleted my thoughts. Teaching can be useful, but that's not what changes people's lives. I don't believe that hearing a good message or learning about what's right changes you. It can help, but that's not what changes you. Thus I deleted it.
Anyway, what I'm learning lately is that I am nothing...and I am like everyone else. heh. If you're wondering where I'm getting this stuff from...read "Letters from the Desert" by Carlo Caretto. Don't get me wrong...we're all unique and we're all special, but we're all human, hence not perfect. I'm finding that I really need God more than ever.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Not a bad day
Today was much better. I think that praying helps a lot. I don't know why it was much better, but I felt a lot better. I think that inside, however, I was still angry and cussing. Yeah, I don't cus out loud that often, but inside, I tend to think negatively if I hear it a lot.
At work people cus from time to time. There's one guy who just yells at the top of his lungs at someone. I really don't know who that person is, but it sounds like he's yelling my name. My name is really common, so it's not surprising that there'd be another guy with the same name, but it's kind of weird sometimes. Anyway, he doesn't do that often, but he gets really angry at something from time to time. I think it's because he cares that he does his job well and he can't do his job because of dirt on the label obscuring the barcode or just how sometimes packages have their labels torn off from being shipped place to place, so there's no way to find out where this package is supposed to go to. It's just sitting there. Hence the swearing.
I have been more negative since I started this job, but I have also been more positive too. Being stuck in your house and having barely any contact with anybody (now that I'm out of college) really takes a toll on your health, both socially and mentally. I was feeling isolated and alone. Now I feel much better being around other people regardless.
My co-workers didn't say anything to me today. I got the sense that things were worked out or have cooled down. Don't know why...but maybe I was not acting like such a punk today, even though I was inside. Yeah, I have things to work on.
Anyway, I'm glad for the long weekend. Maybe things will work out better next week. All I can say is, that I'm thankful that God is in my life.
Emails...
I got an email from a "Single Christian" website. I'm thinking...yeah...do people really want to go to a website to find their spouse? You never know who the other person is or what stalkers are out there. I deleted it, because I don't believe in meeting people online. I think that it's just dangerous and people can say the right words, but you can't get the inflection of how they're saying it, or other body language from an email or IM. All I want to say about this is, BE CAREFUL about who you talk to online. From experience, I've learned that there are people out there who are looking to hurt someone else. Not because they're born bad, but some people have had hard lives and messed up experiences. Sometimes innocent people get taken advantage of and hurt.
Things are changing rapidly. New technology is coming out. Older people like me are feeling out of date. I could imagine not being able to figure out the latest technology if I don't keep up. With these are new ways to get information about people and use that against them. So be careful what you put online.
Maybe I'm out of date, but I do believe that there's something special about doing things the old fashioned way. Like writing a letter or having a conversation with someone in person. Even though I'm not good at talking, I do find that it gives me more joy to talk to someone in person than over the phone. However, if I'm cranky, then I'd rather not talk to anybody...that's when I should usually withdraw and go home. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to be around people. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but I can't be by myself forever.
I guess I need to initiate things...
Today was much better. I think that praying helps a lot. I don't know why it was much better, but I felt a lot better. I think that inside, however, I was still angry and cussing. Yeah, I don't cus out loud that often, but inside, I tend to think negatively if I hear it a lot.
At work people cus from time to time. There's one guy who just yells at the top of his lungs at someone. I really don't know who that person is, but it sounds like he's yelling my name. My name is really common, so it's not surprising that there'd be another guy with the same name, but it's kind of weird sometimes. Anyway, he doesn't do that often, but he gets really angry at something from time to time. I think it's because he cares that he does his job well and he can't do his job because of dirt on the label obscuring the barcode or just how sometimes packages have their labels torn off from being shipped place to place, so there's no way to find out where this package is supposed to go to. It's just sitting there. Hence the swearing.
I have been more negative since I started this job, but I have also been more positive too. Being stuck in your house and having barely any contact with anybody (now that I'm out of college) really takes a toll on your health, both socially and mentally. I was feeling isolated and alone. Now I feel much better being around other people regardless.
My co-workers didn't say anything to me today. I got the sense that things were worked out or have cooled down. Don't know why...but maybe I was not acting like such a punk today, even though I was inside. Yeah, I have things to work on.
Anyway, I'm glad for the long weekend. Maybe things will work out better next week. All I can say is, that I'm thankful that God is in my life.
Emails...
I got an email from a "Single Christian" website. I'm thinking...yeah...do people really want to go to a website to find their spouse? You never know who the other person is or what stalkers are out there. I deleted it, because I don't believe in meeting people online. I think that it's just dangerous and people can say the right words, but you can't get the inflection of how they're saying it, or other body language from an email or IM. All I want to say about this is, BE CAREFUL about who you talk to online. From experience, I've learned that there are people out there who are looking to hurt someone else. Not because they're born bad, but some people have had hard lives and messed up experiences. Sometimes innocent people get taken advantage of and hurt.
Things are changing rapidly. New technology is coming out. Older people like me are feeling out of date. I could imagine not being able to figure out the latest technology if I don't keep up. With these are new ways to get information about people and use that against them. So be careful what you put online.
Maybe I'm out of date, but I do believe that there's something special about doing things the old fashioned way. Like writing a letter or having a conversation with someone in person. Even though I'm not good at talking, I do find that it gives me more joy to talk to someone in person than over the phone. However, if I'm cranky, then I'd rather not talk to anybody...that's when I should usually withdraw and go home. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to be around people. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but I can't be by myself forever.
I guess I need to initiate things...
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Work and life
I look at all I bought this past month and I think that I could have spent my money better. However, some were gifts, so it's not totally wasted on myself.
I'm looking at my paychecks, and I'm seeing that I don't earn that much. I wonder exactly how the other guys survive on this measley income. I'm thinking that they probably have two jobs, or are using this job as a way to earn some income until they find a better job.
Then there are those who are trying to become managers within the company. I think that it is pretty tough to become one. It's easier to get a full time job there than become a manager. I don't see too much of a future for me there. This is mainly a place for me to earn something until I can find a better job.
Over the past month, I've thought about what I want to do. I'm thinking that Japan seems like the only option for me to get anywhere in life. I am thinking that for my personal growth, I'm going to have to go to Japan and live on my own for a year or so. I think that it was good that I didn't go this year...I just can't explain why, but I think that I would fall further down the spiral if I did go. I'm making better habits daily from my struggles at work. Really, this world is pretty dark. I'm not saying that I'm any better, but really, I think that I cause some of my own problems with other co-workers. Then they take it to the next level. Oh well...
I'm sure that things will get better over time. I have hope that this job is going to help me to become a better person. I'm seeing that really, I don't have to be afraid of people. Even though people may dislike me, I'm sure that things will work out.
Really, the most important thing is not what other people think about me, it's what I think about myself. Getting even deeper, the most important person in your life determines a lot in your life. That is why I think that I need to pray and read the Bible more...God is good and He thinks that I'm great, as He thinks all people are great. Regardless of what we may think of others or what others think of others (even about us), God loves all people and He thinks we're all great...even though we're nothing more than broken vessels that don't really do very much good.
I'm learning that God can use anybody to make things better in my life. However, I'm seeing that it really depends on how I react and how I take things. Without God, I'm sure that things would become much worse. However, I'm thinking that things are getting much better. Not that things are easier, but I think that these hard and bad experiences are teaching me, as one of my friends commented about his job at a warehouse, "more about myself." Really, I think that struggles help a person to grow. Not saying that you should ask for struggles, because I really think that that's not a good thing to ask for...but saying that you really learn more about man and you really learn more about God's love for us.
I wonder where I'll be in three years. I hope that I'll become a much better person than I am right now. I know that I have a lot of work to do. Hopefully, I'll be able to make friendships with other people at my workplace. But we'll see. I think that things are not as bad as they could be. They could be much worse, but I'm hoping that things will become much better. All I can do is pray, keep my eyes and ears open, and also try to do what's right.
I look at all I bought this past month and I think that I could have spent my money better. However, some were gifts, so it's not totally wasted on myself.
I'm looking at my paychecks, and I'm seeing that I don't earn that much. I wonder exactly how the other guys survive on this measley income. I'm thinking that they probably have two jobs, or are using this job as a way to earn some income until they find a better job.
Then there are those who are trying to become managers within the company. I think that it is pretty tough to become one. It's easier to get a full time job there than become a manager. I don't see too much of a future for me there. This is mainly a place for me to earn something until I can find a better job.
Over the past month, I've thought about what I want to do. I'm thinking that Japan seems like the only option for me to get anywhere in life. I am thinking that for my personal growth, I'm going to have to go to Japan and live on my own for a year or so. I think that it was good that I didn't go this year...I just can't explain why, but I think that I would fall further down the spiral if I did go. I'm making better habits daily from my struggles at work. Really, this world is pretty dark. I'm not saying that I'm any better, but really, I think that I cause some of my own problems with other co-workers. Then they take it to the next level. Oh well...
I'm sure that things will get better over time. I have hope that this job is going to help me to become a better person. I'm seeing that really, I don't have to be afraid of people. Even though people may dislike me, I'm sure that things will work out.
Really, the most important thing is not what other people think about me, it's what I think about myself. Getting even deeper, the most important person in your life determines a lot in your life. That is why I think that I need to pray and read the Bible more...God is good and He thinks that I'm great, as He thinks all people are great. Regardless of what we may think of others or what others think of others (even about us), God loves all people and He thinks we're all great...even though we're nothing more than broken vessels that don't really do very much good.
I'm learning that God can use anybody to make things better in my life. However, I'm seeing that it really depends on how I react and how I take things. Without God, I'm sure that things would become much worse. However, I'm thinking that things are getting much better. Not that things are easier, but I think that these hard and bad experiences are teaching me, as one of my friends commented about his job at a warehouse, "more about myself." Really, I think that struggles help a person to grow. Not saying that you should ask for struggles, because I really think that that's not a good thing to ask for...but saying that you really learn more about man and you really learn more about God's love for us.
I wonder where I'll be in three years. I hope that I'll become a much better person than I am right now. I know that I have a lot of work to do. Hopefully, I'll be able to make friendships with other people at my workplace. But we'll see. I think that things are not as bad as they could be. They could be much worse, but I'm hoping that things will become much better. All I can do is pray, keep my eyes and ears open, and also try to do what's right.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Thinking out loud
I'm feeling much better about myself. I'm realizing that I'm in a really bad mood every time I go to work. I feel like I just want to not go to work sometimes. But after work, I always feel better. I'm wondering if I should really look into another job.
Salt of the earth, light of the world...I don't feel like I'm either at my workplace. I feel just the opposite from time to time. How can I converse with people whom I really am unsure about? I guess the answer is to talk to them and find out more about who they are. They're not bad people, but I feel like I can't talk to them. Maybe it's the things from the past that I feel are preventing me from trying.
Anyway, I just feel like people are there to work. Not to socialize that much. When work ends, we all take off to our respective places. During break, we just sit there and rest while some guys talk, the rest of us are lost in thought or listening.
Anyway, I guess I don't have to do anything. I don't have to try to make friends with my co-workers. I feel better about myself, because I see that they don't harbor any bad feelings towards me or anything like that. Or at least I think they don't. haha.
But I know that I don't know them, and they don't know me. We just go to work to work...nothing else. The one guy that I did talk to got released. Well, I guess I just need to just not worry about anything. I mean, I don't have to do anything...I don't have to talk to my co-workers, I don't have to reach out to them. But part of me says, at least try to talk to them.
I know that things will be alright regardless of what happens. I guess just hanging around them I hear their conversations and what things are going on in their lives, even if it's just a little snippet.
I'm seeing that I have some work to do in my own life. Clean up my act and act like a grown up. I feel better about myself, because I was beating myself up and I caught myself before I got thrown down. Negative thinking can be countered. 2 positives for every negative thought. Also a counter that is what I know to be true helps too.
Anyway, I've babbled on and on in this post. But yeah, mostly this is about my thoughts about work and my own ways of dealing with them. I was just thinking out loud.
I think that I'm starting to become better at not beating myself up. Positive sounds weak, but it feels a lot better. Thoughts are pretty powerful things. All I can say is, be careful what you see in real life, because those give ideas as to what things you think of. Thoughts lead to actions sometimes, not all the time, but without the thought, the action usually doesn't occur.
All I can say is, I've got to read the Bible more often and find ways to put them into practice.
I'm feeling much better about myself. I'm realizing that I'm in a really bad mood every time I go to work. I feel like I just want to not go to work sometimes. But after work, I always feel better. I'm wondering if I should really look into another job.
Salt of the earth, light of the world...I don't feel like I'm either at my workplace. I feel just the opposite from time to time. How can I converse with people whom I really am unsure about? I guess the answer is to talk to them and find out more about who they are. They're not bad people, but I feel like I can't talk to them. Maybe it's the things from the past that I feel are preventing me from trying.
Anyway, I just feel like people are there to work. Not to socialize that much. When work ends, we all take off to our respective places. During break, we just sit there and rest while some guys talk, the rest of us are lost in thought or listening.
Anyway, I guess I don't have to do anything. I don't have to try to make friends with my co-workers. I feel better about myself, because I see that they don't harbor any bad feelings towards me or anything like that. Or at least I think they don't. haha.
But I know that I don't know them, and they don't know me. We just go to work to work...nothing else. The one guy that I did talk to got released. Well, I guess I just need to just not worry about anything. I mean, I don't have to do anything...I don't have to talk to my co-workers, I don't have to reach out to them. But part of me says, at least try to talk to them.
I know that things will be alright regardless of what happens. I guess just hanging around them I hear their conversations and what things are going on in their lives, even if it's just a little snippet.
I'm seeing that I have some work to do in my own life. Clean up my act and act like a grown up. I feel better about myself, because I was beating myself up and I caught myself before I got thrown down. Negative thinking can be countered. 2 positives for every negative thought. Also a counter that is what I know to be true helps too.
Anyway, I've babbled on and on in this post. But yeah, mostly this is about my thoughts about work and my own ways of dealing with them. I was just thinking out loud.
I think that I'm starting to become better at not beating myself up. Positive sounds weak, but it feels a lot better. Thoughts are pretty powerful things. All I can say is, be careful what you see in real life, because those give ideas as to what things you think of. Thoughts lead to actions sometimes, not all the time, but without the thought, the action usually doesn't occur.
All I can say is, I've got to read the Bible more often and find ways to put them into practice.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Work sucks, but it's a blessing
I had a horrible day at work this morning. I didn't get that much sleep, so I was feeling cranky. I woke up late and ate very little, which also helps me to feel not as good as I could. I went to work, and I got there on time. So far so good.
However, when the day started, I couldn't help but feel like I'm not doing my job well enough. I felt like I'm missing too many packages and that I'm not very good at this. It soon went out of control...my negative thinking. Then they put two people to stack boxes on my conveyor belt.
For some reason, I thought that the belt was going faster than usual. I was missing a whole lot more. I was getting angry and voiced my frustrations in a yell. I think that made my loaders a bit angry or uncomfortable. Anyway, I just felt bad the whole day. I think people could sense it too, because they seemed to keep their distance from me.
I was thinking that I should get another job soon. But then I think that if I do, then I wouldn't be able to accomplish my other plans. I want to go to Japan, and I'm thinking that I'll do it after some time has passed.
I am thankful that God is there. I have support in God and I'm finding that I have a lot of growing up to do. God is good. Even though I blamed Him today for my troubles, I know in the back of my mind that He doesn't cause these things to happen to me. I am also glad that He forgives me when I apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Anyway, I have work to do and I need to make something out of my time. I was extremely pissed today, but I have cooled off and I can thank God for that.
I had a horrible day at work this morning. I didn't get that much sleep, so I was feeling cranky. I woke up late and ate very little, which also helps me to feel not as good as I could. I went to work, and I got there on time. So far so good.
However, when the day started, I couldn't help but feel like I'm not doing my job well enough. I felt like I'm missing too many packages and that I'm not very good at this. It soon went out of control...my negative thinking. Then they put two people to stack boxes on my conveyor belt.
For some reason, I thought that the belt was going faster than usual. I was missing a whole lot more. I was getting angry and voiced my frustrations in a yell. I think that made my loaders a bit angry or uncomfortable. Anyway, I just felt bad the whole day. I think people could sense it too, because they seemed to keep their distance from me.
I was thinking that I should get another job soon. But then I think that if I do, then I wouldn't be able to accomplish my other plans. I want to go to Japan, and I'm thinking that I'll do it after some time has passed.
I am thankful that God is there. I have support in God and I'm finding that I have a lot of growing up to do. God is good. Even though I blamed Him today for my troubles, I know in the back of my mind that He doesn't cause these things to happen to me. I am also glad that He forgives me when I apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Anyway, I have work to do and I need to make something out of my time. I was extremely pissed today, but I have cooled off and I can thank God for that.
Monday, May 23, 2005
I clocked out of work today and after it calculated my time, it said 4 hours and 30 minutes. I was like...what...did I forget to clock in yesterday? Then I remembered that it was Monday, not Tuesday. haha
Yesterday was a busy day. My parents are out of town and my brother came back for the weekend to help me with the dog. Thank goodness for family that helps out! Taking care of this specific dog is a lot of work! I guess that's true with many dogs, but man...how many dogs take 3 walks a day? I guess in his old age, he's starting to take only two...but usually it's three.
Anyway, I left church early and didn't eat lunch because 1. I was cranky from not getting too much sleep the previous night. 2. I needed to get sleep so that I could take my brother home at night and walk the dog, then get more sleep. I sleep during the day most days...particularly Sunday. Yeah, I wasn't all here yesterday.
Anyway, there's some other things going on which I'd rather not talk about. Really, it has nothing to do with the new people...or even one particular person that has been here for awhile. It has to do with my own personal problems in changing to new things. I mean, if I can't change, then I'll get angry at things which I can't help. Or worse yet, people will try to adjust specifically for me and it will be the way it was before...which is not good. Change for me is tough to deal with, but I think that it's necessary so that people and myself don't get too cliche-ish (clickish) and we learn how to welcome others. I'm realizing that I have to get more involved in talking if I'm going to survive in the real world. In the "safe" places, I'm going to have to take more risks and take greater risks in the real world...
All I can say is, I need to do something different and learn how to verbalize things better. I'm getting pissed off more frequently at little things. I think this all has to do with not spending enough time with God and praying for others...Plus I haven't picked up the Bible in a couple of days and I need to get on that.
Yesterday was a busy day. My parents are out of town and my brother came back for the weekend to help me with the dog. Thank goodness for family that helps out! Taking care of this specific dog is a lot of work! I guess that's true with many dogs, but man...how many dogs take 3 walks a day? I guess in his old age, he's starting to take only two...but usually it's three.
Anyway, I left church early and didn't eat lunch because 1. I was cranky from not getting too much sleep the previous night. 2. I needed to get sleep so that I could take my brother home at night and walk the dog, then get more sleep. I sleep during the day most days...particularly Sunday. Yeah, I wasn't all here yesterday.
Anyway, there's some other things going on which I'd rather not talk about. Really, it has nothing to do with the new people...or even one particular person that has been here for awhile. It has to do with my own personal problems in changing to new things. I mean, if I can't change, then I'll get angry at things which I can't help. Or worse yet, people will try to adjust specifically for me and it will be the way it was before...which is not good. Change for me is tough to deal with, but I think that it's necessary so that people and myself don't get too cliche-ish (clickish) and we learn how to welcome others. I'm realizing that I have to get more involved in talking if I'm going to survive in the real world. In the "safe" places, I'm going to have to take more risks and take greater risks in the real world...
All I can say is, I need to do something different and learn how to verbalize things better. I'm getting pissed off more frequently at little things. I think this all has to do with not spending enough time with God and praying for others...Plus I haven't picked up the Bible in a couple of days and I need to get on that.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
I didn't go
I decided to stay at home after I saw how hard it was raining down here. I figured, it might be a good experience, but I really don't want to get wet and sick in this crazy torrent.
I heard today that in the area that they did the revival, it didn't rain. The rain stopped. That's good...
I am starting to wonder if I missed out. However, I know that I've done way too many things I shouldn't have done because of my feelings. Feelings are important part of a relationship, but really they don't define a relationship. With my relationship with God, I've found that I'm growing out of the feelings of being on top of a mountain to the reality of trying to keep it together. Maybe going would have helped me in that, but I know that feeling good isn't the most important thing. It's choices that I make in daily life.
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen after all this has happened? Will people follow more closely? Will people go out and make a difference in their neighbor's lives? I certainly hope so...even though I'm skeptical.
I can't help but wonder...I guess we'll see what things are to come. Anyway, I will make it to church tomorrow. It has been good these past 4 weeks of consistently making it to church. I do feel more alive these days than I have felt in the past year. However, I still question why I'm here.
There are some things that I wonder about. How do I fix these problems? How do I make sure that things will be alright? Maybe I need to play less of a role and just focus on other things...I don't know...anyway...I have problems of my own that I need to take care of first. Do you think that it's true that one needs to help him/herself before they can help others? I'm not entirely sure about that.
I decided to stay at home after I saw how hard it was raining down here. I figured, it might be a good experience, but I really don't want to get wet and sick in this crazy torrent.
I heard today that in the area that they did the revival, it didn't rain. The rain stopped. That's good...
I am starting to wonder if I missed out. However, I know that I've done way too many things I shouldn't have done because of my feelings. Feelings are important part of a relationship, but really they don't define a relationship. With my relationship with God, I've found that I'm growing out of the feelings of being on top of a mountain to the reality of trying to keep it together. Maybe going would have helped me in that, but I know that feeling good isn't the most important thing. It's choices that I make in daily life.
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen after all this has happened? Will people follow more closely? Will people go out and make a difference in their neighbor's lives? I certainly hope so...even though I'm skeptical.
I can't help but wonder...I guess we'll see what things are to come. Anyway, I will make it to church tomorrow. It has been good these past 4 weeks of consistently making it to church. I do feel more alive these days than I have felt in the past year. However, I still question why I'm here.
There are some things that I wonder about. How do I fix these problems? How do I make sure that things will be alright? Maybe I need to play less of a role and just focus on other things...I don't know...anyway...I have problems of my own that I need to take care of first. Do you think that it's true that one needs to help him/herself before they can help others? I'm not entirely sure about that.
Friday, May 20, 2005
I am wondering if I should keep my promise and go to the movement tonight...or stay home...I really just want to stay at home, but I can't help but wonder what this is all about.
With my condition that I'm in now, I really think that I should just stay at home and rest. I really don't want to go...but to keep my promise...
Maybe I'll just go for an hour and come home after that. We'll see how I feel later on.
With my condition that I'm in now, I really think that I should just stay at home and rest. I really don't want to go...but to keep my promise...
Maybe I'll just go for an hour and come home after that. We'll see how I feel later on.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Lets just say that I feel like a fool. I am a fool. Anyway, I've got to be more careful about what I write online. People take in words differently than intended. Everyone reads things the way they want to read them, because online, you can't hear tones in people's voices. Plus, this stuff never goes away.
Over and Back again
Anyway, I promised that I'd write more about my trip to the next state, so here it goes.
I went with some friends to the next state. One of our friends was graduating from seminary (Bible college). The trip down was good. We talked about things relating to our church. G-Sak mainly led the conversation. So it was interesting. The trip went way faster than I expected. We were there pretty quick. Thanks J for driving!
Anyway, we get there and meet our friend. We went to this Brazillian or South western Restaurant. (Yeah, I know that there's a big difference...) The food was good and we ate enough to fill our stomachs. Everyone was happy.
Graduation started and we take some turns here and there. We don't know the area too well, but luckily, I'm not driving, so I was doing fine. We get there and all get into one car, because you can only pull up to the place in cars of five people or more. Fancy place, it was.
I must say that it was encouraging to see my friend so happy. My friend is a great person and helped me to come to know Christ by answering my questions. I wonder if my friend wasn't there, if I would have become Christian or not. But then again, a lot of people made a difference too. Anyway, through all that my friend has done and gone through, I'm glad that my friend could celebrate that night.
Anyway it was some good times and I'm glad that I went. I don't know what the future will bring, but I wonder exactly where I'll be. Seeing my friend and where my friend has traveled to in the walk with Christ, I'm truly amazed. I guess I have little faith. But I'm seeing that faith is grown and nurtured.
Anyway, we went shopping the next day and I bought some stuff. Probably too much...yeah, another spending spree...haha. Man, well, I guess now that I have a job, I could spend my money, but then again, there's probably better ways to spend my money. Man, I'm wondering what's going to happen in the future...Do I even want to know? Probably not.
I bought something for my nephew and something for my mom and dad. Also one thing for my brother. The rest was for me. haha. Man, I wasn't even expecting to spend any money on that day. But then again, I have been an impulse buyer for awhile now. Not good...need to spend less.
We came back and the car ride was good again. One of my friends was playing some good music and we were all singing. We talked about personal stuff and I think that it was much needed for me.
I haven't felt that alive in a long time...
Anyway, I promised that I'd write more about my trip to the next state, so here it goes.
I went with some friends to the next state. One of our friends was graduating from seminary (Bible college). The trip down was good. We talked about things relating to our church. G-Sak mainly led the conversation. So it was interesting. The trip went way faster than I expected. We were there pretty quick. Thanks J for driving!
Anyway, we get there and meet our friend. We went to this Brazillian or South western Restaurant. (Yeah, I know that there's a big difference...) The food was good and we ate enough to fill our stomachs. Everyone was happy.
Graduation started and we take some turns here and there. We don't know the area too well, but luckily, I'm not driving, so I was doing fine. We get there and all get into one car, because you can only pull up to the place in cars of five people or more. Fancy place, it was.
I must say that it was encouraging to see my friend so happy. My friend is a great person and helped me to come to know Christ by answering my questions. I wonder if my friend wasn't there, if I would have become Christian or not. But then again, a lot of people made a difference too. Anyway, through all that my friend has done and gone through, I'm glad that my friend could celebrate that night.
Anyway it was some good times and I'm glad that I went. I don't know what the future will bring, but I wonder exactly where I'll be. Seeing my friend and where my friend has traveled to in the walk with Christ, I'm truly amazed. I guess I have little faith. But I'm seeing that faith is grown and nurtured.
Anyway, we went shopping the next day and I bought some stuff. Probably too much...yeah, another spending spree...haha. Man, well, I guess now that I have a job, I could spend my money, but then again, there's probably better ways to spend my money. Man, I'm wondering what's going to happen in the future...Do I even want to know? Probably not.
I bought something for my nephew and something for my mom and dad. Also one thing for my brother. The rest was for me. haha. Man, I wasn't even expecting to spend any money on that day. But then again, I have been an impulse buyer for awhile now. Not good...need to spend less.
We came back and the car ride was good again. One of my friends was playing some good music and we were all singing. We talked about personal stuff and I think that it was much needed for me.
I haven't felt that alive in a long time...
Monday, May 16, 2005
Waking up after a good sleep, I feel like a million bucks. There are times when I'm glad to be alive. There are other times when I wonder why I'm here. However, throughout most of my life, I've always woken up feeling better.
Maybe it's no accident that I get sleepy so much.
However, one thing that I've learned is to never go to sleep when you're upset. You'll wake up feeling worse. It's better to write things down first and get your thoughts out, even if they're angry, and heal a little bit. Sometimes it's good to see things on paper so that you can see all of what you're thinking.
I am lucky to have some people who have guided me throughout my life. I was trying to do this thing called "living" on my own and I was getting further and further down the drain. My parents gave me some advice, but I usually didn't listen to them. It's funny how we don't listen to our parents and we listen to other people more. Well, that was true for me. Now I listen to my parents a lot more, even though they make me angry from time to time.
I am feeling good right now. Tonight, I'm going to my Sunday school teacher's house for a get together. My Sunday school teacher is teaching a class on hospitality. Apparently nobody has invited another person to their house for dinner, so my teacher is jumpstarting this and inviting all of us in the class.
Well, I'll miss the good cause concert, but I'm sure that things will go well without me. $15 less won't make too much of a difference. I'm sure that the place will be packed. I probably wouldn't go if I didn't have the dinner to go to, because I usually don't do things at night anymore...except on the weekends and Sunday.
Maybe it's no accident that I get sleepy so much.
However, one thing that I've learned is to never go to sleep when you're upset. You'll wake up feeling worse. It's better to write things down first and get your thoughts out, even if they're angry, and heal a little bit. Sometimes it's good to see things on paper so that you can see all of what you're thinking.
I am lucky to have some people who have guided me throughout my life. I was trying to do this thing called "living" on my own and I was getting further and further down the drain. My parents gave me some advice, but I usually didn't listen to them. It's funny how we don't listen to our parents and we listen to other people more. Well, that was true for me. Now I listen to my parents a lot more, even though they make me angry from time to time.
I am feeling good right now. Tonight, I'm going to my Sunday school teacher's house for a get together. My Sunday school teacher is teaching a class on hospitality. Apparently nobody has invited another person to their house for dinner, so my teacher is jumpstarting this and inviting all of us in the class.
Well, I'll miss the good cause concert, but I'm sure that things will go well without me. $15 less won't make too much of a difference. I'm sure that the place will be packed. I probably wouldn't go if I didn't have the dinner to go to, because I usually don't do things at night anymore...except on the weekends and Sunday.
I wrote an earlier post which I deleted, but for me it was just to blow off some steam. Hmm...maybe I should actually write it on paper next time.
Talking with my mom, I'm finding that she really does have some good answers to problems. Sometimes I just like to tell my mom what's bothering me, but usually I don't. The person that I go to the most is God. Sometimes it helps just to get it out and think things through when I'm talking to Him. I'm finding that sometimes it's better just not to tell people things because the truth hurts. But, why I'm feeling this way is that I'm not telling people how I'm feeling and I'm really getting tired.
Anyway, honesty is the best policy. I used to tell people how I was feeling, but then sometimes they'd take it the wrong way. Maybe I said things too harshly or in a way that sounded like I was picking on them. But I really didn't mean to do that. I was just expressing how I was feeling.
Now, I tend not to tell people. Why? Sometimes I just don't want to deal with their arguing or defensiveness anymore. But then I think...who's the one who's suffering? Me...
Forgiveness is necessary. However, when someone keeps doing the same thing, then I'm thinking that I need to express it somehow so that I won't get hurt as much.
People are people. We're all imperfect. Nobody is better than anyone else. This is what I believe. However, there are people who are more complete than other people and that's what makes them more attractive than some others. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm thinking probably not. Anyway...I'm not saying that more complete people are better than others. More complete people attract people. However, that does not make them better than a person who is lets say, is not liked by anyone else.
I like to think this, because God shows no partiality. He sends forth his rain on the evil and the good and causes his sun to shine on the righteous and the unrighteous. (I mixed up the wording, but it's Matthew 5:45. Check out the passage here.
Anyway, I'm not picking on anybody or condemning anybody. We're all trying to live life. But one of the important commandments is to love your neighbor as yourself. Is it impossible? Should we just give up then? I believe that God can do things that we can't in us if we let Him. Even if we can't do them right now, the process of trying and allowing God to transform you through prayer and His word can get us closer.
Reading "Letters from the Desert" by Carlo Carretto, I'm seeing that he addresses some things that I have trouble with. I would have liked to meet this guy, but he's probably dead.
I think that I have some things to work on. heh
Anyway, don't get me wrong. This is me writing on some things that I've been thinking about dealing with someone that I'm having trouble with. If any of you reading out there have not seen me for awhile, then it's probably not about you. But yeah, I'm still learning how to love those who are hard to love. And I'm still learning how to love myself.
Talking with my mom, I'm finding that she really does have some good answers to problems. Sometimes I just like to tell my mom what's bothering me, but usually I don't. The person that I go to the most is God. Sometimes it helps just to get it out and think things through when I'm talking to Him. I'm finding that sometimes it's better just not to tell people things because the truth hurts. But, why I'm feeling this way is that I'm not telling people how I'm feeling and I'm really getting tired.
Anyway, honesty is the best policy. I used to tell people how I was feeling, but then sometimes they'd take it the wrong way. Maybe I said things too harshly or in a way that sounded like I was picking on them. But I really didn't mean to do that. I was just expressing how I was feeling.
Now, I tend not to tell people. Why? Sometimes I just don't want to deal with their arguing or defensiveness anymore. But then I think...who's the one who's suffering? Me...
Forgiveness is necessary. However, when someone keeps doing the same thing, then I'm thinking that I need to express it somehow so that I won't get hurt as much.
People are people. We're all imperfect. Nobody is better than anyone else. This is what I believe. However, there are people who are more complete than other people and that's what makes them more attractive than some others. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm thinking probably not. Anyway...I'm not saying that more complete people are better than others. More complete people attract people. However, that does not make them better than a person who is lets say, is not liked by anyone else.
I like to think this, because God shows no partiality. He sends forth his rain on the evil and the good and causes his sun to shine on the righteous and the unrighteous. (I mixed up the wording, but it's Matthew 5:45. Check out the passage here.
Anyway, I'm not picking on anybody or condemning anybody. We're all trying to live life. But one of the important commandments is to love your neighbor as yourself. Is it impossible? Should we just give up then? I believe that God can do things that we can't in us if we let Him. Even if we can't do them right now, the process of trying and allowing God to transform you through prayer and His word can get us closer.
Reading "Letters from the Desert" by Carlo Carretto, I'm seeing that he addresses some things that I have trouble with. I would have liked to meet this guy, but he's probably dead.
I think that I have some things to work on. heh
Anyway, don't get me wrong. This is me writing on some things that I've been thinking about dealing with someone that I'm having trouble with. If any of you reading out there have not seen me for awhile, then it's probably not about you. But yeah, I'm still learning how to love those who are hard to love. And I'm still learning how to love myself.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Starting out bad...
Today was just not a good day. I'm glad that it's over.
To start off, I didn't get that much sleep, because I was goofing off. My fault in that, yes. So I wake up on time...luckily, and leave the house.
I'm driving down the road when I run over something that runs in front of my car. It looks small and white. I'm assuming that it was a cat. I doubt a kid would be that small and could run that fast. Plus it was 3am. What else could it be?
Anyway, I get to work feeling really bad that I ran something over. There's a first time for everything I guess.
I'm so tired at work and I'm working slow. Not good, because they send me to another belt later in the day and I have to work a lot faster and since the belt was put on crooked, I had to keep walking back and forth from my station to make sure that the boxes don't fall off. However, a lot did, and that just pissed me off. Not that the boxes were falling, but that I had to do extra work because someone didn't put the belt on correctly.
I cooled down later at the end of work. I realize that nobody's perfect. Even though I wasn't having a good day, there were other good things about this day. I didn't get injured...I didn't hurt anything. There have been days when I would get hurt, only slightly. Bruises and bumps...well, actually I hit my head on a light walking over a belt. It doesn't hurt right now, and I can't tell where the bump is anymore. haha
One guy told me that he saw me loading the trucks a couple of days ago. He told me that I get paid $1 less than everybody else who does the loading. So, while I'm doing their job, they are getting paid more and I'm getting paid less for the same job. My contract says that I'm not supposed to load either...$1 extra per hour for 20 hours is $20 a week. Times that by 52 weeks, that's $1040.
My parents are telling me to seek out another job in the meantime. I would feel kind of bad leaving this job so early, but to find full time work, it might be better. Who knows...I took this job for the benefits and I'm finding that I have to talk to the head boss about getting a number for the benefit people. I never met the guy, and I guess I should try to talk to him tomorrow. I'm wondering exactly how I find this guy.
Well...So far, I've received one paycheck and have worked 3 weeks. I'm thinking that I might stay there a little longer, even though some other jobs are posted at other places. All I know now is that I have to make some decisions.
Today was just not a good day. I'm glad that it's over.
To start off, I didn't get that much sleep, because I was goofing off. My fault in that, yes. So I wake up on time...luckily, and leave the house.
I'm driving down the road when I run over something that runs in front of my car. It looks small and white. I'm assuming that it was a cat. I doubt a kid would be that small and could run that fast. Plus it was 3am. What else could it be?
Anyway, I get to work feeling really bad that I ran something over. There's a first time for everything I guess.
I'm so tired at work and I'm working slow. Not good, because they send me to another belt later in the day and I have to work a lot faster and since the belt was put on crooked, I had to keep walking back and forth from my station to make sure that the boxes don't fall off. However, a lot did, and that just pissed me off. Not that the boxes were falling, but that I had to do extra work because someone didn't put the belt on correctly.
I cooled down later at the end of work. I realize that nobody's perfect. Even though I wasn't having a good day, there were other good things about this day. I didn't get injured...I didn't hurt anything. There have been days when I would get hurt, only slightly. Bruises and bumps...well, actually I hit my head on a light walking over a belt. It doesn't hurt right now, and I can't tell where the bump is anymore. haha
One guy told me that he saw me loading the trucks a couple of days ago. He told me that I get paid $1 less than everybody else who does the loading. So, while I'm doing their job, they are getting paid more and I'm getting paid less for the same job. My contract says that I'm not supposed to load either...$1 extra per hour for 20 hours is $20 a week. Times that by 52 weeks, that's $1040.
My parents are telling me to seek out another job in the meantime. I would feel kind of bad leaving this job so early, but to find full time work, it might be better. Who knows...I took this job for the benefits and I'm finding that I have to talk to the head boss about getting a number for the benefit people. I never met the guy, and I guess I should try to talk to him tomorrow. I'm wondering exactly how I find this guy.
Well...So far, I've received one paycheck and have worked 3 weeks. I'm thinking that I might stay there a little longer, even though some other jobs are posted at other places. All I know now is that I have to make some decisions.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Well, I'm at that stage where I feel like I just want to waste my life away. Why you may ask...
Well...there is really no reason for that except that I'm tired. In more ways than just sleepiness.
Well...I found that praying helps, even though I fall asleep when I pray. I actually wake up feeling better.
Man, throughout these past few weeks, I haven't picked up the Bible that much and have prayed little. I have been surfing the net too long checking my fantasy sports and auctions online.
Speaking of auctions...man, I need to stop buying stuff. I could feed a family for 3 months with money that I used on myself...man...that's horrible.
Okay, just so that I see where I'll end up in about 3 months, I'm not going to buy anything else that I don't need. Then, save my money. I always cave in at the last minute when some game goes on sale for $15. "But it was $50 just a week earlier..." Yeah, I can imagine buying it for $30 online later when it goes out of print. Okay, if a good deal comes my way, I'll buy it, just because it would cost more later on. However, I won't spend more than $15 a week on that.
So...$15 a week for 3 months...12 weeks...that equals $175. Wow, that's a lot of money. Okay, maybe I should just not buy anything...Ahh forget it...
Anyway, I feel like I just want to waste away. Hmm...I think that I know what's wrong now. Must counteract things bringing me down.
Well...there is really no reason for that except that I'm tired. In more ways than just sleepiness.
Well...I found that praying helps, even though I fall asleep when I pray. I actually wake up feeling better.
Man, throughout these past few weeks, I haven't picked up the Bible that much and have prayed little. I have been surfing the net too long checking my fantasy sports and auctions online.
Speaking of auctions...man, I need to stop buying stuff. I could feed a family for 3 months with money that I used on myself...man...that's horrible.
Okay, just so that I see where I'll end up in about 3 months, I'm not going to buy anything else that I don't need. Then, save my money. I always cave in at the last minute when some game goes on sale for $15. "But it was $50 just a week earlier..." Yeah, I can imagine buying it for $30 online later when it goes out of print. Okay, if a good deal comes my way, I'll buy it, just because it would cost more later on. However, I won't spend more than $15 a week on that.
So...$15 a week for 3 months...12 weeks...that equals $175. Wow, that's a lot of money. Okay, maybe I should just not buy anything...Ahh forget it...
Anyway, I feel like I just want to waste away. Hmm...I think that I know what's wrong now. Must counteract things bringing me down.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Tiredness
I really don't feel like writing that much, but I think for my sanity, I write. It may not be interesting to other people, but to me, this is something that I do for myself.
I'm reading "Letters from the Desert." I'm reading that because I'm taking a hospitality class at church sunday school. Interesting book. It's written by a franciscan Priest who was rising in status in the church, but left it all to seek God in the desert. He's not alone in the desert. He went to Africa I think, and people live out there. Sahara desert, I mean.
I just scratched the surface of the book, and I plan to finish it by this weekend, or else I'm not going to be able to keep my promise of returning it on Sunday.
Some things I found interesting were the theology that he has in his book, and the practical applications of what's important. He says that he's tired of arguing over theology and wants to get to what's important. What's the use of arguing over theology? (he asks.) The second chapter of the book is named "You will be judged by love." The first chapter tells of his experience of purgatory (whatever that means...I think that it means separation from God.) Anyway, it seems like a good book. The chapter that blew me away right now is, "You are nothing." Funny name for a chapter, but I would say that this is true. He has an analogy of electricity and wires. We are the wires while God is the electricity. The only power we have is to stop the connection. If we keep the connection and then a light bulb could be lit and bring light to the room. Anyway, that was a poor explanation of how he put it, but yeah, pick up the book if you're interested. It's probably best to buy it from a used book store.
The author is Carlo Carretto. I think that they came out with the anniversary edition just recently. It's a pretty old book.
Anyway, make sure that you buy the one by Carlo Carretto, because some others that I saw that are not by him are $50. My teacher bought this book for $3.50 US. The book is kind of like epistles, hence letters...
I'd rather not write the reason for the title...
I really don't feel like writing that much, but I think for my sanity, I write. It may not be interesting to other people, but to me, this is something that I do for myself.
I'm reading "Letters from the Desert." I'm reading that because I'm taking a hospitality class at church sunday school. Interesting book. It's written by a franciscan Priest who was rising in status in the church, but left it all to seek God in the desert. He's not alone in the desert. He went to Africa I think, and people live out there. Sahara desert, I mean.
I just scratched the surface of the book, and I plan to finish it by this weekend, or else I'm not going to be able to keep my promise of returning it on Sunday.
Some things I found interesting were the theology that he has in his book, and the practical applications of what's important. He says that he's tired of arguing over theology and wants to get to what's important. What's the use of arguing over theology? (he asks.) The second chapter of the book is named "You will be judged by love." The first chapter tells of his experience of purgatory (whatever that means...I think that it means separation from God.) Anyway, it seems like a good book. The chapter that blew me away right now is, "You are nothing." Funny name for a chapter, but I would say that this is true. He has an analogy of electricity and wires. We are the wires while God is the electricity. The only power we have is to stop the connection. If we keep the connection and then a light bulb could be lit and bring light to the room. Anyway, that was a poor explanation of how he put it, but yeah, pick up the book if you're interested. It's probably best to buy it from a used book store.
The author is Carlo Carretto. I think that they came out with the anniversary edition just recently. It's a pretty old book.
Anyway, make sure that you buy the one by Carlo Carretto, because some others that I saw that are not by him are $50. My teacher bought this book for $3.50 US. The book is kind of like epistles, hence letters...
I'd rather not write the reason for the title...
Monday, May 09, 2005
Hmm.....
There are good times and there are bad times. This past week was both good and bad. I felt like few people cared on the actual day of my birthday, only to find out that when people saw me, they told me "happy birthday". I am wondering if someone told them that it was my birthday. I don't know, but then again, I'm thankful to be remembered regardless if people were told or not.
We went out to Red Robin after church and it was a big group. There were two new guys there, and I kind of wonder how they felt. I noticed that they seemed to not be having a good time there. I didn't talk to them much either, and I probably should have made some more efforts to reach out and welcome them in. It's hard when there's a big group, because it's easier to feel left out. But I did notice that some people were reaching out to them. So I guess it wasn't all bad.
Work...
I almost got to work late. I forgot that we start earlier on Mondays. So while I didn't go over the speed limit...(it's easier to get pulled over late at night), I was still kind of rushing. I was glad that no trains came and delayed my progress. Today was much shorter being that Mother's day is now over. We got out earlier today, but I was sent to help out some of the other guys. I can't say that I know what I'm doing in that sense, but I did help out somewhat. When it got toward the end, I must say that I wasn't doing very much, so while they said that they needed my help, they just sent me home after 15 minutes of standing around.
The bossman told us that we need to stretch before doing work. So I guess I'd better do that. I haven't gotten injured yet, but someone told me that if you work here long enough, you will get injured. Yeah, I guess it's easy to get careless after awhile...or start out careless. The guy that I work with almost had something fall on his head. Not good, because that weighed like 40-50 pounds.
Anyway, work there long enough, and you will get injured. Hmm...I guess I need to take better care of myself, or else I'll find myself without earning an income. Or worse, really injured.
There are good times and there are bad times. This past week was both good and bad. I felt like few people cared on the actual day of my birthday, only to find out that when people saw me, they told me "happy birthday". I am wondering if someone told them that it was my birthday. I don't know, but then again, I'm thankful to be remembered regardless if people were told or not.
We went out to Red Robin after church and it was a big group. There were two new guys there, and I kind of wonder how they felt. I noticed that they seemed to not be having a good time there. I didn't talk to them much either, and I probably should have made some more efforts to reach out and welcome them in. It's hard when there's a big group, because it's easier to feel left out. But I did notice that some people were reaching out to them. So I guess it wasn't all bad.
Work...
I almost got to work late. I forgot that we start earlier on Mondays. So while I didn't go over the speed limit...(it's easier to get pulled over late at night), I was still kind of rushing. I was glad that no trains came and delayed my progress. Today was much shorter being that Mother's day is now over. We got out earlier today, but I was sent to help out some of the other guys. I can't say that I know what I'm doing in that sense, but I did help out somewhat. When it got toward the end, I must say that I wasn't doing very much, so while they said that they needed my help, they just sent me home after 15 minutes of standing around.
The bossman told us that we need to stretch before doing work. So I guess I'd better do that. I haven't gotten injured yet, but someone told me that if you work here long enough, you will get injured. Yeah, I guess it's easy to get careless after awhile...or start out careless. The guy that I work with almost had something fall on his head. Not good, because that weighed like 40-50 pounds.
Anyway, work there long enough, and you will get injured. Hmm...I guess I need to take better care of myself, or else I'll find myself without earning an income. Or worse, really injured.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Fridays...then Mondays
I like the weekends. I have days off. However, the guys that I talked to at work today tell me that they work more than one job. One of my supervisors works this job and also works at a department store on the weekends. I don't know if he works during the day either, but I'm sure that he does.
Crazy, some guys are even late to their other jobs because they have to stay late at this job. I mean, we have a deadline to send out the trucks so that the full time people can get their jobs done and get home at a resonable time. But there is now a new system and everyone is getting overloaded. Not me...I have probably the easiest job there, but I get sent to help out the other guys who have tougher jobs.
To explain a little more, we fill trucks up everyday and the full time workers get there at about 8-9am. When the trucks are full, they leave and when they finish delivering all that they have in the truck, then they can go home. With the new system, it seems like some trucks are getting so full that you can't even walk in them. Today, I was given a job to fill a truck, because a guy wasn't here today.
So, I'm putting stuff in one truck. It's not too bad. It's already half full by the time I get there. However, when I finish that one, I'm given the job to help another guy who did half of the truck that I was working on in addition to two others. I think that each person gets two trucks. So he was actually doing 4 trucks, and finished one and a half, and had his own to do.
So I go to the next truck...(the one after I finished) and it's a bigger truck. It's just a mess. There's so much stuff that we had to pile a lot of it in the walkway instead of on the shelves and yeah, the driver has a nasty job today. haha. It was so disorganized that I really don't want to advance in this company to go full time. Now I understand why some people do part time for 7-15 years.
Anyway, they got someone else to help me from another section. He had another job to go to, and he said just pile it in. Yeah, he wasn't parked in the greatest of spots, so he was hoping that he wouldn't get towed. But yeah, he left after 30 minutes of this. He got someone else to help me though, so it was all good. But yeah, I think that the full time people have the worst jobs there.
As I was leaving, the trucks were going out for delivery. However, one guy was complaining to his boss that under this new system, he got here at 9am and finished work at 7:15. He was a driver and that's how much crap he got. Another guy told me that they've been having to fill stuff in aisle everyday for awhile. Well, I guess that's a good thing, because it means that we have customers. The bad thing is, it's not a fun job to do. But hey, it's what we get paid for.
I think that I need to get back into Japanese. I was told that I won't learn Japanese that well by teaching English in Japan. You'll be speaking English for 8-10 hours a day, and with the commute, you probably won't have that much time to practice with other people. Unless you go on the train and practice there, but probably most people just want to do their own things. I think it might be an option to go in 2006.
I'm kind of glad that I didn't go this year, because I could be dead with the earthquakes and train crash. But who knows, nobody knows when they're going to die. Without risks, there's no fun right? Don't get me wrong, do NOT take stupid risks. ie jumping off a bridge or diving in the shallow end of the pool. Sometimes it's better not to do some things.
Anyway, I just thought that I'd write that just in case someone says, "Jon wrote that 'without risks there is no fun!'" I don't know who reads this. But I know of some people who do, and some people who might. But then again, anybody could find this blog.
I digressed from the original topic. Back to that...
Yeah, the job I'm working is a blue collar job. I'm seeing how important education is in getting a job that doesn't require as much manual labor. Really, we get paid very little, and people are working extra jobs to pay the bills. However, I must say that these guys seem more down to earth. I think that I prefer working with these guys...however, I might not say that at the different locations. I was lucky to get a job at this location.
Anyway, I just wanted to stress how hard these guys work. My job is not easy either, but I don't have to do as much heavy lifting. 70lbs baby...70lbs... if it weighs more than 70 lbs we have to get someone else to help us. I don't want to be here forever and work two jobs, (right now I only have this job), but yeah, seeing how people reach Friday, they have to start work again the next day. There's no end sometimes...I don't forsee myself earning enough to support a family at this rate.
I like the weekends. I have days off. However, the guys that I talked to at work today tell me that they work more than one job. One of my supervisors works this job and also works at a department store on the weekends. I don't know if he works during the day either, but I'm sure that he does.
Crazy, some guys are even late to their other jobs because they have to stay late at this job. I mean, we have a deadline to send out the trucks so that the full time people can get their jobs done and get home at a resonable time. But there is now a new system and everyone is getting overloaded. Not me...I have probably the easiest job there, but I get sent to help out the other guys who have tougher jobs.
To explain a little more, we fill trucks up everyday and the full time workers get there at about 8-9am. When the trucks are full, they leave and when they finish delivering all that they have in the truck, then they can go home. With the new system, it seems like some trucks are getting so full that you can't even walk in them. Today, I was given a job to fill a truck, because a guy wasn't here today.
So, I'm putting stuff in one truck. It's not too bad. It's already half full by the time I get there. However, when I finish that one, I'm given the job to help another guy who did half of the truck that I was working on in addition to two others. I think that each person gets two trucks. So he was actually doing 4 trucks, and finished one and a half, and had his own to do.
So I go to the next truck...(the one after I finished) and it's a bigger truck. It's just a mess. There's so much stuff that we had to pile a lot of it in the walkway instead of on the shelves and yeah, the driver has a nasty job today. haha. It was so disorganized that I really don't want to advance in this company to go full time. Now I understand why some people do part time for 7-15 years.
Anyway, they got someone else to help me from another section. He had another job to go to, and he said just pile it in. Yeah, he wasn't parked in the greatest of spots, so he was hoping that he wouldn't get towed. But yeah, he left after 30 minutes of this. He got someone else to help me though, so it was all good. But yeah, I think that the full time people have the worst jobs there.
As I was leaving, the trucks were going out for delivery. However, one guy was complaining to his boss that under this new system, he got here at 9am and finished work at 7:15. He was a driver and that's how much crap he got. Another guy told me that they've been having to fill stuff in aisle everyday for awhile. Well, I guess that's a good thing, because it means that we have customers. The bad thing is, it's not a fun job to do. But hey, it's what we get paid for.
I think that I need to get back into Japanese. I was told that I won't learn Japanese that well by teaching English in Japan. You'll be speaking English for 8-10 hours a day, and with the commute, you probably won't have that much time to practice with other people. Unless you go on the train and practice there, but probably most people just want to do their own things. I think it might be an option to go in 2006.
I'm kind of glad that I didn't go this year, because I could be dead with the earthquakes and train crash. But who knows, nobody knows when they're going to die. Without risks, there's no fun right? Don't get me wrong, do NOT take stupid risks. ie jumping off a bridge or diving in the shallow end of the pool. Sometimes it's better not to do some things.
Anyway, I just thought that I'd write that just in case someone says, "Jon wrote that 'without risks there is no fun!'" I don't know who reads this. But I know of some people who do, and some people who might. But then again, anybody could find this blog.
I digressed from the original topic. Back to that...
Yeah, the job I'm working is a blue collar job. I'm seeing how important education is in getting a job that doesn't require as much manual labor. Really, we get paid very little, and people are working extra jobs to pay the bills. However, I must say that these guys seem more down to earth. I think that I prefer working with these guys...however, I might not say that at the different locations. I was lucky to get a job at this location.
Anyway, I just wanted to stress how hard these guys work. My job is not easy either, but I don't have to do as much heavy lifting. 70lbs baby...70lbs... if it weighs more than 70 lbs we have to get someone else to help us. I don't want to be here forever and work two jobs, (right now I only have this job), but yeah, seeing how people reach Friday, they have to start work again the next day. There's no end sometimes...I don't forsee myself earning enough to support a family at this rate.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Work...injuries
Well...I didn't eat breakfast before I went to work, so I was feeling pretty tired and low all day. My mind wasn't all here when I was working, and it showed. A box fell on my face hitting my cheek. Luckily it didn't hit my eye. I also hurt my fingers a couple of times too.
But the good thing about today was that we did well two days ago, so we got free donuts and powerade. Thanks boss! You're the best! haha. (Like he'll ever read this. I guess I could be surprised...)
Anyway, all the guys at my workplace are hard workers. They do good jobs and I think that it is good that I work with them.
Man, tomorrow, I need to wake up earlier and eat. Otherwise I might get more injuries. I wasn't here today, and I felt like going home when I got to work, but I did my time and I'm glad that today is over.
Now I just need to heal. Hmm...well, it's almost the weekend, I have one more day to go.
Well...I didn't eat breakfast before I went to work, so I was feeling pretty tired and low all day. My mind wasn't all here when I was working, and it showed. A box fell on my face hitting my cheek. Luckily it didn't hit my eye. I also hurt my fingers a couple of times too.
But the good thing about today was that we did well two days ago, so we got free donuts and powerade. Thanks boss! You're the best! haha. (Like he'll ever read this. I guess I could be surprised...)
Anyway, all the guys at my workplace are hard workers. They do good jobs and I think that it is good that I work with them.
Man, tomorrow, I need to wake up earlier and eat. Otherwise I might get more injuries. I wasn't here today, and I felt like going home when I got to work, but I did my time and I'm glad that today is over.
Now I just need to heal. Hmm...well, it's almost the weekend, I have one more day to go.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Who am I?
That question is coming up a lot. I remember why I ask this. But I'd rather not post why. But yeah, I remember not knowing who I was when I was a teenager. I know myself better now, but I still question who I am.
A lot of painful things are coming/have come and I'm wondering how I'm going to deal with all this. Life seems a lot like work sometimes.
At work, I scan boxes passing me by on a conveyor belt. When there is more than one person stacking all the boxes on the belt, it seems overwhelming. Sometimes I have to take my lumps and get back ahead of the game and scan the boxes ahead of the others instead of trying to get the ones that I missed. What am I saying? Well...what I'm saying is, "you won't bat 100%. Sometimes you'll strike out. But what you have to do is pick yourself up and try again. Or else, you'll never get your work done."
Things are changing. Myself included. While they do not change fast, they do move at a certain rate and some things here today will be gone tomorrow. While I'm still in one spot things are moving by quickly. I'll never regain some things that I've lost, but hey, I never had most of them in the first place.
There's nothing to do but to move on with my life. No sense crying over spilled milk. Enough sayings yet? haha. Anyway, like light, it moves at a great speed and it never stays in one place. However, they did trap light in a crystal about a year or two ago and are probably devloping this technology. So this analogy might be outdated in 10 years, if not untrue now.
I still wonder who I am. Do I really believe these things? I like to think yes. Sometimes I just don't want to believe in these things. But it feels better to be optimistic rather than pessimistic. With what little power I have, I have my own choices to make.
Well...get back on my feet and start walking. The journey has begun. The destination, unknown. Sometimes I'll be alone. Sometimes there will be others. However, one thing always remains a constant. God is with us. With all the material things that we have in America, we are all beggars. This stuff distracts us from what's important. I'm not saying get rid of all your possessions or to sell them off, but what I'm saying is, there are more important things out there than homes, or cars or financial security. Not saying that you shouldn't pursue these things, but really, what things are most important in this world?
I again ask, who am I? Why am I here? And I can't help but think...do I want to go against the flow again? I'm tired, old, and cranky. I know that in this state, I won't enter the kingdom of God. I'm not a child anymore, and I need to become one again. (Not literally mind you.)
Anyway, I like writing what comes off the top of my head. I'm sure that a lot of you don't know what I'm talking about. I touched on many things, but I didn't tell you what I'm talking about. However, I don't expect anyone to understand.
That question is coming up a lot. I remember why I ask this. But I'd rather not post why. But yeah, I remember not knowing who I was when I was a teenager. I know myself better now, but I still question who I am.
A lot of painful things are coming/have come and I'm wondering how I'm going to deal with all this. Life seems a lot like work sometimes.
At work, I scan boxes passing me by on a conveyor belt. When there is more than one person stacking all the boxes on the belt, it seems overwhelming. Sometimes I have to take my lumps and get back ahead of the game and scan the boxes ahead of the others instead of trying to get the ones that I missed. What am I saying? Well...what I'm saying is, "you won't bat 100%. Sometimes you'll strike out. But what you have to do is pick yourself up and try again. Or else, you'll never get your work done."
Things are changing. Myself included. While they do not change fast, they do move at a certain rate and some things here today will be gone tomorrow. While I'm still in one spot things are moving by quickly. I'll never regain some things that I've lost, but hey, I never had most of them in the first place.
There's nothing to do but to move on with my life. No sense crying over spilled milk. Enough sayings yet? haha. Anyway, like light, it moves at a great speed and it never stays in one place. However, they did trap light in a crystal about a year or two ago and are probably devloping this technology. So this analogy might be outdated in 10 years, if not untrue now.
I still wonder who I am. Do I really believe these things? I like to think yes. Sometimes I just don't want to believe in these things. But it feels better to be optimistic rather than pessimistic. With what little power I have, I have my own choices to make.
Well...get back on my feet and start walking. The journey has begun. The destination, unknown. Sometimes I'll be alone. Sometimes there will be others. However, one thing always remains a constant. God is with us. With all the material things that we have in America, we are all beggars. This stuff distracts us from what's important. I'm not saying get rid of all your possessions or to sell them off, but what I'm saying is, there are more important things out there than homes, or cars or financial security. Not saying that you shouldn't pursue these things, but really, what things are most important in this world?
I again ask, who am I? Why am I here? And I can't help but think...do I want to go against the flow again? I'm tired, old, and cranky. I know that in this state, I won't enter the kingdom of God. I'm not a child anymore, and I need to become one again. (Not literally mind you.)
Anyway, I like writing what comes off the top of my head. I'm sure that a lot of you don't know what I'm talking about. I touched on many things, but I didn't tell you what I'm talking about. However, I don't expect anyone to understand.
Monday...silence...RAIN
I saw the movie my friend worked on yesterday. It was called RAIN. It was pretty good for their first hour long film and I'd say that the actors did a good job. The movie was about Korean nationals and Korean Americans and the differences that keep the two apart.
It was a good effort to bring the two together and to address issues that bother both groups about the other. The characters were real and I felt like I got to know them.
It was weird being back at my old university. I took in more of the scenery around the school. The trees, the skyline, the buildings. I haven't walked on campus for awhile, and I missed it while I was there. Even though I go to my university once a week, I don't ever go on campus, because I am a busy person and I have things to do. (Watch Anime, TV, play video games, etc. haha) I guess I prefer not revisiting old memories that I'm trying to put away. As fun, gruelling, and painful was my time in the university, I'm feeling like I have to move on and do something different. It was kind of weird seeing people my own age again...a lot of them.
Anyway, there's something going on at the university on May 20th. Some revival meeting or such. They're trying to get the whole city there. I said that I'd go and even signed some papers saying that I'd go. But things have come up and I'm not sure if I will go or not. I guess I could go for an hour or two. Parking is going to be bad though.
As skeptical as I am about this revival meeting, I know that it could touch one person's life. Who knows how many it will bring to the fellowships around campus. My pastor at my church became a Christian beginning with a revival meeting and attending a fellowship on campus. Maybe this is an answer to all the prayers for our god forsaken region. Who knows. I'm thinking...why did I sign up to go again? What am I going to do there? I feel like people are afraid of me sometimes. I think the reason is that I don't talk that well and people get nervous over the uncomfortable silence. Who knows...nobody tells me and I don't bother to ask.
Anyway, my thoughts were jumbled in this post. But yeah, that was my monday. Going to work, then sleeping after work and waking up to go to this movie and getting invited to a revival.
I'm still skeptical about this revival meeting. To me it sounds like an event to gather at instead of a place where people will intentionally reach out to others. I hope that I'm wrong in this though. The thing that is needed are people that will reach out to the people who attend and will continue contact with them. However, it will need to be with a group of people who will genuinely care for the person that they're reaching out to. I have doubts right now, and I guess I should pray about them and find direction.
I saw the movie my friend worked on yesterday. It was called RAIN. It was pretty good for their first hour long film and I'd say that the actors did a good job. The movie was about Korean nationals and Korean Americans and the differences that keep the two apart.
It was a good effort to bring the two together and to address issues that bother both groups about the other. The characters were real and I felt like I got to know them.
It was weird being back at my old university. I took in more of the scenery around the school. The trees, the skyline, the buildings. I haven't walked on campus for awhile, and I missed it while I was there. Even though I go to my university once a week, I don't ever go on campus, because I am a busy person and I have things to do. (Watch Anime, TV, play video games, etc. haha) I guess I prefer not revisiting old memories that I'm trying to put away. As fun, gruelling, and painful was my time in the university, I'm feeling like I have to move on and do something different. It was kind of weird seeing people my own age again...a lot of them.
Anyway, there's something going on at the university on May 20th. Some revival meeting or such. They're trying to get the whole city there. I said that I'd go and even signed some papers saying that I'd go. But things have come up and I'm not sure if I will go or not. I guess I could go for an hour or two. Parking is going to be bad though.
As skeptical as I am about this revival meeting, I know that it could touch one person's life. Who knows how many it will bring to the fellowships around campus. My pastor at my church became a Christian beginning with a revival meeting and attending a fellowship on campus. Maybe this is an answer to all the prayers for our god forsaken region. Who knows. I'm thinking...why did I sign up to go again? What am I going to do there? I feel like people are afraid of me sometimes. I think the reason is that I don't talk that well and people get nervous over the uncomfortable silence. Who knows...nobody tells me and I don't bother to ask.
Anyway, my thoughts were jumbled in this post. But yeah, that was my monday. Going to work, then sleeping after work and waking up to go to this movie and getting invited to a revival.
I'm still skeptical about this revival meeting. To me it sounds like an event to gather at instead of a place where people will intentionally reach out to others. I hope that I'm wrong in this though. The thing that is needed are people that will reach out to the people who attend and will continue contact with them. However, it will need to be with a group of people who will genuinely care for the person that they're reaching out to. I have doubts right now, and I guess I should pray about them and find direction.
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